sunflower11 Posted December 27, 2011 Share Posted December 27, 2011 (edited) I think this thread is stupid...but that's just my opinion. The third person will get hurt no matter what as you are just USING them....disgusting. If the person broke up with you and left you and you did all you could to convince them to stay....putting someone else on the map is not going to make them realize what a big mistake they did. They would come back, if at all, purely for sefish reasons not because they just all of a sudden remember they love you. Why do you want someone like that back? Who would just run back to you because they can't stand the thought of you being with someone else? That is NOT going to be a good relationship AT ALL. The reasons for getting back together are just so plain wrong. So yea, the idea is STUPID Edited December 27, 2011 by sunflower11 Link to post Share on other sites
chados Posted December 27, 2011 Share Posted December 27, 2011 I think this thread is stupid...but that's just my opinion. The third person will get hurt no matter what as you are just USING them....disgusting. yes probably, thats why you shouldnt do it. Link to post Share on other sites
lalalandman Posted December 27, 2011 Share Posted December 27, 2011 Oh yea this really worked for me, but not really. My ex had left me in the past, and within a month or so, I met somebody else, and we became somewhat of a couple. It definitely WORKED. My ex came chasing hard. After a couple months, that girl and I called it quits, mostly because the ex was harassing us. When my ex and I got back together, we were WORSE off than before. It was just, bad. She ended up leaving me again within a few months. So consider that....I learned my lesson there and haven't made the same mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
chados Posted December 27, 2011 Share Posted December 27, 2011 Oh yea this really worked for me, but not really. My ex had left me in the past, and within a month or so, I met somebody else, and we became somewhat of a couple. It definitely WORKED. My ex came chasing hard. After a couple months, that girl and I called it quits, mostly because the ex was harassing us. When my ex and I got back together, we were WORSE off than before. It was just, bad. She ended up leaving me again within a few months. So consider that....I learned my lesson there and haven't made the same mistake. jealousness is powerful stuff Link to post Share on other sites
lalalandman Posted December 27, 2011 Share Posted December 27, 2011 and let me be clear, none of it was pre-meditated. I sincerely met this girl and developed feelings for her. I can't imagine going out there, finding someone and using them as a crutch to get back with an ex. Gross Link to post Share on other sites
Jono85 Posted December 27, 2011 Share Posted December 27, 2011 horrible thread, and a disgusting idea. let's just use someone to try and get our ex jealous, nevermind they have real feelings and are real people. sick. Link to post Share on other sites
Zabs Posted December 28, 2011 Share Posted December 28, 2011 Rebounding and making your Ex jealous so they come back is your plan? 1. You aren't healing. 2. You aren't moving on. 3. You are using and taking advantage of someone else. 4. Assuming your Ex gets jealous, your Ex will only be coming back to prove to themselves that you are still wrapped around their finger and dump you again. Your plan is crap and will not work out for you, the person you are using or getting back together with your Ex. I will stick with healing, moving on and if it's meant to be, it will be plan. There are no downsides to this plan! It is one of my one single regrets...though no deeds were done ...I knew I wasn't over my ex..and I knew he wanted more. I find using another for your own ends abhorrent...and I cursed my ex over that when found out what he'd done. I aom so respected in our area that the girl in que stion wentu o and tried her best to look like me...including dying and styling her hair! If it weren't for the fact I am privy to other private info that would have been that. If I saw my ex with another....I would be sure to go full steam ahead...but not at anothers expense. Motion Seconded!! Link to post Share on other sites
motive2002 Posted December 28, 2011 Share Posted December 28, 2011 Being a rebound guy I would have to say that the OP's idea is absolutely horrible. Link to post Share on other sites
Mallow Posted December 28, 2011 Share Posted December 28, 2011 I started dating not long after my ex & I split. I didn't start dating to make my ex jealous or to get him back, I dated because I was moved on and ready. I had left my ex for a number of reasons. Once he found out that I had moved on and started dating, he started to break his nc and contact me. He tried to make me jealous by making up stories about him and other women, it didn't work. Once he realized that I wasn't interested in him, he began begging and pleading with me to take him back. Didn't work. This is not a healthy way to go about things. You'll be hurting everyone in the process. Don't see anyone until you can handle a relationship, otherwise you'll just keep comparing your ex to the new partner. Link to post Share on other sites
lolita jade Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 it might work out that your ex is actually happy that the pressure is off them.... Link to post Share on other sites
chados Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 it might work out that your ex is actually happy that the pressure is off them.... but the pressure is only created if youre not moving on and when they can see that, especially if youre chasing them. and theres nothing more attractive then to remove the pressure by moving on. yes they can come back even if your still sad. but its often because they are feeling alone themselves. if they know youre strong and that they cant just take you back, thats when theyre really working for it. Link to post Share on other sites
BigDumbFoot Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 Oh jesus. It's just that simple huh? Link to post Share on other sites
leoc1973 Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 I think the op was almost saying it sarcastically like yep it does work. Truth is that it does work. and yes there are lots of times where the reasons for a breakup are still there but there are breakups where its a gigs thing where the dumper had no real reason for dumping and meeting someone new might make them realize what they are doing in a hurry. Lots of times people know they can come back whenever they want so they will go test the waters. Yes there are those relationships where it is just broken and no matter how many times you get them back it isn't going to matter. I don't see anything wrong with this idea provided its just casual dating. What do you have to marry every person you go out with what is this whole hurting another person thing all about. If you go on a couple dates with someone new and they are going to be devistated by you going back with your ex then they are more damaged than you are for using them to get your ex back. Also I think op said Thoughts? as in thoughts not rattle off how sick it is or how disgusting god everyone is always so serious! Link to post Share on other sites
SunsetRed Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 I havent read all of the other posts, but my answer is that I agree with you 100%. I've even had 2 exes from my past tell me that they would probably perk up a little if they saw I had moved on. Actually, come to think of it, both of these exes did come back once I started dating someone new. It is a double edged sword though. Yes, dating someone new will make your ex want you/come back to you. It wont make them stay, though. Usually these type of exes only want you when you are out of reach. If someone only wants you when they cant have you, then you'll never really have each other. Its a lot of work to constantly have to play games and play hard to get just to keep someone's interest. Eventually its nice to just be able to relax and be with someone. My word of advice would be that if you have found a new bf/gf and they are a worthwhile person, dont dump them for your seedy ex. Your ex will only want you for one more brief moment and then they'll be gone again. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 I disagree with the OP the dumper: -Usually doesn't care -Has moved on before you. I've dated others after my ex, yet never been contacted by my ex ever. Didn't work for me at all. I mean how do you make sure that your ex knows about this new person? What if they don't look at your fb? What if you no longer have any mutual friends? What if you don't live near the ex? I'd rather just move on and forget about the ex. Since when do recons ever actually work? Maybe 1%? I'd rather find a new person who actually appreciates me. Link to post Share on other sites
silly_panda Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 Why would you still wan your ex back when you did found someone who is more attractive than your ex..? If you find a person is more attractive than your ex, then in our eyes, that new person will be better than your ex... So why would anyone settle for less and go back to their ex when they had already found someone better..? Link to post Share on other sites
Author YouNeverKnow86 Posted January 4, 2012 Author Share Posted January 4, 2012 I think the op was almost saying it sarcastically like yep it does work. Truth is that it does work. and yes there are lots of times where the reasons for a breakup are still there but there are breakups where its a gigs thing where the dumper had no real reason for dumping and meeting someone new might make them realize what they are doing in a hurry. Lots of times people know they can come back whenever they want so they will go test the waters. Yes there are those relationships where it is just broken and no matter how many times you get them back it isn't going to matter. I don't see anything wrong with this idea provided its just casual dating. What do you have to marry every person you go out with what is this whole hurting another person thing all about. If you go on a couple dates with someone new and they are going to be devistated by you going back with your ex then they are more damaged than you are for using them to get your ex back. Also I think op said Thoughts? as in thoughts not rattle off how sick it is or how disgusting god everyone is always so serious! Exactly! I believe it is a good topic to discuss. This really should just motivate people to go out and date! You may find someone you really like and not even want your ex back if they return. I think sitting around waiting on your ex for whatever reason it is just really is wasting your time and valuable life lessons. People need to stop worrying about their ex, just learn from the experience and move on. The truth is, as soon as you move on that is when they seem to appear back in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author YouNeverKnow86 Posted January 4, 2012 Author Share Posted January 4, 2012 I havent read all of the other posts, but my answer is that I agree with you 100%. I've even had 2 exes from my past tell me that they would probably perk up a little if they saw I had moved on. Actually, come to think of it, both of these exes did come back once I started dating someone new. It is a double edged sword though. Yes, dating someone new will make your ex want you/come back to you. It wont make them stay, though. Usually these type of exes only want you when you are out of reach. If someone only wants you when they cant have you, then you'll never really have each other. Its a lot of work to constantly have to play games and play hard to get just to keep someone's interest. Eventually its nice to just be able to relax and be with someone. My word of advice would be that if you have found a new bf/gf and they are a worthwhile person, dont dump them for your seedy ex. Your ex will only want you for one more brief moment and then they'll be gone again. The only other time I was the dumpee besides this previous time my ex did come back too. Guess what was one of the first things she asked me when she came back a year later........Are you dating someone else now? I guess word got around I was. I never went back to my ex but mending things up with her was great. She knew I moved on and it instantly made her more attracted to me. The laws of attraction state it: Move on and surround yourself with beautiful men or women. This will get any ex's attention. Link to post Share on other sites
lilyblue Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 This thread kind of makes me laugh at myself. I've had a friend for about 4 years who I was infatuated with for about 3 of them. We were pretty much the definition of FWB for 2 years (actual friends, with sex), he moved away and we've had what feels like a deeper friendship over the last year. I had calmed down about the infatuation, felt more relaxed about the situation than I ever had. Monday I was literally thinking how glad I was that I was past the stage of thinking that we could be together and how much I just liked having him as a friend. He told me yesterday he had started dating someone. I'm not out of control with jealousy or anything, but definitely felt a twinge of "maybe I want him!!" I hadn't had those thoughts in a year! Yet the second he tells me he's with someone else... Guess it's good at least I recognize this in myself Link to post Share on other sites
Author YouNeverKnow86 Posted January 5, 2012 Author Share Posted January 5, 2012 The truth is people subconsciously want a challenge. For whatever reason our ex's lost interest/no longer were challenged. Once we move on and are out dating we suddenly gain back power. Our ex's gain back their respect for us since we are no longer pining over them and that instantly makes them interested/attracted. Why do we go crazy right after a breakup? Well because we are challenged again, we want our ex's back. People just want what they cannot have/lost.....Ha ha it is funny but I know many people/heard of many stories where the dumpee who was once devastated got back his/her ex and a few months later became the dumper. Why? Because you realize your ex isn't what you wanted all along, it was the challenge of winning her/him back. Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 No one ever stops to think about the feels of the person caught in between this, huh? No one ever does... I do! I am in the process of figuring out if I am attracted to a new guy. My ex (dumper) messaged me last week and we are meeting for a drink tonight. I am not even dating the new guy yet, but I am trying to not hurt anyone. I'm not even certain the new guy wants to be more that friends! I am well aware and concerned for the feelings of all involved. In reality, I don't owe the new guy or my ex anything though. P.S. I am against the idea of using someone to get an ex back. Link to post Share on other sites
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