Coping with disappearance of ex at Xmas

[goldengirl11]

Admittedly I'm going through a tough time at the moment and am missing my ex who appeared to play me you could say when we were seeing each other, although didn't have 'the talk' yet but the last time had sex, when later that month he started seeing someone else. I feel utterly regretful that I couldn't make the couple of/few times he suggested to pop over (usually at short notice), yet he was usually too tired/busy etc when I asked him. However, I feel that if I had perhaps seen him then when he'd asked it wouldn't have developed so much at the same time possibly with the other person! It's past though I know and will just have to learn from it. Btw, he was about a 40 minute drive away from me (he drived but I didn't). He told me he had a girlfriend in end April, a couple of months after she came onto the scene.

 

He has randomly kept tabs on me thru the year via e-mail, but vanished in mid Sept (again) assuming they were together again. Not long after he asked me to resend some photo shoot pics from earlier in the year. I feel used even though most of the time he hasn't been present. I've been in nc for almost a month now and am determined to not contact him over Xmas as want him to. I deleted my no earlier this yr when got hurt when he proved that I was just an option, so just have his e-mail address. Hopefully the new yr will bring me a man who is both faithful and deserving of me, rather than hoping that he'll come back and miss me.

 

We were old colleagues when we were both with someone else. He got back in touch after 4 years when we were both single so feel he has had his chance. I don't feel that we had bonded sexually yet though as last time I wasn't relaxed enough to enjoy sex as he couldn't penetrate me properly but we did other stuff which was fine. I still felt rubbish though and wanted to check if there was anyone else when he was leaving and if there wasn't if it could be just us whilst we saw how things went, particularly as he was at college I thought, but I didn't want to rush it/risk losing him and he seemed sincere that we'd meet again soon, then someone else came into the picture and it didn't happen!

 

I'm trying my best to move on, but it is v difficult. My last boyfriend before him also treated me badly, although perhaps that was my fault as he too didn't want to commit himself. Would be grateful for any sympathetic replies, this situation is really hard... thinking back to last Xmas Eve and going to my sister's over weekend when no doubt my younger sister-in-law will be parading her boyfriend! Fortunately I have moved now though, which has helped to create some new memories and won't be haunted by old memories I suppose.

 

P.S. I try to take some comfort in knowing that he'd recently ended a 4/5 yr relationship not that long before we started dating and think the proximity and convenience may have played a part in things. He is in his mid twenties and 'm in my early thirties, although he may think I'm a bit younger as people tell me that I look younger!

Edited December 24, 2011 by goldengirl11

[goldengirl11]

I realise I may have gone on a bit before more than I needed to! Am going to try and enjoy this eve/festive period (currently listening to music and drinking malibu & coke!), tho admit hope he will wish me a Merry Xmas!! It's just hard to think I've been forgotten, especially at this time.

 

Best wishes everyone!

[KathyM]

Have a nice Christmas, and for the New Year, how about a resolution that you will no longer accept crumbs from men, and will seek out someone who will treat you well? You deserve to be treated well. Don't accept less from any man.

[perfectlyflawed459]

I know it is hard right, trust me, but remember you have friends and family who love you unconditionally and are here to support you. Yes you have lost one person, but if you look around, you are not alone Xmas is a time to be happy and appreciate everything you have in your life right now. I know you miss your ex and I know it is hard, but never forget that you are never alone. Along with family and friends, you have the people that care here on LoveShack as well! Have a Merry Christmas and best wishes to you!

[goldengirl11]

Thanks for both of your replies. Just attempted to go to Midnight Mass but it didn't appear to be happening at the church I went to, so now back in the warm doing the last bit of wrapping and reading on here of course. It has been hard this evening yes and remembered when he was leaving we hugged and he said we would meet soon, definitely. How sincere - not! Kathy - yes good idea re the resolution about breadcrumbs!! Perfectlyflawed - I'd like to think I haven't lost him just yet, just more that it's a break maybe?! I certainly don't want to be an annoyance tho that's for sure hence the nc thing!

[perfectlyflawed459]

Thanks for both of your replies. Just attempted to go to Midnight Mass but it didn't appear to be happening at the church I went to, so now back in the warm doing the last bit of wrapping and reading on here of course. It has been hard this evening yes and remembered when he was leaving we hugged and he said we would meet soon, definitely. How sincere - not! Kathy - yes good idea re the resolution about breadcrumbs!! Perfectlyflawed - I'd like to think I haven't lost him just yet, just more that it's a break maybe?! I certainly don't want to be an annoyance tho that's for sure hence the nc thing!

 

Yea I understand, I definitely don't like burning bridges. You never know what can happen in the future! Keep that in you mind, but don't depend on it too much. Go out, live your life, and be happy NC will help a lot and trust me, most men usually have a tendancy to realize what they lost. At least that has been the case with me with previous exes, and it is the case with many of my girl friends! Even my mom has had it happen to her on several occassion back in her college days

[goldengirl11]

Yea I understand, I definitely don't like burning bridges. You never know what can happen in the future! Keep that in you mind, but don't depend on it too much. Go out, live your life, and be happy NC will help a lot and trust me, most men usually have a tendancy to realize what they lost. At least that has been the case with me with previous exes, and it is the case with many of my girl friends! Even my mom has had it happen to her on several occassion back in her college days

Thanks for understanding. Much appreciated! Just got a netbook recently and am starting to feel a bit better by not feeling as lonely perhaps. Take care.

[goldengirl11]

I'm having a really tough today and the situation is really upsetting me. Out of nowhere I sent him a happy new year message in mid Jan when got a reply wishing me the same and asking me what I was up to. I mentioned about just finishing a job etc and asked what he was up to also. To which he said he was just on a a fitness plan and trying to get back in shape, but when I asked if he was back to teaching yet and what else he was up to, he hasn't responded. This was 2 days ago but think he would've got back by now. So surprise surprise am feeling pretty crap and rejected again. I'm trying to focus with other things, but am feeling a bit frustrated that it would appear he's got the power back again and that he's got me wrapped round his little finger, when quite frankly I don't think he deserves me. I don't want to let myself get back into a cycle, but am just finding it very hard today.

[perfectlyflawed459]

I'm having a really tough today and the situation is really upsetting me. Out of nowhere I sent him a happy new year message in mid Jan when got a reply wishing me the same and asking me what I was up to. I mentioned about just finishing a job etc and asked what he was up to also. To which he said he was just on a a fitness plan and trying to get back in shape, but when I asked if he was back to teaching yet and what else he was up to, he hasn't responded. This was 2 days ago but think he would've got back by now. So surprise surprise am feeling pretty crap and rejected again. I'm trying to focus with other things, but am feeling a bit frustrated that it would appear he's got the power back again and that he's got me wrapped round his little finger, when quite frankly I don't think he deserves me. I don't want to let myself get back into a cycle, but am just finding it very hard today.

 

Ugh I am sorry to hear that he did that I do not understand why dumpers text the dumpee with no intent of holding a converstation. Just go back to NC and do not send him any texts asking why he hasn't replied or do not try to force starting another converstaion with him. Try not to take it too personally or jump to crazy assumptions. There could be a number of reasons why he didn't respond like maybe he ran over his phone, or he dropped in a toilet, or doesn't know how to face you right now. It could literally be anything, but try not to think the worse because that only makes you feeling crappier. Just let it go and keep healing. It will get better, I promise Stay strong!

[goldengirl11]

Ugh I am sorry to hear that he did that I do not understand why dumpers text the dumpee with no intent of holding a converstation. Just go back to NC and do not send him any texts asking why he hasn't replied or do not try to force starting another converstaion with him. Try not to take it too personally or jump to crazy assumptions. There could be a number of reasons why he didn't respond like maybe he ran over his phone, or he dropped in a toilet, or doesn't know how to face you right now. It could literally be anything, but try not to think the worse because that only makes you feeling crappier. Just let it go and keep healing. It will get better, I promise Stay strong!

 

Thanks for the advice. x

[yolatanga]

Sad story. I'm going through the same thing just about. My ex FWB who lives where I live has dropped me like a hot potatoe and I didn't even know it. We were more friends than anything and he swore it was important to him. Turns out he, who has broken up with his ex 4 times was trying to get back in her life after 6 mos with me. He failed to tell me so his friend did. He broke up with her for me. I asked and he said he was still in love with her. I was upset because that would mean I'd be out of the picture. He said he wasn't going back. So I dropped the matter and we still hung out. That was the 18th of December. He went away for the holidays and I never heard from him again. I texted for xmas and new yrs. Nothing. Not even a Merry Xmas. He's cut me out of his life. He stopped going where we all go and I've not even seen him drive past me to go home. It's like poof he dissapeared. We have a professional relationship or so I thought. Not even answer work related e-mails. WTH? I tried contacting him again yesterday. Nothing. I'm beside myself. Why do I feel like crap because he's a coward? I feel like I'm being punished. Feel like crap and feel used. He's moved on I was told. Guess he went to back to a doomed for failure relationship. Well, that's not fair to treat me like crap because of it.

 

So how does one know if they are blocked from texting? He's not answered any text at all. The one time I called, yesterday, it rang and went into vm.

[goldengirl11]

Sad story. I'm going through the same thing just about. My ex FWB who lives where I live has dropped me like a hot potatoe and I didn't even know it. We were more friends than anything and he swore it was important to him. Turns out he, who has broken up with his ex 4 times was trying to get back in her life after 6 mos with me. He failed to tell me so his friend did. He broke up with her for me. I asked and he said he was still in love with her. I was upset because that would mean I'd be out of the picture. He said he wasn't going back. So I dropped the matter and we still hung out. That was the 18th of December. He went away for the holidays and I never heard from him again. I texted for xmas and new yrs. Nothing. Not even a Merry Xmas. He's cut me out of his life. He stopped going where we all go and I've not even seen him drive past me to go home. It's like poof he dissapeared. We have a professional relationship or so I thought. Not even answer work related e-mails. WTH? I tried contacting him again yesterday. Nothing. I'm beside myself. Why do I feel like crap because he's a coward? I feel like I'm being punished. Feel like crap and feel used. He's moved on I was told. Guess he went to back to a doomed for failure relationship. Well, that's not fair to treat me like crap because of it.

 

So how does one know if they are blocked from texting? He's not answered any text at all. The one time I called, yesterday, it rang and went into vm.

I'm so sorry to hear about this, but interesting to hear your story. It does sound rather strange too. I suppose the only possible good thing which may come out of it in the future is that if they've already broken up 4 times before, there's probably a likelihood that it will happen again - if he is back with her that is.

Edited January 23, 2012 by goldengirl11

[goldengirl11]

Sad story. I'm going through the same thing just about. My ex FWB who lives where I live has dropped me like a hot potatoe and I didn't even know it. We were more friends than anything and he swore it was important to him. Turns out he, who has broken up with his ex 4 times was trying to get back in her life after 6 mos with me. He failed to tell me so his friend did. He broke up with her for me. I asked and he said he was still in love with her. I was upset because that would mean I'd be out of the picture. He said he wasn't going back. So I dropped the matter and we still hung out. That was the 18th of December. He went away for the holidays and I never heard from him again. I texted for xmas and new yrs. Nothing. Not even a Merry Xmas. He's cut me out of his life. He stopped going where we all go and I've not even seen him drive past me to go home. It's like poof he dissapeared. We have a professional relationship or so I thought. Not even answer work related e-mails. WTH? I tried contacting him again yesterday. Nothing. I'm beside myself. Why do I feel like crap because he's a coward? I feel like I'm being punished. Feel like crap and feel used. He's moved on I was told. Guess he went to back to a doomed for failure relationship. Well, that's not fair to treat me like crap because of it.

 

So how does one know if they are blocked from texting? He's not answered any text at all. The one time I called, yesterday, it rang and went into vm.

 

How is it going with you?

[yolatanga]

How is it going with you?

Ok, I tried one more time via e-mail. I was ignored yet again. Unreal. Whatever. He's a coward. I'll have to get over he has no integrity. How about you?

[goldengirl11]

Ok, I tried one more time via e-mail. I was ignored yet again. Unreal. Whatever. He's a coward. I'll have to get over he has no integrity. How about you?

 

Not bad, tho similar to you I guess! Have like bursts of anger inside me tbh. I'm sorry to hear you've had no luck recently tho. Wishing you the best... would like to hear any updates!

Am considering going to see Katherine Jenkins (again) tomorrow, but her songs are all about love and heartbreak. Not to mention it's expensive! Things seem really boring at the moment.

[AmericanHoney]

How heartbreaking! I know this scenario all too well because I am going through it as well. One day my ex was there and we had the greatest times we laughed,we cried,etc and then one day poof he was gone in flash no e-mails,no phone calls, no nothing just vanished into thin air. It is like I am a invisible person:sick: All those times we shared laughs, romance, everything were gone and he just walked away. I feel for you I really,really do because it isn't just a cowardly thing to do it definitely bruises your ego a bit and it makes you realize wow the person I thought I knew never existed.

[goldengirl11]

How heartbreaking! I know this scenario all too well because I am going through it as well. One day my ex was there and we had the greatest times we laughed,we cried,etc and then one day poof he was gone in flash no e-mails,no phone calls, no nothing just vanished into thin air. It is like I am a invisible person:sick: All those times we shared laughs, romance, everything were gone and he just walked away. I feel for you I really,really do because it isn't just a cowardly thing to do it definitely bruises your ego a bit and it makes you realize wow the person I thought I knew never existed.

Hey, thanks for understanding. Really appreciate it. Wishing you the best too.

Edited January 28, 2012 by goldengirl11

[goldengirl11]

Had a really bad night last night. Admit was going to go into his hometown to hopefully bump into him in the pub, but it got late when getting ready and when I headed to the train station in the freezing cold I missed the last train (before it was too late to go) when my friend rang! I was so upset that I missed the (possible) chance to seeb him before it hits February (don't mean to sound desperate), just know that he won't be in touch unless he gets bored again. I also feel that I'm not taking care of myself as much (tho I did get my hair done yest) and my flat is looking a dump with washing etc. Just feeling so overwhelmed with life. Am now out of work since a couple of weeks ago too, so it feels like I'm going nowhere. Was thinking of perhaps going away on the 13th Feb and coming back on the 15th Feb (if I can afford to) to escape feeling down in my flat (although couldn't bear to see couples out if you know what I mean), even being here I think will bring back bad memories of him starting to date that other girl near then a year ago. Time will tell I suppose, just at this time felt like writing.

[yolatanga]

My update. I saw him the other night for the first time since Dec. 18th. He sat two seats away from me and never said a word. What an azz. I don't get it. He's an immature putz obviously. Thank God I looked good due to just having my hair and makeup done..LOL perks for working at a salon. I still enjoyed myself and never let him see that it bothered me.

[Zahara]

My update. I saw him the other night for the first time since Dec. 18th. He sat two seats away from me and never said a word. What an azz. I don't get it. He's an immature putz obviously. Thank God I looked good due to just having my hair and makeup done..LOL perks for working at a salon. I still enjoyed myself and never let him see that it bothered me.

 

What's the point in pretending, trying to prove to him that it didn't bother you. It's going to be a year and you haven't proven anything to yourself by ridding yourself of this pointless drama. Call him all the names you like, the sad part is that you are still pining for the immature putz. Where does that put you?

 

You posted the same thing on Friends and Lovers and you got no responses. Now you seek it here. If anything, you're the one that keeps yourself stuck. Stop trying to analyze his behavior. You need to start analyzing yours.

Edited February 11, 2012 by Zahara