Trying to move on

[Rimer]

My story in short. Some might heard it but here goes. I started with my ex-gf 8½ years ago we were very young I was 20 and she was 16 (legal here:) we've had our problems the last while like everyone else. She has a very hard childhood and life till she was about 20. I was always by her side threw her panic attacks, rage attacks, her psychiatric sessions and etc etc.

 

Now the last year or so I've been down on life. Feeling like not doing anything, going by day by day like in a routine. One day out of the blue she tells me "I wanna break up" this coming few days after we bought more condoms and stuff. I'm like 0_o in shock and try to reason and ask why (I hear if I don't do this now i'll be bitter when i'm in the 40's) well I agreed to the break up of course I was totally broken and begged her back at first before I gave her her space she wanted. She tagged me along for 4 months saying we still got a chance to get back together If I get my act together.

 

Well I went to the doctors, psychiatric etc and found out I've been suffering from depression for a long time it didn't occure to me because I just didn't give a damn about myself. So I hit a rough patch and when I needed the support the most she leaves me and I totally crumble. I lost all interest in life, self esteem, confidence you name it. I don't have many friends because we were so tight with my EX mainly because she didn't have any friends and didn't want to get to know new people so I tagged along. Now after the break up she suddenly done a 180% in her life she's doing things she told me she hated before. Partying out a lot, trying all kinda new stuff she before hated.

 

Now she never was a very warm person to anyone even me but I still loved her (still do) even with all her quarks and many people asked me why did I. It's love I guess.. what else?

 

Well now a week ago she came over to tell me she has none of those kinda feelings left for me and that she still cares for me but as a friend. I asked her if she's happy now, she said yes. So I said I love you and I want you to be happy even if it means i'm out of your life. Which she responded she still want's to be friends and have me in her life I didn't really answer that question just grumped because I don't feel I can be JUST friends with her after all the hurt she did to me.

 

Now I'm like a lost lamb without any goal in life. I feel like I'll never find anyone new. This was my first serious relationship and I'm 29. I have only couple friends, I got a ok job, a car, a home, a cat but I crave having her back. I've never lived on my own before and I'm started to wonder do I really miss this person or do I just miss being in a relationship? This relationship was harmful for me too as my sisters especially say that I've changed the last few years from a cheerful guy to a grunt. How can I continue get out of this bottomless pit I just keep falling deeper everyday feeling like not getting up from bed ever again, that It will never get better.

 

I know people will say I have to do stuff that will make me happy. But I really don't have any dreams in life other than having a working relationship. That's how empty I am now. Going out and dating isn't a option now either because I feel so low about myself no1 would want to be near me. I don't love myself and I haven't really ever I think. I think this is a major problem too. I don't think I'm worthy of anything right now. I keep knocking myself down. I'm also overweight and I did join a gym and lost some weight but last couple weeks I've even lost motivation for that

Edited December 27, 2011 by Rimer

[shook187]

no woman wants to be with someone who is dreamless, and when she knows you depend on her that might seem attractive for sometime but then she knows she has the power. I was once like you in the fact i made a certain girl my world, i blocked out my friends, but i felt empty after 3 months. you gotta want great things for you, sounds like you have serious healing to do before you get this girl back or even try entering a new relationship.

[Rimer]

no woman wants to be with someone who is dreamless, and when she knows you depend on her that might seem attractive for sometime but then she knows she has the power. I was once like you in the fact i made a certain girl my world, i blocked out my friends, but i felt empty after 3 months. you gotta want great things for you, sounds like you have serious healing to do before you get this girl back or even try entering a new relationship.

 

Thanks for responding... Yes, I agree I'm freaking lost. I've been for sometime. I just wanna know ways to get out of this rut. I try to force myself to start doing things but I just can't come up with anything and start drifting away in self pity and crap like that again

[Philosoraptor]

I was in sort of the same situation awhile back. Lost in a world. Also depressed and a lot of what you're saying makes sense to me.

 

My full turnaround began when I spent a few days googling "bucket list ideas". I spent hours looking for things that I wanted to do. Many of the things were on "our" list but I did a lot of self examination and only wrote down the ones that were truly important to me to do. Once I got my list together I started making plans to knock those items off. I started with a bang by jumping out of a plane.

 

I realized she didn't matter to me that day. I wish her nothing but the best... but I don't want or need her anymore. Skydiving was one of "our" biggest items in the past and I realized much after landing that I didn't think of her at all before or during my fall. I was in a better place and I haven't looked back since.

 

It does take a lot of motivation to get through things, especially when depressed. Have you been taking any sort of medication or seeing a therapist?

[Rimer]

I was in sort of the same situation awhile back. Lost in a world. Also depressed and a lot of what you're saying makes sense to me.

 

My full turnaround began when I spent a few days googling "bucket list ideas". I spent hours looking for things that I wanted to do. Many of the things were on "our" list but I did a lot of self examination and only wrote down the ones that were truly important to me to do. Once I got my list together I started making plans to knock those items off. I started with a bang by jumping out of a plane.

 

I realized she didn't matter to me that day. I wish her nothing but the best... but I don't want or need her anymore. Skydiving was one of "our" biggest items in the past and I realized much after landing that I didn't think of her at all before or during my fall. I was in a better place and I haven't looked back since.

 

It does take a lot of motivation to get through things, especially when depressed. Have you been taking any sort of medication or seeing a therapist?[/QUOte]

 

THanks for the response..

 

Bucket List. Interesting idea. There might be many things I'd like to do but my current condition health wise is not allowing me to do them (overweight)

[Philosoraptor]

Everyone has limitations. If you want to lose some weight put that on your list. But you can always pick and choose which ones to do now and save others for later. For instance traveling and visiting museums is something I'd like to do. And there are a ton of things on my list that could be done by pretty much anyone no matter what their limitiation was.

[Rimer]

I was doing OK for my standards today untill I was heading home from work. I suddenly thought to myself why didn't my ex parents or sister text me merry xmas? I was in very good relationship expecially with her parents and they really liked me and they even supported me after the break up at start and actually took my side in the break up. They told me if I ever wanna talk or anything to contact them or come by there house. I haven't done that it's been 3 months since I last saw/heard from them. I'm wondering why they didn't send me any merry xmas wishes or haven't called me. I didn't send them merry xmas either. Maybe there waiting for me to make a move, or they think I don't wanna be in contact with them anymore because of the pain or they just don't wanna be in contact with me anymore

 

Is it even wise to keep contact with my ex parents or sisters? Expesially as I ain't over her yet

Edited December 29, 2011 by Rimer