mark-kram Posted December 27, 2011 Share Posted December 27, 2011 Hi all, a bit of a long story but I'll cut it as short as possible. So, I knew a girl in my same university course, we were never close, just hellos and byes. 4 months ago she changed work and started working for my same firm (not same department). I always liked her a bit but during these months I got to know her much more and I have a total crush now! After a couple of months pc and live chatting at work and facebook etc...I asked her out and she looked a bit how can I put it...shocked? We still went out and discussed this that she has a lot of commitments right now that she doesn't know and isn't convinced to start a relationship right now...I said it's ok for me to be friends cause I was speechless then I sent her a mail that we can take it slowly until we are both sure if this might work. I had to hurry up cause there's another guy in my office that is interested in her, to put you in the picture...I'm the nice guy type, he's the wannabe playboy type. I'm often next to his desk and I see the chat window with her open on his pc. btw she's very very outgoing with everyone (not a bitch type but!) 2 weeks later we had a work party and I saw him flirting with her and she too (she admitted she drank), I was really angry and left early showing her I was leaving and texting her that I am disappointed by her. The following day on facebook chat she asked me if I was angry at her and I said yes cause how she acted the other night was very different from what we talked last time that she's not ready for a relationship. She said that I'm right and that she's sorry, we agreed to meet and discuss this not to destroy our friends relationship which is quite important for both. We met, walked and talked a lot (2am till 4.30am), she told me she was very confused why I was now interested in her and not during university cause she's still the same person, I told her I am a bit shy so not knowing her so much always held me back. She told me that she got afraid that there was so much interest from my side suddenly and that put her a bit back especially my mail that I can take it slowly until we know if it can work. I also told her that I had to act fast cause I know the other guy was flirting with her and she told me that now she can understand a bit. She almost gave me instructions how to win her over that I have to be strong etc...and she then suddenly kissed me on the lips and we starting kissing cutely. It was very nice but this confused me even more cause she's does not always show this interest. She asked me out the following day but we didn't kiss, we just stayed hand in hands etc..a bit boring. This was one week ago and we didn't go out again we just met at work in the parking lot, we always wait for each other to walk to our cars. Now I know the other guy is still trying with her and over work chat, over facebook etc...I don't think they ever went out together but I cannot be sure. This is causing great frustration to me cause I am jealous that I can lose her if I take it slowly but I also know that she hates when someone puts pressure on her + too much attention...please help me with some ideas! I really want this girl, she knows what I think of her. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted December 28, 2011 Share Posted December 28, 2011 She almost gave me instructions how to win her over that I have to be strong etc ... She asked me out the following day but we didn't kiss, we just stayed hand in hands etc..a bit boring. Dude, it seems you didn't follow her instructions very well then. She is giving you the opportunity to take the driving seat. If you do not then the other guy will. She obviously likes men who are confident and assertive. If that is not you then maybe you are simply not compatible. If that is the case then better to move on. But if you can take the lead then go for it, and this other guy will not be a problem: she will tell him to take a hike. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted December 28, 2011 Share Posted December 28, 2011 Dude, she's playing you both. She is LOVING the idea that two different people are fighting for her affections. One, the nice guy that's shy and sweet and the other is the confident bad boy. She's absolutely loving the attention! She openly flirted with this guy; with you in the area! You left early, who's to say she didn't go home with this guy? You were out of the picture, they were flirting with each other heavily, do you think the night ended with a handshake, a hug and " See ya tomorrow!"? She gives you instructions on how to win her over? REALLY?!?!? and then kisses you to keep you interested in continuing to play her game. Dude, toooo much drama. Plus, office romances are always a bad idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Discjockey80 Posted December 28, 2011 Share Posted December 28, 2011 Just ACT! Take her! Why do you have to be so nice all the time? It isn't getting you what you want and it sure isn't giving her what she wants. YOU KNOW what you want. Just go for it and take the lead. Quit over analyzing and worrying all the time. You make it so that everything has to be so cerebral in your world and while I'm sure she can appreciate and even be attracted to some of it....she needs to be fed some of the 'other' too. So feed her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mark-kram Posted December 29, 2011 Author Share Posted December 29, 2011 i know for a fact that the night ended there, for sure she didn't end up at the other guy's home, i do know that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mark-kram Posted December 29, 2011 Author Share Posted December 29, 2011 Just ACT! Take her! Why do you have to be so nice all the time? It isn't getting you what you want and it sure isn't giving her what she wants. YOU KNOW what you want. Just go for it and take the lead. Quit over analyzing and worrying all the time. You make it so that everything has to be so cerebral in your world and while I'm sure she can appreciate and even be attracted to some of it....she needs to be fed some of the 'other' too. So feed her. thankyou all for the replies..........I know I need to go for it but how? I talk to this girl everyday and she shows interest (although I am not sure if it's just in the friend zone), I hope she'll be going out tomorrow and I'll tell her to meet, I am trying to be leading and everything, she knows what I think about her, we already talked about this, she knows I want her and I told her that she's a very interesting and a good challenge, but not an impossible one! and we joked a bit about this. But it's a problem to be so direct and pressing with a girl that gets stressed as soon as she feels a lot of attention and pressure, she was the one that told me that she feels uncomfortable as soon as she feels a lot of attention over her. Link to post Share on other sites
jnj express Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 You are over--analyzing---others here have told you to get going---follow their advice Ask her out, monopolize her----what are you afraid of---If she doesn't like what you are doing---she will tell you At this point forget about the other guy---you are not in a relationship, and you can't do anything about what/who she she does things with. Just worry about what YOU WANT TO ACCOMPLISH!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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