samrekabi Posted May 31, 2004 Share Posted May 31, 2004 Yes I am that horrible wife who cheated on her husband......yes I am that horrible wife who was selfish, disrespectful, and uncaring......I agreee I am horrible and there is not a punishment harsh enough for me hurting my husband or breaking our vows.....I know I know there isnt much out there that can be said to me that would make me feel any worse than I already do or that would make me feel more remorseful than I already do.........I will try to make a long story short, I need some desperate help........ I cheated on my husband several times during our marraige, every time I cheated on him we were seperated, but he still considers it cheating and so do I. But every time we would work things out he would forgive me but for only me to do it again. The last time we were actually living with each other, but having a horrible time, I again cheated on him and didnt hide the fact that I was as usual. He moved out of the home, I didnt care at first, I was glad he was finally gone. But then I did some sole searching and decided I was done playing those horrible hurtful games. I promised him I would be a better wife and I would prove it to him. Even though we were seperated he was still there for my kids and me. I asked if he wanted a divorse he said no. he has always said that he loved me considered me his best friend, and that we were having problems, but that he didnt want a divorse. I figured I would give him some time, so I didnt harass him about getting back togather or beg him to come home. I figured I would show him this time that I really did love and care for him and that I was so sorry for all the horrible things I did to him and our marraige. So I was bound and determind to show him that this time I meant business and that I was 100% serious,I quit drinking hanging out at the bars hanging out with shady people, quit acting like a slutt, got a job took care of myself and the kids and the house. After about 9 months later I ask if he would come home, since in the past I was never able to stay away from the bars or cheating on him for that long in the past, he said he would think about it, but then didnt. I ask him why he said if I wanted to be his wife then I would wait but he is not asking me to wait for him and if I wanted to get back on with my life I could he didnt care, but that if I did want to be his wife then I would wait for him since he waited for me all those years. But that he was not ready to get back with me as a husband. Again he is still there any time I need him, or any time the kids need him, which he treats as his own children. So now its been about 2 years that we have been seperated. We still have sex occassionally, he comes over when we ask him to come over. He still takes care of the car maintence, and still cuts my sons hair, takes the kids every saturday evening to spend time with them, and he still assist me with the childrens school, discipline, etc.........and here we are 2 years later, still I dont go to the bars, or drink, or go out with my friends all night, or go to places that would cause people to talk about me, I am still working and still taking care of myself and the kids without going to him for money, and I still have been faithfull to him 100%. Recently I talked to him again about us getting back togather, and once again he says he doesnt want a divorse, but he is not ready to be my husband again. I know 100% he has not cheated on me during our whole marraige. But he has told me if I want to get on with my life, then I can, he wasnt asking me to wait around for him, and if I wanted a divorse then I can file for one but he wasnt going to divorse me on his own. Or if I still wanted to wait for him, then I could but he wasnt asking me to do that. I ask him if he still loves me or has feelings for me, he says he does love me and care for me, he doesnt hate me, but that he is NOT IN LOVE with me anymore. I am crushed, I thought that after 2 years of showing him I have changed for the better and was ready to be the wife I shoudl have been a long time ago, that he would decide to come back home. But he doesnt want to..............again like I said before he is always there for me when I need him but I have to call him. He never just calls me to say hi or even come over to just spend time with me unless I call him and do the asking. And the longer we are seperated the less sex and time we spend togather. I keep feeling as if we are just drifting apart farther and farther. I want my husband back, I miss him terribly, and I miss the best friend I had. I want them both back. I want my family back togather, I want to be a good wife to him, and a great partner. I know now that I have changed the way I live and think that we could have a wonderful marraige, and a happy family. But he just wont give me the opportunity to show him that I have changed. He wont give us the opportunity to be a husband and wife. So please I need some desperate help here. I want to save this marraige, I want to win my husband back again. I want to have my husband fall in love with me again. I want my children to have him back as well. Even though they are not biologically his children he treats them as they were and they treat him as if he was there birth father. I dont know what to do to bring our family back togather................what do I do now......please help me.....I am so desperate to have him back in our lives 100% Ijust dont know what else to do or to show him, or to do to have him fall in love with me like he used to be...................I have read books after book looking for answers, but hey are all christian books, and my husband is Muslim so asking my husband to go to church with me and pray with me wont help............in the past all I ever had to do was just hound him and beg him to come home and eventually he did......but this time it has been 2 years, and I am lonely and missing him terribly. I am needing some advice preferably from some men that have had wives cheat on them, and what would have helped them if anything, that the wife could have done or said to them to make things better. I know he doesnt want a divorse, he has made that clear, but he has also made it clear he wouldnt put up a figt if I did decide to get a divorse. So now what can I do, or say, to show him I really want him home, and that I am ready to be the wife he used to want.......... or is it to late for us, and am I waisting my time and his time. I do think that the biggest reason for him not wanting to get back togather as a husband and wife and live togather has so much to do with his friends.......I am positive his friends have a lot to do with him not returning. I am positive they are on him daily about having a slutt for a wife, and that he shouldnt go back and that he can do better without me. I know this because he tells me all his friends tell him he can do better all the time. And when he is with his friends when I call, he does act like a jerk to me, and treats me like crap, and acts like I am bothering him, and that he doesnt want me to call him. I guess to show his friends that he is not with me. But if I ask him to call me later or to come over to my apt he will, and he is not acting like he was when his friends were around. If you suggest counseling, he wont do that. I have suggested it several times and he refuses.........but now I am at a point where I want to have him in my life so we can get on with our lives togather, and I am wondering if he wont get back with me, if I am ready to get on without him..........which scares me to death......I cant imagine my life without him in it.......so please please please I am desperate and I am begging for some good suggestions...........and please dont just reply to me to tell me how horrible I am and that I am getting what I deserve, because I feel that I am getting what I deserve, and I feel that I dont deserve him in my life, but since he doesnt want a divorse and he is still here when we need him, I have to think that there is a huge chance to save this marraige, but I dont know how.......I dont want to throw away 8 years of a best friend or 8 years of having the best husband in the world................I want to salvage it, I want to have my husband fall in love with me like before........what do I do? 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LILUIL Posted May 31, 2004 Share Posted May 31, 2004 If he doesnt want to go to counseling with you, can you go to counseling alone.... that's all i can think of to say right now. I feel sorry for you, for your husband and for your kids. Link to post Share on other sites
hope&pray Posted May 31, 2004 Share Posted May 31, 2004 You have to give him time and space to think about what he wants. If you continue to tell him what you want, any begging, pleading, I'll change, I'll do this, it'll be different etc... Most likely will only make things worse in his mind right now. Go to counseling youreslf if you have to, if he doesn't want to, don't beg him to. Take your time, the world should't be ending tomorrow. If you have to, start over. Be friends, date etc... Link to post Share on other sites
Fritz Posted June 1, 2004 Share Posted June 1, 2004 You might want to check out <URL removed> Link to post Share on other sites
taoking Posted June 1, 2004 Share Posted June 1, 2004 i can help you in getting him to love you again after all my wife was unfaithful to me also but i would like your help in helping find out why a wife would do that Link to post Share on other sites
Author samrekabi Posted June 2, 2004 Author Share Posted June 2, 2004 Originally posted by taoking i can help you in getting him to love you again after all my wife was unfaithful to me also but i would like your help in helping find out why a wife would do that thanks for offering to help, can you pm me or send me an [email protected] Link to post Share on other sites
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