Relapse

[bslchump]

I feel entirely back to square one.

 

She just told me that she got back together with the guy she left me for. A large source for my feeling better was knowing that that relationship died almost immediately, but now all of that comfort is gone. I was going to see her over the winter break, but I told her that I don't want to anymore.

 

I feel awful. As awful as I did for the first few weeks of the breakup.

[Philosoraptor]

You need to worry about yourself right now. Figure out what you want to do with your life and do it. That starts with going NC. You can not keep in contact with an ex if they cause such emotions in you. Once those emotions are gone you may be able to foster a friendship.

[CopingGal]

I had to deal with the same thing and I'm still dealing with it. I was feeling lots better, until my ex sent me an unwanted text. He's marrying the person he cheated on me with. They lasted for about 4 months and she left him. I felt better. Then they got back together and after about 1 1/2 more months, he proposed marriage to her and she accepted. I didn't need to know that, but my ex, as usual wanted to rub my face in it. It was like I had to start back to the beginning. But now, I think I can heal. I threatened to go to the police if my ex did not stop forcing texts, snail mail letters, and phone calls on me. I haven't heard from him in 3 weeks. Thank goodness.

[TheJiltedGeneration]

Don't play guessing games with her, at best don't even think the reason her relationships are in abit of a quandary right now because she's thinking of you... ( which we all do). I used to keep a eye on my ex's facebook and deviant art and see how she intermingles with other people and if this would give me a window into her life again. When really it did'nt even pass her that anything she did hurt me..

 

the relationship is over and you need to accept and let her go...(easier said than done I know..)

 

Philosoraptor is completely right concentrate on yourself and love yourself, your leaching onto any possibility because your too insecure to realize the relationship is over.. which leads me to believe you are not confident on standing on your own two feet while also believing that a life without her is not possible...

 

the more you concentrate on her exploits the more that's going to be the only focus and the more you're just allowing time that could be well spent on you, be squandered on obsession.. don't think of her love to be the panacea of all that is missing in your life right now.. cause I can tell you now first hand that this kind of waiting will just make you crazy ..

Edited December 27, 2011 by TheJiltedGeneration

[bslchump]

You're all right. I should have been doing what you said for months, but I took every conversation we had as a queue she was interested in me again.

 

I just feel like a damn fool. I'm so let down and I shouldn't be.

[bslchump]

Update that makes me angry:

 

My friend who helped me through the first few REALLY rough months of my breakup was texting me today. I gave him the latest developments and told him how I felt about them.

 

Then he started talking about how he would date her if he was given the chance. That she's a "catch". She's attractive, but "it's so much more than that. She is really something." He told me not to worry because it "wasn't even an option."

 

This still put me right back in a foul mood and now I'm all surly and grumpy. Today of all days, why did he have to tell me all of this? Like I'm not feeling crappy enough. What a lousy friend.

 

Edit: Also, I was doing a pretty good job of thinking about her in a negative way earlier today. "She has to be a real selfish jerk to pull this kind of stuff. It's probably for the best you aren't with her." But now my brain is just screaming at me, "REMEMBER HOW PRETTY SHE IS? BOY, YOU LOST A GOOD ONE!"

Edited December 28, 2011 by bslchump

[perfectlyflawed459]

Update that makes me angry:

 

My friend who helped me through the first few REALLY rough months of my breakup was texting me today. I gave him the latest developments and told him how I felt about them.

 

Then he started talking about how he would date her if he was given the chance. That she's a "catch". She's attractive, but "it's so much more than that. She is really something." He told me not to worry because it "wasn't even an option."

 

This still put me right back in a foul mood and now I'm all surly and grumpy. Today of all days, why did he have to tell me all of this? Like I'm not feeling crappy enough. What a lousy friend.

 

Edit: Also, I was doing a pretty good job of thinking about her in a negative way earlier today. "She has to be a real selfish jerk to pull this kind of stuff. It's probably for the best you aren't with her." But now my brain is just screaming at me, "REMEMBER HOW PRETTY SHE IS? BOY, YOU LOST A GOOD ONE!"

 

We all are guilty of looking for any possible sign that our ex wants to reconcile with us dumpees. All I can tell you though is that it only prevents you from completely healing and moving on from the break up. You need to drop her from your life, and by that I mean not only go NC, but don't even bring her up with any of your friends or mutual friends. Knowing if her relationship is tanking or flourishing should not be anywhere near as important as you healing and moving on. Also, holding negative feelings towards your ex as a way to "get over her" only holds you back too. Grudges, jealousy, anger...they are all such ugly things to hold within yourself. If anything, you need to forgive her so you can truly let go of the pain she caused you. I know that seems silly and really hard, but trust me, it is the best thing you can do for yourself.

[bslchump]

Feeling like crap again today. I've just been thinking about everything over and over. I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about. Don't worry though, I haven't talked to her and I don't intend to in the near future.

 

It'd just be nice to forget everything.