Breaking NC

[perfectlyflawed459]

I have been thinking a lot lately about this and I kind of wanted a second opinion. A good friend of mine told me to give my ex a call and just talk to him. Don't bring up anything bad of course, but just touch base. As simple as that sounds, he is with someone else and I really don't know if it is ever a good idea to break NC while your ex is with someone else. I really do miss him and would love to talk to him, but this girl makes it hard to do so. Then again, what is life without taking risks? He has showed signs of missing me while he was with her. He also broke NC a few weeks ago anyway, but I ignored him. What do you guys think? Is it always best to keep up NC, or is it okay to break NC too? I just want to know where everyone stands with it

[Philosoraptor]

If someone else asked you "So my ex is with someone else and I still have feelings for him. Is it ok to make contact with them just to chat?"... what would you say?

 

All it will do is set you back and bring you more pain. When you start to think about making contact redirect your thoughts into something good for you. Go do something just for you, make plans for the future for you.. etc. Just don't make contact.

[smokey bear]

break nc, if you want him back and he reached out to you and you ignored him he will think that youve moved on. break nc

[perfectlyflawed459]

I had no intentions on going through with it, in fact I don't think I am ready to have him in my life for a very long time. It just sucks though because I really miss him and I feel this hole inside me everyday. I was doing fine, then school ended and now I have had more free time to feel the pain. I guess that's good though, maybe I will become numb to it within the next few weeks. I have so many great things to appreciate and be thankful for, but I still have a hole inside me where he use to be. It kind of sucks, but I will stand my ground

[perfectlyflawed459]

break nc, if you want him back and he reached out to you and you ignored him he will think that youve moved on. break nc

 

Even if he is dating someone else?

[Popehappycat]

Even if he is dating someone else?

 

Obviously. Romances rekindled while the ex is currently with somebody new is healthy and can only end well.

 

Not trying to be a dick here, but how can you ask if breaking NC is a good thing if the entire point of NC is to not talk to them. Is it good to eat a triple cheeseburger on your diet? Judging by what I've read from you before, you're going to justify talking to him somehow, then post about how hard this all is and how you can't just get over him. Some people can be friends with their ex, I don't think you're one of them. Even in your positive posts, you always, without fail, mention you love him and want him back. And that may be the case, but if your ultimate goal is to heal, you never will if you keep up this cycle. If you want to chase after this guy indefinitely, then do whatever you want.

[fenderjames]

Hi flawed . I guess its diff. for everyone , but I wouldn't break nc . In my case I see it as an olive branch . One I have extended in the past and heard nothing back . I havent heard her voice in 4.5 months . Although I still have the urge to hear from her I know this prob. will never happen . Breaking NC would do me no good in any way . If you feel that it would do you good then by all means ... go for it . I hope it turns out the way you wish should you decide to text him . All the best to you . Cheers

[BoredAgain]

No Contact isn't a dogma. If you want to break it, then break it. Just ask yourself a few questions first:

 

If you call and he ignores you, would that upset you?

Or what if he tries to argue with you about incidents in your old relationship?

Or what if he just talks about how great his new relationship is?

 

Any of those things could easily happen. So if you'd be set back by them, then obviously breaking NC would be a bad idea.

[smokey bear]

Even if he is dating someone else?

 

 

Forget about what could happen and look at the situation you are trying to solve.

 

if you want to heal and move on dont break nc, its that simple, if you dont know what you want, decide before you do anything. If you want him back, look at the situation from his point of view.

 

He's with someone else but reached out to you, why? to see if your still interested.

 

If you ignore he will think you've moved on

 

If you reply he will dig deeper to see if you have moved on.

 

His reason for wanting to know if you still care is his problem.

 

If you ignore him and he thinks youve moved on he might never reach out again.

 

If you want him back, say something, anything, regardless of if he is with someone or not.

 

End of the day he is with someone, he shouldnt have contacted you in the first place, so theres a reason somewhere.

[Heartache3]

Forget about what could happen and look at the situation you are trying to solve.

 

if you want to heal and move on dont break nc, its that simple, if you dont know what you want, decide before you do anything. If you want him back, look at the situation from his point of view.

 

He's with someone else but reached out to you, why? to see if your still interested.

 

If you ignore he will think you've moved on

 

If you reply he will dig deeper to see if you have moved on.

 

His reason for wanting to know if you still care is his problem.

 

If you ignore him and he thinks youve moved on he might never reach out again.

 

If you want him back, say something, anything, regardless of if he is with someone or not.

 

End of the day he is with someone, he shouldnt have contacted you in the first place, so theres a reason somewhere.

 

Smokey Bear, you've got this all wrong.

 

An ex who breaks NC doesn't always mean he or she is interested. My ex broke NC more than five times over the last year not because she was still interested in me romantically, but she wanted to be friends. I suppose she was so racked with guilt that she wanted to reach out, apologize, etc. There could be many reasons why an ex wants to make contact.

 

Flawed, do yourself a favor and don't initiate any contact. I know it sucks not hearing from him, and it sucks even more to know he's dating someone else. Trust me, I know how this feels. My ex broke it off a 3 yr relationship in February, dated someone else, but that eventually ended. You have no idea how excited i was when they broke up, I thought this was my chance! So we stayed in contact. I was in love with her, and she wasn't, yet I was determined to win her back. And after trying to be friends until Sept it was hurting too much... and now she's with a new guy. I felt JUST LIKE YOU for about 8 months, and until I realized how pathetic I was to try to be friends with someone I still loved, I broke it off for good. And now, I couldn't be any happier!

 

Learn from my mistake and many other peoples' mistakes on here, and don't contact. If you're still in love with him, breaking NC will only put you back. Maybe after some time, your head will be in a better place, and perhaps you'll be with someone a million times better. Hang in there, focus on yourself, and do try to enjoy the holidays.

Edited December 24, 2011 by Heartache3

[solobeary]

An ex who breaks NC doesn't always mean he or she is interested. My ex broke NC more than five times over the last year not because she was still interested in me romantically, but she wanted to be friends. I suppose she was so racked with guilt that she wanted to reach out, apologize, etc. There could be many reasons why an ex wants to make contact.

 

Agreeing here, an ex breaking no contact about 95% of the time doesn't mean they are interested in getting back together (not into a real, lasting relationship, anyway). If your ex was even the slightest bit egotistical/ selfish, then imagine the ego boost of having a person madly in love with you and saying they'll do anything for you, even when they are treating you badly during the break up. They might wonder where you are now, but it does by no means mean they want you back and have changed.

Even if your ex was a very good, kind person, they are probably getting into contact because they miss the friendship. Doesn't mean they want you back or have changed their minds.

 

There probably are some residual feelings there, you shared a lot together. But it's just a text, if it leads to this much over-analysing then it's too soon.

Edited December 24, 2011 by solobeary

[sunflower11]

Obviously. Romances rekindled while the ex is currently with somebody new is healthy and can only end well.

 

Not trying to be a dick here, but how can you ask if breaking NC is a good thing if the entire point of NC is to not talk to them. Is it good to eat a triple cheeseburger on your diet? Judging by what I've read from you before, you're going to justify talking to him somehow, then post about how hard this all is and how you can't just get over him. Some people can be friends with their ex, I don't think you're one of them. Even in your positive posts, you always, without fail, mention you love him and want him back. And that may be the case, but if your ultimate goal is to heal, you never will if you keep up this cycle. If you want to chase after this guy indefinitely, then do whatever you want.

 

Pope can be a dick but hes right most of the time dont break NC girl..if he wanted u back he would be with you and not someone else. It will hurt so much more to try to be friends wth someone who at the end of the day is not yours..you arebetter off distancing yourself from this situation..

[perfectlyflawed459]

Obviously. Romances rekindled while the ex is currently with somebody new is healthy and can only end well.

 

Not trying to be a dick here, but how can you ask if breaking NC is a good thing if the entire point of NC is to not talk to them. Is it good to eat a triple cheeseburger on your diet? Judging by what I've read from you before, you're going to justify talking to him somehow, then post about how hard this all is and how you can't just get over him. Some people can be friends with their ex, I don't think you're one of them. Even in your positive posts, you always, without fail, mention you love him and want him back. And that may be the case, but if your ultimate goal is to heal, you never will if you keep up this cycle. If you want to chase after this guy indefinitely, then do whatever you want.

 

Geez I was just asking, no need to get all worked up. For your info, I do have a date after christmas so I am not chasing. I haven't been, hence why I have been in NC for three months. I do miss him and love him, but I do deserve to be happy too. Oh btw, I have eaten cheeseburgers in my diets and I am still really slim, which means, some things work for some people and for others it doesn't. Hmm maybe NC is applied the same way, just some food for thought.

[perfectlyflawed459]

Agreeing here, an ex breaking no contact about 95% of the time doesn't mean they are interested in getting back together (not into a real, lasting relationship, anyway). If your ex was even the slightest bit egotistical/ selfish, then imagine the ego boost of having a person madly in love with you and saying they'll do anything for you, even when they are treating you badly during the break up. They might wonder where you are now, but it does by no means mean they want you back and have changed.

Even if your ex was a very good, kind person, they are probably getting into contact because they miss the friendship. Doesn't mean they want you back or have changed their minds.

 

There probably are some residual feelings there, you shared a lot together. But it's just a text, if it leads to this much over-analysing then it's too soon.

 

He didn't reach out through texts, more like ditched her just to try and make small talk with me personally. Then told my mom a week after that that something is missing in his life. It is all odd, but it is whatever. I haven't contacted him, and I do not plan to anytime soon. I really should just let him go for good. Maybe it isn't worth it anymore. If he comes around in the future then great, but I can't hold on anymore. It is getting pathetic. I do have a date after christmas Nothing serious, but it is nice to have guys asking me out.

[perfectlyflawed459]

Obviously. Romances rekindled while the ex is currently with somebody new is healthy and can only end well.

 

Not trying to be a dick here, but how can you ask if breaking NC is a good thing if the entire point of NC is to not talk to them. Is it good to eat a triple cheeseburger on your diet? Judging by what I've read from you before, you're going to justify talking to him somehow, then post about how hard this all is and how you can't just get over him. Some people can be friends with their ex, I don't think you're one of them. Even in your positive posts, you always, without fail, mention you love him and want him back. And that may be the case, but if your ultimate goal is to heal, you never will if you keep up this cycle. If you want to chase after this guy indefinitely, then do whatever you want.

 

Geez I was just asking, no need to get all worked up. For your info, I do have a date after christmas so I am not chasing. I haven't been, hence why I have been in NC for three months. I do miss him and love him, after all, he meant a lot to me, but I do deserve to be happy too and I am proceeding with NC and letting go. Oh and I am friends with two of my exes, so you really should think twice before you jump to false assumptions about people. Oh and btw, I have eaten cheeseburgers in my diets and I am still really slim, which means, some things work for some people and for others it doesn't. Hmm maybe NC is applied the same way, just some food for thought.

[Popehappycat]

You asked for opinions and I gave you one tailored specifically to you, as I feel a simple yes or no is pointless and not helpful at all. I'll sh*t rainbows next time.

[perfectlyflawed459]

You asked for opinions and I gave you one tailored specifically to you, as I feel a simple yes or no is pointless and not helpful at all. I'll sh*t rainbows next time.

 

I do appreciate your insight...even though it came off a little rude. But it is the truth and the truth isn't always the prettiest. I may ramble about my ex a lot and yes I do say I still love him, but I certainly have not chased him and have maintained my NC. However just because I maintain NC doesn't mean those feelings die away quickly. They may never die away completely, but it isn't something that should hold me back anymore. I have decided to start dating again, but nothing too serious.

[Popehappycat]

Cats are incapable of being rude, obviously.