Want to make a family but ...

[Rafaela]

Relationship problems are another type of "stress" we all experience from time to time but for some couple conflicts can raise daily. (i am one of them).

Whoever been following or replying to my previous posts will know exactly how painful relationship i am into, full of stress, doubts, negative thoughts..ect

but i still can't believe how come we are still together and so attached.

This guy who i am dating for the last 2years has a psycho mother cannot leave us alone, she turned the whole family against him just because he started spending more time with me. she is thinking that I’m destroying her family. she also ruined our future marriage plans and caused a lot of stress in my relationship by feeding him crap like i am after his parents properties which is ridiculous,he knows very well that i am NOT a materialistic girl at all i actually i helped him in his worse days. i also was raised in a good family however she refused to meet me or even trying to offer me a chance to give her an idea about who i am, maybe because we are from different culture and religion ... no idea.

my boyfriend is completely attached to his family which is fine with me and something good but not when they decide for Him or doesn't stand for me when they insult me in my back.

i got fed up after i sacrificed and give a lot to this guy, i know he loves me too but he is soo weak in from of his family, he also told them that we broke up so they won't bother him.

Notice: he is my first man, i also decided to lose my virginity to him which was a big mistake i thought he will propose me based on his promise that we made last year, i am 22yrs old and very cultural girl that verginity does matters to me. it just gives me some pride in front of my man but it seems i was wrong about him, he is not the guy that keeps his words even he does care and loves me alot but this is not enough. for how long he will keep hiding me from his family and friends? for how long i am going to get disrespected from his mother? for how long i am going to forgive his broken promises?

 

i am reaching my max, i also started taking depression pills can you believeit?

 

anyways recently my mother started talking about a son of my father's friend who wants to get married but it is not really like arranged marriage they actually want us to go out and discover each other's personality first.

 

so i started comparing my relationship shall i just move on and give this new guy a chance since he has a good reputation, good looking, independent. heis 23yrs old and his mother knows my mother very well.

 

OR sticking with this guy and take all the crap from him and his family just because i love him way too much?

 

honestly i am so stressed i decided to take a trip alone after new years torelax and enjoy myself a bit so i told my BF to deal with his family during if he can't then it's better to not contact me again.

 

Simply i don't want to to keep wasting ages in a regular relationship without engagement or nothing my condition was simple, just wanted to secure my relationship so i can focus on my work, my studies ... there is other things to do in life not just stressing youself in a young age.

Please advise.

Edited December 28, 2011 by Rafaela

[KathyM]

Fact is, when we marry someone, we also, in a way, marry their family as well. Those are people who are going to be in your life forever, once you do get married. If you have so many problems getting along with them while single, those are not going to go away after marrying the guy. You are asking him to chose between you and his family. He can't do that. He doesn't want to disown his family. That is probably why he hasn't proposed to you yet, because of the family disapproval. Do yourself a favor and take this opportunity to meet this other guy. Problems with the other guy's family are not going to get better, whether you are married to the guy or not. They will undermine your marriage, and cause trouble between you.

[Rafaela]

Absolutely right, plus i am not asking him to choose betweem me and his family he is just afraid to face them. what is stressing me mostly that he keeps saying that he will take care of it but he doesn't. wants to keep me in his side and wasting my time and my energy for no reason.

i have been thinking about it whole night as a girl faced my family enough times to get their approval why he can't do the same? it's only one month left to prove his love to me either he wants me or not, he can't just keep delaying it for the 3rd year.

[setsenia]

As horrible as it sounds, it doesn't sound like this is the man for you. No one should have to choose between a partner and their family, but it sounds like his family has some serious issues. It sounds like your boyfriend is just telling them what they want to hear to avoid conflict. Maybe as the years go on and he has other relationships, he'll realize how toxic his mother is. When you really love someone and want to marry them, you make that known to your relatives that your mind is set and if they have a problem with it and/or want nothing to do with you, so be it. It's very painful to have relatives disown you, but sometimes you just cannot sacrifice your happiness to make them happy. My husband didn't realize how toxic his mother and stepfather were to him until we got together. I didn't make him choose between us, but I helped him see that loving parents don't treat their child in such a way and that he didn't have to put up with being treated like a scapegoat all his life. Since his mother and stepfather didn't raise him, it wasn't much of a loss to him when they stopped speaking to him. I have always been encouraging and supportive to him and they have not. So if your boyfriend wants to continue satisfying their needs and wants, it's time for you to move on. When you get married and have children with someone, they are supposed to be the most important person to you and if his relatives cannot accept that, they are only prohibiting him from having the type of life he wants and unless he can see that they are being unreasonable, you can find someone better. You definitely need to decide before you decide to bring children into this mess. It sounds very chaotic and having children with this man sounds like it would bring more unnecessary drama into your life.

Edited December 28, 2011 by setsenia