friends???????

[bryan]

my girlfriend and me were best friends for years before we started dating. we dated for about 2 years. it was a wonderful relationship. actually not quite that wonderful since we broke up eventually. mostly i have to admit due to my own shortcomings. now the problem is that we have the same circle of friends, we even went to school together and we keep bumping into each other. its been a few months now since we broke up but still when i see her it hurts terribly. to make matters worse, she now has a guy friend. everytime now that i see them, its like i've been hit in the gut. i have no idea what to do about this entire situation. any suggestions??

[Tony T]

Get over it or move out of town.

 

This is the risk you took when you started dating a good friend. Actually, the same thing could have happened if you had been dating almost anybody for a two year period. You develop the same circle of friends.

 

I know how you feel and it can be awkward. She has to go on with her life and you should be happy for that. When you run into her, just feel whatever you feel and let it be. Over a period of time, it really won't bother you. Chances are, at some point in the future when you see her you will feel totally indifferent.

 

Other than just avoiding these circles of friends or moving away, your only choice is to face your feelings and deal with them. That's probably the best therapy. It will help you realize your deal with her is over and you just need to get on with your life.

 

I also urge you not to go out and find some lady just for the purposes of being with someone when you see your ex. That is not fair to the lady and is pretty lame, but I'm sure you've thought about doing it. If you're not seeing anyone, just be by yourself. You are wise to wait for dating until you are healed your previous relationship.

[Jenna]

Look at what happened to "Ross and Rachel"- actually you could BE Ross!! (Oh wait..... he's a fictional character....isn't he?) Anyways- if you watch the show "Friends"- it's really a good example of how "former friends-turned lovers- turned broken-up"- can co-exist in the same circle of friends. Of course it will be awkward- even painful- for a while- but as Tony said- you will eventually get over it. (or even learn a few things about yourselves and each other- and decide that you really do belong together- thats what I'm hoping for "Ross and Rachel"- hehehe)

 

Suck it up- you need your friends- and they need you!

 

Jenna

Get over it or move out of town. This is the risk you took when you started dating a good friend. Actually, the same thing could have happened if you had been dating almost anybody for a two year period. You develop the same circle of friends. I know how you feel and it can be awkward. She has to go on with her life and you should be happy for that. When you run into her, just feel whatever you feel and let it be. Over a period of time, it really won't bother you. Chances are, at some point in the future when you see her you will feel totally indifferent. Other than just avoiding these circles of friends or moving away, your only choice is to face your feelings and deal with them. That's probably the best therapy. It will help you realize your deal with her is over and you just need to get on with your life. I also urge you not to go out and find some lady just for the purposes of being with someone when you see your ex. That is not fair to the lady and is pretty lame, but I'm sure you've thought about doing it. If you're not seeing anyone, just be by yourself. You are wise to wait for dating until you are healed your previous relationship.

 

[Elmer]

I don't know about you, but it helps me knowing other people are going through the same thing.

 

My ex and I had been going out 5 years and we had quite a few mutual friends, which has been awkward (we 'separated' 8 weeks ago). I found out yesterday that she has a new guy, even though I have someone else I'm very interested in (in another country) and I'm trying to just stay cool, right now I just want to stop feeling anything about her. And that's not possible right now.

 

I keep thinking that she has now found her perfect partner, that all of the issues we had together will just vanish in her new relationship, and that I'll be alone or in unsuccesful relationships. What's more I keep remembering all the good times, and really can't even remember the circumstances of arguments any more.

 

Good luck moving on bro.

[bryan]

thats just the way it is elmer. even i went through that phase. everything reminds you of her. you think the relationship was perfect and that nothing was wrong. you are just idealising her right now. remember the reason you guys broke up. whatever happens is for the best and if you and your girlfriend are not meant to be then it isn't going to happen. let things take their course.

 

it still kills me to see my ex-girlfriend so regularly and she seems to always be smiling and laughing which to me at times seems like that she is happy because she is not with me anymore. its just our insecurities and we have to deal with them individually. the sooner you realise the deal between the two of you the sooner you'll make a move on. if its over then its over.

 

i hope things work out for you like i hope they work out for me.

 

cheers..