mOW wants to meet me at a New Year's eve party.

[Severely Unamused]

Got an e-mail from mOW a few weeks ago. And as my title says, she wants to meet me at a New Year's eve party.

 

It's been nearly half a year since I've seen her. Back then I basically said Well, thanks for your time, we're done now.

 

I kinda think that she is just trying to suck my family back into her drama. As I have come to learn, she can be pretty melodramatic. I mean that in the most affectionate way possible.

 

On the other hand, if there is a potential STD risk, I'd like to know. Or if we are dealing with a pregnancy here, I'd really like to know. I could throw a bunch of other theories around but I won't.

 

If I look at my own past as an AP, when I was done talking with the BS, I was done. And as I've gathered from many of the APs on this board, only a minority are in a rush to contact the BS. It's never good news. So this is going to be fun.

 

So ladies and gentlemen, any ideas on what she is planning? I'll admit that it seems sort of pointless to make presumptions, but I'm curious. Especially if you have been in mOW's shoes.

Edited December 27, 2011 by Severely Unamused

[woinlove]

Got an e-mail from mOW a few weeks ago. And as my title says, she wants to meet me at a New Year's eve party.

 

It's been nearly half a year since I've seen her. Back then I basically said Well, thanks for your time, we're done now.

 

I kinda think that she is just trying to suck my family back into her drama. As I have come to learn, she can be pretty melodramatic. I mean that in the most affectionate way possible.

 

On the other hand, if there is a potential STD risk, I'd like to know. Or if we are dealing with a pregnancy here, I'd really like to know. I could throw a bunch of other theories around but I won't.

 

If I look at my own past as an AP, when I was done talking with the BS, I was done. And as I've gathered from many of the APs on this board, only a minority are in a rush to contact the BS. It's never good news. So this is going to be fun.

 

So ladies and gentlemen, any ideas on what she is planning? I'll admit that it seems sort of pointless to make presumptions, but I'm curious. Especially if you have been in mOW's shoes.

 

Unless mOW is really messed up, seems unlikely she would want to discuss STDs or a pregnancy with you at a New Year Eve party. A mOW wanting to discuss either of those topics would more likely want to get together with you outside of party time. Just speculating, I'd say it was more likely something less serious/focussed, more along the lines of wanting to glean some insight into your stbxh if he is still in contact with her or wanting to feel better about herself, i.e. having you say, that's okay honey, no hard feelings or something. Not sure if you already said something like this to her, but some people involved in affairs really can't seem to get enough of this type of reinforcement for themselves.

[Severely Unamused]

Just speculating, I'd say it was more likely something less serious/focussed, more along the lines of wanting to glean some insight into your stbxh if he is still in contact with her or wanting to feel better about herself, i.e. having you say, that's okay honey, no hard feelings or something.

 

I don't know about needing reinforcement.

 

She didn't really seem to care about what anyone else thought of her. Definitely didn't care about what I thought of her. Wonder if she was like that before she got married.

 

On the off-chance that my stbxH is still in contact with her, I've just pissed away a lot of money on his therapy.

[MissBee]

I don't recall your back story, but I'm assuming you were the former BS. Frankly, I would not meet up with a former OW at a NY's Eve party

 

What is she normally like? What more could you possibly have to say to her?

 

In any case, my NYE is a time for rejuvenation, happiness and fun with those I love and to ring in the New Year on a good note. That in my mind does not include meeting up with an OW at a NYE party....

 

Even if I wanted to hear what she had to say I'd tell her to choose some other day as NYE is not gonna be spent with her and her "news".

[18Years2Late]

I'm a xMOW...I would in no way shape or form want to meet or talk to BS ever again...I've talked to her enough...never again...she has everything she needs from me to make an educated decision about the future of her M...if she were capable of making an educated decision...she hasn't proven that to me yet...

 

I can't imagine what your xMOW wants...can't be anything good...in fact I think if my BS wanted to meet me F2F anywhere...I wouldn't go without the police...the only thing "good" I can't think of that she might want to tell u is that she's still in an A with your WH...I'd assume you'd want to know that...

 

Yikes...let us know how it goes if u go...

[Emme]

On the other hand, if there is a potential STD risk, I'd like to know.

 

That can be taken cared of with making an appointment with your doctor.

 

Or if we are dealing with a pregnancy here, I'd really like to know.

 

If need be send someone who knows who she is and if no stomach is popping out you are SAFE!

 

I could throw a bunch of other theories around but I won't.

 

 

Look at you.. She's got you in a tizzy already. SMH... There is no reason to go back in time. None. Stop looking for ways to open up the jar. You can take the above advice and just let go. Or you can continue to let this woman have control over you.

[YellowShark]

There is NOTHING she can tell you at the party that couldn't be expressed in an email. Nothing. She is obviously a weird sick woman who likes to manipulate people for her own personal power trip/ego boost.

 

Tell her to put it in an email if it is so important or get the hell out of your life already. Problem solved.

[Severely Unamused]

Frankly, I would not meet up with a former OW at a NY's Eve party

 

What is she normally like? What more could you possibly have to say to her?

I agree with you. But odds are, she will find me anyway. I'll be delivering a 10 minute speech in front of around 100 people, so there's no chance of me sneaking away early. I mean, the spot light will be all over me for a little while, so if she wants to find me than she will. I would rather just tackle the issue head on and get it over with.

 

As for what she is normally like...I couldn't really say anymore than I've already said. I spoke with her for about 2 hours. She seemed charismatic, dramatic, and confident.

 

I have nothing else to say to her.

 

the only thing "good" I can't think of that she might want to tell u is that she's still in an A with your WH...I'd assume you'd want to know that...

Yep.

[Severely Unamused]

That can be taken cared of with making an appointment with your doctor.

 

I agree.

 

If need be send someone who knows who she is and if no stomach is popping out you are SAFE!

 

It would be a lot less complicated if I just walked up to her and took a good look myself. I don't like dealing with middlemen.

 

Tell her to put it in an email if it is so important or get the hell out of your life already. Problem solved.

 

So, you think that she's a nutter huh?

 

She said that it was important enough that she wants to talk about it in person.

 

Maybe I'm just being naive here. If it's important, than I'd prefer to talk about it in person rather than through some electronic medium; I'm old fashioned like that. If she's just pulling my leg, than I will get full confirmation by willingly walking into her "trap". Right now, I'm stuck in ambiguity land.

 

What's the worst that can happen (Famous last words.)?

[YellowShark]

So, you think that she's a nutter huh?

 

She said that it was important enough that she wants to talk about it in person.

 

Maybe I'm just being naive here. If it's important, than I'd prefer to talk about it in person rather than through some electronic medium; I'm old fashioned like that. If she's just pulling my leg, than I will get full confirmation by willingly walking into her "trap". Right now, I'm stuck in ambiguity land.

 

What's the worst that can happen (Famous last words.)?

 

Ya. I think she is a nutter. First of all a very public forum like a New Years eve party is a highly inappropriate place to "have a serious talk about your affair with her husband." Seems like a setup to me.

 

I would say an email, or a discussion in private over a coffee somewhere is far more appropriate route to discuss this VERY sensitive topic.

[Severely Unamused]

Ya. I think she is a nutter. First of all a very public forum like a New Years eve party is a highly inappropriate place to "have a serious talk about your affair with her husband." Seems like a setup to me.

 

I would say an email, or a discussion in private over a coffee somewhere is far more appropriate route to discuss this VERY sensitive topic.

 

You think I'm going to get a metaphorical pie to the face?

 

Only one way to find out.

Edited December 28, 2011 by Severely Unamused

[Emme]

It would be a lot less complicated if I just walked up to her and took a good look myself. I don't like dealing with middlemen.?

 

Imma hurt you! Take a good look at how you are making excuses for wanting to see this woman. Take a look. No middlemen. Ok fine... buy some binoculars. From a distance go to the party yourself and aim to look if you see a belly. It's winter yes but even still you can scope her outside the party not inside. If you see a belly bump then you know. It's been how many months? She should be showing.

 

The most important question I have for you is how did she make contact? Didn't you do NC. I can't remember.

 

*Emme gets the frying pan ready*

[VivienViolet]

Got an e-mail from mOW a few weeks ago. And as my title says, she wants to meet me at a New Year's eve party.

 

It's been nearly half a year since I've seen her. Back then I basically said Well, thanks for your time, we're done now.

 

I kinda think that she is just trying to suck my family back into her drama. As I have come to learn, she can be pretty melodramatic. I mean that in the most affectionate way possible.

 

On the other hand, if there is a potential STD risk, I'd like to know. Or if we are dealing with a pregnancy here, I'd really like to know. I could throw a bunch of other theories around but I won't.

 

If I look at my own past as an AP, when I was done talking with the BS, I was done. And as I've gathered from many of the APs on this board, only a minority are in a rush to contact the BS. It's never good news. So this is going to be fun.

 

So ladies and gentlemen, any ideas on what she is planning? I'll admit that it seems sort of pointless to make presumptions, but I'm curious. Especially if you have been in mOW's shoes.

What is so special about New Year's Eve that she can not meet with you sooner (or later), if a FTF is required?

 

My fBH disclosed the EA to the xAP's BS. She wanted to speak to me too. I never was so presumptuous as to dictate where and when the meeting would take place. That would have been in very poor taste.

 

If my H had cheated and the OW wanted to speak to me, if she tried to tell me where and when that would happen, I'd would have told her where to stick it.

 

Is the mOW your H's fBS? Your reaction seems closer to OW than BS. It's remarkable that you are so deferential to the person who helped betray you.

[Severely Unamused]

I'm a little confused. When you said you would be speaking so she'd find you anyway...does this mean you are going to be at the same place anyway? Are you both going to the same party that night?

 

That's right. It's for work.

 

I'd be floored if she wanted to apologise after all of this time.

 

Imma hurt you! Take a good look at how you are making excuses for wanting to see this woman. Take a look. No middlemen. Ok fine... buy some binoculars. From a distance go to the party yourself and aim to look if you see a belly. It's winter yes but even still you can scope her outside the party not inside. If you see a belly bump then you know. It's been how many months? She should be showing.

 

The most important question I have for you is how did she make contact? Didn't you do NC. I can't remember.

 

*Emme gets the frying pan ready*

 

Perhaps my naivety is showing again. mOW and I are both grown women. Presumably sane. I just don't see the big deal in meeting up, even if it is on NYE.

 

I gave her one of my email addresses, and requested that she only message me if she had something important to say. I trusted her to use her best judgement on this. No talking kitties.

 

Please don't threaten me with an internet frying pan.

 

What is so special about New Year's Eve that she can not meet with you sooner (or later), if a FTF is required?

 

It's remarkable that you are so deferential to the person who helped betray you.

 

I don't know why New Year's Eve is so special. Maybe it's symbolic.

 

I'm surprised at my reaction too. I'm the BW.

[Hazyhead]

Ya. I think she is a nutter. First of all a very public forum like a New Years eve party is a highly inappropriate place to "have a serious talk about your affair with her husband." Seems like a setup to me.

 

I would say an email, or a discussion in private over a coffee somewhere is far more appropriate route to discuss this VERY sensitive topic.

 

I agree with YS. I can understand your curiousity but am concerned that she's trying to wield some power over you - fuelled by whatever her reason may be. Be very careful, SU.

[Emme]

Perhaps my naivety is showing again. mOW and I are both grown women. Presumably sane. I just don't see the big deal in meeting up, even if it is on NYE.

 

I gave her one of my email addresses, and requested that she only message me if she had something important to say. I trusted her to use her best judgement on this. No talking kitties.

 

*sigh* I'm sure you've seen the movie Carrie. Don't take things for what they seem. You are too sweet. SMH. Start the New Year anew without any drama in your life. There is no need to see her. That's all I'll say.

 

Please don't threaten me with an internet frying pan.

[Severely Unamused]

Okay, that makes a lot more sense and takes some of the "nutiness" out of it IMO. I actually think it decreases the drama just a bit since she knows you'll be in the same place, she's just asking for some of your time. If she intended to cause a lot of drama, I think she would just hit you with it at that party...not request to speak with you alone...not give you a heads up.

 

It seems she has respected your request not to contact you unless she had something important for you, so I don't think I would be overly concerned that she's flipped out now, six months later. She probably feels this is important (even if you don't find it to be so after she talks to you) so I wouldn't really worry about her intentions in that regard.

 

Good luck to you. I hope whatever she has to say to you is intended to bring you peace in some way and not intended to further complicate things. In any regard, I went back and read your previous posts and you sound like a very strong, pragmatic woman so I believe you'll handle whatever it is with grace.

 

I hope that you're right.

 

*sigh* I'm sure you've seen the movie Carrie. Don't take things for what they seem. You are too sweet. SMH. Start the New Year anew without any drama in your life. There is no need to see her. That's all I'll say.

 

 

 

I have to go and see her. It's just who I am.

Edited December 30, 2011 by Severely Unamused

[woinlove]

I have to go and see her. It's just who I am.

 

I doubt the mOW is as mature and together as you - given the deception and drama she created. I hope she has something useful and/or important to tell you and that for some strange reason this party is a good place, and that she isn't just hoping to fluster you for your speech to 100 or so people. But, it seems like a pretty strange place to reveal a secret and that is what she has set it up as, revealing something that she knows and you don't know.

 

I think she is already behaving poorly just by setting things up this way, rather than letting you know what it is about or taking the effort to meet you face to face before the party. I wouldn't treat someone else that way. Probably you wouldn't either.

 

You are the type of person who will meet her on the possibility there is a reason to as she claims. However, you also seem like the type of person who is realistic and can take care of herself. So, just go prepared to have a good time and give a great speech, whether mOW is behaving poorly or not. If she is, that is her sh*t to carry, not yours.

[Severely Unamused]

I doubt the mOW is as mature and together as you

 

Geez wo. All that unnecessary back patting is making me blush.

 

I'll be honest, I'm a little bit scared. Partly because I'm a mediocre public speaker. But there's a lot of other things going through my mind.

 

I mean, if anyone here buys into the whole "BS v.s AP" thing that I sometimes see on this board...there you have it: A BW is a little bit scared of the OW. Kind of pathetic.

[spice4life]

Geez wo. All that unnecessary back patting is making me blush.

 

I'll be honest, I'm a little bit scared. Partly because I'm a mediocre public speaker. But there's a lot of other things going through my mind.

 

I mean, if anyone here buys into the whole "BS v.s AP" thing that I sometimes see on this board...there you have it: A BW is a little bit scared of the OW. Kind of pathetic.

 

It's not pathetic at all. I think it's a normal reaction and feeling given the circumstances. I guess the bigger question is, does it really matter what she wants? Aren't you divorcing your husband anyway? More importantly, after going through all of the possible scenarios in your mind, is there anything she can say or do that will throw you for a loop? If you are confident and sound in your decisions at this point, there isn't a thing she can say that will effect you in a bad way. If I remember your story correctly, you have been on both sides of this fence right? I think the only thing you will feel is pity for her that she feels the need to speak to you on this particular occasion. It's a very odd request to say the least...IMHO anyway.

[YellowShark]

So? What happened at New Years? Fill us in on all the juicy gossip Severely Unamused. Inquiring minds wanna know!

[Severely Unamused]

So? What happened at New Years? Fill us in on all the juicy gossip Severely Unamused. Inquiring minds wanna know!

 

My stbxH was continuing the affair. So, I'm guessing that he was lying to his therapist. mOW separated a few months ago.

 

On the plus side, I planned for this.

[Owl]

Sorry to hear this, SUA. Always hurts to learn something like this. I wish you the best, friend.

[whichwayisup]

My stbxH was continuing the affair. So, I'm guessing that he was lying to his therapist. mOW separated a few months ago.

 

On the plus side, I planned for this.

 

Sorry to hear that, but glad to hear that you planned for this. Still is upsetting and disappointing.

[YellowShark]

My stbxH was continuing the affair. So, I'm guessing that he was lying to his therapist. mOW separated a few months ago.

 

On the plus side, I planned for this.

 

Sorry to hear that as well. But now you know the truth. I am happy you have a Plan "B." Best of luck.