Heart Broken...have a read, its worth it

[smokey bear]

Hello everyone,

 

Firstly thanks for browsing this post.

 

Secondly, please read this first post fully before dismissing it.

 

Id like to start a thread for coping.

 

Over my break up i have read articles and posts or seen or heard thing that stuck in my mind or helped me heal, even answered some of my questions or turned a switch inside me.

 

I saved those certin articles on my computer, to reflect on in times of weakness.

 

I know sometimes we dont take interest in threads that dont relate to our situation or we dont have time to reply or we just dont want to but can everyone take a minute just to post something that helped them on their journey.

 

Im not asking for a million posts on what helped just a few or even one of the significant things that helped, you know something special. It can be a phrase, a story, a thread, a joke, a song, an experience, anything that really stuck with you deep inside and caused a change that you've reflected back on.

 

Id appreciate it if everyone just made this tiny effort to contribute just a little something.

 

Id like to ask though that we stay true to loveshack, so if its a post or thread from another community similar could you simply copy and paste the text rather than send a link.

 

1) so its not external advertising

 

2) So that the information is inside this thread rather than being redirected, its more personal and meaningful if the written context is actually posted rather than just a link.

 

 

Thanks again for your time.

[dicky_fish]

A good idea smokeybear.

 

For me I've found the best help has been the coping logs, and one in particular. Now, I'll state right out that I'm not a fan of people being raised up on high on this web site like they're some sort of mystical guru and therefore their word is law. But for me I love reading things by our wonderful Thief. She has a wonderful way of being able to express exactly what I may be feeling or thinking, or at least give me a way of looking at things with a little perspective. Her coping log has been a real help to me.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t298734/

[smokey bear]

A good idea smokeybear.

 

For me I've found the best help has been the coping logs, and one in particular. Now, I'll state right out that I'm not a fan of people being raised up on high on this web site like they're some sort of mystical guru and therefore their word is law. But for me I love reading things by our wonderful Thief. She has a wonderful way of being able to express exactly what I may be feeling or thinking, or at least give me a way of looking at things with a little perspective. Her coping log has been a real help to me.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t298734/

 

 

Can you copy and paste one post or something in specific that truly connected with you? Something that really stuck with you so others can read on here collaborated with other posts

[smokey bear]

A good idea smokeybear.

 

For me I've found the best help has been the coping logs, and one in particular. Now, I'll state right out that I'm not a fan of people being raised up on high on this web site like they're some sort of mystical guru and therefore their word is law. But for me I love reading things by our wonderful Thief. She has a wonderful way of being able to express exactly what I may be feeling or thinking, or at least give me a way of looking at things with a little perspective. Her coping log has been a real help to me.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t298734/

 

 

Can you copy and paste one post or something in specific that truly connected with you? Something that really stuck with you so others can read on here collaborated with other posts

[perfectlyflawed459]

What helped me heal the most was turning my negative thoughts into positive ones. For instance, instead of dwelling on what I do not have, I embranced and learned to apreciate everything and everyone I do have in my life. Also, instead of holding onto anger, jealousy, and grudges, I learned to forgive my ex and embrace that I really do love him unconditionally. I learned to let him go and find his own happiness, because that is the right thing to do. Once I let go, I was really able to enjoy my life again and the people in it. Finally, I remind myself everyday that I am beautiful and worth so much. I stopped pitying myself and stopped thinking the other girl was "better." She isn't, she is just different and realizing that is very important. We are all beautiful and valuable and I believe that is something that many dumpees should never EVER forget.

 

To close my post, I will post this poem that really helped me to start realizing my worth:

 

After A While

 

After a while you learn

the subtle difference between

holding a hand and chaining a soul

and you learn

that love doesn't mean leaning

and company doesn't always mean security.

And you begin to learn

that kisses aren't contracts

and presents aren't promises

and you begin to accept your defeats

with your head up and your eyes ahead

with the grace of woman,

not the grief of a child

and you learn

to build all your roads on today

because tomorrow's ground is

too uncertain for plans

and futures have a way of falling down

in mid-flight.

After a while you learn

that even sunshine burns

if you get too much

so you plant your own garden

and decorate your own soul

instead of waiting for someone

to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure

you really are strong

you really do have worth

and you learn

and you learn

with every goodbye, you learn...

Edited December 29, 2011 by perfectlyflawed459

[stunned8165]

What helped me heal the most was turning my negative thoughts into positive ones. For instance, instead of dwelling on what I do not have, I embranced and learned to apreciate everything and everyone I do have in my life. Also, instead of holding onto anger, jealousy, and grudges, I learned to forgive my ex and embrace that I really do love him unconditionally. I learned to let him go and find his own happiness, because that is the right thing to do. Once I let go, I was really able to enjoy my life again and the people in it. Finally, I remind myself everyday that I am beautiful and worth so much. I stopped pitying myself and stopped thinking the other girl was "better." She isn't, she is just different and realizing that is very important. We are all beautiful and valuable and I believe that is something that many dumpees should never EVER forget.

 

To close my post, I will post this poem that really helped me to start realizing my worth:

 

After A While

 

After a while you learn

the subtle difference between

holding a hand and chaining a soul

and you learn

that love doesn't mean leaning

and company doesn't always mean security.

And you begin to learn

that kisses aren't contracts

and presents aren't promises

and you begin to accept your defeats

with your head up and your eyes ahead

with the grace of woman,

not the grief of a child

and you learn

to build all your roads on today

because tomorrow's ground is

too uncertain for plans

and futures have a way of falling down

in mid-flight.

After a while you learn

that even sunshine burns

if you get too much

so you plant your own garden

and decorate your own soul

instead of waiting for someone

to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure

you really are strong

you really do have worth

and you learn

and you learn

with every goodbye, you learn...

 

 

Deep man. This is deep...

 

May I should try more of what you mentioned.

 

I am greatful for what I have. I'm very greatful for my army of family and great friends. I'm greatful that I'm a better person than my ex too because I am. . I have character, morals, standards and concern for others feelings.

 

What I learned here? First and formost, is not to take certain people seriously. It's obvious some have deeper issues then us yet continue to act like what an above poster mentioned "guru's". Some like Smokey, just wanted to try and understand and provided outstanding information... But what I have learned here, is to be greatful for what I DO have which is a lot, and that I deserve to be treated better. ... Now, if someone just post the secret to turning off that damnn emotioncoaster, we would all be great!

[2sunny]

I am responsible for my own happiness and you can't MAKE someone feel happy...and IF you rely on others for your happiness they will disappoint you...

[perfectlyflawed459]

Deep man. This is deep...

 

May I should try more of what you mentioned.

 

I am greatful for what I have. I'm very greatful for my army of family and great friends. I'm greatful that I'm a better person than my ex too because I am. . I have character, morals, standards and concern for others feelings.

 

What I learned here? First and formost, is not to take certain people seriously. It's obvious some have deeper issues then us yet continue to act like what an above poster mentioned "guru's". Some like Smokey, just wanted to try and understand and provided outstanding information... But what I have learned here, is to be greatful for what I DO have which is a lot, and that I deserve to be treated better. ... Now, if someone just post the secret to turning off that damnn emotioncoaster, we would all be great!

 

The secret, I would say, to turning off the emotioncoaster is within yourself. Life is what you make of it and you are in control of your own feelings. We dumpees have more power than we realize. When you start to feel sad, turn that emotion around and simply look around you. There is always something to smile about, from the simple nature around you to someone close to you in your life. You DO have a lot to be thankful for and it is best to always remind yourself of that when you begin to feel down

[samslick]

Im only 2 months into my healing process and have a long ways to go (8 year relationship, 2 of which were married). What has helped me tremendously is realizing I did every possible thing I could have to make the relationship work, and not beating myself up over the things I did wrong. I was so paralyzed with grief and fear for the first month it was agony. I lost 20 pounds (and Im pretty tall/lanky to begin with). When I realized even my favorite foods couldn't make me happy, I had to really stop and think, she's not greiving like this, so why should I? I finally pulled myself up and started doing the things I used to that made me happy and occupied my mind. As crazy as it may seem, just seeing a young woman smile at me in public even helped me realize my self worth, and that Im not a horrible unlovable person, and that one day i'll find someone better and start over. Appreciate the little things that get over run by your sadness, grief, and anger. It may take a while to do it, but when you do, it will get much easier.

 

I have my moments pretty much daily, but it's slowly getting easier.

[smokey bear]

"Until something is truly gone how can you miss or mourn the loss of it,"

 

STICK TO NC lol

[LostJustLost]

The Road to Healing thread saved me. I was so lost, I didnt know how to let him go, the confusion was consuming me, I couldnt imagine life without him.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t308214/

 

Then I watched the Madea's Advice video. "If somebody want to walk out of your life.. Let Them Go." I would repeat that line every time he popped into my head. If I were alone in the house and near a mirror I would say it over and over. If the kids were around I would close my eyes and whisper it to myself.

 

That got me started down the path to letting go of what was. I would be lost to this day if I hadnt stumbled onto that thread.

[sunflowering]

I feel better sometimes knowing that what had happened wasn't my fault. Sometimes it really isn't you. And I know I have moments when I think if I do A, B, C, then it would have turned out like X, Y, Z. But I realized after a second breakup, that that's not really the case.

 

I really like this quote: "Don't settle for someone who doesn't give you things to say. Forever is a long time to make small talk"

 

And I know even though a lot of the post-relationship things I'm doing, isn't making me all that happy. I know its something healthy. It'll bring my life back on track slowly, but surely.

Focus on yourself. Feel empowered to go do those things, or improve those faults, or take chances that you never have had. I feel like I've been doing that. I think sometimes a breakup is like a spur, that pushes you forward to be someone even better