She's engaged!

[LK30]

Well my brother and his girlfriend of 2 years got engaged yesterday and very pleased for them. He's younger, and what with my younger sister engaged already I'm obviously thrilled but being single myself makes me look at my own situation with a bit of envy and sadness.

 

I split with my ex in Jan 2010 and I've written on this site lots of times as I never really came to terms with it even though I broke it off with her.

 

Anyway I stupidly looked for her on FB today (we're not friends on there) and her profile is private, but after 2 years of the same picture there's now a new one - and it's a picture of her hand with an engagement ring. I expect that was her Xmas present!

 

Obviously I has to expect her to move on, but I've just sat here now and my heart started beating really fast and felt gutted. I suppose it's closure, but hard as I still think about her most days even though I feel like I've dealt with my feelings enough.

 

I always knew she was keen to settle down, and we even talked about engagement. Like I said at the beginning of the message, it makes you look at your own situation, and look where I am now, lonely and single and no signs of anything changing.

 

I wish I had never looked at FB now as it's Xmas and I'm feeling quite upset now :-(

[IfiKnewThen]

why did u break up with her? try to remember that.

 

also are you still in love with her? or just sad that you dont have anyone you love and loves you back in your life.

 

just trying to understand this all. i understand it hurts to see others move on and feel left behind. but are you in love with this woman and why did you not feel you could work anything out after all this time? why didnt you contact her?\

 

just wondering. not judging at all.

[LK30]

Thanks for the reply, it's appreciated!

 

We did get on really well and I think it's one of those cheesey cliches - I think it was me not her as I usually start off really good in relationships and then I can't sustain them. My brother never liked her and unfortunately it was enough to make me doubt her.

 

I wouldn't say I'm in love with her as I don't really think I've ever really loved anyone and now 32 (does that sounds a bit unbelievable?!). I think you're dead right, part of it is the fact I feel unwanted and yet again I'm left behind and feel very unloved romantically.

 

I think when we split she was stubborn and I tried to ask for another chance but she said no and stuck to her guns. So, even tho it was me that suggested a break, it was her that bluffed me in a way, so I came off feeling rejected! I did send her a Valentine's poem in Feb this year and she never responded. I even e-mailed her and she just replied saying 'what do you want?' so I took that as advice not to respond.

 

I think I've got a long way to go to find happiness :-(

 

I've recently found myself engaging in long FB messages with a girl I met recently who's 10 years younger. There's no way we'd work out but I'm just feeling low and any attention makes me want more.

[CopingGal]

Hi. Sorry about your pain. That is exactly why I don't go to my ex's page. I have him blocked so his page never comes up, even if I put in his name. I'm so glad. I fought myself today and after reading your post I know I did the right thing. He's engaged, but I don't need to see his face or read anything about his life.

[LK30]

Yes, you're right. I never should have looked! Feeling really low at the moment just mainly because every relationship or love interest i've shown has failed.

[CopingGal]

My have all failed too. But you know, I'm glad they all did. My first relationship was nice, but he had serious problems. He cheated on me, but it was after I went away to school. I dont' even think it affected me much. After that, every relationship I had was with a jackass except one. With that one we were more like friends so it didn't last, but we became the best friends in the world. I'm glad none of my relationships worked out, especially this last one. I would not have wanted to be married to any of them.

 

AFter reading self-help books and doing the exercises, I look at relationships differently now. My parents had a horrible marriage so I had to learn this stuff on my own. It's not enough that I like a guy. He has to be good to me. He has to respect me. We have to fit well. Or I have to leave. It took me years, years, and more years to learn that. My father did not respect me mom. I guess deep inside I thought that was the way it was supposed to be. Now I know differently.

[Almond_Joy]

Hi. Sorry about your pain. That is exactly why I don't go to my ex's page. I have him blocked so his page never comes up, even if I put in his name. I'm so glad. I fought myself today and after reading your post I know I did the right thing. He's engaged, but I don't need to see his face or read anything about his life.

 

 

I just unblocked my ex a couple days ago, to test myself. The last time I looked at his fb I got that sock to the chest LK mentioned because he was in a relationship. I checked it again after I unblocked him a couple days ago, and all I could muster was interest. I was so curious about the type of girl he really wanted all along, the one he left me for. And they definitely look like they're a much better match than him and I ever were.

 

My ex went about splitting in a horrible way, but he did what was best for himself. Turned out that that was the best thing for me too.

[radiodarcy]

sorry to hear that LK30. if it's any consolation, my ex contacted me after 8 months of NC to gleefully report that his girlfriend is pregnant :/

 

and that was the day after i de-activated my facebook acct (although i hadnt looked at his in over year - - i confess that i did snap and try. but he either blocked me or took it down)

 

would i have been better off not knowing? of course. but there nothing i can do about it now - - it is what it is. i did toss and turn quite a bit when i tried to go to sleep last night. but i have to say - - i'm handling it much better than i thought i would.

 

much of that is due to NC. but i also feel that this latest bit of news from him is even more of an incentive for me to stick to NC and continue to move forward.