Don't parents realize...

[UpDownAllAround]

That the more they hem and haw and scream and bitch at you about your weight at every opportunity...

 

That the more it just makes you want to eat to spite them and make them angrier? I'm damn well *not* losing weight until I am free of their bull s*** and having to live here.

 

Fine with me. They need to learn tolerance of other people different than them. Just because I'm a guy and not a girl and razor thin like the other two girls (step sisters) in the family doesn't mean that I'm not a valid person. I pay over $500/mo rent to live at home and they treat me like this s***!!!

 

God I can't wait to move out of here and get my freedom back. :mad: :mad:

 

It's crap having to be a 32 year old man living at home with "mommy". It sucks and my self esteem continues to nose dive because of it. I wish luck would come my way. I need a lot of it.

Edited December 25, 2011 by UpDownAllAround

[setsenia]

That's very true for a lot of people! My brother was overweight most of his life and my dad would nag him and critizcise him for being overweight. It didn't help anything. If anything, he probably gained more weight. The same with my mom when people told her to lose weight. The nagging actually never made her lose weight. Sometimes, it's a lot of reverse psychology.

[El Brujo]

They better be nice to you.

 

You're going to pick their nursing home.

[Emilia]

At the age of 32 you shouldn't be living at home. You can pay rent to someone else and make your own decisions. Losing weight if you are overweight is a good idea by the way.

[UpDownAllAround]

At the age of 32 you shouldn't be living at home. You can pay rent to someone else and make your own decisions. Losing weight if you are overweight is a good idea by the way.

 

Ummm...duh? I said I hated it in my post up there. Don't you think that if I could have afforded it I'd be out by now? I have some debt to pay off and I have no choice but to live in hell until I do.

 

I will not satisfy any part of my parents' agenda while I'm living at home.

Edited December 26, 2011 by UpDownAllAround

[UpDownAllAround]

Sorry folks. Bad day. Don't mind me. I'll just wallow over here.

[turnera]

What are you doing on a daily basis to improve your chances of getting a job? Are you sending out at least 20 applications every single day? Are you taking online classes to improve your skills or reach a higher degree? Are you skipping TV and video games to instead spend your time reading newspapers, books, or websites that enhance your knowledge of the world, politics, environment, anything else that will make you look more valuable to a prospective employer? Are you volunteering somewhere to benefit others/put something good on your resume? Are you taking daily walks so that you CAN lose weight and look more impressive at interviews? Are you engaging daily on LinkedIn or some other work-related social website to get contacts to help you get an interview?

 

If not, I don't blame your parents for nagging. You just might be disappointing to them.

[setsenia]

They better be nice to you.

 

You're going to pick their nursing home.

 

I wholeheartedly agree with this!

[UpDownAllAround]

What are you doing on a daily basis to improve your chances of getting a job? Are you sending out at least 20 applications every single day? Are you taking online classes to improve your skills or reach a higher degree? Are you skipping TV and video games to instead spend your time reading newspapers, books, or websites that enhance your knowledge of the world, politics, environment, anything else that will make you look more valuable to a prospective employer? Are you volunteering somewhere to benefit others/put something good on your resume? Are you taking daily walks so that you CAN lose weight and look more impressive at interviews? Are you engaging daily on LinkedIn or some other work-related social website to get contacts to help you get an interview?

 

If not, I don't blame your parents for nagging. You just might be disappointing to them.

 

Where did I say I didn't have a job? I HAVE a job. A really good job. I don't make enough to live on my own in this city is the problem. I make about $20/hour and work full time 40 hours a week. You have to make double this pay to afford your own place as a bachelor in a place that's not in the slums and graffiti-laced neighborhoods, or pay what I currently pay to live with a roommate. I work 40 hours a week and I should be able to come home and do what I want to do WHEN I WANT TO DO IT. The other person in the house who I PAY RENT TO FAITHFULLY ON TIME (EVERY TIME MIGHT I ADD) has been out of work for a couple years and doesn't even look for a new job. Meanwhile *I AM THE ONE* holding down a job and paying rent and they stay home all day every day not looking for work.

 

That's what my "luck" statement is all about - I need way more money just to afford my own place here. I sure haven't found any affordable apartments on Craigslist yet that wasn't in the perfect location nor in the slums.

 

And why should my weight "disappoint" my parents? They are supposed to love you unconditionally REGARDLESS. I really don't give a s*** about my weight, SO THEY SHOULDN'T. They should be happy I'm not on drugs, drinking alcohol, have a porn addiction, been in and out of jail his whole life, or any other number of BS crap that's far worse than simply being overweight like my *real dad* was into.

Edited December 28, 2011 by UpDownAllAround

[UpDownAllAround]

Obese, self-pitying, and broke.

 

Wow, that's the trifecta right there.

 

 

Wow. An internet troll. Why am I not surprised?

[UpDownAllAround]

I wholeheartedly agree with this!

 

Buwahahahahaha...your comment was great!!! :lmao:

[UpDownAllAround]

Annnnnnd, I'm also spending a lot of time putting together a website for them, and I don't play video games. In fact, they criticize me for not using my video game systems enough or watching my TV enough when I am 1. Putting together *their* website so they can make more money because they have no clue how to do it, and 2. Spending time on the computer learning new skills and adding new languages to my skill set. I have already improved significantly in what I can do this year, and I always aim to improve every year everything that I can do.

 

I'm definitely not lazy, sitting on my butt, not working, playing video games and watching TV all day.

[rainy day woman]

But by digging in about not losing weight you're really just punishing yourself. I think you should concentrate on not reacting to them. Don't let them in your head, don't let them make your decisions for you (which they're still doing if you're trying to punish them by staying fat). Just keep your nose down and try to work on yourself, including losing weight if that's something YOU want to do.

 

I agree that people unfairly attach all kinds of negative traits to fat people and that people who really have no right to feel superior to anyone feel superior to fat people. It's not fair, but you could try to detach yourself and let your bitterness about it occupy less of your headspace. I think you'll feel better if you take control of this part of your life. I know you said you have debts but I also think you should look into moving to a more affordable city. Some people just can't be around their family of origin all the time and stay healthy.

[UpDownAllAround]

But by digging in about not losing weight you're really just punishing yourself. I think you should concentrate on not reacting to them. Don't let them in your head, don't let them make your decisions for you (which they're still doing if you're trying to punish them by staying fat). Just keep your nose down and try to work on yourself, including losing weight if that's something YOU want to do.

 

I agree that people unfairly attach all kinds of negative traits to fat people and that people who really have no right to feel superior to anyone feel superior to fat people. It's not fair, but you could try to detach yourself and let your bitterness about it occupy less of your headspace. I think you'll feel better if you take control of this part of your life. I know you said you have debts but I also think you should look into moving to a more affordable city. Some people just can't be around their family of origin all the time and stay healthy.

 

rainy_day_woman - Thank you for the advice. My plan is to lose all the weight as soon as I get out. In fact I think I may just start doing that at the turn of the new year. I still have to think about it though. I know it will be a big benefit (especially in the dating department) but I just don't want to give my parents the satisfaction of "being right" or "being the ones that had me lose weight".

 

I'd rather do it on my own like I have done in the past successfully.

 

And I think I may end up looking into that more affordable city option. An extra 10 miles to drive isn't really that big a deal if it saves you $300-$500/mo otherwise.

[setsenia]

May I ask what city you live in, if you don't mind my asking? I live in one of the most expensive cities in Northern California and in the nation, and $20 an hour, 40 hours a week, should at least be able to get you a studio or one bedroom apartment on your own.

[Els]

Move out and share a house with other people to reduce the cost.

[turnera]

I apologize for the wrong assumption, but I couldn't imagine a man your age living at home for any other reason than unemployment. Or being one of those creepy guys who lives all his life with his mother, lol.

 

I work 40 hours a week and I should be able to come home and do what I want to do WHEN I WANT TO DO IT.

That would be a great sentiment...if it was YOUR house. But it's not. By choosing to live with your parents and benefiting from the lowered rent, you are accepting that you are NOT living in your own home and therefore may be forced to endure something you don't want to. That's just the way our society works. If you're not willing to sacrifice by getting a roommate or a crappy apartment, you sacrifice by living with your parents.

 

And not losing weight just to not give them satisfaction (if that's really the reason and not just that you don't want to do the work)...is really kind of silly when you think about it. You're an adult. You shouldn't be making decisions based on what your parent thinks any more.

[UpDownAllAround]

I apologize for the wrong assumption, but I couldn't imagine a man your age living at home for any other reason than unemployment. Or being one of those creepy guys who lives all his life with his mother, lol.

 

That would be a great sentiment...if it was YOUR house. But it's not. By choosing to live with your parents and benefiting from the lowered rent, you are accepting that you are NOT living in your own home and therefore may be forced to endure something you don't want to. That's just the way our society works. If you're not willing to sacrifice by getting a roommate or a crappy apartment, you sacrifice by living with your parents.

 

And not losing weight just to not give them satisfaction (if that's really the reason and not just that you don't want to do the work)...is really kind of silly when you think about it. You're an adult. You shouldn't be making decisions based on what your parent thinks any more.

 

 

Well, I didn't expect to be here this long but the money thing got in the way. But now that I have the expanded freedom of additional money at last I'm planning on taking full advantage of it and moving into my own place.

 

I've been out in my own place before for a few years and man...I sure miss it. If the other apartments didn't push my rent to unaffordable heights I'd still be in my own place and wouldn't have had to move home. Thankfully I HAVEN'T spent my whole life with "mommy". That would just be weird. *shudder*

[RecordProducer]

I don't think this is about your weight. I think your mom's partner/friend and his/her daughters are the ones that are driving you nuts. But leaving the house would mean that you're defeated by them and relinquishing your territory: your mom and your room. If this is the case, it's completely normal. Can you post a bit more about your home situation and the dynamics between all your family members? Are you living with four women in the house?

 

They better be nice to you.

You're going to pick their nursing home.

 

Sorry folks. Bad day. Don't mind me. I'll just wallow over here.

And sometimes we just wonder how many bad days we can take. When that happens, it's time for a change.

 

If not, I don't blame your parents for nagging. You just might be disappointing to them.

 

Obese, self-pitying, and broke.

And EVIL!!!

Oh, no... that's you, QuantumWeapon...

[turnera]

IAnd EVIL!!!

Oh, no... that's you, QuantumWeapon...

Well, frankly, I raised my DD21 to know that I expect her to be completely self-supporting within a year after graduating from college (which will be several more years, as she's working on a PhD). She knows that I will support her financially for no more than one year after college, to give her time to get a good job and save a few months' paychecks and then...she's an adult. She can figure out how to support herself.

 

Parents are not doing their grown kids any favors by letting them hang on to mom and dad's financial coat tails, especially in their 30s. By then, they should have figured out HOW to suppport themselves, even if it takes 2 or 3 jobs for a few years. Making life easy on your adult child teaches them nothing but how NOT to be a responsible adult. Who will then likely raise another generation of people who don't expect to take care of themselves.

 

JMHO

[setsenia]

I agree with your sentiment that adults should be fully self sufficient. I can't tell you how many people I know, who are even in their 40's getting financial assistance from parents. Unfortunately, some of this is due to the horrible economy. Things for the current generation are substantially different than when our parents grew up. Nowadays, you may not be able to find a job that pays a living wage within a year of graduating college. A lot of jobs nowadays require experience in ADDITION to a college degree and in the city where I live, a lot of those jobs for those right out of college don't even pay close enough to make a living. I even read a news article that kids graduating college nowadays will have a harder time buying a house than their parents did in the past. Some people are just lazy, yes, but unfortunately economy is also a huge factor. I know a lot of recent graduates who cannot even find a job, period.

Edited December 29, 2011 by setsenia

[turnera]

I agree. But I also think a lot of people think they need a lot more than they really do. When I got out of high school, I had a bed, a couple chairs, and some leftover pots and pans. I didn't buy a single thing except food and paid for my car note, insurance, and apartment/utilities for several years.

 

No cell phone, no Internet, no cable, no extra shoes or clothes, learned to cut my own hair, and about once a month, I'd treat myself to a meal out. I worked full time and went to night school for 15 years, til I finally got my degree and was able to get decent-paying jobs. Constantly looked for extra work on the side to help increase my income. Had a few part-time jobs over the years as well. If I'd had to, I would have gotten a job at McDonalds. I never whined about it, I never felt sorry for myself...I just took care of what had to be taken care of. And if my mom or dad had ever helped me in ANY way, least of all let me live with them, I would have been ecstatic and VERY grateful and wouldn't have even considered complaining about what I was 'owed' at their home while they were helping me out.

 

There are a lot of things people can do nowadays to get by without their parents' help...if they really had to.

[RecordProducer]

Well, frankly, I raised my DD21 to know that I expect her to be completely self-supporting within a year after graduating from college (which will be several more years, as she's working on a PhD). She knows that I will support her financially for no more than one year after college, to give her time to get a good job and save a few months' paychecks and then...she's an adult. She can figure out how to support herself.

That's great!

 

However, I don't think he deserves to be berrated and humiliated about his weight - it has nothing to do with his living arrangement. It's not like he's taking too much space in their house due to his weight. If the weight affected his earning ability, it would make sense, but the guy is making $20/hr and working 40 hours a week.

 

If anything other than his weight bothers them, they should discuss that. On the other hand, they are probably just concerned about his weight for health reasons (and probably appearance, as well). But he knows his weight is a problem and he knows he shouldn't be living with his parents. I am interested in the family dynamics because one of his "parents" is not really a parent and there are two girls there whom he calls "step-sisters."

 

Question for OP: is the $500 rent only for rent? Rent is payment for living somewhere and it doesn't include anything else. Do you buy and prepare your own food? Because if you eat at their expense, then the $500 is for a portion of the utilities plus food. That wouldn't be rent.

[turnera]

That's great!

 

However, I don't think he deserves to be berrated and humiliated about his weight - it has nothing to do with his living arrangement.

But it IS still their house, not his. So they are entitled to do whatever they want in their own house and, if he doesn't like it, he's entitled to leave.

[UpDownAllAround]

That's great!

 

However, I don't think he deserves to be berrated and humiliated about his weight - it has nothing to do with his living arrangement. It's not like he's taking too much space in their house due to his weight. If the weight affected his earning ability, it would make sense, but the guy is making $20/hr and working 40 hours a week.

 

If anything other than his weight bothers them, they should discuss that. On the other hand, they are probably just concerned about his weight for health reasons (and probably appearance, as well). But he knows his weight is a problem and he knows he shouldn't be living with his parents. I am interested in the family dynamics because one of his "parents" is not really a parent and there are two girls there whom he calls "step-sisters."

 

Question for OP: is the $500 rent only for rent? Rent is payment for living somewhere and it doesn't include anything else. Do you buy and prepare your own food? Because if you eat at their expense, then the $500 is for a portion of the utilities plus food. That wouldn't be rent.

 

It's a bit over $500 rent but yes it's only for rent. Nothing else. I pay for my own food and anything else I'd want to buy or save for (such as internet service).

 

RecordProducer - Can I PM you that information? I'm not entirely comfortable providing more specifics than what I have here. Also, I should add that I contribute to the household chores as well - I take out all the trash, I go to the store a few times a week to get food for them, etc.

 

Anyway, I've been continuously browsing and it seems as if a load of opportunities have presented themselves in terms of new apartments I could live in (that are in good areas nearby) that I can finally afford, so I'm going to be investigating all of these. Looks like I'll be moving out in the very near future if these end up panning out (yippeeeeeeeeeee).