CopingGal Posted December 28, 2011 Share Posted December 28, 2011 I know that dumpers have a bad reputation on this site, but sometimes it is necessary to dump someone. Dumpers have feelings too. We hurt too. I had to dump my ex. He would not call me. He would not return my calls. He would not email me. I barely saw him. He hid me from his family and friends. What choice did I have? Sometimes dumping really is best. Dumpers experience profound pain too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Kamila Posted December 28, 2011 Share Posted December 28, 2011 I know how you feel. Sometimes I have this feeling too. That, us, dumpers are inconsiderate of the dumpee's feelings. Which is not true at all. You dump someone because you're feeling as though you're giving yourself 200% but you're only receiving 1%. The dumpee acts in a cruel way and is almost begging for you to dump him/her. You almost don't have a choice: you have to dump that person otherwise you'll go insane. We experience pain and guilt from dumping. It's really hard. Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted December 28, 2011 Share Posted December 28, 2011 Of course not all dumpers are bad. Everyone has their good parts and bad parts. They just were a bad match for you. Link to post Share on other sites
fallenenvy Posted December 28, 2011 Share Posted December 28, 2011 Agreed. I hate always seeing how dumpers are soulless hateful people only out for the destruction and pain of another. Sometimes things just arnt going to work and someones gotta point that out.... And yes.. it hurts.. both parties. Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted December 28, 2011 Share Posted December 28, 2011 i agree. i've never dumped anyone. but in my case - - he dumped me because he didn't feel as though he could give me the relationship i wanted and that he knew i deserved. i was the one putting 110% into trying to make it happen. but he just wasn't feeling it. so he let me go. i'm not sure if he felt any real pain over his decision. but i'm sure it wasn't an easy one to make. no one likes to be the bad guy and hurt someone else's feelings. but sometimes it has to be done. Link to post Share on other sites
ZimboGon Posted December 28, 2011 Share Posted December 28, 2011 I will agree, some dumpers are not that bad at all. I've dumped 3 people in my life, and i didn't enjoy doing it. I didn't love them like they loved me, and i couldn't possibly stand the idea of leading them along in the relationship with me. Some, however, are. My ex, whom i dated for a year and a half, met a guy around september. She then kept me around as a security blanket just in case, as she talked and flirted with him because she found our relationship to be 'boring', and she randomly dumped me one night in november after we got back from a trip that cost me 300$, and then kept leading me on so i could be her plan B. Then i caught them in bed together, and i just got fed up with the lies. They've been together 5 weeks and word is they aren't doing too well =P 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bbronco Posted December 28, 2011 Share Posted December 28, 2011 Yes, I totally agree on this! It's not that you care about the person any less...you're just not satisfied with how the relationship is and the direction it's heading. I know for me, I didn't feel like my ex was making our relationship a priority, was getting lazy, and ultimately taking me and my efforts in the relationship for granted. You can't keep communicating what's bothering you, not see any changes, and keep going with it. Eventually, breaking up seems like the logical choice...almost a wake up call to the ex. I know going forward though..I will def. analyze what a break up will do to my emotions as the dumper since I wasn't expecting such long drawn out grief to be continuing! Link to post Share on other sites
SimonSerenade Posted December 28, 2011 Share Posted December 28, 2011 I can agree with this, for the longest time I was blinded by anger and sadness but once the storm had passed, I knew she did what was right in her mind, she had changed so much, she didn't treat me right yet she couldn't stop it so she had to stop it, she had to stop hurting me, for good, deep down I think she knew I deserved to be treated better and that just wasn't in her to do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CopingGal Posted December 28, 2011 Author Share Posted December 28, 2011 Some, however, are. My ex, whom i dated for a year and a half, met a guy around september. She then kept me around as a security blanket just in case, as she talked and flirted with him because she found our relationship to be 'boring', and she randomly dumped me one night in november after we got back from a trip that cost me 300$, and then kept leading me on so i could be her plan B. Then i caught them in bed together, and i just got fed up with the lies. They've been together 5 weeks and word is they aren't doing too well =P Sorry about that. Yes, I know all about Plan B. When people tell you they love you and that they are committed, and then just up and make you Plan B with no warning...it's just disgusting. Link to post Share on other sites
Wesker Posted December 28, 2011 Share Posted December 28, 2011 Some relationships don't last. I get that. If you can honestly say that you put 100% effort into it, and tried everthing possible to fix whatever may be broken, and yet in the end that wasn't enough. Then yes, not all dumpers are bad. Things just aren't meant to be. I wish that was the case with my ex of 7+ years. Being unhappy for over a year, pissing and moaning to everyone except the one person she should have talked to in the very beginning, me, is just inexcusable, unforgivable, and really pathetic. I feel cheated of the fact that I never even had a chance to change, and fix whatever was broken. It's true that dumpers go through the whole breakup well before actually doing it; but a year, really? I've never dumped anyone, but if that was my last, and only option, I wouldn't string someone alone for such a long time. I don't care if is, or isn't anyone new waiting in the wings. Link to post Share on other sites
childishregrets Posted December 28, 2011 Share Posted December 28, 2011 (edited) There are so many situations i agree its easy to just label it thier fault. I guess i am a Dumper....in a way but not in the usual way i guess as i feel i was manipulated by a serial rebounder. I think we finnished about 3 times in total but in reality it was more like saying i hate you or meaning a period of a few days where we would not talk then makeup on the weekends when we saw each other.All of this would happen on the phone i dont think we did argue much face to face.Usual first relationship mistakes! Dont discusss big issues on a bloody telephone! I was the only person who ever talked this way she never once talked about dumping me or said it to me even though i was equally as bad as her at times but never started the drama that broke us apart eventually.The only sign i got was her asking for a break about 3 months prior to the breakup which i refused. So one day i call her mobile and get screwed over with lies about having to phone her at the family home number if i wanted to talk ( have a previous thread on this and well ) which i did.When i called her mum told me she was out somewhere and when i called her mobile she said she was infact in the bath the first time,coming down the stairs the second time and finally for the 3rd call she convinced me she was standing beside the phone now and her mum just never saw her.Her mum went crazy at me and she was not at home after all but out somewhere else doing i dont know what so i told her we are finnished and we never spoke for 2 weeks.I waited all that time for her to say sorry or explain why or where she was.It never did come to this day.And her mum probably thinks i was acting crazy phoning asking for her daughter who i insisted was upstairs but she insisted that she was not What is the point of making someone fight with your mum by lying and making them believe your at home? I really felt at that age i had no choice but to make a stand and she used this as an excuse to punish me when after the 2 weeks of silence from her corner someone kissed me and i dont know why i kissed her either but i know i just wanted her to come back and say sorry.When i willingly told her she snapped and confessed to having had love offers and then started dating a guy we both knew and next thing they are moving in with within 6 weeks and then proceeded to ignored me for 8 years now and counting. Nice timing eh? What are the odds after being finnished for only two weeks that someone close to her sister makes love offers? There is a very good chance this was happening while we dated! I still have no idea and have bitter feelings BUT i do know one thing the day we run into each other and we will as we only live 10 miles from each other i will confront her about this and tell her just how much of a low scummy trick it was to do to someone.No fake smiles i want my answers! and a sorry! Dumpers can feel a tons of guilt like i punished myself for ages thinking it was my fault for dumping her and not talking about why she did what she did.The truth is she was cowardly and the reason she did it was due to love interest from another man, now her husband.I dont think she could face dumping me for him without testing the water first.The only way is by making them dump YOU and have them come begging back which i made the huge mistake of doing.And this is where i get played like a fiddle with makeup sex then to the point where im ignored and forgotten.Reverse the situation so the dumper now feels like the dumpee... classic evil genius! Sometimes dumping is the only choice.Im not sure knowing what i know now if i would reverse that decision now even though i know i was causing her to fall out of love with me due to resentment at her past mistakes. Edited December 28, 2011 by childishregrets Link to post Share on other sites
sunflowering Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 I broke up with my ex, about a month ago, because he told me he didn't know if he loved me (after 3 years, and 1 breakup) and couldn't see a future with me (I'm enjoying the present). Because we were young, I actually went back to him that same day and said I was willing to give him time, because we might not know what love really is. And he turned me down, saying he didn't want an on and off relationship. But basically, he only saw me as a friend, and didn't even know if he liked me. And he didn't want to keep me around out of reasons such as being lonely. Haha so even though I dumped him, it really feels like he dumped me. Again. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts