Author Moose Posted March 29, 2012 Author Share Posted March 29, 2012 Oh yeah...I missed my favorite one...I ride my mountain bike twice a week 10+ miles each time....at first I didn't think I'd like it....but now I'm hooked!! Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 I can tell you - that the nearly 50 people I have sponsored - all the ones who did there step work - found a way to be happy about not drinking. Those people - all found the way that works for them... I never tell them what that's supposed to look like for them. But doing the step work shows what DID make life suck... And it also shows what needs to change. It looks different for each person - that is the part that you need to find for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Moose Posted March 29, 2012 Author Share Posted March 29, 2012 I can tell you - that the nearly 50 people I have sponsored - all the ones who did there step work - found a way to be happy about not drinking.Can I ask you a question? What makes you think that I'm not happy about not drinking? I'm VERY happy about not drinking.... Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 Can I ask you a question? What makes you think that I'm not happy about not drinking? I'm VERY happy about not drinking.... That's the problem - its not ALL about the drinking. When you get o a place at being at peace with yourself and any circumstances you may have - THAT is when you know you've done your steps well... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Moose Posted March 29, 2012 Author Share Posted March 29, 2012 That's the problem - its not ALL about the drinking. When you get o a place at being at peace with yourself and any circumstances you may have - THAT is when you know you've done your steps well...I see what you mean. Thanks. My councelor is well aware of the underling issues that need to be dealt with. That's a step that she indicated would happen AFTER the marriage is back on solid ground. Right now, the marriage is taking priority....make sense? Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 29, 2012 Share Posted March 29, 2012 No. The first priority is working your steps. You can find peace and happiness no matter what the outcome of the marriage is. No one can tell you what it will look like for you... The answers are in the step work you will do. You must become willing and honest. Good luck to you. It really is amazingly great - I can tell you that! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 Quickjoe, the problem is, he has been jumping through hoops for his wife, trying to make efforts and changes.. She doesn't pay attention. She just doesn't care anymore. His efforts mean NOTHING to her, and it's never good enough. IF she is done with him and the marriage then she needs to step up, be honest and agree to divorce. Instead she's pointing fingers and making him the bad guy. Why all of a sudden did she do a 180? Because in the eyes of God, her family, her friends, her church group will look at her differently if there's a divorce? Anyway, right now 2 months sobriety is pretty damn good - His wife didn't even notice. That says a lot. I do agree other issues are still there, but he's said he's been making huge efforts and his wife NEEDS to acknowledge that and get her out of her ass. It takes two to fix things, one person can't do it all. Link to post Share on other sites
frozensprouts Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 I have some thoughts, and I may be way off base...if I am , I apologize. You say that you haven't had any alcohol in more than two months, which I think is great, and I am not trying to downplay that. but look at it from your wife's point of view. It sounds like you had a drinking problem for a very long time. How did your wife cope with that? Do you feel that she has resentments about it that she let build up and fester? Did yu give her a chance to express her feelings, without judging them or making her feel guilty for expressing them? I'm asking because I know of a couple where the roles were reversed...the wife was the alcoholic and the husband had dealt with it for years. He always felt like he was walking on eggshells around her, as he never knew how she'd behave. When she finally quit, he was so happy...he was able to relax for the first time in such a long time. The problem was, once he was able to relax, all the resentment he had built up over the years and suppressed came bubbling up. He wanted to tell her, but didn't, as he knew how hard it was for her and he didn't want to add to that or make her think he wasn't proud of her. So he kept right on suppressing it, and it started to come out in some really passive aggressive ways that were probably more harmful that if he had just told her flat out about the damage her drinking had done. Do you think this could be what is going on with your wife? If so, it doesn't excuse her behavior but it may explain it. She may have a lot of anger built up, and , if she does, she needs to feel safe in expressing it. It needs to come out...if not, it will slowly poison her, and yu as well. best of luck to the two of you...I hope you two can make it past this Link to post Share on other sites
Sw3etdev1L Posted March 31, 2012 Share Posted March 31, 2012 My parents had a divorce and their relationship was awful.. I, as a daughter was happy that they got the divorece really!.. But, what I can tell you is.. there are ways of saying things, other than blaming the other person for not doing things "right", if you tell her like that is as if you are the victim and she is the victimizer.. which doesn't give you strength and she takes it all. What I am saying is.. You are the man, she is the woman. But you both can work it out without blaming each other, or victimizing each other.. just, talking through some points.. Maybe you could go talk, have some coffee out the house so that there are other people and you guys can have a peaceful talk. Maybe start doing things again as a couple!, remember why you are together, and get a little bit out of the routine!.. Love doesn't just appear, it is created by both of you day by day.. that is how it started in the first place.. love is not just there.. its a feeling that is grown over time, it is nurtured, taken care of and stuff.. but teling yher "don't act that way, act another way and if you don't change shalala".. that's not going to work. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Moose Posted May 11, 2012 Author Share Posted May 11, 2012 Well, an update is in order. I'm still going to counceling, and I've stayed dry. In the meantime, I've found that she's a member of, "yearbook" and has 94 single men as friends, flirting, texting and calling her . That was the last straw. She was busted and agreed that she is in the wrong, and didn't want to fight a divorce and work towards a mutual settlement. So we both went to the same attorney, filed the paperwork, and after the parenting classes, it will be filed. She's found a farm house that she wants. It uses propane for heat and cooking, and the upstairs uses wall heaters. Spite my advice about her utility bill being more than her rent, it's the one she wants. She's agreed to $800.00 a month for child support and maintenance. I awarded her the Zoom Zoom, (Mazda 3) half of all our furniture and our brand new $ 1,800.00 fridge/freezer. Everything is signed and notorized. No backing out now..... Thanks for everyone hearing me out and the advise. I'll be ok, I've come to terms that somewhere, somehow, someway we both strayed from the marriage and no one in particular is to be blamed 100%. Thanks Again! Moose Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 Moose.. I'm sorry that it went the way it did but glad that you seem at peace with it. If you need us we are here.. ~Art 1 Link to post Share on other sites
wuggle Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 Good luck for the future. Hope you both find what you need. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted May 14, 2012 Share Posted May 14, 2012 Been gone for a while and just saw this. I'm sorry Moose, but I agree that it seems not just you but also your wife seem at peace with this. Like Wuggle, I wish both of you the very best. Link to post Share on other sites
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