This is one of the parts that I hate most about breakups...

[EyeAlone]

Today I was baking brownies to take to my family's house and I just about lost it. This is the first time I've baked anything since the breakup. Almost every week during the time when we were in a relationship, I would bake some sort of dessert for my boyfriend and myself. I'm one of those people that likes to believe that the best way to a man's heart is through his stomach. I guess I didn't make it through my ex's stomach very well. But the point of the matter is that we would eat my dessert together and talk about whatever. It was something that brought us together. Now it's ruined.

 

Somehow during my relationships, I begin to associate my hobbies with the guy I'm dating. Once we breakup, it pains me to do things that I enjoy because it reminds me of something with the relationship. When people tell me to go do things that I like so I can make myself happy, I find that to be difficult. I like to bake, but that reminds me of my boyfriend. I like to cook, but that also reminds me of my boyfriend. I like to go hike, but my boyfriend ruined that too. It's hard to find something that he hasn't tainted and I go through this problem after every breakup. I just stay home because I'm scared to do anything because there's a large amount of pain associated with the memories of that certain activity.

 

I hate this

[Yuzuki]

I understand what you mean and had/have the same problem. One of my main hobbies is something quite unusual and until I met my ex I had almost always practised this hobby on my own. I'd gotten used to only discussing it with people online, because I didn't know anyone IRL who even remotely cared. This guy did and it was amazing for me to finally be able to share it with someone.

 

So when it ended and I was back to doing this on my own, I had zero interest left in doing it because I would just end up in a pool of painful memories. I've slowly been able to build it up again however.

 

You've probably been interested in these hobbies even before you knew him. They're essentially a you thing instead of a him thing, even if it doesn't feel that way now. Take your time and if it's too painful then don't do these things for now, but don't give up who you are because of him either.

[punkinless]

A - freaking - men.

 

my ex gf has tainted EVERYTHING. everything that i do reminds me of her and good times and makes me feel like i really lost something.

[BoredAgain]

Well, I'd love to have some brownies.

[samslick]

I know exactly how you feel. Every Sunday I would barbeque for my wife, and it was always something different. We both looked forward to it every week, even though I was the only one who cooked. Its been 2 months since I fired up the grille, and it was something I loved to do. I know i'll get back to it once I heal more, but the thought of bbq'ing just for myself really sucks.

[EyeAlone]

I understand what you mean and had/have the same problem. One of my main hobbies is something quite unusual and until I met my ex I had almost always practised this hobby on my own. I'd gotten used to only discussing it with people online, because I didn't know anyone IRL who even remotely cared. This guy did and it was amazing for me to finally be able to share it with someone.

 

So when it ended and I was back to doing this on my own, I had zero interest left in doing it because I would just end up in a pool of painful memories. I've slowly been able to build it up again however.

 

You've probably been interested in these hobbies even before you knew him. They're essentially a you thing instead of a him thing, even if it doesn't feel that way now. Take your time and if it's too painful then don't do these things for now, but don't give up who you are because of him either.

I'm glad to hear that you're able to return the your hobby, Yuzuki. You've got me curious...what is this unusual hobby?

 

A - freaking - men.

 

my ex gf has tainted EVERYTHING. everything that i do reminds me of her and good times and makes me feel like i really lost something.

Yep. Sometimes I wonder if in future relationships I should avoid doing some activities with my boyfriend. That way I'll at least have something neutral to fall back on when the relationship ends.

 

Well, I'd love to have some brownies.

If I could I'd zap them across the internet to you.

 

I know exactly how you feel. Every Sunday I would barbeque for my wife, and it was always something different. We both looked forward to it every week, even though I was the only one who cooked. Its been 2 months since I fired up the grille, and it was something I loved to do. I know i'll get back to it once I heal more, but the thought of bbq'ing just for myself really sucks.

Yes, that's exactly how we were except it was the dessert version.

 

Ever since the breakup, I've been doing through this phase where I cannot cook/prepare food for myself. It hurts too much. This scenario happened with a previous ex as well. All of the food I've been eating is either something from the cafeteria at work for lunch and then dinner is either out at a restaurant with a friend, I'll have to go get take-out for myself, or frozen pizza. I've been rationalizing these actions with the fact that I'm too busy to cook for myself, which is true, I am busy. But I could make the time if I wanted to. I hate the fact that I'm spending so much money on eating out and/or eating junk food but the depression associated with physically preparing food is just too much.

[Philosoraptor]

I was feeling the same way. The things I enjoyed I just didn't enjoy anymore.

 

I then had a good internal conversation with myself and asked "did you enjoy this before her? Yes, so why does her being gone change that fact?". I couldn't give a good reason so I made myself start my hobbies again and I'm enjoying them just as much and even more most of the time. I've also learned a lot of new things as well.

[EyeAlone]

I was feeling the same way. The things I enjoyed I just didn't enjoy anymore.

 

I then had a good internal conversation with myself and asked "did you enjoy this before her? Yes, so why does her being gone change that fact?". I couldn't give a good reason so I made myself start my hobbies again and I'm enjoying them just as much and even more most of the time. I've also learned a lot of new things as well.

I agree and that makes sense. I just enjoyed the activities so much more immensely when I was in the relationship and now they are just meh. Maybe there's more going on like some sort of depression, which I wouldn't be surprised.

[Melrapuo]

I was feeling the same way. The things I enjoyed I just didn't enjoy anymore.

 

I then had a good internal conversation with myself and asked "did you enjoy this before her? Yes, so why does her being gone change that fact?". I couldn't give a good reason so I made myself start my hobbies again and I'm enjoying them just as much and even more most of the time. I've also learned a lot of new things as well.

 

This pretty much sums it up best. I went to the mall the other day with friends. The first time I went I got depressed because we went to the mall, a lot. At first I was like "O this sucks...we used to go there, and there..."

 

The next day, we had to go again for some reason. Didn't suck as much. And then I realized I like the mall. Not WE like the mall...I do. So I didn't associate with her as much.

 

Everything in the world is the same as it was when you two were together. Its your POV that has shifted. All you have to do is realize that you're the same person too, just that one part of your life has changed. But that's nothing a little practice and getting used to will fix.

 

You're golden. Just stick to it. The next time you bake, you'll realize how fun baking is again. Promise

[EyeAlone]

This pretty much sums it up best. I went to the mall the other day with friends. The first time I went I got depressed because we went to the mall, a lot. At first I was like "O this sucks...we used to go there, and there..."

 

The next day, we had to go again for some reason. Didn't suck as much. And then I realized I like the mall. Not WE like the mall...I do. So I didn't associate with her as much.

 

Everything in the world is the same as it was when you two were together. Its your POV that has shifted. All you have to do is realize that you're the same person too, just that one part of your life has changed. But that's nothing a little practice and getting used to will fix.

 

You're golden. Just stick to it. The next time you bake, you'll realize how fun baking is again. Promise

I apologize that it took me a while to reply but thank you for your input. I took what you said to heart and I've been implementing it into my daily routine. I actually baked a cheesecake for the New Year's Eve party that I went to last weekend and I didn't cry making it I'm trying to make new, positive associations with my activities and such.