screaming for help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[izsel]

I wrote earlier and no one responded, I guess I made it too long (Lost Lovers).

 

Basically, I'm in love with my ex. And I don't know what his feelings are. He lives in another state, he does have a girl friend (and they have two kids together)! I know, bad news! But, he is and always has been the only one for me! I need some advice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

If this isn't enough info, please read Lost Lovers!!!!!! It tells you the entire situation!

 

Screaming for help,

 

izsel

[zoomer]

I read parts of your story...admit not its entirety... my thoughts immediately...Past relationships, ten years past, no matter how wonderfully romantic..etc, is just that, the Past. You are married right? I thought you said he was married too...now it's a girlfriend? Anyway, you can not go back. If he were your soul-mate the relationship would have never dissolved regardless of your circumstances. Be grateful and thankful of the times you had and realize that he is your past. You will only cause heartache and pain for all involved if you proceed with these "fantasy thoughts" of yours. ...Just my opinion... I've had past lovers who were absolutely wonderful and hard to forget...but they are certainly not worth risking it all for.

[izsel]

I suppose I forgot to say that he had gone through two relationships, as well. He was married, then he devorced and now he is with this girlfriend of his (and they have two kids together). So, I wasn't changing my story.

 

And what you said makes sense to someone who has never truely found their true love.

 

There is a bond between us, he has quitely shone it to me. I will never let go of him. One day we will be back together. I know this.

 

I left him when I was 20! We were kids, and through all the years apart, we have continued to say we love each other (in our own ways), I guess, I am just looking for the right time to make it our time again.

 

I truely believe he is my soul mate, if not, why do we have this bond? It's not one sided! Together we have been having a secret love affair ... in our minds ... and one day we will not have to hide!

 

Oh, and one more thing, everything that I wrote is the truth not fantacy at all! He is and always will be the perfect man for me.

 

Risking it all for? I would be risking it all not being with him.

[sportsloving]

The past is always prettier when looking at it a few years later. If things had been so perfect back then, you would still be together.

 

He is in a relationship, has he (all these years later) decided that you are the one? And what about his girlfriend, his children? What about your husband or children?

 

I think it is best to let the past stay in the past. We tend to color our past rosy... but if it was so perfect, how is it you two didn't stay together?

 

I think you are willing to sacrifice a lot of people's feelings, emotions and lives for a memory. If you are so unhappy in your marriage, don't look to this guy to fix the problems ... either try counseling or get a divorce. Spend some time on your own dealing with things, and then you will be free to look for a loving relationship. Jumping from the frying pan to the fire rarely if ever works.

 

Good luck to you, I know it isn't what you wanted to hear but I think it best you leave this situation alone and work on yourself rather than look for a bandaid.

[izsel]

I understand what you are saying. I have been in relationships after him (and have also ended), that I thought he was the one. But, I looked deep inside, remembered why we broke up and there were reasons and reasons why I will never venture in that direction again. But, Wilson was, is different. I broke up with him (not the other way). We broke up because he was immature. It's been 10 years! I have stayed in contact with this man. I want to get to know him again. I also know that I'm in love with what used to be ... and I also know that we may have changed into people that are just not compatable. I know all the sacrifices, I know all risks ... I just have to know. There's a 50%/50% change that I am right or that I am wrong.

 

I guess, I was hoping for some hopeless romantic to feel the same way as me.

[zoomer]

Originally posted by izsel

I suppose I forgot to say that he had gone through two relationships, as well. He was married, then he devorced and now he is with this girlfriend of his (and they have two kids together). So, I wasn't changing my story.

You did say girlfriend ...my mistake...I said, "I thought"

 

And what you said makes sense to someone who has never truely found their true love.

 

I don't know how old you are, and maybe you told that too... but, I am happily married and have felt "true love" more than once. I certainly didn't mean that you didn't or don't truly love this man. I don't doubt that for a minute. It just breaks my heart that you can't direct your attention and love, affection, passion, etc, to the man you are married. This is mainly for the sake of your children and the man that probably loves you very much. You married him for a reason. Did you love him?

 

 

I left him when I was 20! We were kids

 

This is only my opinion on the age....Your memory is that of a 20 year old. How old are you now? For instance, my memory of things at a younger age....are very different when I see and experience them today. Understand what I'm saying?

 

 

Oh, and one more thing, everything that I wrote is the truth not fantacy at all!

 

I apologize if I indicated that you were not telling the truth, that's was not my intention. You seem to have gotten angry with me and all I wanted to do was answer your posts honestly with "MY Opinion". I certainly haven't lived through your life therefore, there is no way I could know what you are feeling or going through. I also would never judge another, that's not my job. I just wanted to give you my perspective on your story, as you told it. I wish you all the best in the world and hope you find your happiness.

 

Risking it all for? I would be risking it all not being with him.

I was only thinking of the children.

Children are very special to me and I am raising five , 4 of whom have come from broken homes. They are well adjusted and very happy. It's just that any child in a broken home has to go through an ordeal they should never have to experience.

Good Luck to you

[winterwonderland]

Are you guys still contacting each other? Because you said that you say you love each other in your own special ways. If that was so and I was the gf or wife I would never allow you to speak to him, to see him, or even call him on the phone etc. Live is to short for for what you are doing and feeling and in my mind it is cheating and it won't take long before someone acts on it. Then what. I would never allow my bf or husband to have someoen like u in his life no matter how long the friendship. Oh and by the way. That isn't a friendship. It is wanting more. No wonder there is such a high divorce rate. Nobody respects relationships anymore

[sportsloving]

But, I looked deep inside, remembered why we broke up and there were reasons and reasons why I will never venture in that direction again. But, Wilson was, is different. I broke up with him (not the other way).

 

You broke up with him 10 years ago. It doesn't matter whom broke it off, the point is it broke off. You lived your life, got married, had children. He has done the same.

 

I have stayed in contact with this man. I want to get to know him again. I also know that I'm in love with what used to be ... and I also know that we may have changed into people that are just not compatable.

 

How are you staying in contact? You said you want to get to know him again, but if you are in contact for the past 10 years, you should have a fair idea of him. Being in love with what used to be is fine, but that isn't what the reality is now. Are you really willing to give up your home, husband, and possibly children for someone you may or may not be compatable with? And what is his take on all of this? Is he willing to drop his life as he knows it to be with you for that 50/50 shot?

 

I guess, I was hoping for some hopeless romantic to feel the same way as me.

 

A lot of people on this board are hopless romantics and love to see true love conquer all. But the situation you are coloring for us seems to have the effect of a hurricane and will blow and destroy many peoples lives. So when you take the pros vs the cons, it just seems the best reality is for you to work on yourself before involving others in your life.

 

If your marriage is over and done, then by gosh get out, get a divorce and let the husband go. Don't be looking for a new relationship with anyone til you are free to do so. That only makes it worse for others.

 

I am also asking that you seriously think this entire sitation out ... not as a love sick person longing from someone in the past... but if your friend told you this story, what would you tell her to do? And I would really love to hear what the "other guy" says about all this. Does he know your feelings? Does he share them? Or is this just your side and he is clueless?

 

Good luck to you. I know this is a message board and you are free to do what you wish, but I seriously hope you will truly think it all out before you react on feelings from 10 years ago.

[izsel]

WOW! I really got ripped! First of all, I guess I should answer the question some of you have been asking. I am 30. The children are mine, not the man I am married too. They are from my first marriage. The man I am with, we don't have a relationship. I take care of the house, his children (my step-children - which are 16 yr. old twins, with major problems), my children (5 & 7 year olds, the other has major problems, emotionally), he cheats on me (physically), he is never intimate with me, we fight constantly ... but, I have RESPONSIBILITIES.

 

I over re-acted. I saw Wil, I remembered what I wanted to remember. I remembered all the things that Wilson did and my husband refuses to do for me. Fantacy? No, it WAS the truth, but now it has become a fantacy. Some thing I will never have. No, not Wilson ... but true love. I had it once and I let it slip away.

 

I hold on, maybe a little too tight to the thought of Wilson, but some days that is the only thing that keeps me going.

 

I really am a nice person, I have never been a home wrecker, I didn't even divorce my first husband (he divorced me).

 

Excluding my children, the only time I have truely felt alive (being loved by another adult) is for two years of my life. I let it go, I lost it, my soul died. I don't think I will ever find true love again. He was it ... and now he is gone.

 

Thank you for letting me see that love is all a lie, love is a game, love is painful ... if love is my husband now?! I never want to be in love again.

[sportsloving]

WOW! I really got ripped!

 

I am sorry you feel you got ripped, personally I was only trying to make you see the reality and not the fantasy.

 

The man I am with, we don't have a relationship. I take care of the house, his children (my step-children - which are 16 yr. old twins, with major problems), my children (5 & 7 year olds, the other has major problems, emotionally), he cheats on me (physically), he is never intimate with me, we fight constantly ... but, I have RESPONSIBILITIES.

 

Then I would say it is time for you to get out of a relationship that is making you feel as if you are not worth any love. Everyone in this world has responsibility, but your very first responsibility should be to yourself and your children. Keep in mind that your relationship does affect your children, and what you may not realize is that if you are settling for less than the best ... your children will grow and believe the same of themselves. (Trust me, this I know from experience).

 

 

I over re-acted. I saw Wil, I remembered what I wanted to remember

 

That is the best thing about the past, we look back with rosy glasses and think, wow, I had it so good when at the time ... it wasn't so great or it was a lot different than we remember. But don't be basing your future on your memories of the past ... base your future on what you know to be true.

 

I really am a nice person, I have never been a home wrecker, I didn't even divorce my first husband (he divorced me).

 

I don't believe anyone is arguing if you are nice or not. Perhaps a bit to nice to stick around in a marriage that is destructive to your self worth, but that is something only you can fix or change. I would call around and check out some counseling, it sounds like you need someone to talk to.

 

 

Thank you for letting me see that love is all a lie, love is a game, love is painful ... if love is my husband now?! I never want to be in love again.

 

Do you honestly believe that what you have with your husband is Love? Love is not a lie, nor a game ... but it can be quite painful. But if you truly love and are loved, it is the most gracious and beautiful gift in the world. Don't give up on Love, and really do not give up on yourself. You deserve to be loved, cherished, and all those wonderous things .... but you are going to have to deal with your today to get to tomorrow.

 

Best wishes and I will keep you in my thoughts.

[Kizzyfur]

Personally I'm kinda confused. If you feel it's meant to be, you both love one another, and you're still in contact, why aren't you together now?

[amyfrank2442]

WOW ! for one get over him I know you think you still love him or whatever but there is someone else out there for you!

 

Beleive I know I have been through that situation before and made a complete fool out of my-self.

 

Now I am happly married and loving it So just forget about him and his other girl b/c the only thing its going to do to you is make you crazy.

 

So just try other people!

[cookie86]

I have been with my husband for 13 years. Married for 3. He has a daughter with a female that has the same problem as you described. He has never asked me for a divorce but told the daughter's mother that he was leaving to be back with her for 13 years. How can someone allow themselves to be held captive with no type of life for so long. My first husband tried to come back home but I knew that I could not forgive him and now that I am older, I realize that if I can put up with my husband's b.s. I could have taken him back. None of this is working for me. I know that my husband slept with his daughter's mother and he told me that it was to keep from paying 17% child support but I know it was all about control and I feel that it was prostitution because she did it for the money.

[Mary3]

My Gawd ! What a precious waste of your life harboring feelings for someone from soooooooo long ago.

 

How unfair to you !

 

How unfair to your husband !

 

Kids ! ( if any )

 

How unfair to the ex ! and his wife and his gf .....( future wives and gf's )

 

A truck could hit you tomorrow and what did you do with your life ? Where could you have gone ?

 

Let it go....you will need LOTS of help to do that.

 

let it go into the past where it belongs.

 

He needs to let it go too . NC for you both immediately

[shygurl]

Originally posted by izsel

I guess, I was hoping for some hopeless romantic to feel the same way as me.

 

It doesn't matter one dang bit what us strangers on the internet think or feel or how hopelessly romantic we might be.........the point is, you're living a huge fantasy world.

 

You're married - if you're not happy in your marriage then be a real woman and do the RIGHT THING and get a divorce, then pursue other relationships - don't be a skank and have an affair.

 

As for your Ex, he's not available, he's in a relationship with the mother of his CHILDREN. Have some pride and self respect - for yourself and for his girlfriend. She surely doesn't deserve to have some old flame (you) chasing her partner/children's Daddy - having an affair with him.

 

I think you outta get some professional help, you seem out of control, living in lala-land, you have unrealistic ideas about what real love is and you're living in the past.