setsenia Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 So my husband got a surprise card in the mail from his mother with a gift card. It wasn't a personal card, she just signed her name inside the card and put their return address on the envelope without their names. We don't really know how to feel about it after they basically told us to "have a nice life" after disowning us a month and a half ago. But she did this before when she and my husband haven't gotten along. We really don't know what to think of it. And since they basically told us they want no contact with us when they disowned us, how do we say thank you? We have no idea what to think, LOL. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveTKO Posted December 25, 2011 Share Posted December 25, 2011 So my husband got a surprise card in the mail from his mother with a gift card. It wasn't a personal card, she just signed her name inside the card and put their return address on the envelope without their names. We don't really know how to feel about it after they basically told us to "have a nice life" after disowning us a month and a half ago. But she did this before when she and my husband haven't gotten along. We really don't know what to think of it. And since they basically told us they want no contact with us when they disowned us, how do we say thank you? We have no idea what to think, LOL. Give the gift card to a charitable organization and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 So my husband got a surprise card in the mail from his mother with a gift card. It wasn't a personal card, she just signed her name inside the card and put their return address on the envelope without their names. We don't really know how to feel about it after they basically told us to "have a nice life" after disowning us a month and a half ago. But she did this before when she and my husband haven't gotten along. We really don't know what to think of it. And since they basically told us they want no contact with us when they disowned us, how do we say thank you? We have no idea what to think, LOL. Can I ask why they disowned your husband and you? Did something awful happen? Some sort of fight with physical abuse? Punches thrown? Or is/was it a battle of ego's, or is it their family dynamic? All I know is, life is short. If he has two living parents, then he (and THEY) need to make an effort to get along..You too! What if his mom had an accident and died tomorrow? How would he feel? Obviously other than sad, but would he feel guilt for not working things out with her? And his dad? Family counselling is a possiblity if all are willing to go. Especially if kids are in the near future, it's one thing to be not close with your parents, it's another for kids not to get to know or spend time with grandparents because of issues going on that have nothing to do with them. They lose out and so do the grandparents. Just sayin'!! Hopefully this can be talked about and fixed. As I said , life is short.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author setsenia Posted December 30, 2011 Author Share Posted December 30, 2011 (edited) Um, they disowned us over FACEBOOK COMMENTS. His mom thought we posted something offensive, which we didn't. She took it the wrong way and it had nothing to do with them. She made her husband send us some nasty email saying that they are "done with us". I mean, really? Over facebook? His biological dad passed away when he was young, so it's his Mom and Stepfather. You know, his mom used that motto when she thought she was dying with cancer, "life is too short" and she said all kinds of "I love you's" etc etc. They did try counseling, but it has never worked for his mom and all his mom did in counseling was make excuses for why she was never a good mother and that "she felt more maternal towards his friends" than she does him. If it were me, I would have told her to stick it and not speak to her again. I mean you're in counseling and you tell your son you aren't maternal, but are maternal with his friends?! Come on. Basically, when his mom found out she was in remission from cancer, she tossed us both under the bus. All the "I love you's" were because she thought she was dying. I must say the "life is too short" motto was quickly abandoned when she found out she wasn't really dying. She went back to her old self. She never showed any appreciation to anyone besides her husband for helping her during her cancer. In short, his mother was never really a mother to him. She's made it clear her husband and her dogs are more important than her only child. He tried counseling with her, but it did no good since she doesn't think she has any faults nor wants to change. His father raised him all the way until 16 until he was forced to live with his mother and stepdad. They have been nothing but a negative influence and honestly, she doesn't deserve to see her grandchildren. She doesn't even care to be a part of her own son's life and has never made an effort to. We hardly see them. The stepfather doesn't give two s**t's about us, he's never made an effort to even know his stepson. So why all of a sudden involve grandchildren in their lives? I can see if they raised him all his life, but they've never really had a relationship. The Christmas card was nothing more than clearing her own conscious. They only live a few miles away. If she was serious about making up, she would have invited us over for Christmas. She never intends to change. Every other year, she flips out and stops talking to us over something, but leads us on with the Christmas and Birthday cards. It's because they are manipulative. Why would you want to involve your children in that kind of drama? It would only do more harm than good. Seeing your grandchildren is a priviledge, not an entitlement. A child who doesn't know certain relatives cannot long for something they never had. We've been putting up with this for 4-5 years now. We've tried and tried with them, they aren't going to change at this point. My husband has been repeatedly disappointed after trying so hard to have a normal mother/son relationship, but it just isn't happening. We even apologized to them for what they found offensive (we didn't even say anything offensive) and they blew us off and told us to have a nice life. So we did try and work it out with them, THEY didn't want to. So my husband couldn't care less if he ever saw them again. They disowned him over something petty and don't want to resolve it. I don't think these people care if they ever see grandchildren or not. Her missing out on her grandchildren will be her own loss, but then again she's never been close with her relatives, so maybe not. Edited December 30, 2011 by setsenia Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 Okay, then the two of you, especially him, make peace with this decision to not be in her life. No regrets.. It seems like a not so healthy relationship anyway and when the time comes you two have children, it could be toxic for them.. His mom sounds dramatic, selfish and high maitenance! Link to post Share on other sites
Author setsenia Posted January 3, 2012 Author Share Posted January 3, 2012 It's taken us over a month, but I think we are finally at peace with the decision to keep them out of our lives. I think we had to get over the hurt they caused us by disowning us over something that wasn't our fault and because they were being completely unreasonable. We tried to make amends and they didn't want to. What else can you do at that point but move on? It's opened our eyes to the fact that they have been nothing but toxic in the last 5 years and it will never change. You either choose to deal with the drama or you eliminate it. We're eliminating it. If she wants to send a card on a holiday or birthday, fine, but as for being active in our lives again, no. She will not be on the contact list when it comes to important life events as she has proven she doesn't deserve it. Thanks for the advise! Link to post Share on other sites
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