tables turned or mind games again?

[wilsonx]

OMFG

 

HOW IS EMPATHY AND LOVE. Try it sometimes

-And-

Never mind I actually know why it pisses you off, because you dont agree with it

 

Belittling? Are you ****ing serious? Is everyone's self esteem THAT LOW that empathy and love is belittling? WHAT?

 

How old are you?

Edited December 30, 2011 by wilsonx

[MarMarMar]

OMFG

 

HOW IS EMPATHY AND LOVE. Try it sometimes

-And-

Never mind I actually know why it pisses you off, because you dont agree with it

 

Belittling? Are you ****ing serious?

 

How old are you?

 

Well first of all you're doing the condescending **** again. I don't know if you can read you posts from the perspective of someone who can't hear you speaking but the combination of your posts(I was just using those as examples because they were in the beginning of the thread and taken in context with the rest of your posts) tends to come off as sarcastic, self righteous, and rude most of the time. I like your advice and your viewpoints but they're a pain in the ass to read when it seems like you have the "I'm right you're all wrong" attitude half the time.

 

And the first quote would have been fine without the "try it sometime" afterwards it just comes off as condescending.

Edited December 30, 2011 by MarMarMar

[wilsonx]

Well first of all you're doing the condescending **** again. I don't know if you can read you posts from the perspective of someone who can't hear you speaking but the combination of your posts(I was just using those as examples because they were in the beginning of the thread and taken in context with the rest of your posts) tends to come off as sarcastic, self righteous, and rude most of the time. I like your advice and your viewpoints but they're a pain in the ass to read when it seems like you have the "I'm right you're all wrong" attitude half the time.

 

And the first quote would have been fine without the "try it sometime" afterwards it just comes off as condescending.

 

I am sarcastic, I am self righteous, I am a pain the ass, You agreed with my response so I was right to begin with, I tend to be rude. I agree with you on all these things. Whats wrong with that? Nothing Absolutely nothing.

 

I made a suggestion to try it, your ego bruised selfs couldnt and took it to heart. You dont have to do it. It wasnt condescending, it was a suggestion.

 

Really WOW? Anything else why we are at it?

[MarMarMar]

I am sarcastic, I am self righteous, I am a pain the ass, You agreed with my response so I was right to begin with, I tend to be rude. I agree with you on all these things. Whats wrong with that? Nothing Absolutely nothing.

 

I made a suggestion to try it, your ego bruised selfs couldnt and took it to heart. You dont have to do it. It wasnt condescending, it was a suggestion.

 

Really WOW? Anything else why we are at it?

 

Dude come on; you were complaining that people were tag teaming you so I told you why. This forums are supposed to be about coming here for opinions and support. Again has nothing to do with your suggestions. A lot of people on these forums do use empathy and love, sometimes too much. The problem is your attitude not your suggestions, everyone has the right to those and opinions. You don't give room for anyone else to voice theirs because of your attitude and get annoyed when others step on yours.

[wilsonx]

I remember your story now back in Oct.

 

Feel free to give advice but you have to understand that I am a GIGS Jedi Knight. I know what goes on in both the dumper and the dumpees head. I know whats going through your head for the most part. I couldnt imagine the other part of your story but as a dumpee due to GIGS, I know whats going on in your head. I know how you think he's out to get you but he's really not. I promise you he's not. Just like OPs ex here, shes not out to get him. GIGS breakups suck, they do but you grow so much from them, its insane how much you really learn if you pay attention.

 

I evolved from black and white thinking due to this breakup, it just happened a few weeks ago.

 

I want you to understand that your ex isnt selfish, hes going through a phase in life where he thinks hes the king of the world but he's not trying to hurt you. Another thing I will tell you, is he is going to apologize to you someday, it might not be in the near future, but it will come, trust me. Once that 3 month mark hits of the breakup, it will click in him that he is hurting you by contacting you and he will start to feel guilt and leave you alone

[MarMarMar]

I remember your story now back in Oct.

 

Feel free to give advice but you have to understand that I am a GIGS Jedi Knight. I know what goes on in both the dumper and the dumpees head. I know whats going through your head for the most part. I couldnt imagine the other part of your story but as a dumpee due to GIGS, I know whats going on in your head. I know how you think he's out to get you but he's really not. I promise you he's not. Just like OPs ex here, shes not out to get him. GIGS breakups suck, they do but you grow so much from them, its insane how much you really learn if you pay attention.

 

I evolved from black and white thinking due to this breakup, it just happened a few weeks ago.

 

I want you to understand that your ex isnt selfish, hes going through a phase in life where he thinks hes the king of the world but he's not trying to hurt you. Another thing I will tell you, is he is going to apologize to you someday, it might not be in the near future, but it will come, trust me. Once that 3 month mark hits of the breakup, it will click in him that he is hurting you by contacting you and he will start to feel guilt and leave you alone

 

I know he's not out to get me, I know he thinks he's the king of the world, and I know he'll do some self reflection at some point since he has really bad insomnia. I don't hate him, and I'm in the process of forgiving him. The only problem I'm having right now is that him and his family won't give me space. He already tried a peace offering in his own way because he thinks I hate him but I really just want my space to heal and he doesn't see that yet despite that I already told him. I know he's not a bad guy, and he's actually pretty amazing when he's not getting eaten up by his demons but he does need to grow up and I know that. That's another reason why I'm keeping away. Did you search for my old posts? I'm so touched! You really DO care(sorry I couldn't help myself)

[wilsonx]

Captain Save a Hoe to the Rescue

[MarMarMar]

Captain Save a Hoe to the Rescue

 

I can't tell if you're calling me a hoe or my ex. In any case: your mom.

 

Also way to misdirect you crafty bastard.

Edited December 30, 2011 by MarMarMar

[GaelicSoul]

Alright guys, please take it outside.

 

Keep this on topic, OP i would be cool, take a step back. Don't make any moves for now. I agree "He can't be responsible for her emotional welfare anymore than she can be for his." But if he wants to reconcile, he needs to at least show some empathy. Wilson is correct with a simple message like "I understand what you are saying, but we can not talk or hang out until, this goes away". Then go to NC, you will hear from her again.

 

 

I'm NC for almost 1 year now, she got GIG's and is in a new relationship for almost 6 months. I don't resent and blame her anymore, she wasn't happy in the relationship in the last few weeks, therefore i have to take my responsibility and say well "i mustn't have been doing something right either. With time comes clarity. Nobody is perfect, and dumpees need to take responsibility for their actions that lead to the breakup too. I wasn't in a good place this time last year with my Career and other issues, and this affected our relationship. My Ex was no angel, and a lot went down in the 3 years we went out. However, after a year of a roller coaster of emotions, and so much self development, i'm in a good state of mind, and have learnt so much. I have made so many positive changes in my life, travelling the world, and finally manned the **** up, and i thank my Ex for that. She hasn't unfortunately made positive changes, time will tell if she reaches out.

 

Don't hold on to resentment, its a new year dawning. New goals, new changes in your lifestyle, new idea's anything is possible. Even new love, or maybe old love returning. Keep positive, and whats for you wont pass you.

 

Roll on 2012!

[wilsonx]

My mom is a hoe, thats how I was born.

 

In any case, Smokey Bear, is a GIGS dumper, she can tell you anything you want to know about their mind set and what they do.

 

There is a pattern in the behavior and the time frames. Its clear as day from the breakup to the friends and the rebound and how they feel and what goes on in their mind. Its absolutely insane and there are some demons, you should read her threads if your interested, she has researched the **** out of this.

 

As for the Misdirect ZZZZZZZZZZZZINNNGGG

Edited December 30, 2011 by wilsonx

[MarMarMar]

My mom is a hoe, thats how I was born.

 

In any case, Smokey Bear, is a GIGS dumper, she can tell you anything you want to know about their mind set and what they do.

 

There is a pattern in the behavior and the time frames. Its clear as day from the breakup to the friends and the rebound and how they feel and what goes on in their mind. Its absolutely insane and there are some demons, you should read her threads if your interested, she has researched the **** out of this.

 

As for the Misdirect ZZZZZZZZZZZZINNNGGG

 

Pft zing your face also I don't completely think my ex has gigs as you say. He jumps a lot to begin with he's been in like 7 or more relationships and he's my age and I'm the longest one at nine months. But back to the matter at hand OP be careful and definitely sit on the decision for at least a few days before you respond or not.

[wilsonx]

If he's a relationship jumper, hes GIGS by definition.

 

He has inner demons that he needs to conquer.

 

He always thinks the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence so he continuously jumps that fence.

 

If you are the longest one, then pat yourself on your back because you did something right

 

BTW this thread is toast, so we can easily hijack it now and cyber

Edited December 30, 2011 by wilsonx

[MarMarMar]

If he's a relationship jumper, hes GIGS by definition.

 

He has inner demons that he needs to conquer.

 

He always thinks the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence so he continuously jumps that fence.

 

If you are the longest one, then pat yourself on your back because you did something right

 

BTW this thread is toast, so we can easily hijack it now and cyber

 

Don't know I'm the only girl he's been with that he didn't meet at a bar or was hooked on drugs and cheated on him and generally had the same attitude as him towards relationships. Cybering sounds dirty.

[wilsonx]

that means you are the measuring stick... hes going to compare every girl he dates to you in that case

[PelicanPete]

It's like OP is trying to decide what color to paint his house. One person may see a nice egyptian blue as a good colour, another person may see it as a royal blue, I may think a sky blue will really bring out the windows, so on so forth. In the end, the particular shade of blue is your own viewpoint and opinion: all that matters OP cares about is that everyone agrees blue is the best colour. Let the OP decide on what exact tint of blue he wants to paint it. After all, it's just advice fellas, OP is the one that's going to be living in the house.

 

Everyone had quite a bit of "black n white" thinking . Ya'll were so busy knitpicking about what shade of blue would be best, that it took 100 posts to realize "hey, we think it's the same colour after all". The only reason hackles went up in the first place was because you were trying to shove eachothers ideas down one anothers throats. Measuring LS wangs in the locker room.

 

If you want someone to truly consider or listen to your ideas, don't try to force it on them.

 

Lets say I invite you over for dinner. The house is a mess and I burned the chicken but served it anyway. I start telling you that I'm the best massage therapist that has ever graced this planet [with food in my mouth of course], and to take off your shoes because your feet are probably as neglected and as your appetite. You nervously laugh it off, but before you know it, I've tackled you from across the table and have ripped off your shoe. You're screaming, you're kicking, and you're resisting, but I'm trying my hardest to wrap my fingers around your feet to "enlighten" you with my ability.

 

Consider I invite you over to my house for dinner on a different evening. I've got some Keith Jarrett playing softly in the background, the lights dimmed so that my blue eyes really glisten from the single blueberry scented candle in the middle of the table. I talk about how I studied massage therapy in Barcelona for several years, and I begin to explain how I memorized all of the pressure points of the foot that would induce a temporary physical bliss. I then smile, and start slowly eating my chicken cordon bleu with white wine sauce, savouring every mouthful. I never judged, I never forced, I never suggested, but to my surprise I feel your bare foot plop onto my lap, with you saying "Show me what you can do, Petey"

 

Somethin to think about anywho

[MarMarMar]

It's like OP is trying to decide what color to paint his house. One person may see a nice egyptian blue as a good colour, another person may see it as a royal blue, I may think a sky blue will really bring out the windows, so on so forth. In the end, the particular shade of blue is your own viewpoint and opinion: all that matters OP cares about is that everyone agrees blue is the best colour. Let the OP decide on what exact tint of blue he wants to paint it. After all, it's just advice fellas, OP is the one that's going to be living in the house.

 

Everyone had quite a bit of "black n white" thinking . Ya'll were so busy knitpicking about what shade of blue would be best, that it took 100 posts to realize "hey, we think it's the same colour after all". The only reason hackles went up in the first place was because you were trying to shove eachothers ideas down one anothers throats. Measuring LS wangs in the locker room.

 

If you want someone to truly consider or listen to your ideas, don't try to force it on them.

 

Lets say I invite you over for dinner. The house is a mess and I burned the chicken but served it anyway. I start telling you that I'm the best massage therapist that has ever graced this planet [with food in my mouth of course], and to take off your shoes because your feet are probably as neglected and as your appetite. You nervously laugh it off, but before you know it, I've tackled you from across the table and have ripped off your shoe. You're screaming, you're kicking, and you're resisting, but I'm trying my hardest to wrap my fingers around your feet to "enlighten" you with my ability.

 

Consider I invite you over to my house for dinner on a different evening. I've got some Keith Jarrett playing softly in the background, the lights dimmed so that my blue eyes really glisten from the single blueberry scented candle in the middle of the table. I talk about how I studied massage therapy in Barcelona for several years, and I begin to explain how I memorized all of the pressure points of the foot that would induce a temporary physical bliss. I then smile, and start slowly eating my chicken cordon bleu with white wine sauce, savouring every mouthful. I never judged, I never forced, I never suggested, but to my surprise I feel your bare foot plop onto my lap, with you saying "Show me what you can do, Petey"

 

Somethin to think about anywho

 

Wilsonx: Would be nice but I don't think he'll be back because his brother and friends like to party and "pick up bitches". Also I don't want to hope for something and it wasn't a healthy relationship so I just want to move on.

 

And Pelican: good points also that last paragraph was dirty.

[Mack05]

So what do you propose, rejecting her?

 

Wilson advised nc to heal, best option!

 

I think the point is missed on you smokey bear. Wilson's response would be the correct one IF this woman was emotionally healthy. I don't have her version of events to hand, so from headsashed posts/threads (I have read them all), I don't believe that she is emotionally healthy. This is the information given, to which I am forming my opinion on (that is NOT Black and White thinking)..So from what I have read previously, her reaction will not be what both you and Wilson expect it to be and this is the point and that is lost on you both. I agree with Wilson in the main, but this woman will simply not listen and give him the space he wants and needs..She is a mess (as in headsashed) and now that Headsashed is slipping away, she is becoming even more obsessive. Melody Beattie wrote this about obsession in her book Co-Dependency no more..This is from page 59..

 

“Obsession with another human being or a problem is an awful thing to be caught up in. That person can talk about nothing else, can think about nothing else. Even if she appears to be listening when you talk, you know that person doesn’t hear you. Her mind is tossing and turning, crashing and banging, around and around on an endless race-track of compulsive thought. She is preoccupied. She relates whatever you say, no matter how unrelated it actually is, to the object of her obsession. She says the same things, over and over, sometimes changing the wording slightly, sometimes using the same words. Nothing you say makes a difference. Even telling her to stop doesn’t help. She probably would if she could. The problem is she can’t (at the moment). She is bursting with the jarring energy that obsession is made of. she has a problem or a concern that is not only bothering her, it is controlling her. Her entire focus was on someone or something other than themselves. Worrying about, reacting to, and trying to control other human beings. She was a shell, sometimes almost invisible shell of herself. Her energy is depleted, directed at someone else. She couldn’t tell me what she was feeling and thinking because she didn’t know. Her focus was not on herself. When you’re obsessed you can’t get your mind off that person or that problem. You didn’t know what were thinking. You’re not even sure what you should do, but by God you should do something and fast.”

 

 

This woman has also a reactionary personality. Again, I want to quote from a page in Co-dependency No more from Melody Beattie. This is from page 67. This is headsashed ex (or headsashed himself)..

 

“I am a reactionary. I reacted to other people’s feelings, behaviours, problems and thoughts. My strong point seemed to be reacting in a crisis; I thought almost everything was a crisis. I overreacted.. Hidden Panic (which bordered on hysteria) brewed in me much of the time. I sometimes under reacted. If the problem I faced was significant, I often used the tool of denial. I reacted to almost everything that came into my awareness and environment. My entire life had been a reaction to other people’s lives, desires, problems, faults, successes, and personalities. Even my low self-worth, which I dragged around like a bag of stinking garbage, had been a reaction. I was like a puppet with strings hanging out, inviting and allowing anyone or anything to yank them. It is normal to react and respond to our environment. Reacting is a part of life. It’s part of interacting, and its part of being alive and human. But we allow ourselves to get so upset, and so distracted. Little things, big things – anything – have the power to throw us off track. And the way we respond after we react is frequently not in our best interests. We may have started reacting and responding urgently and compulsively in patters that hurt us. Just feeling urgent and compulsive is enough to hurt us. We keep ourselves in a crisis state-adrenaline flowing and muscles tensed, ready to react to emergencies that usually aren’t emergencies. Someone does something, so we must do something back. Someone says something so we must say something back. Someone feels a certain way, so we must feel a certain way. WE JUMP INTO THE FIRST FEELING THAT COMES OUR WAY AND THEN WALLOW IN IT. We think the first thought that comes into our heads and then elaborate on it. We say the first words on our tongues and sometimes regret them. We do the first thing that comes to mind without thinking about it. That is the problem we are reacting without thinking – without honest thought about what we need to do, and how to handle the situation. Our emotions and behaviours are being controlled – triggered by everyone and everything in our environment. That means we have lost control”

 

By all means Headsashed should sent Wilson's text. I agree he wants her back, even after all she has done to him and vice versa. Right now the relationship is unworkable, but if they both handle things in the right way (learn lessons, heal and focus on flaws/personal issues, that doesn't mean it can't be saved somewhere down the line). My point is that text won't make an ounce of difference. He could sent that nice text, an even nicer text or be a total Pr ! ck she ain't going anywhere..She is in a state of obsession and this will get messier until one of them says enough and clear and strict boundaries are set, that the other person will actually want to adhere too. There is probably a few more months of tangoing (one leading the other on a merry dance), who knows maybe in even more.

 

Not to be harsh about headsashed (well maybe I am being) but this post could also be written about him (i.e obession with another human being)..I have said this many times to Headsashed that I have a funny feeling H's ex's story and her version is VERY different. The one thing as Pete said above (nice reply) is that they both need to disengage and quick..I can't see this happening and I believe headsashed is just as much to blame in this situation, no matter how true or accurate his version of events is. Wilson seems to think alot of this stuff is in headsashed head. Maybe, I have no idea how accurate that statement is, considering we haven't heard both sides of the story.

 

What I see happening? Look at headsashed last response. Not convincing. He wants her back, but the point that is lost on him (and her), is that right now the relationship in its current format is unworkable and will almost certainly fail if they try again. Both of them are a mess right now. OP is constantly flip flopping. Headsashed if you want her back and she wants you back, then the best thing to do is give each other space and time (as much as needed). If you both behave like too mature emotionally healthy people, then after time I believe some relationships can be saved. I expect the opposite to happen until one of both of them has had enough of the drama..

Edited December 30, 2011 by Mack05

[headsashed]

thanx guys and girls.

Right,i promise you all that everything i have posted in these forums is the complete truth,im here for advice so why would i lie about things? We all know that her side of the story would be different from mine,even i dont know her side of events.

 

I agree that im as much to blame as her in this,i know my faults in the relationship and i know things ive done wrong since we broke up. I wil never blame her for everything but she blames me for it all,why i dont know.

 

A few people say i want her back,ofcourse i still love this girl and thats me being honest,maybe i love her way too much,but do i want her back? No,not right now,why? because she has hurt me a very lot which inturn has messed my head up. If none of this crap had happend since the breakup then i could say yes i want her back. If intime we both get our heads clear etc then maybe things might change. To put it simply,Ofcourse i want this girl back,just not yet,too much has happend and maybe my judgement is clouded right now,maybe once i see a clear light i might just realise i dont want her back after all. I agree that we both need to disconnect and try figure ourselves out 1st,this is what im trying to do,ive left her alone havent i? she needs her space too. Bascially i want a very clear mind before i make a decision on whether to give her a second chance,i dont want to rush things and just accept her back just to get hurt all over again.

 

Overall there is only 1 answer to all off this,time and space,that is whats needed before anything,but wil she respect that? probably not. Should i tell her i need time and space? more than likely but i know what she will do,she would twist it all round somehow and try reel me back in. Maybe once ive cleared my head a little i will respond to her and tell her that i need some space before i make a decision. That is all i can do i think.

[TheDovic]

Hey dude,

 

I honestly don't think she knows what she wants and this has just made her panic! Question is, how long will you wait around to let her make up her mind... and how much do you like this new girl?

 

If you're willing to keep putting yourself through this and don't really like the new girl then by all means entertain your ex...

 

BUT if things are going well with the new girl and you've had enough of being tortured then moving on might be the best (albeit scary) option!

[headsashed]

hey pal,

 

There is no new girl,it was all a rumour,id love to know where it came from though lol. Im not exactly waiting around for my ex,i just want some time and space to figure out what i really want because right now im hurting,confused etc and i dont want her but if i told her that then maybe later on id regret it all and be hurt even more. That is why i just need that time and space to figure things out for myself.

[TheDovic]

Have you responded to her texts? Maybe she needed a boot up the ass to realise what she's let go!

[headsashed]

No dovic ive not replied,i wont until i can get a clear head and know exactly what i want. As harmfulsweetz just said,time to take a step back before rushing into anything that could crash and burn so easily,and at this moment in time im sure it would do that. Theres no harm in takin this step back and waiting for a while,if she truely does love and want me back then she would wait on me no matter what right? and vice versa. We both need to step back for a while and let our emotions cool down before making any rash decisions.

[TheDovic]

We both need to step back for a while and let our emotions cool down before making any rash decisions.

 

Good call buddy. Keep us updated sure!

[MarMarMar]

No dovic ive not replied,i wont until i can get a clear head and know exactly what i want. As harmfulsweetz just said,time to take a step back before rushing into anything that could crash and burn so easily,and at this moment in time im sure it would do that. Theres no harm in takin this step back and waiting for a while,if she truely does love and want me back then she would wait on me no matter what right? and vice versa. We both need to step back for a while and let our emotions cool down before making any rash decisions.

 

Good luck!