Inexperienced males vs females with too much experience

[Emilia]

LOL! Someone who's not a slut and refuses to be used as a sex toy is a on a high horse! Good one! Thanks for the laugh! XD All fear the clingy virgins!!! LMAO!!!

 

Don't worry, you are safe, we would have never dated men like you either. Men who mostly care about how good a woman is in bed and also their great reluctance to teach her speaks volumes about their whole personality as a whole: to be avoided for serious relationships. But again you don't strike me as one for wanting anything long-term anyway. So point is moot.

 

PS: The common denominator in your "virgin fiasco" was you, btw.

PS2: See the definition of morals.

PS3: The men falling at their feet don't know they are virgins (and no, they don't give out any... "virgin signals" either, before you ask).

 

Actually as it happens I have been following Kaylan's messages and he strikes me as a great relationship guy. Your not understanding what he is saying is the result of your inexperience in dating and relationships.

 

I am the same, I dated someone recently who was sexually inexperienced - though not a virgin - and I had no desire to teach him what he should have learnt in his late teens, early 20s. He was 27 and in my opinion he should have known by that age how to build rapport and intimacy with a woman. The fact that he was a virgin until a late age (mid 20s) has put him in a disadvantageous position with women. Though for him it was cultural, not due to lack of social skills as it is usually the case.

 

I'm pretty sure the men you talk to know or suspect that you are virgins. Sexually experienced women are comfortable with their sexuality and they know how to attract men that way. I date a lot of younger men (I'm 39) because they are drawn to experience and to a woman who knows what she wants and who is assertive. The conversations I have with them are very different from the conversation they would have with you.

[kaylan]

LOL! Someone who's not a slut and refuses to be used as a sex toy is on a high horse! Good one! Thanks for the laugh! XD All fear the clingy virgins!!! LMAO!!!

Re read your post. Your phrasing when mentioning morals insinuated that those who didnt want as long as you had lesser morals. Plus in another thread you mentioned "high" and "low" morals. Screw that.

 

I see it as this. If I am not leading anyone on, then play ball. I try to enjoy life and treat others how I want to be treated. Excuse me for avoiding a situation with an older virgin where she may get hurt because she got emotionally attached to me and Id rather not hurt someone emotionally.

 

Don't worry, you are safe, we would have never dated men like you either. Men who mostly care about how good a woman is in bed and also their great reluctance to teach her speaks volumes about their whole personality as a whole: to be avoided for serious relationships. But again you don't strike me as one for wanting anything long-term anyway. So point is moot.

You say youd never date me, but my real life says differently. Good girls tend to really like me, and try to snatch me up for a long term relationship. But in the long run I know we are incompatible so I keep them at bay. I already know from the get go the hang ups and things would get in the way. I have patience, but right off the bat, less experienced gals tend to have personalities that dont excite me to begin with. So I dont see a fit.

 

How about you read my threads that ive started before you label me. Im actually a big romantic who enjoys the idea of long term love, but I dont want it right this moment. People go through stages and change ya know. Or they have different likes and dislikes.

 

Its very possible for me to enjoy single life and meeting different women, but then have great long term relationships too when I meet the right girl for it...ya know that right? Its not an either or side of the spectrum when it comes to sex and relationships. I have both sides in me in me.

 

PS: The common denominator in your "virgin fiasco" was you, btw.

PS2: See the definition of morals.

PS3: The men falling at their feet don't know they are virgins (and no, they don't give out any... "virgin signals" either, before you ask).

1. Learn to read. I mentioned that my feelings regarding virgins do not only come from my experience. They come from reading many forums online, and from numerous anecdotes from friends and acquaintances. Whats wrong with wanting a sexual equal? Would you and youre friends not enjoy a male virgin so you could learn together?

 

2. "Morals - of, pertaining to, or concerned with the principles or rules of right conduct or the distinction between right and wrong;"

 

In other words morals are subjective. As long as I do not harm myself or another, what I do is A-ok.

 

3. Lol, youd think men cant tell. But we are more perceptive then you give us credit for. How about you let me know how things go once the cat is out of the bag. Personally, I do not see what the issue is if I choose not to date a virgin, especially when I know itd be a bad fit and the girl could end up hurt.

 

Its like you want me to be all righteous and say Id give it a try. When I know its a big possibility that we wont click on a lot of things. And not just sexually either. As I said, reserved women tend to have personalities that contrast with mine in a way that dont work the best in relationships. Im not a reserved guy in any way, be it mentally, physically, or emotionally.

[silvermercy]

Actually as it happens I have been following Kaylan's messages and he strikes me as a great relationship guy. Your not understanding what he is saying is the result of your inexperience in dating and relationships.

 

I am the same, I dated someone recently who was sexually inexperienced - though not a virgin - and I had no desire to teach him what he should have learnt in his late teens, early 20s. He was 27 and in my opinion he should have known by that age how to build rapport and intimacy with a woman. The fact that he was a virgin until a late age (mid 20s) has put him in a disadvantageous position with women. Though for him it was cultural, not due to lack of social skills as it is usually the case.

 

I'm pretty sure the men you talk to know or suspect that you are virgins. Sexually experienced women are comfortable with their sexuality and they know how to attract men that way. I date a lot of younger men (I'm 39) because they are drawn to experience and to a woman who knows what she wants and who is assertive. The conversations I have with them are very different from the conversation they would have with you.

 

But the point is women like me would NEVER EVER in a million years date anyone like the men you date anyway. So I see no big loss for me there. Besides, if someone TRULY loves me he will love me with warts and all.

 

Maybe he was a virgin due to OTHER circumstances different to ours. And that changes things.

[kaylan]

Theres a typo in first line of my last post. It should read "Your phrasing when mentioning morals insinuated that those who didnt wait as long as you had lesser morals."

PS4: That's not about being "equal" in bed. But maybe you're a male feminist. So good for you, if so!

It is about being equals I want someone who enjoys the same things I do, and is on my level. I dont feel I can get that from a virgin. Id rather not go through all the ropes of teaching and learning and getting attached, just to possibly come to the conclusion that we dont fit. In which case Id have to end it.

 

With a more experienced girl, wed know more readily, if we mesh.

[Emilia]

But the point is women like me would NEVER EVER in a million years date anyone like the men you date anyway. So I see no big loss for me there. Besides, if someone TRULY loves me he will love me with warts and all.

 

Maybe he was a virgin due to OTHER circumstances different to ours. And that changes things.

 

So you are not dating anyone. Not taking part in the game means you don't gain the experience to sort the rubbish (so called 'players') from the good ones. What you don't know is that men treat women according to whether they want to date them long term or not ie some will prefer you over me or the other way round. You have no way of telling whether a guy is into you or not because you are clueless when it comes to judging his intentions.

 

I have to say I have dated some great guys, my great loves come from different backgrounds and ages. I would not have missed affection and sex from them for the world.

[silvermercy]

Re read your post. Your phrasing when mentioning morals insinuated that those who didnt want as long as you had lesser morals. Plus in another thread you mentioned "high" and "low" morals. Screw that.

 

Replace the word morals with standards then. Same thing. What is wrong with that?

 

I see it as this. If I am not leading anyone on, then play ball. I try to enjoy life and treat others how I want to be treated. Excuse me for avoiding a situation with an older virgin where she may get hurt because she got emotionally attached to me and Id rather not hurt someone emotionally.

That's good you avoid them. It's only fair for them not to be attached to someone who would dump them anyway.

 

You say youd never date me, but my real life says differently. Good girls tend to really like me, and try to snatch me up for a long term relationship. But in the long run I know we are incompatible so I keep them at bay. I already know from the get go the hang ups and things would get in the way. I have patience, but right off the bat, less experienced gals tend to have personalities that dont excite me to begin with. So I dont see a fit.

Do these nice girls really know what you're writing here on these boards? I bet they'd think differently if they knew. Also, you're making assumptions about ALL less experienced girls not being exciting. Maybe for you. But I think the correct world would be simply "non-compatible".

 

How about you read my threads that ive started before you label me. Im actually a big romantic who enjoys the idea of long term love, but I dont want it right this moment. People go through stages and change ya know. Or they have different likes and dislikes.

I didn't have time to read through everything. But I've always been consistent and would like someone who is consistent, too. I'm sure there are consistent men out there.

Its very possible for me to enjoy single life and meeting different women, but then have great long term relationships too when I meet the right girl for it...ya know that right? Its not an either or side of the spectrum when it comes to sex and relationships. I have both sides in me in me.

As I said, I want someone who has always been on the same side of the spectrum. Like me.

 

1. Learn to read. I mentioned that my feelings regarding virgins do not only come from my experience. They come from reading many forums online, and from numerous anecdotes from friends and acquaintances. Whats wrong with wanting a sexual equal? Would you and youre friends not enjoy a male virgin so you could learn together?

I have also read many forums and threads and we must be reading different things indeed. Not sure if you got the intended sarcasm when I used the term "equal".

 

2. "Morals - of, pertaining to, or concerned with the principles or rules of right conduct or the distinction between right and wrong;"

 

In other words morals are subjective. As long as I do not harm myself or another, what I do is A-ok.

Well, one could say you are collectively and indirectly harming the smoother function of society when put together long-term (by refusing to form long-term stable relationships etc etc). But joking aside, replace the word morals with standards. I'm sure it's making sense when someone says he/she has "high standards" and adheres to them.

 

3. Lol, youd think men cant tell. But we are more perceptive then you give us credit for. How about you let me know how things go once the cat is out of the bag. Personally, I do not see what the issue is if I choose not to date a virgin, especially when I know itd be a bad fit and the girl could end up hurt.

I don't think men who asked me out while simple window-shopping or while drinking my coffee during rush-hour are THAT perceptive. Unless we have reached another stage in evolution I'm not aware of.

 

Its like you want me to be all righteous and say Id give it a try. When I know its a big possibility that we wont click on a lot of things. And not just sexually either. As I said, reserved women tend to have personalities that contrast with mine in a way that dont work the best in relationships. Im not a reserved guy in any way, be it mentally, physically, or emotionally.

Nope. Don't want you to say or try anything. I just find it patronizing when pure and straight-forward non-compatibility is mentioned as "red flags".

[silvermercy]

So you are not dating anyone. Not taking part in the game means you don't gain the experience to sort the rubbish (so called 'players') from the good ones. What you don't know is that men treat women according to whether they want to date them long term or not ie some will prefer you over me or the other way round. You have no way of telling whether a guy is into you or not because you are clueless when it comes to judging his intentions.

 

I have to say I have dated some great guys, my great loves come from different backgrounds and ages. I would not have missed affection and sex from them for the world.

I have dated a lot until recently. Another misconception about virgins is that they don't date. I have actually sorted out lots of players or people who I didn't click with. Everyone ended up in the virtual rubbish bin so now I'm simply glad I didn't go further.

[Emilia]

I have dated a lot until recently. Another misconception about virgins is that they don't date. I have actually sorted out lots of players or people who I didn't click with. Everyone ended up in the virtual rubbish bin so now I'm simply glad I didn't go further.

 

I have never seen sex - or men as it happens - as the enemy so to me this concept is alien but I think if you believe that there isn't a single person who is right for you after dating lots you have to question your own motives, not theirs.

 

I think not recognising that there are no guarantees in life and that long term relationships end all the time you are being quite naive. The worst of it though is that by not putting yourself out there to actively participate in fully intimate relationships you are not allowing yourself to gain the tools that would help you through the rough patches in your love life. Because you are so idealistic you will be more likely to feel completely crushed at hurdles that some of us with more experience under our belt would deal with more resilience knowing there is a light at the end of the tunnel always.

 

As you get older you get less flexible and it is harder to learn - I think that's true for most people. Men who want an equal relationship value worldly women, I think that's also quite safe to say. The concept of being a virgin in your mid 20s nowdays is quite dated basically.

Edited December 27, 2011 by Emilia

[samsungxoxo]

But there IS such a thing having "high" and "low" morals. The expression exists for a reason.

Morals: A person's standards of behavior or beliefs concerning what is and is not acceptable for them to do.

What exactly is the difference between ''high'' and ''low'' morals?

 

I think it's either you have morals or you don't. I never heard of a high or low moral. That's the same of comparing someone who robbed a bank vs someone who steals papers.... and then saying the one who stole papers is a better robber when in reality both are burglar. None is better than the other.

[kaylan]

Replace the word morals with standards then. Same thing. What is wrong with that?

Standards are as subjective as morals are. I believe I have high standards and morals, however I still like to have my fun. It doesnt mean Im slutting up the town, but it doesnt mean I dont meet a girl from time to time either.

 

That's good you avoid them. It's only fair for them not to be attached to someone who would dump them anyway.

Youre right. I would rather not hurt someone down the line when I notice our incompatibility in the beginning.

Do these nice girls really know what you're writing here on these boards? I bet they'd think differently if they knew. Also, you're making assumptions about ALL less experienced girls not being exciting. Maybe for you. But I think the correct world would be simply "non-compatible".

I dont lie to anyone. Girls know me upfront. But the thing is, you havent read my other threads, and you are taking my opinion as a character attack against you...So obviously you think I wouldnt make a good boyfriend.

 

However, in real life Im sure I could make you think I was a swell fella. Like I said, I tell girls like it is. They usually tend to think even more of me since Im honest about my feelings. Ive legit told girls "Honey, id be so wrong for you right now...we should slow things down" And yet they still want to talk to me. Its not like im being a douche to them. Im just not in the same place as them at the time, or I dont see them in a romantic way.

 

I didn't have time to read through everything. But I've always been consistent and would like someone who is consistent, too. I'm sure there are consistent men out there.

As I said, I want someone who has always been on the same side of the spectrum. Like me.

People change. How do you know that you wont? Even having said that, who says Im not consistent? I exist on BOTH sides of the spectrum. All types of girls have liked me. I have it in me to have long term relationships and be the most caring boyfriend out there.

 

I also have it in me to party, dance with a few gals, and maybe leave the bar to some girls apartment. But Im sure thats horrible huh? Not saying Id sleep with her either. Probably just make out and get to know her if shes cool lol.

 

I have also read many forums and threads and we must be reading different things indeed. Not sure if you got the intended sarcasm when I used the term "equal".

guess not

Well, one could say you are collectively and indirectly harming the smoother function of society when put together long-term (by refusing to form long-term stable relationships etc etc). But joking aside, replace the word morals with standards. I'm sure it's making sense when someone says he/she has "high standards" and adheres to them.

Again, standards are subjective. I have rather high standards when it comes to my women. Im rather picky.

I don't think men who asked me out while simple window-shopping or while drinking my coffee during rush-hour are THAT perceptive. Unless we have reached another stage in evolution I'm not aware of.

 

Nope. Don't want you to say or try anything. I just find it patronizing when pure and straight-forward non-compatibility is mentioned as "red flags".

Im talking about once a man has gotten to known you and talked to you a little while. Who the hell knows anyone after only seeing them a couple minutes?

 

And btw, reg flags signal incompatibility.

Edited December 27, 2011 by kaylan

[silvermercy]

I have never seen sex - or men as it happens - as the enemy so to me this concept is alien but I think if you believe that there isn't a single person who is right for you after dating lots you have to question your own motives, not theirs.

Where did I mention I see men and sex as the enemy? In fact, when I find the right man I will -and please excuse my boldness - s**w his brains out. He'll be a very lucky man for sure!! I AM picky indeed but I see nothing wrong with being picky. At the same time I feel I'm protecting myself from unnecessary heartbreak when there are obvious signs for it. Perhaps it's because I'm an analytical researcher in real life so maybe I can easily spot predictive patterns in people, more than usual - just as I'm accustomed to do in my research field. If I count the times I've warned friends there is something "off" about their new man/woman (and they later come to me crying saying they should have listened to me) I'd be Bill Gate's new best (rich) friend. (Well... or maybe I'm just psychic...)

[Ross MwcFan]

silvermercy, I think the huge red flag that you and your friends present is that of being very reserved and uptight.

 

Most normal guys, incuding myself (not that I'm a normal guy) would be totally turned off from this, not just sexually, but as far as a relationship or a casual gf is concerned too.

 

Also, why are you being so defensive?

[silvermercy]

Standards are as subjective...

 

And btw, reg flags signal incompatibility.

I don't have time to respond to the whole post since I must soon get out, but I will sum it up with an example:

I will consider dating a man who has had, say, 10 long-term partners (and was serious about them working) but I will not date a man who has had 5 long-term and 5 flings/casual etc (or any combo of the above, even if it's less in number than 10). His "CV" is just not passing my risk-assessment.

 

Red flags may signal incompatibility but you should never ever state it as universal truth about virgins or inexperienced people as it was implied in that initial post. You should clearly state that it's red flags for YOU and YOU ONLY (regardless of your past experiences or whatever you may have read in online forums etc). That's what irked me mostly with that post.

[silvermercy]

silvermercy, I think the huge red flag that you and your friends present is that of being very reserved and uptight.

 

Most normal guys, incuding myself (not that I'm a normal guy) would be totally turned off from this, not just sexually, but as far as a relationship or a casual gf is concerned too.

 

Also, why are you being so defensive?

As I would be totally turned off by these "normal" men. Simples.

 

I'm being defensive because virgins (i.e. more than 21) and inexperienced people are being insulted right, left, centre, above and below in this society: having people talking about a "red flags" etc is not only insulting, it's very demoralizing, and also appears to make a lot of untrue assumptions (uptight, reserved etc).

[silvermercy]

What exactly is the difference between ''high'' and ''low'' morals?

 

I think it's either you have morals or you don't. I never heard of a high or low moral. That's the same of comparing someone who robbed a bank vs someone who steals papers.... and then saying the one who stole papers is a better robber when in reality both are burglar. None is better than the other.

The expression high and low morals exist for a reason. That's all I'm going to say.

[kaylan]

The guy with 10 long term partners could be a crappy boyfriend and thats why hes single.

 

Conversely the other with the flings could have been a great boyfriend and ended up having been on the rebound when he was single.

 

Nothing wrong with a fling. You act like anyone who has had hookups outside of a relationship couldnt possibly be a good mate.

 

The thing is, without having experience, you wont know whats up until it hits you. You havent been where most of us have been relationship wise, so call us when ya get there. Its easy to say "I told you so" to friends, but its a lot harder to be super analytical when its your own love life and emotions running all over the place.

 

This is another reason I dont like the idea of dating virgins. Sexual experience is emotional experience. I need to know how a girl handles that part of herself before dating her seriously. How can I know that with someone who has no experience. Especially when sex with someone you care about brings on a strong emotional response.

 

It seems to me you are waiting for Mr. Forever. And if you can find that in one shot, they go for it...however...we all change. And a big part of growing as a person is experiencing life as a whole.

[Emilia]

What exactly is the difference between ''high'' and ''low'' morals?

 

I think it's either you have morals or you don't. I never heard of a high or low moral. That's the same of comparing someone who robbed a bank vs someone who steals papers.... and then saying the one who stole papers is a better robber when in reality both are burglar. None is better than the other.

 

I missed that, you are right

[Emilia]

Where did I mention I see men and sex as the enemy? In fact, when I find the right man I will -and please excuse my boldness - s**w his brains out. He'll be a very lucky man for sure!! I AM picky indeed but I see nothing wrong with being picky. At the same time I feel I'm protecting myself from unnecessary heartbreak when there are obvious signs for it. Perhaps it's because I'm an analytical researcher in real life so maybe I can easily spot predictive patterns in people, more than usual - just as I'm accustomed to do in my research field. If I count the times I've warned friends there is something "off" about their new man/woman (and they later come to me crying saying they should have listened to me) I'd be Bill Gate's new best (rich) friend. (Well... or maybe I'm just psychic...)

 

Why do you assume he will be lucky? You have no experience of male sexuality, he could turn out to be into very different things than you are but you will be putting all your eggs in one basket and you will be crushed when you find out.

 

How will you know what YOU are into, what makes YOU happy when you meet the man who you think is the man of your dreams? How will you express your desire to him? By 'letting him' have sex with you?

 

People are complex. They behave differently with you than they behave with your friend. The guy that dumped your friend maybe wouldn't have dumped you because the two of you would have been compatible. You cannot possibly judge an individual in isolation and you never ever understand what goes on between two people. Sexual relationships, boundaries and love produce shades of grey that you cannot understand until you experience it.

[Ross MwcFan]

As I would be totally turned off by these "normal" men. Simples.

 

I'm being defensive because virgins (i.e. more than 21) and inexperienced people are being insulted right, left, centre, above and below in this society: having people talking about a "red flags" etc is not only insulting, it's very demoralizing, and also appears to make a lot of untrue assumptions (uptight, reserved etc).

 

But you and your friends are uptight and reserved if you have chosen to remain virgins because you think having sex other than in a loving relationship is 'wrong', 'below your standards', 'immoral', or 'slutty'.

 

That's what being uptight and reserved is.

 

There's nothing wrong with having sex for fun, it's natural and healthy. Just make sure you use protection.

 

Also, people don't mean to insult you when talking about red flags, they're just being honest. Not everyone insults inexpereinced people. There's no reason for you to be acting so defensive with a lot of us here.

[silvermercy]

The guy with 10 long term partners could be a crappy boyfriend and thats why hes single.

 

Conversely the other with the flings could have been a great boyfriend and ended up having been on the rebound when he was single.

 

Nothing wrong with a fling. You act like anyone who has had hookups outside of a relationship couldnt possibly be a good mate.

 

The thing is, without having experience, you wont know whats up until it hits you. You havent been where most of us have been relationship wise, so call us when ya get there. Its easy to say "I told you so" to friends, but its a lot harder to be super analytical when its your own love life and emotions running all over the place.

 

This is another reason I dont like the idea of dating virgins. Sexual experience is emotional experience. I need to know how a girl handles that part of herself before dating her seriously. How can I know that with someone who has no experience. Especially when sex with someone you care about brings on a strong emotional response.

 

It seems to me you are waiting for Mr. Forever. And if you can find that in one shot, they go for it...however...we all change. And a big part of growing as a person is experiencing life as a whole.

But the other one with the flings is also single. No? Maybe he'll make an even crappier boyfriend because he also can't give his full love to one woman all the time. He may even have triggers in the future and he'll want to relive the single again. At my expense. So, who knows? Lots of risks I won't take.

But also lots of assumptions here about sexual vs emotional experience and handling. I wish I could expand but not much time.

[kaylan]

Flings doesnt mean hes sleeping around. He could of been sleeping with each of those flings for an extended period of time, and only one at a time.

 

You make a lot of assumptions about both types of guy. The thing you need to ask yourself is why they are single and get to know them.

 

From experience I can tell you that you actually need to look at the content of their past relationships to know if they are compatible with you. What they do when they are single doesnt matter much as long as they were safe and didnt hurt anyone.

 

Like I said, I know Id make a pretty kick ass boyfriend, and me having a few flings doesnt change that fact. I can party like the best of em, but once I choose a girl, shes it for me.

[silvermercy]

But you and your friends are uptight and reserved if you have chosen to remain virgins because you think having sex other than in a loving relationship is 'wrong', 'below your standards', 'immoral', or 'slutty'.

 

That's what being uptight and reserved is.

 

There's nothing wrong with having sex for fun, it's natural and healthy. Just make sure you use protection.

 

Also, people don't mean to insult you when talking about red flags, they're just being honest. Not everyone insults inexpereinced people. There's no reason for you to be acting so defensive with a lot of us here.

I see nothing wrong with having sex for fun WITHIN A RELATIONSHIP. And yes, red flag talk is insulting.

What you see as uptight I see as being true to ourselves. And never said it was "immoral". I talked about high and low morals in terms of standards (why some people pretend this definition does not exist... I don't know...)

It's also, about protecting myself: why should I have sex, get attached to someone and then be dumped? Can I compartmentalize? Thank goodness, mo.

[silvermercy]

Flings doesnt mean hes sleeping around. He could of been sleeping with each of those flings for an extended period of time, and only one at a time.

 

You make a lot of assumptions about both types of guy. The thing you need to ask yourself is why they are single and get to know them.

 

From experience I can tell you that you actually need to look at the content of their past relationships to know if they are compatible with you. What they do when they are single doesnt matter much as long as they were safe and didnt hurt anyone.

 

Like I said, I know Id make a pretty kick ass boyfriend, and me having a few flings doesnt change that fact. I can party like the best of em, but once I choose a girl, shes it for me.

You see, I just don't believe it when I hear about casual sex & kickass BF. This combo does not exist in my kickass-BF book. What they were doing as single guys gives me an indication of if he's gonna be a lasting BF or not. How can that person even exist!? Maybe that's why we have so many breakups and divorces today. You cannot be a kickass BF by the way by judging inexperienced women as non-dating material. (It's you who first mentioned it and making assumptions, too). I simply wish you won't accidentally fall madly in love with a nice girl one day but she doesn't return the feelings because of these ideas and assumptions against non-experienced females.

[Emilia]

I see nothing wrong with having sex for fun WITHIN A RELATIONSHIP. And yes, red flag talk is insulting.

What you see as uptight I see as being true to ourselves. And never said it was "immoral". I talked about high and low morals in terms of standards (why some people pretend this definition does not exist... I don't know...)

It's also, about protecting myself: why should I have sex, get attached to someone and then be dumped? Can I compartmentalize? Thank goodness, mo.

 

Something is either moral or immoral. There is no such thing as low or high morals. Someone either has morals or they don't.

 

You can't protect yourself from other people though, that's what we are trying to say to you. What you have to learn through experience is that another person's view of you is not necessarily a reflection on you. You have to learn to deal with disappointments in life, avoiding the possibility just prolongs the inevitable and at a more advanced age probably makes it harder to process.

[kaylan]

OP, you sound like me when I was 18 lol. Life experience changes ya. Nothing wrong with sex outside of a relationship if your safe. Ive had a fling with my good gal pal before. I trusted her, she trusted me, and I knew she was safe. We just knew a relationship wouldnt work but the attraction was there.