flow15 Posted December 27, 2011 Share Posted December 27, 2011 I've just received a text message from my ex saying "I'm sorry", thats it. I'm actually in disbelief.... my story is here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t304401/ I never ever expected an apology from him, I didn't think he could even see what he was doing to me.... However it may just be bull**** cos I've been nearly 2 months NC and this time I have shut him off for good, ie.. deleted and blocked him from everything. (last time I went NC I didn't do all that) and maybe he is trying to get my attention again?! I don't know what to do, I know I should ignore it, but just today I was thinking about him loads, as if I knew he was going to contact.... I was thinking what if he's the only one for me? Cos it is taking me quite a while to forget about him... What do you guys think, is this text him just trying to get my attention, or is it genuine? I haven't heard from him at all since the beginning of nov when I told him I was walking away from him for good. I know its only two words, but my ex is extremely stubborn, he NEVER says sorry EVER. So it is pretty huge that he is apologising..... Link to post Share on other sites
smokey bear Posted December 27, 2011 Share Posted December 27, 2011 Ask him what for? Link to post Share on other sites
gibson Posted December 27, 2011 Share Posted December 27, 2011 Ask him what for? I agree with smokey 1000%. Link to post Share on other sites
Melrapuo Posted December 27, 2011 Share Posted December 27, 2011 I third that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author flow15 Posted December 27, 2011 Author Share Posted December 27, 2011 (edited) Why should I ask him that though? I know why he is apologising, obviously for hurting me! no? Also, isn't that against the rules of NC!? Edited December 27, 2011 by flow15 Link to post Share on other sites
gibson Posted December 27, 2011 Share Posted December 27, 2011 Why should I ask him that though? I know why he is apologising, obviously for hurting me! no? Also, isn't that against the rules of NC!? NC is to heal. If you are not healed, you don't care, you don't want to talk or you don't want them back, then leave it alone. Otherwise, at some point you do have to communicate with your Ex if want to have a friendship, relationship or more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author flow15 Posted December 27, 2011 Author Share Posted December 27, 2011 but why should i ask him what hes apologising for, if its pretty obvious? Link to post Share on other sites
gibson Posted December 27, 2011 Share Posted December 27, 2011 but why should i ask him what hes apologising for, if its pretty obvious? If you are happy with his message and do not want to communicate, then don't respond. Do you want to talk, a friendship, something more? If so, send the message smokey suggested. Link to post Share on other sites
Author flow15 Posted December 27, 2011 Author Share Posted December 27, 2011 i already tried having a friendship or something more with him before, and he was an ******* to me. that is why hes apologising.... he doesnt want anything, he probably feels bad, i see no point in replying. i would love to know why he is apologising now, but i dontthink i would get an answer.... Link to post Share on other sites
gibson Posted December 27, 2011 Share Posted December 27, 2011 i already tried having a friendship or something more with him before, and he was an ******* to me. That was then, this is now. he doesnt want anything You sure about that? i see no point in replying. Then don't. i would love to know why he is apologising now, but i dontthink i would get an answer.... If you do not care or will not be affected by the response, ask. What do you have to lose? Nothing. However, if it will cause you problems, then don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Melrapuo Posted December 27, 2011 Share Posted December 27, 2011 i already tried having a friendship or something more with him before, and he was an ******* to me. that is why hes apologising.... he doesnt want anything, he probably feels bad, i see no point in replying. i would love to know why he is apologising now, but i dontthink i would get an answer.... I'm sure you didn't think you were going to get an "I'm sorry" text message today either. If you feel as though you need an explanation, by all means ask him. If you can separate yourself from the relationship and look at it in terms of just needing that closure, then the only way you'll know is if you ask. Link to post Share on other sites
Randybrandt Posted December 27, 2011 Share Posted December 27, 2011 My ex said she was sorry for ever hurting me yesterday which must of taken alot of courage because she was a immature person when it came to dumping me and cheating on me. She said she was sorry for the way things happened and she never meant to hurt me and she also said she is sorry she wasn't honest when I found out she was cheating. I was very upset with her for a long,long time and I was never going to contact her but she reached out to me and said she was sorry and while I do not think her behavior is certainly good by any means I do think it shows she is accepting she messed up and is truely sorry. I may even hang out with her in the distant future but for now I am happy she admitted she was wrong. It shows us that our exes do have some heart after all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author flow15 Posted December 28, 2011 Author Share Posted December 28, 2011 Update: So I decided to ask him and he replied saying that I didn't deserve to be treated that way, that he's realised he was wrong and had to tell me that he is sorry. I've been so angry and upset with him so long, and all this time I believed he was an ******* that couldn't see what he was doing to me...turns out he has a heart after all. Should I reply saying, thanks that means a lot... or should I not bother replying? He didn't ask any questions, so I don't think he wants to continue a conversation... maybe he just felt bad and needed to get it off his chest.... but just because an ex apologises doesn't mean it means something right?? Link to post Share on other sites
Randybrandt Posted December 28, 2011 Share Posted December 28, 2011 Reply!!! He is clearly trying to turn over a new leaf and maybe trying to be a better person much like my ex girlfriend. I admit I am not happy with her past actions but I do realize she did appologize and it shows she is trying to be a better person. I realized 2012 is around the corner and I can harbor all this anger towards my ex but for what? Yes she was evil in doing what she did but at the same time she finally broke down and said appologized which can take alot of guts let me tell you. I say reply and say you forgive him and while you do not like his past actions you do forgive him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author flow15 Posted December 28, 2011 Author Share Posted December 28, 2011 I told him I forgive him... As I don't think it could have been easy for him to do it. He didn't reply... But then I guess there's nothing more to say. An apology doesn't mean he wants to b friends or wants me back, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted December 28, 2011 Share Posted December 28, 2011 There are different reasons for an apology. The mature route that I hope this person has taken is to be truly sorry for the problems of the past and verbalizing the apology is important to his own healing. The immature route is using it to keep a connection or check up on how much you are still pining over him. This is sadly the route most often taken. Link to post Share on other sites
Author flow15 Posted December 28, 2011 Author Share Posted December 28, 2011 Do you think I did the right thing by responding? Will forgiving him make him think I'm still pining?? Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted December 28, 2011 Share Posted December 28, 2011 It depends on what you sent. If you sent a short mature response without any extra strings such as "Thank you for the apology. I forgive you." it will not show any sort of pining to a normal person. He is free to interpret it in any way though. Normal people would take a response like the one above to show no sort of lingering feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted December 28, 2011 Share Posted December 28, 2011 I told him I forgive him... As I don't think it could have been easy for him to do it. He didn't reply... But then I guess there's nothing more to say. An apology doesn't mean he wants to b friends or wants me back, right? it doesn't matter what the apology means to him. all that matters is what it means to you. i mean-- it's nice of him to say that he's sorry. but that doesn't change things or the way he treated you. so he has a conscience. good for him. hopefully he'll use it moving forward. as you said - - there is nothing more to say. he apologized. you accepted. just continue on with NC... Link to post Share on other sites
Author flow15 Posted December 28, 2011 Author Share Posted December 28, 2011 It depends on what you sent. If you sent a short mature response without any extra strings such as "Thank you for the apology. I forgive you." it will not show any sort of pining to a normal person. He is free to interpret it in any way though. Normal people would take a response like the one above to show no sort of lingering feelings. Well in the text I sent him, I told him 'I know that couldn't have been easy for you, thank you it means a lot. even though I didnt like the way you behaved, I forgive you.' I hope it won't show him that I'm still pining and that I'm here for when he wants!! MY friend told me that he only sent the message cos he's bored and looking for an ego boost, but he could have just asked how I was not apologised.... So I do think he is being genuine.... Either way, I guess it doesn't matter cos he didn't reply or said/asked anything else....So I guess its back to NC... Link to post Share on other sites
Randybrandt Posted December 28, 2011 Share Posted December 28, 2011 (edited) I get what you are saying radio and in my case I know I shouldn't of broke the NC but she seemed sincere and even though she was an evil,evil person and she shattered my heart it showed growth maybe that she realized I made a mistake. Maybe the guilt was gnawing away at her for breaking my heart the way she did and maybe when I said Karma tends to bite people things started happening to her that freaked her out so she said I better be a bigger person and appologize if it was sincere or not I still forgive her. Oddily she wants to still be mates and she still loves me ( not in a shagging way or a romantic way) she still loves and cares about me and I am slowly getting over her and OP I am sure you are too and maybe he wants to be friends with you ( not really sure) but I said to my ex I forgive you but I do not forgive your past actions. Maybe someday we can hang out and be mates nothing romantic or anything but in the meantime I will only be someone you know. Becoming a mate with you will take sometime . Sorry I have seemed to have taken over your post. I was trying to give a little insight maybe you are going through the same thing. Sorry about that mate. I am sorry he didn't ask anything else just appologized that seems kinda mean. Edited December 28, 2011 by Randybrandt Link to post Share on other sites
Author flow15 Posted December 28, 2011 Author Share Posted December 28, 2011 I get what you are saying radio and in my case I know I shouldn't of broke the NC but she seemed sincere and even though she was an evil,evil person and she shattered my heart it showed growth maybe that she realized I made a mistake. Maybe the guilt was gnawing away at her for breaking my heart the way she did and maybe when I said Karma tends to bite people things started happening to her that freaked her out so she said I better be a bigger person and appologize if it was sincere or not I still forgive her. Oddily she wants to still be mates and she still loves me ( not in a shagging way or a romantic way) she still loves and cares about me and I am slowly getting over her and OP I am sure you are too and maybe he wants to be friends with you ( not really sure) but I said to my ex I forgive you but I do not forgive your past actions. Maybe someday we can hang out and be mates nothing romantic or anything but in the meantime I will only be someone you know. Becoming a mate with you will take sometime . Sorry I have seemed to have taken over your post. I was trying to give a little insight maybe you are going through the same thing. Sorry about that mate. I am sorry he didn't ask anything else just appologized that seems kinda mean. Don't apologise, I like to get people's opinions!! Do you think it was mean then the fact that he only apologised?? Maybe he just doesn't know what to say, or doesn't know how I would react? Either way, for now, I am happy with just the apology.. I don't think I could handle having a conversation with him straight away. But now I know he's sorry, I'm open to having a conversation in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
Randybrandt Posted December 28, 2011 Share Posted December 28, 2011 Even if he didn't say anything else it shows maturity on his part that he is realizing hey I hurt her feelings and perhaps he wanted to say more but wasn't sure what to say. My ex I am still a little bitter with her the way she wasn't honest and never talked about anything and when I finally found out she was in another relationship I was upset and angry because I truely cared about her. Flash forward to almost a week and half later she says I am sorry for ever hurting you Randy. I never intended to do that and I am very,very sorry. I accepted her appology and she said she still cares for me ( if though she broke my heart but that is another story) and still wants to be my mate but at this point in time I am not ready to her about her new beau and how happy she is meanwhile I am alone. I am like you I wouldn't mind having conversations with her in the near future but right now I am just not ready. I am sure as time goes by and our wounds heal we can perhaps be friendly with our exes but we need our wounds to heal first. Link to post Share on other sites
Author flow15 Posted December 29, 2011 Author Share Posted December 29, 2011 Argh!! Now I keep wondering whether I did the right thing by forgiving him! By forgiving him it has helped me to let go of all the resentment and bitterness I was feeling towards him, cos I can see now he has a heart (if the apology is genuine)... but it doesn't mean that I've forgotten how much he hurt me.. Would he think that because I forgave him it means the way he treated me was ok?! ie.. that I don't have respect for myself? I'm feeling so confused right now! Link to post Share on other sites
Randybrandt Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 I am confused now too! Argh! I am now starting to wonder the same thing.Oddily enough she hasnt spoken one peep since she has appologized. I am confused more now! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts