In dating, who gets rejected more, men or women?

[kaylan]

Running under the assumption that any man is able to read your "signals" is a bit much. Most of us don't read into people and wonder, "hmmm, was she inviting me over to talk to her, or did I misinterpret that?" Even better, "was that even a signal? Or is this just nothing?"

 

When a woman dances next to me, I never ever interpreted that as a sign of interest. She just happened to enjoy the music around me, nothing else.

I guess the fact that Im a bit analytical allows me to read when a girl is interested better than others.

 

Im talking clear signs of interest on the dance floor. Constantly bumping into you, giggling to her friends when you look her ways, eyes that say "you should dance with me". If I dont want to dance I just say Hey with a nice smirk and leave it be.

 

They say, "if a girl chooses to stand next to you and buy a drink near you, she wants you to talk to her." I always saw it as, "well, I guess there was an open spot next to me to squeeze in and get that drink.

 

There are many more examples of this, but most of us men simply don't think of this actions as much more meaningless things.

Theres nothing wrong with making small talk. I just do it in a friendly way, not in a "im trying to pick you up" way. Sometimes it leads nowhere, sometimes it does. Im just very personable when I go out. Ill talk to anyone. I like to have a good time.

There have been many women that were hanging out with me, and were like, "OMG, HOW CAN YOU IGNORE THAT GIRL LIKE THAT?" I'm always like, "what girl?"

 

This whole "you should be able to read my signals" crap is getting out of hand. A woman would feel a lot less "rejected" if she comes up to the dude and says "hi." I am sure she would get a positive response more often than just "being ignored."

Lol, I wont lie. Me and my buddies sometimes ignore girls my accident. But then thats the girls fault for failing to give better signals

 

I dunno if theyd feel less rejected by saying Hi. Because now theyve invested a little more, and if the dude isnt feeling it, the rejection sucks more.

 

I know me and a good buddy of mind are bad at rejecting women. Its just awkward to do and I feel bad. Like one time I was being a sport, so I decided to just be buddy buddy with this girl who was obviously into me. She asked me to dance while I was on the dance floor with my buddy, so I said why not. Then she starts kissing me, and I didnt know what to do. I kept thinking "crap crap, well that ruins my night with other girls..why are u kissing her?"

 

Sounds silly, but its true. She just caught me by surprise and I feel crappy making someone feel bad so I just let it happen.

[RecordProducer]

Imagine how it feels to be with someone for a long time, sleep with that person many times, etc...only to find out she was never really interested in the "long haul".

My ex used to do this to women. He'd start a "relationship" with them, and while they'd be planning what's going to be their something old, something new,... he'd be thinking 'OK, the sex was good, but it's time for something new.' He'd usually stay until he'd get bored of them or as soon as they mention marriage or babies - simply because he didn't fall in love with them.

 

Most women don't want to be sex toys because they're looking for a serious relationship. Also, the days are gone when men wanted a different woman every night - STDs have freaked them out. So, they pretend that they're in relationships for a few months, even a year: they get sex, fun, and companionship - and at the end of the day, they don't look bad; they were in a relationship that didn'twork out. Worst case: they get accused of being a commitment phobe. Cah-lever!

 

I think women underestimate men's natural ability to fake interest - as well as disinterest. Both genders are by default frighteningly talented for manipulating each other; it's just that most people have no idea how to do it (or interest in pursuing it) - thank God!

 

Rejection is part of building and keeping interest in the other person. The problem is people overdo it and lose the game.

 

The worst rejections happen in marriages: one spouse doesn't want to have sex or be affectionate with the other one or cheats.

 

Women are the choosers and men are the ones usually getting rejected or accepted.

Yeah, women choose aong the men who choose them.

 

I think grkBoy has a good point -- by the time a woman is rejected, she has usually put a lot of herself into the relationship. Rejection of your whole personality/self is a lot harder to stomach than rejection at the bar when you try to buy someone a drink. It's a lot more debilitating.

Oddly enough, I would rather get dumped by 4 guys after 3 months of relationship with each of them, then be rejected by 4 guys every Friday and Saturday - as soon as they see me or after me buying them a drink.

 

I just think men get rejected so many times because they go after the girls that are way above their league.

[phineas]

Men without a doubt. I feel that it is the man's responsibility to make the moves necessary to start a relationship. In my experience, it's rare to find a girl that will ask a man to go on a date or will approach a man at a social setting. Women are the choosers and men are the ones usually getting rejected or accepted.

 

Wait till you hit 40.

It all changes.

Providing you are still in shape.

[phineas]

lol definitely men. I feel like this thread is rhetorical. Most women neeeevvveeerrr put themselves out there.

 

Some do but are in your face about it.

Some just say "hi" to me or start conversations with me at work when I have absolutely no idea who they are.

 

But it's work. If I asked out every chick that invaded my personal space to be overly friendly i'd probably wind up in the sexual harassment awareness class. LOL!

 

Most just make sure I know their name & keep bugging me in a social situation.

They make it obvious but just keep waiting for me to make a move.

 

Sometimes I will pretend to be completely clueless just to see how far they will go to get my attention.

[Alexz]

The one who is less perceptive and more selfish.

 

Doesn't matter, man or woman.

[RecordProducer]

The one who is less perceptive and more selfish.

 

Doesn't matter, man or woman.

 

The one who is less perceptive and more selfish gets rejected more often?

 

Can you elaborate on your extravagant statement, please?

[Alexz]

The one who is less perceptive and more selfish gets rejected more often?

 

Can you elaborate on your extravagant statement, please?

 

The individual who does not genuinely care about the other one is generally revealed. If we are talking about serious relationships, or people who are not f*cking around and looking for someone serious that can fill their faults and bring out their best, the individual who does not make sacrifices (and I'm talking in realistic terms) and care for the other as much will be the odd one out. Its all about mutual love and subjective affection (by subjective, I mean we all have varying ways and inclinations of showing our affection whether its physical, emotional, personal, interpersonal, etc.).

 

By perceptive I mean open-minded. And not that generic open-minded, meaning you'll take anything you get, but open-minded in the manner that you accept the person you are dealing with in a whole-hearted and positive manner. I am not saying we should lie down for anything, quite the contrary. Listen and set your true standards by accepting and interpreting all forms of personality traits and quirks.

 

By selfish, I mean the individual who does everything with a forethought of how each action they commit will benefit them. I feel that true connection/love is being generous. Not in a physical sense. In a spiritual and personal sense that implies you give yourself to another, with varying degree depending on where in a relationship you are. All in all, those who reach a mutual satisfaction with eachother on this level reveal how they'll care for one another in a detailed and ultimate correspondence. Never lose sight of what your needs are, but when you care enough for someone else, you reach a level where their needs are your needs. It means you care.

 

Anyways, I understand where my response can be broadly interpreted and pointed out to be downright dumb common sense, so I apologize for the vagueness. If you disagree with what I've said, please post, I may very well be wrong on a number of things. But I just feel that a person's perception and self-entitlement play a big role in any relationship, superficial or more serious as my tone takes.

 

Thanks for reading.

[carhill]

^^^^ I like

 

Since rejection is an overt act, generally, men are far more often recipients of such an overt act, in life and in romance, than women are. Inaction by a man to some nebulous signals is not rejection; it's merely inaction. Not positive; not negative. Nothing. Maybe someday I'll get a data point of what these 'signals' are supposed to be. Miracles on 34th Street.

[RecordProducer]

Alex, thanks much for explaining. I agree with you on the definition of true love and how things should be. Unfortunately, life has taught me that the selfish, arrogant, non-perceptive of their partners' needs people usually are the ones who reject and dump. The more you care for the relationship the more likely you are to be dumped.

[musemaj11]

Of course men face rejections a lot more often. Saying otherwise is just simple stupidity.

 

Also, for every man who uses a woman for sex, there is a woman who uses a man for money. And in most relationships, the man indirectly pays for the woman's time and attention anyway. So really when a man dumps a woman, he simply decides to discontinue her service. No big deal.

Edited December 24, 2011 by musemaj11

[Alexz]

Alex, thanks much for explaining. I agree with you on the definition of true love and how things should be. Unfortunately, life has taught me that the selfish, arrogant, non-perceptive of their partners' needs people usually are the ones who reject and dump. The more you care for the relationship the more likely you are to be dumped.

 

*sigh* Sad reality, isn't it? I feel I may be a bit too idealistic and introspective, its even reflected in my posts.

 

You might be right, the caring and perceptive individuals are often the ones who deal with the disgusting mess that the corrupted often leave us with.

 

Maybe lightning will strike, though. Maybe we'll find someone that shares the care and genuine intrigue that some provide.

[kaylan]

Of course men face rejections a lot more often. Saying otherwise is just simple stupidity.

 

Also, for every man who uses a woman for sex, there is a woman who uses a man for money. And in most relationships, the man indirectly pays for the woman's time and attention anyway. So really when a man dumps a woman, he simply decides to discontinue her service. No big deal.

Everyone indirectly pays for time and attention. Man or woman.

[RecordProducer]

And in most relationships, the man indirectly pays for the woman's time and attention anyway. So really when a man dumps a woman, he simply decides to discontinue her service. No big deal.

You're saying no big deal as if "discontinuing her service" sounds better than dumping a woman.

 

Service requires consent from both parties. The price has to be agreed upon and payment can't be indirect.

 

And how does the man indirectly pay for the woman's time and attention anyway? By paying the waitress at a restaurant?

[musemaj11]

You're saying no big deal as if "discontinuing her service" sounds better than dumping a woman.

When I hire a fitness instructor and after some time I decide to stop his service, its no big deal. He has no reason to get upset since I paid him over the course of his service. He should not expect me to feel obligated to use his service forever.

 

And how does the man indirectly pay for the woman's time and attention anyway? By paying the waitress at a restaurant?

The car and the gas a man pays for to drive a woman around costs money dude. Very few women (women with no options) want a man who doesnt have car, let alone having to be the one driving him around!

 

Not to mention the amount of money that men regularly spend to buy their women meals, entertainment tickets, gifts, etc.

 

Lets get real, most women treat themselves as commodities while most men also in turn treat them as such.

 

I mean if a man tells a woman that he expects her to pay for most if not all of the dating expenses of the two of them, you bet she is going to run as far as she can. But if its the opposite, suddenly its romance!

 

The fact is that every woman puts a price tag on herself. The ones who charge little are those who don't attract a lot of buyers in the first place so they have to sell themselves at a bargain price.

Edited December 24, 2011 by musemaj11

[Oxy Moronovich]

Running under the assumption that any man is able to read your "signals" is a bit much. Most of us don't read into people and wonder, "hmmm, was she inviting me over to talk to her, or did I misinterpret that?" Even better, "was that even a signal? Or is this just nothing?"

 

When a woman dances next to me, I never ever interpreted that as a sign of interest. She just happened to enjoy the music around me, nothing else.

 

They say, "if a girl chooses to stand next to you and buy a drink near you, she wants you to talk to her." I always saw it as, "well, I guess there was an open spot next to me to squeeze in and get that drink.

 

There are many more examples of this, but most of us men simply don't think of this actions as much more meaningless things.

 

There have been many women that were hanging out with me, and were like, "OMG, HOW CAN YOU IGNORE THAT GIRL LIKE THAT?" I'm always like, "what girl?"

 

This whole "you should be able to read my signals" crap is getting out of hand. A woman would feel a lot less "rejected" if she comes up to the dude and says "hi." I am sure she would get a positive response more often than just "being ignored."

Brilliant post.

 

Women keep BSing when they say men can spot their signals. For the most part, we cannot spot their signals. I cannot tell if the customer service woman is being nice because it's her job or because she likes me. I cannot tell if that woman dancing next to me at the club is doing it for my benefit or for her own benefit.

 

Women give out the subtlest hints yet expect guys to notice them or be able to interpret them. I think they know these hints are lame but pretend like they are big as some sort of defense mechanism. I believe women tell themselves the hints were big so they don't have to admit to themselves it is their fault the guy went away. Women hate to confront their own faults more than men, it seems.

 

One thing guys would prefer is for women to be direct when they show interest.

[ScreamingTrees]

And its rejection when shes giving me flirty eyes and body language signals and I choose to not walk over.

 

Its also a rejection when she dances next to me for a few songs, but I chose not dance with her.

 

And its also a rejection when shes always really flirty with me at work or in class but I never ask her out.

 

Works both ways. I just think most guys here never get the chance to reject women or are oblivious when a girl is actually into them.

 

So, if a majority of women realize that they're mostly oblivious, whether it's because it's not a frequent occurance or they're not mind readers, why pity yourselves? The same applies for guys too, obviously.

 

If I tried making advances on every girl that smiled at me or had a positive vibe, it'd probably just ruin what's left of my confidence in my attractiveness.. Do people really only do small things like that when they want something?

 

Another woman here claims that a rejection is worse for women because their personalities/whole selves are being rejected.. The same almost applies to guy, take out the personalities and it's an instant judgement, as if it's a no brainer that every aspect of your overall exterior package or the surface of your personality is unattractive to the point that the girl couldn't be bothered to further discover what's on the inside..

 

Could a constant stream of negative reinforcement not whittle away at a guy's spirit the same way a girl's spirit could be totally shattered by an unexpected break up?

[Monm82]

Men. Dating is so hard for most guys. Most just have to settle. Women have 10 times as many options.

Edited December 26, 2011 by Monm82

[RecordProducer]

When I hire a fitness instructor and after some time I decide to stop his service, its no big deal. He has no reason to get upset since I paid him over the course of his service. He should not expect me to feel obligated to use his service forever.

 

You don't hire a woman when you start dating her. How can you compare it to a fitness trainer?! And who said you can't discontinue a relationship with a woman! Just don't call relationships "services" and women - service providers.

 

The car and the gas a man pays for to drive a woman around costs money dude.

Move to a smaller town, dude!

 

Very few women (women with no options) want a man who doesnt have car, let alone having to be the one driving him around!

Obviously this is a sensitive topic for you: having a car.

Dude, if you don't have a car, maybe you can rent a limo?

 

(stealing Marie Antoinette's joke)

 

Regarding women with no options... they can still choose among the guys with no options... Oh, the problem is the latter wants the hot women!

 

Not to mention the amount of money that men regularly spend to buy their women meals, entertainment tickets, gifts, etc.

It's not women who invented the idea that men should pay for them.

 

Lets get real, most women treat themselves as commodities while most men also in turn treat them as such.

Not true. Women don't date men because they need men to feed them. It's a ritual the society has invented. Precisely, men have invented it to be able to take a woman out when she's not sure she wants to go out with that man.

 

I mean if a man tells a woman that he expects her to pay for most if not all of the dating expenses of the two of them, you bet she is going to run as far as she can. But if its the opposite, suddenly its romance!

Hey, until 50 years ago or even sooner, men were telling women that they were not supposed to work. It was unimaginable for a woman to pay for anything. Now all of a sudden you want to change a long tradition overnight. All societies suck in one way or another. Be happy you have food, clothes, internet, etc. Bring a woman from a third-world country; she'll be grateful for having a decent meal every day... until she gets her green card, at least!

 

The fact is that every woman puts a price tag on herself. The ones who charge little are those who don't attract a lot of buyers in the first place so they have to sell themselves at a bargain price.

What about successful women? What about a woman who's unattractive but makes $50,000? What about an attractive woman who makes $100,000?

 

One thing guys would prefer is for women to be direct when they show interest.

Thanks for sharing that with us girls, Oxy!

 

Another woman here claims that a rejection is worse for women because their personalities/whole selves are being rejected.. The same almost applies to guy, take out the personalities and it's an instant judgement, as if it's a no brainer that every aspect of your overall exterior package or the surface of your personality is unattractive to the point that the girl couldn't be bothered to further discover what's on the inside..

 

Could a constant stream of negative reinforcement not whittle away at a guy's spirit the same way a girl's spirit could be totally shattered by an unexpected break up?

I agree with you 100%!

Men. Dating is so hard for most guys. Most just have to settle. Women have 10 times as many options.

How is this? Please, enlighten me.

[jobaba]

Men. Dating is so hard for most guys. Most just have to settle. Women have 10 times as many options.

 

How is this? Please, enlighten me.

 

Not most guys. But a lot more guys than people think.

 

In real life, I know about an equal number of men and women. I know a bunch guys who have never had a girlfriend in their mid 20s and a few in their 30s. A few have probably never been laid. Maybe never been kissed. Some of these men have never had a woman hit on them in their life.

 

ALL of the women I know have had a) sex, b) some form of a relationship, c) at least multiple men hit on them.

 

It's not equal. Men get rejected a lot more. I have been rejected hundreds of times. I plan to get that number to a thousand before my gray hairs start to kick in. How many women here can say that?

[thatone]

 

This whole "you should be able to read my signals" crap is getting out of hand. A woman would feel a lot less "rejected" if she comes up to the dude and says "hi." I am sure she would get a positive response more often than just "being ignored."

 

what do you mean getting? it's been that way. and it's all bullsh*t. whenever she was giving out her 'signals' she was churning over a million unrelated things in her mind and projected ALL of them in all likelihood.

 

that's the answer to "why don't you just say what you think" or "why don't you just say hi", they can't say what they think, or every man within a 10 yard radius would run for the exit.

[RecordProducer]

what do you mean getting? it's been that way. and it's all bullsh*t. whenever she was giving out her 'signals' she was churning over a million unrelated things in her mind and projected ALL of them in all likelihood.

There's another problem with sending signals. For example, I am not really good flirting, so the guys I like don't get the right vibes from me. And on the other hand, people I totally don't like end up hitting on me. And if that weren't enough, there are girls who flirt all the time with everyone - or so it seems to me. So, the guys I like end up hitting on those girls, and they are often less attractive than me - and those girls reject those guys.

 

they can't say what they think, or every man within a 10 yard radius would run for the exit.

[thatone]

confidence in women is attractive just like it is in men, so it's no big secret why those women who are confident enough to sit at a bar by themselves and talk to strangers will get more attention.

 

but as you say they're used to that attention, so when they can go get it whenever they want they have no trouble tossing it aside after they're done .

[TheSingleGuy]

Women clearly have more options than men. If a woman puts her dating profile up on a website, she'll have 50 men initiate contact within a week. We men, we're lucky to have 2 or 3 women contact us within a week.

 

Like one poster said earlier, he knows several men in their 30's who have never had a girlfriend or a relationship. Some have never had sex.

 

Women, on the other hand, by that age, have all had at least one relationship or boyfriend. If they are still a virgin, it's only because she has chosen to keep her virginity, not because she never had the chance.Myself, I'm pretty jaded by the whole system, but it is life. Anyone here claiming that women experience as much rejection as men is completely wrong.

[Woggle]

I don't know about the dating world but women do initiate 70% of divorces.

[spinaroonie]

Before sex: men.

 

After sex: women.