Hello Again Update

[MyApology]

Thank you to those who were giving unbiased advice, thank you to Kitsune.

After reading the posts I did take in the fact that the relationship was all one sided. I have a hard time with very little communication. He does promise but fails to come through and comes across as if he is entitled to make all the rules and entitled to selfishness.

I am not sure if MM become extremely nervous shortly before the holidays. If they were to get caught and family and friends were to be together, it would be a bad scene.

I am not sure where we stand, I cut off certain aspects of communication and not sure if he even knows. We are supposed to meet up after holidays to talk.

But in my reading, I have come to my senses and decided to hold off on serious dating with serious prospects because I am not wanting any complications in my life. I contacted a guy who has been pursuing me for a few months, live 60 miles away, single, gorgeous, a blonde hot tall Italiano:) who has a great sense of humor, is extremely candid in that he will NEVER get married, is a gigilo in a sense, not a paid one, but loves to please women, has a great career, not a smoocher, he is fun, without complication!

He is very communicative, text after text...calls. His words are blush worthy:)

I have posted a pic...but heavily washed it out to protect privacy, BUT this is definitely a man who will take one's mind off a MM:))))))))

 

http://i1198.photobucket.com/albums/aa460/myapology1/yumyum.jpg

[MissBee]

Wow...I'm not sure what to make of that

 

Curious: what are you looking for with any man right now?

 

Hopping from man to man is not always the answer....or usually never is the answer.

 

To be honest, I did not expect that in deciding to leave the MM alone you'd jump from him to one you describe as an unpaid gigolo. It seems strange.

Edited December 26, 2011 by MissBee

[bentnotbroken]

Lots of issues wrapped up in that post.

[MyApology]

Not hopping, did I really have a man in MM? No. Have you read this whole board, all anybody writes about is how badly they are treated, getting dumped, how can they chase or do things to get a man back. I am not up to that, have little tolerance or patience to play games.

I have even had men who were friends end up acting like asses.

Do not need that in my life.

I just want to enjoy myself and not have to deal with liars.

This guy is upfront, honest about who he is, knows it is not a good idea to ever have a GF or wife because he likes women too much. I admire the honesty.

I enjoy receiving a text that says: I want you!!!!! Laying in bed....can't sleep....wanting you here. MMMM you will melt omg I want you baby.

Hee hee.....girls like fun too, why should we put up with asses when there are plenty of hot men who are willingly to please your every desire without all the BS and mind games.

I never received a TM from MM like that. Why? Because he is selfish.

[MyApology]

Lots of issues wrapped up in that post.

Please refrain from posting replies to my posts, all you have posted is negativity. There are no issues in enjoying a man without drama and heartbreak.

[whichwayisup]

You are using another guy to make yourself feel better. Sure he makes you feel nice, saying cute things and all, but is it fair to him to get involved, knowing he truly likes you, wants more from you? All the meanwhile you're still obsessed/in love with your MM? What if you fall for him? It's trading one bunch of problems for another.

 

Keep this new guy as a friend, make it CLEAR to him that you're not in a good frame of mind/mindset or ready to be in a new relationship, that you have issues you need (MUST) work through before you're really ready for a healthy relationship (with him).. To jump out of an affair and smack into the arms of someone else when less than a week ago you were/are all over the map is just askin for tons of more heartache, but in a different way.

 

Look, I want you to be happy, to be with a man who adores you and treats you so well.. That's what the goal should be! But, right now you gotta work on yourself and re build.. Gain your confidence back, learn to love "you" and honour, respect you before you can openly give yourself to another man. I hope this makes sense.

Edited December 27, 2011 by whichwayisup

[MyApology]

You are using another guy to make yourself feel better. Sure he makes you feel nice, saying cute things and all, but is it fair to him to get involved, knowing he truly likes you, wants more from you? All the meanwhile you're still obsessed/in love with your MM? What if you fall for him? It's trading one bunch of problems for another.

 

Keep this new guy as a friend, make it CLEAR to him that you're not in a good frame of mind/mindset or ready to be in a new relationship, that you have issues you need (MUST) work through before you're really ready for a healthy relationship (with him).. To jump out of an affair and smack into the arms of someone else when less than a week ago you were/are all over the map is just askin for tons of more heartache, but in a different way.

 

Look, I want you to be happy, to be with a man who adores you and treats you so well.. That's what the goal should be! But, right now you gotta work on yourself and re build.. Gain your confidence back, learn to love "you" and honour, respect you before you can openly give yourself to another man. I hope this makes sense.

 

Hi thanks for looking out for my best interests. He does like me and I like him, but he does not do relationships. I actually found what I was looking for, he is offering emotional and physical fireworks all the while it has been clearly defined that this is to be light and fun. Although he has made it clear for me not to mess with other men at the moment.

I think it is rare to find a man who does not play games, is upfront about his intentions, but also offers the perks of constant TM, attention, and fun. I am not looking for a LTR or husband.

I do, however, like an emotional connection with lust, not just a emotionless FB.

This guy is pure rocket candy....yum:)))))

[whichwayisup]

Although he has made it clear for me not to mess with other men at the moment.

 

But has he promised you the same thing? Seems to me, this guy, as foxy as he seems to be, has some smooth moves that are sleezy.. Why should you be only with him (he has made it clear to you) yet he may not give you the same respect? Does he plan on being with other women while with you? Non committed, fun and intense sex? just wondering and something you need to find out before you go ahead with him. This is protecting yourself not only emotionally but your sexual health too!

[MyApology]

But has he promised you the same thing? Seems to me, this guy, as foxy as he seems to be, has some smooth moves that are sleezy.. Why should you be only with him (he has made it clear to you) yet he may not give you the same respect? Does he plan on being with other women while with you? Non committed, fun and intense sex? just wondering and something you need to find out before you go ahead with him. This is protecting yourself not only emotionally but your sexual health too!

 

He only gets involved with one woman at a time. This is for non committed, fun and VERY intense sex (have not had sex with him yet), but also the perks of going out to dinners, everything a relationship should be without the rollercoaster of highs and lows. He practices safe sex. As anybody should be, he is particular to who he sleeps with and he has already answered that question knowing people would believe the opposite. He is just one of the few men who are honest and upfront. How many posts are posted about supposed nice guys taking girls out and then never calling or speaking to them again, the ones who are asking in posts is she gonna sleep with me yet, I took her on 3 dates...lol

I like his honesty of his being a sex picasso, not looking for any attachment, never has, and never will. He loves women, he has no intention of hurting them, so he does not play them. He is a this is what it is type guy, the important difference is, is that he offers ALL the perks, not selfish in any way. He has expressed however great disdain in married men who cheat. So he is not slimey.

[bentnotbroken]

He only gets involved with one woman at a time. This is for non committed, fun and VERY intense sex (have not had sex with him yet), but also the perks of going out to dinners, everything a relationship should be without the rollercoaster of highs and lows. He practices safe sex. As anybody should be, he is particular to who he sleeps with and he has already answered that question knowing people would believe the opposite. He is just one of the few men who are honest and upfront. How many posts are posted about supposed nice guys taking girls out and then never calling or speaking to them again, the ones who are asking in posts is she gonna sleep with me yet, I took her on 3 dates...lol

I like his honesty of his being a sex picasso, not looking for any attachment, never has, and never will. He loves women, he has no intention of hurting them, so he does not play them. He is a this is what it is type guy, the important difference is, is that he offers ALL the perks, not selfish in any way. He has expressed however great disdain in married men who cheat. So he is not slimey.

 

 

He is slimy, just not married and slimy.

[whichwayisup]

I like his honesty of his being a sex picasso, not looking for any attachment, never has, and never will. He loves women, he has no intention of hurting them, so he does not play them.

 

I get this and do you know what? He still will hurt you .. Unintentionally, but he will hurt you. And he'll feel bad about it too I'm sure.

 

I have a guy friend like this, I've known him for over 30 years, grew up with him and seen the damage he's done to some women. Whatever you do, DO NOT fall for him. Men like this, as sweet as they may be most of the time, still can be a-holes. Once he senses or knows you are fallin for him, his guard will go up and his attitude towards you will do a 180, back off and treat you differently. Just be aware of this.

 

Still think you need to work on you for a while, be alone just to get your head on straight again. But, your life, your choice..

[MyApology]

He is slimy, just not married and slimy.

 

Ha ha, you and i have a much different perspective of slimey. Slimey is a man who ACTS like he is looking for a relationship while being smooth when in fact he is only looking for sex. Slimey are men who expect because they act like nice guys for 3 dates, a woman should be giving it up. Slimey to me is not a man who is upfront and honest with his intentions and leaving the woman room to decide if it is the situation she is comfortable with.

Some of you are just bent on being pessimists. Slimey would be single guy getting married fully aware he cannot be true to anyone, just so he can have someone to wash, cook, and clean for him.

[MyApology]

agree

 

 

 

so you need any man to text you a lot, tell you that you are sex worthy, and treat you like a piece of meat? guess this new gigilo (your word) will fulfill that desire. seems like you are very needy and need constant attention. i agree with bentnotbroken in that you need to seriously look within your self and ask why you (a) need a guy (b) will accept pretty much any male attention <married guy to guy who wants only sex> © feel as if you can't be alone and just be alone. i actually feel sad for you that your image is wrapped up in what guy you have in your life.

 

and i disagree with your view on that it is rare to find a man who does not play games. there are plenty of them out there. seems you just have been fishing in a small pond for men.

 

I do not NEED any guy, but I LOVE men as this guy loves women. Yes, I like attention, as anyone else does. Is his decision to send so many texts and chase....nice to have a hot, lovely man soaking in your bathwater for some mutual fun. What is wrong with a woman enjoying the perks a man can provide her without drama. It is silly that I am enjoying my freedom and you find fault with that. I do not just go around picking up men in bars or sleeping around on multiple dates. I have been talking to this guy for some time now, and yes he was perplexed at my absolute no interest, it took me a long while to warm up to him.

[MyApology]

I get this and do you know what? He still will hurt you .. Unintentionally, but he will hurt you. And he'll feel bad about it too I'm sure.

 

I have a guy friend like this, I've known him for over 30 years, grew up with him and seen the damage he's done to some women. Whatever you do, DO NOT fall for him. Men like this, as sweet as they may be most of the time, still can be a-holes. Once he senses or knows you are fallin for him, his guard will go up and his attitude towards you will do a 180, back off and treat you differently. Just be aware of this.

 

Still think you need to work on you for a while, be alone just to get your head on straight again. But, your life, your choice..

 

Hurt is okay. Pain/hurt only makes me stronger, but there is only one exception, I have to see it coming. It cannot be a sucker punch. It has to be a boxer's stance. I can take care of myself. I actually wish for a man to be honest. I believe men to be cowards who are afraid to hurt a girl's feeling or believe women to be too weak to hear the truth, and leave them guessing or just go around the truth by avoiding them.

[MyApology]

Oh, yes. What kind of person would be interested in either MM or gigolo? Moving from one unpaid whore to another.

 

Ha ha, your quote alone shows you to be a bitter and a pessimist. Whore? Yep, bitter!

[MyApology]

Good lord why is everyone so glum...

 

I see nothing wrong with 2 adults sharing in recreational sex. When did that become tabooo? Better than dating a loser MM.

 

Have safe fun. European guys are supposed to be the best partners. A married friend of mine only sleeps with them because they don't become attached, great sex, and never expect anything.

 

Thank you! Geesh, you would have thought I was out stomping on puppies.

[bentnotbroken]

Good lord why is everyone so glum...

 

I see nothing wrong with 2 adults sharing in recreational sex. When did that become tabooo? Better than dating a loser MM.

 

Have safe fun. European guys are supposed to be the best partners. A married friend of mine only sleeps with them because they don't become attached, great sex, and never expect anything.

 

 

:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:hmmm.

[whichwayisup]

Good lord why is everyone so glum...

 

I see nothing wrong with 2 adults sharing in recreational sex. When did that become tabooo? Better than dating a loser MM.

 

Have safe fun. European guys are supposed to be the best partners. A married friend of mine only sleeps with them because they don't become attached, great sex, and never expect anything.

 

You had me until I read this.

 

I do agree, she's a grown woman and they are two (single) adults to do whatever they please. My concern for her is, IS it possible for her to have unattached sex and not fall for this guy? I'm telling you, this guy right now is a dream, great in bed, probably real good at oral sex and is fun too .. But, the MINUTE he gets a sniff of her becoming 'attached' to him, he's going to do a 180 and disappear so fast. He has committment issues and also WILL not let himself fall or get attached to any woman. He may care about her, like her and all but it's on the surface.

 

Men are able to detach and keep it as "just sex", even it is hot amazing sex.. Most women can't do that.

[weedsandposies]

You had me until I read this.

 

I do agree, she's a grown woman and they are two (single) adults to do whatever they please. My concern for her is, IS it possible for her to have unattached sex and not fall for this guy? I'm telling you, this guy right now is a dream, great in bed, probably real good at oral sex and is fun too .. But, the MINUTE he gets a sniff of her becoming 'attached' to him, he's going to do a 180 and disappear so fast. He has committment issues and also WILL not let himself fall or get attached to any woman. He may care about her, like her and all but it's on the surface.

 

Men are able to detach and keep it as "just sex", even it is hot amazing sex.. Most women can't do that.

 

Lol. Atleast my friend knows what she likes.

 

Judging from OP previous posts, i say no she won't be able to compartmentalize and will go into this thinking she can tame him. And will probably end up back here in a few weeks when he moves on. But atleast she would've had great sex to help forget MM.

[whichwayisup]

Lol. Atleast my friend knows what she likes.

 

Judging from OP previous posts, i say no she won't be able to compartmentalize and will go into this thinking she can tame him. And will probably end up back here in a few weeks when he moves on. But atleast she would've had great sex to help forget MM.

 

And that's why we are trying to talk her out of it, warn her.

 

As for your friend, why doesn't she just divorce? I know, she isn't looking for anything else but an affair on the side..

[MyApology]

I do not ever recall writing that I was attached to anyone, quite the opposite. I am not looking for attachment. I came here looking to understand the aspects of how affairs work and do not work. I do like control. And being under the thumb of a man is not for me. I do not see where you believe I will be hurt. I have not shed one tear for MM.

[weedsandposies]

My friend is not monogamous, she can't divorce because of her kids and husband's religion. She confesses to him if a threat of him knowing come up. And most of her affairs are very short term with out of town, married men.

 

Until i posted on LS i didn't realize how serious an affair is. Almost everyone i know doesn't think anything of it. we've all been cheated on, after the first time you almost become numb to it.

[MissBee]

Good lord why is everyone so glum...

 

I see nothing wrong with 2 adults sharing in recreational sex. When did that become tabooo? Better than dating a loser MM.

 

Have safe fun. European guys are supposed to be the best partners. A married friend of mine only sleeps with them because they don't become attached, great sex, and never expect anything.

 

The curiosity for me is....when I am out engaging in NSA sex....I dont get on a forum to discuss it. There is no need to do so....it's just not that serious.

 

My concern with MyAPology is that she may be lying to herself. She tried to make it seem like she didn't care about being with MM in a real relationship and it was only about the sex and chemistry....but I'm sorry, if that were true she would not make post after post about him....and now find a gigolo to be over him.

 

Now she's saying all she wants is casual sex with this dude....but somehow, I don't believe that. From her posts and knowing what I know and just basic common sense...it seems that one who is TRULY living life and enjoying sex here and there, DOES NOT need to get on a forum to discuss this. It doesn't compute.

 

I think MyApology is behaving in an erratic way and may be in over her head to be honest. I, and other women, have experienced at one time or another convincing yourself you don't want a relationship or emotional intimacy, just sex. When in fact it is not true. You do want love and intimacy but settle for sex as the closest thing. MyApology herself is approaching this fling from the defensive mindset that she is running from drama and mind games..basically she is doing this to have male attention but not be hurt...but sadly, I think it may be the opposite outcome. We've all been hurt and many of us have acted out that hurt by running in the opposite direction to something that only SEEMS like a better option, but really isn't, doesn't help in the long run. Been there, done that....often it erodes your self esteem and contentment even more. In fact, someone brought up the valid point that MyAPology was in 2 abusive relationships before so it makes sense why even though this MM, and now gigolo, aren't all that....in comparison to those other two, they sure seem like an improvement...but at the end of the day, it is still misguided.

 

I do believe people who TRULY are into casual stuff have a very different way of approaching it and again probably won't be on forums discussing it, a few days after they were so adamant about some MM...and then even a few days before adamant about not being with a MM. It is rebounding in the worse way. I think MyApology's declaration isn't coming from a healthy place. My observation. I do wish her well though and hope she does get to a place of truth and happiness within herself outside of random men.

Edited December 27, 2011 by MissBee

[MyApology]

Now my posting on a message board is being put under fire. I will try to understand your viewpoint MsBee, but my posting here was because of confusion over married guy, and I have just decided to spread my wings and actually not just tease my suitors, but actually go and have some fun with them. This guy was my first pick because he is sweet and hot! The only reason I posted about it was to update on MM.

I was starting to fall for him, but have come to the conclusion I was falling for the thought of him, a false him, and not actually him.

Too many men out there and I am going to go out and start enjoying them instead of liking just one.

Hoping my new guy fell asleep, had other things to do, and he wanted a sexy pic, we only met briefly at a party, both were a little tipsy and I was out the door as he was coming in, and we flirted, he gave me his number. He replied you are way beyond hot and then asked if he could call, accidently wrote nah to another message he sent:) so he may think...

Well nix that thought he just texted fell asleep, he did golf all day.

MsBee you did give me great advice in the beginning and it is the advice I remember most and I like to think my using this gorgeous man is okay to get my thoughts away from the mess I was getting myself into.

Although he is texting me alot...now texting and calling, it is late. Hmmm...hope he does not get attached. It is like I am going from a non texter to one who is bombing me with them.

[Severely Unamused]

The curiosity for me is....when I am out engaging in NSA sex....I dont get on a forum to discuss it. There is no need to do so....it's just not that serious.

 

My concern with MyAPology is that she may be lying to herself. She tried to make it seem like she didn't care about being with MM in a real relationship and it was only about the sex and chemistry....but I'm sorry, if that were true she would not make post after post about him....and now find a gigolo to be over him.

 

Now she's saying all she wants is casual sex with this dude....but somehow, I don't believe that. From her posts and knowing what I know and just basic common sense...it seems that one who is TRULY living life and enjoying sex here and there, DOES NOT need to get on a forum to discuss this. It doesn't compute.

I agree.

 

Now, since you aren't really looking for any advice, I don't have much to say. Although, in my case, I never really have anything useful to say.

 

So, I guess that you will spend some time with Mr Gigolo, and we'll all see what develops in the future.