How do you beat depression?

[RecordProducer]

Find a younger guy who isn't so intimidated by your mind and success and have some fun.

I don't like younger guys. Why would anyone be intimidated by my mind? If anything, I am intimidated by dumb men, not the smart ones. I understans the success thing, but I am not yet successful.

 

Question: are guys intimidated by women they perceive as better looking than themselves?

[carhill]

I would say that most of the women I've been with, including my exW, were/are 'better looking' than myself. One example exists in my photo albums, even though she was nine years older than me.

 

I can't say I've ever really found women to be intimidating. I think we all have gifts. For some, that is physical beauty. For others, marked creativity or intelligence. For others, social or emotional or spiritual generosity. On and on. We're each unique and valuable in our own way, regardless of what 'league' society might assign us to.

 

Any aversion I might have had to a woman as a young man came primarily from improper processing of the emotions of rejection. Processing the hurt wrong focused it on the gender of the person rejecting me rather than where it belonged, within myself. Still, no intimidation. Successful women, beautiful women, whatever. All human. None of us is perfect.

[RecordProducer]

None of us is perfect.

Not true! For example, I am perfect.

[carhill]

And with that amount of jewelry, modest too

[RecordProducer]

And with that amount of jewelry, modest too

I am the most modest person you'll ever meet, despite my numerous qualities! You know that's not me on the picture, right? Just checking. That's Jaime Pressly. Edited January 5, 2012 by RecordProducer

[carhill]

Sure, Jaime could not hold a candle to your beauty nor modesty, especially given her propensity to pee in public.

 

Yeah, it took awhile but every dog gets his due and F certainly got his

[quankanne]

a couple of things stand out in your initial post, RP: the past few months have been really tough in that a chain of bad things were happening and I am very much against anti-depresants, but they did help my father a few years ago and he only took them for a few months or so.

 

you need to become familiar with the different kinds of depression and how they're treatable (with prescription meds, if need be) to better understand what your body is going through and why you go through these funks. Or, as my husband's doctor once explained, anti-depressants help your body's blood chemistry by replenishing what stress and pain are quickly using up. His depression is triggered by stress compounded by physical pain stemming from a back injury; it's conditional. Mine is purely conditional, due to unusual amounts of stress (caring for dying parents, losing a job I loved more than life itself). Fortunately, my doctor (an internist) knows me well enough to have made that initial diagnosis nearly a decade ago by starting out with a regimen of B-vitamins, then an anti-depressant that worked immediately. I've been off that prescription longer than I've been on it, but what really helped was being able to understand what triggered these bouts (stress) and how to ask for help.

 

don't completely rule out medication, though you may be one of the fortunate ones who is able to find another way of healing your body without necessarily needing a prescription. Still, you owe yourself a good check-up to rule out any serious blood chemistry deficiencies ... and along the way, you may just find that merely discussing this with a health professional will help ease your mind!

 

hugs, and great to see you here again, kiddo!

[RecordProducer]

Sure, Jaime could not hold a candle to your beauty nor modesty, especially given her propensity to pee in public.

Is there such a thing as a "propensity" to pee in public?

[carhill]

She likes to whiz amongst the masses

[RecordProducer]

a couple of things stand out in your initial post, RP: the past few months have been really tough in that a chain of bad things were happening and I am very much against anti-depresants, but they did help my father a few years ago and he only took them for a few months or so.

 

you need to become familiar with the different kinds of depression and how they're treatable (with prescription meds, if need be) to better understand what your body is going through and why you go through these funks. Or, as my husband's doctor once explained, anti-depressants help your body's blood chemistry by replenishing what stress and pain are quickly using up. His depression is triggered by stress compounded by physical pain stemming from a back injury; it's conditional. Mine is purely conditional, due to unusual amounts of stress (caring for dying parents, losing a job I loved more than life itself). Fortunately, my doctor (an internist) knows me well enough to have made that initial diagnosis nearly a decade ago by starting out with a regimen of B-vitamins, then an anti-depressant that worked immediately. I've been off that prescription longer than I've been on it, but what really helped was being able to understand what triggered these bouts (stress) and how to ask for help.

 

don't completely rule out medication, though you may be one of the fortunate ones who is able to find another way of healing your body without necessarily needing a prescription. Still, you owe yourself a good check-up to rule out any serious blood chemistry deficiencies ... and along the way, you may just find that merely discussing this with a health professional will help ease your mind!

 

hugs, and great to see you here again, kiddo!

I loved your response, my dear friend. I know you're right. I guess I am scared to start a med, but I should start counseling, I know. So sorry you lost your job.

 

The past few months have been really hard, but I did some things to change it (got rid of two abusive bosses), and I am accepting some other crap as temporary. I am also not relying on friends for help anymore, especially not male friends, and I am just trying to be relaxed and at peace.

[oldguy]

Hahah!

I too feel like there's an answer. I am also prone to this type of feelinigs: sadness, loneliness... but only for a good reason. I am tired of living in the future and living with the past pain.

Too many people & counselors will consider the relief of the symptom, depression, a cure. I was never one of them as I believe that there is an organic or psychological reason for most mental health issues especially depression. But antidepressants are a great 'temporary' relief while you search for a more permanent resolve.

[quankanne]

well, in my case, the antidepressants helped me go from a fog-like condition that had me helpless (in the sense that I knew what I had to do, but just couldn't get started) to where my mind was clear and i was back to executing decisions easily (figuring in my nasty, though normal, habit of procrastinating, LOL) ... sometimes, it's just that little lift that makes all the difference, you know? What I appreciate most about my doctor is that he takes a wholistic approach to treatment, so I was advised to take vitamins, to exercise, to find something that helped alleviate stress BEFORE his decision to start me on A/Ds, so I knew he was looking at everything & not just trying some stab in the dark.

 

RP, I'm proud that you were able to identify and cut out those two stressors (the arsehole bosses) ~ amazing how negative personalities can suck us into a dark spot, isn't it? And being able to assess what's actually problematic and what can be dealt with (even temporarily) shows that you're much, much stronger than what you might be giving yourself credit for. So keep looking for possible answers in meditation, exercise, improved diet/health regimen and other areas ~ you'll get it figured out.

 

hell, if it helps any, seek out someone like a minister or nun or priest and share your burden. Even though you say you're not religious, countering it from a spiritual aspect could give you an edge over dealing with these troubling things. Best part is, most of these folks are good about keeping their lips sealed about what you've shared, and they've got some training in dealing with the psyche, albeit from a spiritual aspect. There's a saying, "a burden shared is a burden halved," so talking about it alleviates some of the stress of the problem, you know?

 

thanks for the kind words on the job loss ~ I think I'm finally over the mourning stage, a year after getting canned

[2sunny]

I was depressed when I used to drink.

 

Top two symptoms of active drinking are anxiety and depression.

 

Are you a drinker RP? Can you stop?

 

Like Carhill said... For me it's all about getting out of myself. Thinking and doing for others makes me happy.

 

Keeping ANY negative thoughts away and focusing on gratitude helps me too!

 

Hugs!

[Belle Vie]

I'm in the process of reading "The Mindful Way through Depression: Freeing Yourself from Chronic Unhappiness" by several authors (including Jon Kabat-Zinn). I haven't finished it, so I can't give a full review, but so far, the first chapters have nailed how I feel and struggle through each day EXACTLY. I recently went through a situation that has really sent me into a depression that's stronger than I've ever felt--so much so that my work and life are really starting to be affected. (In the past, I've been able to at least function.) So I decided to check this book out of the library, because I absolutely have to pull myself out of this.

 

Again, can't give a full report yet, but it makes perfect sense to me so far. I thought I'd mention it to you, RP, because what I've read in it so far also seemed to reflect some of the things you've been saying in this thread.

 

The point of the book is that sadness is a natural response to things in our lives that may not be exactly to our liking, but the sadness itself is not depression. It's our reaction to the sadness that then spirals out of control, far out of proportion to what initially caused us to be sad in the first place. People who aren't depressed let the sadness pass and then move on to better and brighter things--things that may sometimes even correct the original source of the sadness or at least make it seem much less important. But people who get depressed ruminate on it and expand it until the emotion becomes overwhelming, and then isolate themselves as a result. The authors argue that if you learn to control the reaction(which is what they promise to cover in the rest of the book), you control the depression.

 

I've tried meditation and other mindfulness techniques in the past, but never to specifically control my reactions to sadness. I'm eager to work through the rest of the book.

[RecordProducer]

Thanks everyone for your responses. I agree with everything each of you said. I'll wait for you, Belle Vie, to finish the book and give us the scoop! Meanwhile, while a lot of the pain will be gone as I got rid of the bosses, I am still depressed because my kids are spending much more time with my ex than with me and because I am baby-sitting my mom. I don't really have much of a life when it comes to fun and people, but I keep the faith that I'll meet Mr. Right someday.

[oldguy]

well, in my case, the antidepressants helped me go from a fog-like condition that had me helpless (in the sense that I knew what I had to do, but just couldn't get started) to where my mind was clear and i was back to executing decisions easily (figuring in my nasty, though normal, habit of procrastinating, LOL) ... sometimes, it's just that little lift that makes all the difference, you know? What I appreciate most about my doctor is that he takes a wholistic approach to treatment, so I was advised to take vitamins, to exercise, to find something that helped alleviate stress BEFORE his decision to start me on A/Ds, so I knew he was looking at everything & not just trying some stab in the dark.

That is exactly what I'm talking about

 

Thanks everyone for your responses. I agree with everything each of you said. I'll wait for you, Belle Vie, to finish the book and give us the scoop! Meanwhile, while a lot of the pain will be gone as I got rid of the bosses, I am still depressed because my kids are spending much more time with my ex than with me and because I am baby-sitting my mom. I don't really have much of a life when it comes to fun and people, but I keep the faith that I'll meet Mr. Right someday.

Try to enjoy the time spent with your mom. "You wont really miss the things you didn't really miss" that's on Oldguy-ism

[Nikki Sahagin]

I suffer with depression and anxiety myself.

 

How you go about treating it depends largely upon how you perceive it to have originated.

 

If you believe its an inherited chemical imbalance, medication is a good route to stabilise your hormones.

 

If you are a negative thinker or hold pessimistic believes, you may need to turn to mantras, hypnotherapy or CBT.

 

If you are reacting to life circumstances, you need to focus on positively changing your life.

 

Depression is usually a mixture of all of these factors. Either you start out an introverted, shy, moody child and then your thoughts follow suit to create a depressed life, or a harsh life event throws you into a negative spin cycle.

 

I think the best route is a combination of a low level medication to regulate mood, combined with a form of therapy, lots of exercise and a good diet.

 

In saying this, I haven't found an all out cure and I've tried a lot of things including:

 

* CBT

* Anti-depressents

* Rescue remedy

* Healthy diet

* Sleep

* Alcohol/No alcohol

* Exercise

* Music

* Meditation

 

Sometimes I believe depression is just with some of us. We can get rid of it for a while but it will come back, so I try to decipher it and understand it. I think more often than not depression and anxiety are natural reactions to a crazy, chaotic and unstable world. I don't think these reactions are so unnatural. But it is dangerous to languish and focus on them. If you strip away the artiface or civilisation, the world is a terrifying place. The point is, those of us that can slip into dark moods, feelings and thoughts, need to focus on the good and the positive, of which there is much.

[FitChick]

I tried everything everyone else has already mentioned, except meds, because I did not want to create more problems. I found The Lefkoe Method and that was The Answer for me. A lot quicker and more focused than traditional therapy so ultimately cheaper though the sessions individually are more expensive. I've continued to use the Method ever since as I need it. A friend of mine is a licensed Marriage and Family Counselor with a life history of depression. What made her more depressed was the fact that her conventional therapy wasn't able to help her patients either. She used the Lefkoe Method, felt much better and changed several self destructive patterns. She incorporated the Method into her office work as well. If therapists are using the Method, why not skip the middle man and go to the source -- Morty Lefkoe. Save yourself time and heartache.

 

Here is where I saw Morty for the very first time nearly twenty years ago on

. His Method has evolved since then and he's helped thousands more people.

 

Watch an actual session

Watch a testimonial from

, author of the very successful Chicken Soup for the soul books. This is not an intellectual process nor a touchy feely process. It's experiential. You can read a book about how to swim and watch someone swimming but until you actually get into the water yourself, you have no idea!

[FitChick]

Sometimes I believe depression is just with some of us. We can get rid of it for a while but it will come back.

 

You can eliminate that belief with the Lefkoe Method. This doesn't mean you will never get depressed, just that you will be "appropriately depressed" i.e. someone you love dies, starving orphans in Bangladesh, etc.