Magda70 Posted December 26, 2011 Share Posted December 26, 2011 well, if i broke up it was for a reason. However, as normal, he was not all bad. He was a wonderful adviser (job, bureaucracy), savvy IT technician (lots of help with computer, etc), supporter of my initiatives and fights in life, he fixed my legal letters to the public administration (as I have to write them in a language is not my mother-tongue) and above all my best friend. Even if the best solution is giving up all the above, I have still not found a proper replacement for the above. And life is much harder without it (and without him too but this is another story). He would be available to continue helping me with the above, to still be friend but I know how wrong it is: first of all, I would not handle it, not when he will tell me "you know what? i met a girl..." secondly, having me around and helping me as a friend would be an incredible ego booster he does not deserve at all. So my question is: how to cope with the lack of the good bits of an ex? Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted December 26, 2011 Share Posted December 26, 2011 You learn to take care of yourself and learn to do such things for yourself. If I need to do something that was done by a partner before then I need to learn to do it for myself. You shouldn't need to rely on someone and instead of missing them I would educate myself on whatever it is I am trying to do. Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted December 26, 2011 Share Posted December 26, 2011 You will not find an exact replacement for your ex. Even though you consciously know this, you will subconsciously make the comparisons. If you meet someone new you might think about how it's too bad they aren't as tech saavy as he was. Maybe their eyes are a different color too. Maybe their laugh is a little strange too. You wrote how he helped you (computers, job, and public administration). While those are very supportive things, they aren't uncommon. There are a lot of men that could and would do these things for someone they care about. You wrote that he was your best friend. What does that mean? Other than all the things he did to help you. What if you didn't need help at all, but you needed a good man. What exact qualities would like in a future partner? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Magda70 Posted December 26, 2011 Author Share Posted December 26, 2011 You will not find an exact replacement for your ex. A due clarification: by replacement, I did not mean a new-bf-replacement. I meant i have not found a friend or professional who could do the same job... Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted December 26, 2011 Share Posted December 26, 2011 A due clarification: by replacement, I did not mean a new-bf-replacement. I meant i have not found a friend or professional who could do the same job... Ok, I see. I'm not sure where you live, but in my area we have a career center that offers professional/job help. Is there not such a service in your area? I agree with Philosoraptor, try to find educational routes that enable you to learn things for yourself. You write very well, so I don't see too much of a language barrier. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Magda70 Posted December 26, 2011 Author Share Posted December 26, 2011 Ok, I see. I'm not sure where you live, but in my area we have a career center that offers professional/job help. Is there not such a service in your area? Career centers normally do not know the specialized sector of the industry in which I have developed my skills and expertise and my ex did not provide job orientation just understood the job I do/did. Almost nobody else does. I agree with Philosoraptor, try to find educational routes that enable you to learn things for yourself. You write very well, so I don't see too much of a language barrier. Not to be a defeatist but the language I need to write into is not English (which is also a second language) and in the other, I still make many mistakes. I am keen to learn (and I am learning) it but to reach the level of being able to write commercial and legal letters without making mistakes it takes a while. 1 year from now I guess. How will I write my letters (I have 2 appeals open and a complaint at this time for example) from now on, I do not know. A translator might take me 150 euros per letter and there are no professionals like "fixing letters". At least not where I live. I understand that my problems might seem shallow and easy solvable, but this is not the case and when they are solvable they are so expensive i need to give up anyhow (like solving software/computer problems). Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted December 26, 2011 Share Posted December 26, 2011 I understand that my problems might seem shallow and easy solvable, but this is not the case and when they are solvable they are so expensive i need to give up anyhow (like solving software/computer problems). I would not say shallow or easily solvable. I just think they are beyond the scope of a relationships forum. If I knew how to steer you in the right direction, I certainly would. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Magda70 Posted December 26, 2011 Author Share Posted December 26, 2011 I would not say shallow or easily solvable. I just think they are beyond the scope of a relationships forum. If I knew how to steer you in the right direction, I certainly would. I did not mean to ask for logistic advise over here, you raised the logistic subject with practical answers. I meant to ask for advice on how to cope - psychologically - with the fact that I got benefits from my ex which I now need to take care of myself and I still dunno how...that's also part of the pain and troubles of the breaking up. Link to post Share on other sites
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