AFFECTION ! Is it really important? Or it's a break up tool?

[quyster]

She broke up after a 3 years relationship, I loved her with all my heart, gave her everything I could.

 

I'm the type of guy who is really straight forward. I only say things if I really mean it. I don't like to sweet talk much. I like to show, not say. I supported her financially, help out wit bills, shopping money, expensive jewelry (really expensive, even though i'm not rich). Her friends say she's the luckiest one out of the group. I tried to give her security n that I'd give all I could.

 

At the begin, she many time asked how come I don't sweet talk that much and I don't compliment that much. I said I'd like to show not say. She said OK, she knows that I loved her a lot and that's enough. I knew she really loved me.

 

Now we are broken up, she starts bringing up my problems. There are a lot of serious reasons. One of them is that I didn't show her enough affection. She needed the sweet talks and compliments from me. That I needed to show my love.

 

I know she used that as one of the excuses but it made me think about it quite a bit.

 

IS AFEECTION THAT IMPORTANT TO A WOMAN ???? DO I NEED TO CHANGE THE WAY I AM? OR I'M OK?

[pitprincess]

I am not no Doctor and I don't really think anything is wrong with you..

Yes it is important to wemon to be complimented on anything, Hair Make up, clothing, anything.

Wemon like to know that all the time they spend (long hours sometimes) their man is noticeing what they have done.

Its our feelings inside, or forsome of us.

 

I am not a very pretty person and I really like it when my husband will say on his own (WITHOUT)me having to ask him all the time.. How do I look? Do I look ok? How do you like..exc..

 

I hope this was not the only issue between you guys :(

[LILUIL]

Originally posted by quyster

She broke up after a 3 years relationship, I loved her with all my heart, gave her everything I could.

 

I feel different people show affection differently, and your girl should want you for who you are.

 

If you feel you have really given your all and it's not accepted, move on man. She doesnt deserve you.

 

On the other hand, every relationship needs give and take..... you cant be doing all the giving while she takes takes takes.... and likewise.... so talk it out and come on, would it hurt you to learn how to give a few compliments now and then.

[moimeme]

There is an excellent book by Gary Chapman called The Five Love Languages which explains that people need to have love shown to them different ways. Some people do need to hear words of affection, so if you are with someone like that, it is in your best interests to show her love the way she needs. Other people need other things. Try the book - it will explain a lot.

[krbshappy71]

I agree, Moi, there are so many ways it can be shown and given. (affection/attention) I don't take verbal compliments well, they make me nervous/shy/embarrassed. Sometimes I even doubt their sincerity. I prefer the less verbal ways of being complimented. (give me those sexy looks, winks, smiles, open arms for a hug) Everyone is different, as long as the giver and receiver are happy, there is no set rule of compliments and how many is needed. Give me a big long hug over a verbal compliment any day.

 

If your partner comes to you requesting something, consider it and see if you can live with the requests, love is also give and take. Don't think you have to completely change who you are to make them happy, but if the person wants a compliment here and there, try to make a concious effort to do so. Feel free to make your own requests, they should attempt to accomodate yours, also. Its all give and take with love and respect. If you don't have that, you didn't have much to work with. There's no reason to feel you can't be successful with the next relationship.

 

p.s. feel free to send the jewlery this way, HAA!

[MsLandon]

Originally posted by quyster

She broke up after a 3 years relationship, I loved her with all my heart, gave her everything I could.

 

I'm the type of guy who is really straight forward. I only say things if I really mean it. I don't like to sweet talk much. I like to show, not say. I supported her financially, help out wit bills, shopping money, expensive jewelry (really expensive, even though i'm not rich). Her friends say she's the luckiest one out of the group. I tried to give her security n that I'd give all I could.

 

At the begin, she many time asked how come I don't sweet talk that much and I don't compliment that much. I said I'd like to show not say. She said OK, she knows that I loved her a lot and that's enough. I knew she really loved me.

 

Now we are broken up, she starts bringing up my problems. There are a lot of serious reasons. One of them is that I didn't show her enough affection. She needed the sweet talks and compliments from me. That I needed to show my love.

 

I know she used that as one of the excuses but it made me think about it quite a bit.

 

IS AFEECTION THAT IMPORTANT TO A WOMAN ???? DO I NEED TO CHANGE THE WAY I AM? OR I'M OK?

 

Unfortuantely there is no receipe of guide book. Every man and every woman is different ya know? Apparently verbal communication of your love and attentiveness in that regard was important to her. I think that the biggest mistake we can make in relationships is to love a person the way "we" want to love them and not how they say they need to be loved. Relationships call for compromise in some regard, so perhaps her compromise was doing without hearing the things she needed to hear - and perhaps your compromise should have been, making the effort to come out of your comfortzone by every so often by saying the things she needed to hear. This way the relationship in that regard is equitable. Sounds like she did all of the compromising and I firmly believe that when people do this -- eventually they will get resentful of it -- because they are the only person compromising. Ya know?

 

Maybe if you talk it out...from that perspective your guys can start a new. 3 years is a long time. I hope you guys are able to work it out.