Wife not interested in sex any more. Need Avice.

[uncool]

hey "loyalhubby" you hit the nail on the head with your post. There are all different types of women and i think you and I married twins. (or at least the same type of woman)

 

When my wife rejects any advance I ever made to her, to me she's saying "i dont really love you enough to want to be intimate with you". Sex is lust for some, but for me its a loving spiritual bonding experience that tells her how much I love her. When she rejects every form of that, it tells me she's really saying "I dont want you to love me anymore".

 

And what I want to say back is "I DONT WANT TO BE WITH SOMEONE WHO DOESNT WANT TO BE WITH ME IN RETURN". So as time passes, I find myself loving her so much that I avoid being with her and try to get away from her ...because I think thats what she wants. And I do it because I think thats what makes her happy. I start sleeping in another room, on the couch, at the office etc... simply because I know she doesnt want any affection. And also because I dont trust myself sleeping next to her... i know that if I see her I'll be tempted to put another move on her... only to be rejected. My wife is so damn hot... she's really the only one that turns me on. She hangs out in her underwear in front of me and drives me nuts. It's hard cause I know I cant touch her. So once again, I avoid her so i dont have the chance to be rejected again. I make very good money, have a very nice house, good looking, I'm a great father, I have never cheated, and have a non-controlling personality and I honor and respect my wife... maybe thats not what women want. Yes we have kids, and yes I know they drain her once in a while, but give me a freakin break here. I took someone's advise and went on a romantic aniversary get away where I spent almost $2k on the room, she put on her night gown watched TV and went to sleep while reading a book. (i should have just stayed home and masterbated).

 

Not that I would, but I'm trying to understand why these types of wives would even care if their husband got another date. Women, can you at least meet your husband half way? To starve a husband from a spiritual bond with his soulmate just because you don't happen to feel like it or not in the mood is damn cruel. Why don’t you just Fake it ....because you know thats how we express our deepest love for you. If you dont let us love you.... then yes, we will get the hint that you only want a casual friendship and just up and leave one day. BECAUSE THATS WHAT WE THINK YOU WANT.

[DreOh6]

When you are out in public, make sure she finds out about another, sexier woman flirting with you.

[KonRyuu]

Ok man, this is where women start to get confusing. This is about the time that women get turned on by you cleaning, cooking, doing things around the house for her. Women do so much around the house and feel so unappreciated by it, they tend to get sexually turned off, especially when you throw kids into the play. Touching her, is more than likely not what she wants.

 

Try something like cooking her a very nice home made meal, don't take her out to eat, it's not the same as you making it, if you don't know how, figure it out. Have someone watch the kids. Hire a baby sitter for the night. Have her go somewhere so you can set this up, maybe have her take the kids t the sitter, or have her get something from the store and have the sitter pick them up or something, as long as she has no idea what's going on. Surprise is crucial.

 

While she's gone, take rose petals and have them leading into the kitchen with candles surrounding you, don't have any lights on, only candles, preferably scented candles. and just trust me on this dude, it works. Eat your food sensually, and make sure it's a good meal, not pizza or chili, maybe enchiladas or something really good. You can even feed her, which is very romantic to a woman.

 

Then you can maybe start out kissing the back of her neck while massaging her, don't forget, her duties are never ending, she more than likely has a load of stress built up, touching and massaging helps relieve this stress a bit and gets her relaxed and more towards the mood of wanting to make love. Also, don't forget, don't just take your clothes off and jump in bed. Surround the bed with candles or put candles near the bed, no lights here either. Maybe even have a soft, romantic music playing. Slowly take each piece of clothing off and as you do, kiss her in those areas, ie...with shirt, you kiss her chest etc...

 

Then, have rose petals leading to your room and have rose petals all over the bed. In the room you need to have a letter hanging telling her how much you love, lavish and appreciate EVERYTHING that she does, this may take some thinking on your part, but I'm sure you can pull it off. massage every part of her body, feet, legs, arms, back, chest, neck... EVERYTHING.

 

Whatever you do, do not have crazy animalistic sex, make it a love making session, spend atleast an hour on foreplay, most women absolutely LOVE foreplay, almost more than the actual sexual intercourse itself, considering foreplay is more sensual and makes the woman feel like you love her more.

 

Don't say anything dirty while you're making love. only things like, ooh, I love you so much baby, call her sweet names and don't be loud, whisper things in her ear....breathe on her neck, dude, and YOUR THERE! I know it sounds like a lot of work, but I guarantee, the sex will come back into your life.

 

If anyone else has any input, please be my guest!

[MarriedTard]

Let me start by saying I LOVE uncool's post. You're not alone in this. I took my wife to Rome, where I rented an apartment for the week on the Piazza of the Spanish Steps. We had as much sex as you and your wife did on your night out.

 

I may not be perfect, but I'm 40, I work out alot and am in great phyical shape. I have all my hair and teeth. Other women find me attractive. I also make a great living, one which allowed her to stay home as much as she wanted. Although it's hard to be honest about one's own qualities, I think I'm very nice and considerate towards her.

 

But the last 8 years of our 15 year marriage has been extremely frustrating for me sexually. I find her very attractive - I always have. And I've always let her know this. But sex has become infrequent and it seems as though she does this through a sense of obligation, if at all. Like a previous poster mentioned - sex that comes from such a sense of "duty" is almost pointless because the real beauty of sex between lovers is one where she wants it as badly as I do. But with her, that's a distant memory. She goes to bed in crappy PJ's, cream on her face and once a month or so in a tired sleepy gesture asks if I'm "horny". And trust me when I tell you that I tried everything about rekindling the romance.

 

I bought into the idea that marriage is hard work and with that I decided to do what I could. I took her to Italy, and the Caribbean. We went on dates, I brought her flowers and gifts. But none of that mattered in the end. I came away concluding that all that crap is a waste of time. Whenever I would try and ask her what was wrong, I'd be presented with an every increasing laundry list of things that would make her "feel better" including more vacations, a new car, me doing more around the house, etc. All those fixed things for a week maybe, and then we would be back to where we were. I don't believe any more BS that suggests that the man needs to bend over backwards even more in hopes that it meets with his wife's approval. That sends the message the controlling sex is the way to manipulate the husband and I want no part of it. In fact, it pisses me off to read page long posts from people putting the onus on the husband to take action as though he's the one failing at something.

 

So finally, after years of this, I finally responded to the advances of a co-worker. And while I was mired in guilt at first, now I'm not. For me it wasn't just the sex. I could have paid for that. Instead, this woman made me realize what I've been missing. We sometimes have dates and we never make it out of her house because she would prefer we have sex and take a bath together. She gives me incredible back rubs for no other reason than she knows I like it. She can't stop saying how much she loves sex with me and how she can't wait to get me in the sack again. For once in many years - I feel wanted. I hadn't even noticed up until then how badly the harsh rejections of my advances to my wife had decimated my self esteem. Now it's coming back and I feel good again.

 

The ironic thing is, I would put up with all my wife's nagging and idiosyncracies if only she would show she wants me. That's ALL I would have asked. I mean, is it really that hard?

 

But this marriage will likely end with her probably posting on some board about how her sleazy cheating husband left her.

[DreOh6]

Let me start by saying I LOVE uncool's post. You're not alone in this. I took my wife to Rome, where I rented an apartment for the week on the Piazza of the Spanish Steps. We had as much sex as you and your wife did on your night out.

 

I may not be perfect, but I'm 40, I work out alot and am in great phyical shape. I have all my hair and teeth. Other women find me attractive. I also make a great living, one which allowed her to stay home as much as she wanted. Although it's hard to be honest about one's own qualities, I think I'm very nice and considerate towards her.

 

But the last 8 years of our 15 year marriage has been extremely frustrating for me sexually. I find her very attractive - I always have. And I've always let her know this. But sex has become infrequent and it seems as though she does this through a sense of obligation, if at all. Like a previous poster mentioned - sex that comes from such a sense of "duty" is almost pointless because the real beauty of sex between lovers is one where she wants it as badly as I do. But with her, that's a distant memory. She goes to bed in crappy PJ's, cream on her face and once a month or so in a tired sleepy gesture asks if I'm "horny". And trust me when I tell you that I tried everything about rekindling the romance.

 

I bought into the idea that marriage is hard work and with that I decided to do what I could. I took her to Italy, and the Caribbean. We went on dates, I brought her flowers and gifts. But none of that mattered in the end. I came away concluding that all that crap is a waste of time. Whenever I would try and ask her what was wrong, I'd be presented with an every increasing laundry list of things that would make her "feel better" including more vacations, a new car, me doing more around the house, etc. All those fixed things for a week maybe, and then we would be back to where we were. I don't believe any more BS that suggests that the man needs to bend over backwards even more in hopes that it meets with his wife's approval. That sends the message the controlling sex is the way to manipulate the husband and I want no part of it. In fact, it pisses me off to read page long posts from people putting the onus on the husband to take action as though he's the one failing at something.

 

So finally, after years of this, I finally responded to the advances of a co-worker. And while I was mired in guilt at first, now I'm not. For me it wasn't just the sex. I could have paid for that. Instead, this woman made me realize what I've been missing. We sometimes have dates and we never make it out of her house because she would prefer we have sex and take a bath together. She gives me incredible back rubs for no other reason than she knows I like it. She can't stop saying how much she loves sex with me and how she can't wait to get me in the sack again. For once in many years - I feel wanted. I hadn't even noticed up until then how badly the harsh rejections of my advances to my wife had decimated my self esteem. Now it's coming back and I feel good again.

 

The ironic thing is, I would put up with all my wife's nagging and idiosyncracies if only she would show she wants me. That's ALL I would have asked. I mean, is it really that hard?

 

But this marriage will likely end with her probably posting on some board about how her sleazy cheating husband left her.

As long as YOU know the truth, what she says doesn't matter. You're right, never let a woman think she has a patent on her P***Y to the point that she can manipulate you with it. Use whatever advantage you have. And right now, that's the fact that there are many more single and unhappily married, sexuallyd eprived women than her.

[Ladyjane14]

I took her to Italy, and the Caribbean. We went on dates, I brought her flowers and gifts. But none of that mattered in the end. I came away concluding that all that crap is a waste of time. Whenever I would try and ask her what was wrong, I'd be presented with an every increasing laundry list of things that would make her "feel better" including more vacations, a new car, me doing more around the house, etc. All those fixed things for a week maybe, and then we would be back to where we were. I don't believe any more BS that suggests that the man needs to bend over backwards even more in hopes that it meets with his wife's approval. That sends the message the controlling sex is the way to manipulate the husband and I want no part of it. In fact, it pisses me off to read page long posts from people putting the onus on the husband to take action as though he's the one failing at something.

 

You're right. None of that sh*t works in the long run. You might get a short increase in sexual activity from your wife by pleasing her with your efforts, but it will only last for a brief time. While it's true that women often respond with genuine pleasure to romantic gestures, it's a situational response. It doesn't solve the problem in a any permanent way.

 

That's because, sexual favor is not granted as payment for 'services rendered' except by prostitutes.

 

Contrary to the popular belief of many sexually frustrated men....most women don't use sex as a commodity. And they don't weaponize it, holding a man hostage to their whims. While I grant you, there are a few bad women out there who might be guilty of that sort of behavior, chances are if your wife fit that description, you'd have discovered that sad fact a long time ago. It would certainly be ugly enough upon discovery, that staying married to such a woman wouldn't be much of an option.

 

When my wife rejects any advance I ever made to her, to me she's saying "i dont really love you enough to want to be intimate with you". Sex is lust for some, but for me its a loving spiritual bonding experience that tells her how much I love her. When she rejects every form of that, it tells me she's really saying "I dont want you to love me anymore".

 

And what I want to say back is "I DONT WANT TO BE WITH SOMEONE WHO DOESNT WANT TO BE WITH ME IN RETURN".

 

THIS is the truth for men....and it's a truth that all too many women just plain don't understand. The solution is largely in reaching an understanding of each other's sexuality.

 

Women are more fluid in terms of sexual desire. Over the course of her life, periods of sexual avoidance are fairly normal. We don't have these huge quantities of testosterone dictating our libido. The female libido is subject to hormonal fluctuations, that's true....but most of our libido resides in our brain, in our emotions.

 

It's difficult for a man to understand that. He has a full compliment of sexual speeds. He can compartmentalize sex in a way that is completely alien to a woman. In some instances, it means NOTHING to him....yet in others he's completely broken emotionally by the rejection of the one who has his heart.

 

And this is another thing that women just dont 'get'. She doesn't understand that sexual rejection is damaging because her man's heart is engaged. She doesn't see that it's because he loves her, that he can't compartmentalize her anymore.

 

It's not until both partner's truly understand each other's emotional response to sexuality that they can get their lop-sided libidos in sync. A woman's understanding of her husband's emotional response can literally engage her own. Her libido is largely in her BRAIN and not in her pants. She is engaged by recognizing her husband's love and his need of that which only SHE can give him.

 

When a man cheapens himself by engaging in sexual practices outside the marriage....he only justifies his wife's belief that his complaint was invalid. He tells her plainly that his whole problem was only about sexual function and NOT about the emotional bond he claimed to be craving. That's not necessarily true, but what else could she possibly think given the limited understanding she's been given.

 

And you know, I can almost HEAR some of you guys saying, "I've already told her all this over...and over...and over, and nothing ever changes."

 

My husband told me over and over too. I STILL didn't 'get it'.

I wish I could tell you how it's done, but I just don't know. We had a crisis in our marriage, and for the first time I left my own complaints behind for a few minutes and truly LISTENED. What I heard, was all about my husband's emotional pain and about him feeling unloved and unlovable in a relationship where I had VOWED to love and cherish.

My side of the issue didn't hold water after that.

 

So finally, after years of this, I finally responded to the advances of a co-worker. And while I was mired in guilt at first, now I'm not. For me it wasn't just the sex. I could have paid for that. Instead, this woman made me realize what I've been missing. We sometimes have dates and we never make it out of her house because she would prefer we have sex and take a bath together. She gives me incredible back rubs for no other reason than she knows I like it. She can't stop saying how much she loves sex with me and how she can't wait to get me in the sack again. For once in many years - I feel wanted. I hadn't even noticed up until then how badly the harsh rejections of my advances to my wife had decimated my self esteem. Now it's coming back and I feel good again.

 

The ironic thing is, I would put up with all my wife's nagging and idiosyncracies if only she would show she wants me. That's ALL I would have asked. I mean, is it really that hard?

 

But this marriage will likely end with her probably posting on some board about how her sleazy cheating husband left her.

 

You're probably right. She'll think you're a sleazy liar whey she finds out. Because you've just reaffirmed for your wife that the issue was 'only about sex' and that it was more important to have somebody to f*ck...than to be faithful to your love for her. Any female genitalia will do in that case. As a person of emotional value to you, you've managed to prove to your wife that she's NOTHING special. The person that she is inside has no value. The only thing you value is her sex organs. You have reduced everything about this woman...her knowledge, her feelings, her care for her loved ones, literally EVERYTHING that differentiates her from any other anonymous face....to a 'hole' for your own amusement.

 

While that might not be the truth as you see it, it's certainly the way your actions will most likely be interpreted when she finally discovers them. And if you think that's hard to hear on a message board, from someone who is not emotionally invested in you....just wait until you see it imprinted upon the face of the person you vowed to love forever.

 

You failed to make your case. You gave up because it was too difficult, and because your own feelings hurt. And it's gonna end up costing you.

 

The OW is responding to her infatuation with you. She's also responding to the emotional validation of fulfilling your ENs, much as your wife might have if only she'd been able to reach a better understanding of them. What's more, the OW is aware of the 'competition' for your continued affection. Unlike your wife, she knows she's got to beat another woman's time. Again, your wife is out of the loop, without all the information at hand.

 

It's sad really, because it was all so unnecessary.

All that was required to fix all this was a FULL UNDERSTANDING of each other's most basic emotional needs.

[BeFree]

Is your wife on birth control? If so, has she been off and on it since she was a teenager or more than 5 years? If so, this could be the issue. It's coming out a lot now, that Birth Control lowers a womans sex drive. It is really true, and how sad. I was on the patch for a while and it took me a year after going off it to get my sex drive back. If this is the case with your wife, she may need to see a doctor and get on a low dose of testerone. (sp?) It's not just a problem with not getting enough attention from husbands anymore, it's now thought to be a real medical problem caused by birth control pills and patches.

[BeFree]

Just realized the OP was a really long time ago. Probably won't get this reply. Ohwell, its still good info.

[Ladyjane14]

p.s. to MarriedTard....

 

I reread my post and it comes off sounding harsh. So, I wanted to let you know that's not at all my intent. It's difficult to share your experience, and I wouldn't want you to believe that your post is only worthy of 'bashing'.

 

But you've dug a whole for yourself man, and that's the truth. 'Cause it sounds like maybe you still love your wife. If that's the case, you've got some soul searching to do. At some point, you'll be required to make some hard choices.

 

The problem with having two women meeting your ENs...is that you can't FULLY connect with either of them. The bond between you is not what it's meant to be. It might seem like a pretty good deal for awhile, but in the end...you're cheating yourself as well as your mate.

[MusicWoman]

why not get her a gym membership? If she is not working and staying home, it seems like shes not doing much work...probably because of depression. I know whenever I go to the gym my endorphins run like crazy..not only am i happier, i'm more prone to sleep well...and my man is more prone to get some sex:) hehe

[MarriedTard]

LadyJane,

 

Yes, your post was a little harsh, but then again - I'm admitting to cheating. This is something that I already expected would cause most people to lose their ability to see my POV. Don't worry about it. It's alot to ask for a woman to sympathize with a cheating husband.

 

My main points are simple:

 

1. I love my wife and am attracted to her
   
2. She seems to see me as nothing more than a roommate
   
3. I crave intimacy and I don't get it from my wife
   
4. I was able to get it from someone else
   
5. I would not have ever considered cheating had it not come down to this. I was faithful for 15 years.

I take issue with the idea that in all cases, the neglected husband is in this spot because he obviously failed to do some sort of nebulous, unspecified something. But after years of buying that line, I've come to realize that a wife who denies her husband sexual and emotional intimacy has abandoned the marriage just as much as the cheater. Society in general only recognizes the legitimacy of the wife's pain, but rarely the years of neglect and rejection the husband had to endure. Until you've been there you have absolutely no idea how heartbreaking it is. And I don't just mean the sex, because contrary to what you seem to think, it's not even about that entirely. Like I mentioned before, if it was just the sex, I'd see a call girl or something. It's the rejection of simple hugs, kisses stolen while making dinner, not getting that loving smile, not being told that you are physically attractive. Nothing. And there's just nothing like having your wife make that face of disgust when you approach her as though you were covered in dog sh*t.

 

After going through that, don't even try to give me the line about betraying the trust and love of my spouse. That just makes me laugh.

 

Oh and you are correct in that my most women don't directly and consciously use sex a a weapon. But it's done indirectly. For example, if I forgot to take out the garbage one day or if I didn't feel like cooking dinner one night, she will be displeased. And how can she be expected to have sex with me if she's displeased, right? SAo if I want to have sex, I better cook dinner and whatever else, lest she be displeased with me again.

 

The advice I hear now about romancing your wife with rose petals on the floor is some of the most nauseating advice you can give a guy who's been married for as long as I have. I admire the poster here who admitted that if a woman doesn't take care of her man - someone else will. I'm not the only one who has done what I'm doing for that very reason. A woman who realized the importance of the sex act as an act of love has the keys to make the marriage a happy one. Men just aren't that complicated.

[MarriedTard]

why not get her a gym membership? If she is not working and staying home, it seems like shes not doing much work...probably because of depression. I know whenever I go to the gym my endorphins run like crazy..not only am i happier, i'm more prone to sleep well...and my man is more prone to get some sex:) hehe

 

My wife is an aerobics and pilates instructor. Changed nothing.

[MusicWoman]

My wife is an aerobics and pilates instructor. Changed nothing.

 

well, i don't know what to say then..sorry!

[Ladyjane14]

There's a reason why I rarely respond to these kind of threads anymore.

That's because each side is sooooo deeply entrenched that it sometimes seems a waste of time better spent.

 

My main points are simple:

1. I love my wife and am attracted to her
   
2. She seems to see me as nothing more than a roommate
   
3. I crave intimacy and I don't get it from my wife
   
4. I was able to get it from someone else
   
5. I would not have ever considered cheating had it not come down to this. I was faithful for 15 years.

I take issue with the idea that in all cases, the neglected husband is in this spot because he obviously failed to do some sort of nebulous, unspecified something. But after years of buying that line, I've come to realize that a wife who denies her husband sexual and emotional intimacy has abandoned the marriage just as much as the cheater.

 

That's all true enough, I suppose. But your wife has her own list too. And it's not one whit less valid than yours. What would make you think for even a moment that your list is more important?

 

Until you've been there you have absolutely no idea how heartbreaking it is. And I don't just mean the sex, because contrary to what you seem to think, it's not even about that entirely.

 

What makes you think that I haven't "been there"?

My husband and I dealt with this same issue in our marriage for over a decade. I understand it pretty well all things considered. And the issue has been resolved now by the fact that we've reached an accord in our understanding of each others viewpoint.

 

This is NOT some impossible conundrum that defies solution. If we can do it, then other folks can do it too. It exists as a possibility.

 

Consider what might have happened if you'd gone to your wife and told her that you wanted a divorce because your sexual needs were being ignored within the relationship? What if you had really put her to the test?

 

Only two possibilites of merit really exist....she would either have had to FINALLY take a look at your side of the issue, or YOU would've been released 'back into the wild' to make a better connection with another woman. Either way...you'd have resolved the issue.

 

Failing to do whatever is necessary to solve your own problem just shifts the responsibility for problem-solving to your partner. And make no mistake...this was YOUR problem. YOU were the one who wanted more sex from the marital relationship. She was probably cool with the status quo. And yet...you didn't present your case in terms that would allow her to understand the severity of the situation. You gave up before you pulled out the last stop.

 

Oh and you are correct in that my most women don't directly and consciously use sex a a weapon. But it's done indirectly. For example, if I forgot to take out the garbage one day or if I didn't feel like cooking dinner one night, she will be displeased. And how can she be expected to have sex with me if she's displeased, right? So if I want to have sex, I better cook dinner and whatever else, lest she be displeased with me again.

 

Yeah....you're right...to the degree that women don't generally want to engage in sexual activity with a man who's just pissed them off. But that's not 'weaponizing'. That's just a failure in engaging her libido. Again, we're talking about her BRAIN as her main sex organ, as well as the emotional connection she has with her man. A state of even moderate dudgeon is the equivalent of a cold shower for women. That's just the way it is. Not much that can be done about it save to take up buggery with other men.

 

A man can't help but be a man. And a woman can't help but be a woman. That's just basic biology, man.

[MarriedTard]

That's all true enough, I suppose. But your wife has her own list too. And it's not one whit less valid than yours. What would make you think for even a moment that your list is more important?

 

That's fine. I'd love to see her list ..! It's not like I haven't asked enough times. I just think that maybe she's just not that "into me" anymore.

 

Consider what might have happened if you'd gone to your wife and told her that you wanted a divorce because your sexual needs were being ignored within the relationship? What if you had really put her to the test?

Actually, that is what I'm about to do. But again, I'm not interested in sex under duress. If I need to threaten and force her to "comply", then I'd just as soon pass.

 

Failing to do whatever is necessary to solve your own problem just shifts the responsibility for problem-solving to your partner. And make no mistake...this was YOUR problem. YOU were the one who wanted more sex from the marital relationship. She was probably cool with the status quo. And yet...you didn't present your case in terms that would allow her to understand the severity of the situation. You gave up before you pulled out the last stop.

I didn't suddenly want MORE sex. We had plenty of sex in the beginning. The frequency just dropped off to unacceptable low levels as years went by. I honestly don't think my desires are so unreasonable. She, on the other hand, would be cool with no sex for a year.

 

A man can't help but be a man. And a woman can't help but be a woman. That's just basic biology, man.

Great - so in that case a woman has no reason to complain when she finds that another woman is enjoying her man in ways she won't, right?

[Ladyjane14]

...I'm not interested in sex under duress. If I need to threaten and force her to "comply", then I'd just as soon pass.

 

I'm not talking about "sex under duress". Although, I think that notion is a fairly common mindtrap that alot of folks fall into. I know it was a factor in my relationship with my husband at one point. But we've reached a better accord now.

 

Sex is not the goal. Understanding your partner's ENs is the goal.

 

 

 

Great - so in that case a woman has no reason to complain when she finds that another woman is enjoying her man in ways she won't, right?

 

And THAT's the attitude that's going to eventually cost you your family dynamic.

 

Sure, you can trade the woman you have now for another. But who's to say that you won't be right back where you started a few years from now? Particularly true...if you treat the next one with as little regard as you have apparently treated the last.

[MarriedTard]

Sure, you can trade the woman you have now for another. But who's to say that you won't be right back where you started a few years from now? Particularly true...if you treat the next one with as little regard as you have apparently treated the last.

 

I think you're right in that the next woman may eventually wind up being the same way. But then again she may not ..

 

But I'm just curious - what makes you think I treat my wife with little regard?

[Ladyjane14]

But I'm just curious - what makes you think I treat my wife with little regard?

 

You're cheating on her. You can't cheat and still be bringing your A-game to the table.

[MarriedTard]

You're cheating on her. You can't cheat and still be bringing your A-game to the table.

 

I see, ok. But that doesn't explain the same behavior from her for the years BEFORE I cheated. But anyways ..

 

Tell me, now that you have come to an understanding with your husband, do you enjoy sex with him, or do you do it because you know it's important to him? I'm asking because if by chance I do work this out with my wife, I wonder under what mindset she would be my intimate partner again.

[whichwayisup]

I'm asking because if by chance I do work this out with my wife, I wonder under what mindset she would be my intimate partner again.

 

Work together and go to marriage counselling. Be very honest and open with eachother, with everything.

 

Do you love your wife? Does she love you? Is she willing to put in 100% just as you are to make it work?

[Ladyjane14]

Tell me, now that you have come to an understanding with your husband, do you enjoy sex with him, or do you do it because you know it's important to him? I'm asking because if by chance I do work this out with my wife, I wonder under what mindset she would be my intimate partner again.

 

 

I enjoy ALL aspects of my husband's company again...including sexual intimacy. Our previous resentments have been resolved through a mutual decision to embrace forgiveness for each other.

 

Alot of unresolved resentment can be built up in a marriage that has lasted for over 20 years. That stuff has to be cleaned up before you can move on into something healthy again.

[KonRyuu]

Let's see, are you a Christian man? If so, you should maybe seriously think about it. Read the books to eachother, Power of a Praying Husband and Power of a Praying Wife. In those books and even in the bible it states specifically that you have NO right to withold yourself sexually from your wife and the same goes for her. Before my wife and I read this, ya know, if we were sick or not feeling good, or just plain tired, we'd say no to eachother. Now, we pretty much give it up to eachother whenever the other one needs it, or both, which is most of the time, hehe.

 

Just because she had 3 kids does give her no excuse to withhold it from you, but you also do need to learn to be more romantic when propositioning your wife, rather than just touching her, I read a thing once, women are like a car, if they aren't oiled well, they will burn up, which is why 1 hr. of foreplay is suggested, or else, girls get really sore and it's far less enjoyable for them, I mean, could you imagine if a woman was dry inside? how bad would that hurt us men? It would suck and we'd never want to do it. Ya know something, women actually enjoy sex more than men do, they have far more orgasms and they're orgasms are much stronger felt than ours. Unless you are experimental with the G-Spot in the anus, which most men are not willing to go that route, lol.

 

If she is Christian, try finding those books, read them together, or get a bible and find that excerpt where it states that you are not allowed to withold eachother's bodies from one another, EVER. and ya know, when you are truly in love, a marriage should never feel like work, just because you may have to do a few more things than usual to get her in the mood, I more than think it's worth it. For that amazing feeling that you feel when you're making love, not just screwing, it's like a strong connection it's really cool when you feel it.

 

I'm just saying, men don't care about romantic ****, that's women, which is why men need to work harder in a relationship in that area than women do, if a woman says wanna screw? the guy almost at any point will be like, hell yeah! considering men think about sex what is it like 75% of their day is spent thinking about it. Where as women are much less like 25-30% I think or less.

 

She should also do thing for you too though, like, on my B-Day my wife had roses leading into the bedroom and she was laying in this really sexy lingerie on the bed with rose petals everywhere, let me tell you what, we stained the bedding and carpet with those rose petals, lol. Just sit your wife down and let her know how you are really feeling, maybe try marriage counseling. You know, they still prescribe Ecstasy for marriages that are much like yours, because it makes you horny if you're really desperate, maybe talk to a counselor about that? I dunno, but you'll figure something out I'm sure.

 

If all else fails, maybe try to proposition her to allow you to sleep with other women. I saw this one episode on Maury where this lady didn't want sex anymore, she even offered to go out and find her husband women to sleep with, it was VERY strange, but I guess gotta do what ya gotta do. If you don't have sex and you can't really talk about your problems, a psychologist once told me that you can actually die of a heart attack because you have no release for your stress, and it builds up so much that your heart literally explodes, the human body is so amazing, anyway, you'll figure it out, just talk to your wife about it. We're obviously not in your shoes, nor hers, so nobody on here can really give much input on the situation, I would try to work it out with your wife. good luck man.

[IWalkAlone]

Great - so in that case a woman has no reason to complain when she finds that another woman is enjoying her man in ways she won't, right?

 

Sex columnist Dan Savage writes something to the effect of "If one spouse considers sex to be unimportant, then why object when their spouse performs this unimportant task with someone else?"

[MarriedTard]

Sex columnist Dan Savage writes something to the effect of "If one spouse considers sex to be unimportant, then why object when their spouse performs this unimportant task with someone else?"

 

Exactly. But in reality, she'll suddenly wail and moan about how her husband could have gone and "betrayed her trust" .. what a laugh.

[Nur]

This thread is depressing to read. I'd like to see at least one story of someone who marries, and stays in love and desires his or her spouse! Marriage is not very near for me (I'm a college freshman), but I've always envisioned it possible to live that day-to-day life without losing the special smiles or the warmth of the heart. Can't it be done? Is it only my nievete making me hope?