Ex-Girlfriend has begun calling again

[Blah Toolz]

If you need some background on my story, then please read the following: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t37652/

 

It's not too long of a story... but basically, I stopped calling my ex-gf as well as talking to her as soon as our classes and finals ended. She actually called me with a "wake-up" call on the day of our last final, so I called her back afterwards to thank her and I told her to have a nice summer. She seemed surprised and said, "Why do you say it like we won't see each over the summer?" I replied with, "Because the only reason we are seeing each other now is that we had classes. So take care, have fun and be safe."

 

So I've been moving on, chilling with my friends a lot more, focusing on my love for weightlifting and fitness... and a few weeks back, while I was partying at a friend's apartment in the city for his 21st birthday, I got a call from her at about 12am. I missed the call, but when I checked it, I figured it was a mistake, because she had only called once. The next night... I missed another call from her at about 1.00 am, but I was sleeping.

 

I accidentally pick up a call from her the next night, expecting a call from a girl that I'm currently dating on a casual basis. We make some small talk... and she says "I called you at such and such a time, blah blah etc." She then says "Do you know what day that was...?" I'm not sure what she's referring to, and she finally says that "That's the first night that we ever had sex." I don't really know what to make of that, so I just kind of laugh it off.

 

Well, she actually hasn't called for about a week now, but I was online the other day and she IMs me randomly out of nowhere saying "I took your quiz." She is referring to one of those stupid buddy quizzes, that I put on my Instant Messenger profile. I say "Oh, that's cool." She says "Yeah, but I got two wrong." And she makes one of those sad faces. I say "It's all good. I gotta get going though, talk to you later." She simply signs off.

 

I guess what I need to know is... is she showing regret that she broke it off with me? Signs that she might want to get back together, or that she simply misses talking to me? I am starting to enjoy the fact that I am single... but I still care for her a lot... and I still love her. I don't think I would just rush into a relationship with her again.. but just want to know how I should interpret these conversations with her.

[beautiful]

Wow does she show a lot of respect for you by calling you in the middle of the night........................................................she can't call you at a decent hour?

 

Something to think about!

[Blah Toolz]

Yeah... some people have told me that before. They were on weekends... but still.

 

The last time she actually called me was during the day... and she wanted to know if I would go to her little brother's baseball game with her. She also put on her away message on AOL Instant Messenger..."You'll always be my heart's biggest weakness."

[estakado]

Now that you have the upper hand, keep it going. Just do enough conversation to keep her in but dont get caught up. Remember what she put you through. Once she apologizes and is sincere and you think you can trust her...then you can talk about her coming back. But live your life first.

[Blah Toolz]

I know... it just doesn't seem like I have the upper hand at all. It's just difficult...

 

I thought I would be able to move on more quickly than this... but it's been a little over three months now and although there are times and events that can help to alleviate the pain I have of missing her... they seem to be only temporary.

 

I think about how close we were last summer... and although I am meeting new people, it just messes with my heart and head to know that I can never be that close to her again. I suppose the fact that she even calls me, or takes my online quizzes shows that she may perhaps miss me... or be showing some form of regret: or trying to initiate a conversation with me. That's better than nothing, I suppose.

 

I'll just keep moving ahead... have a good summer... and keep resisting the temptation to pursue her. I have the feeling she'll be calling me on my birthday... which will be tough to deal with.

[kgal]

Hmmm...

 

That's a hard one. I think that when two ppl who are in love break up.. for whatever reasons.. there's that phase of "letting go" which can sometimes be as hard as ripping to velcro strips apart. I understand how it goes with the mind game thing.. and I think time in between conversations will help... if indeed you feel you can remain friends... if not... better just tell her to leave you alone for now.

 

Good Luck.

[Blah Toolz]

Yeah, thanks, guess I'll keep taking it one day at a time.

 

Still think about her quite a bit... but I am starting to get used to sleeping in my own bed, and having a whole day scheduled for myself where I won't have to wonder "Oh did I forget to call her at such and such a time," and crazy stuff like that.

 

Does anyone have any idea why she would bring up that "that was the first day we ever had sex," put up away messages like that, even just calling me in general? Does it mean that she misses me... or just felt like I was someone to talk to? It's just still confusing because I'm still emotionally attached.

 

Last time I talked to her on the phone, I said "Have a good summer, be safe..." and she replied with "Oh my God, why do you say it like we won't see each other over the summer." Just weird stuff like that. If anyone can give me a heads up, thanks in advance.

[estakado]

I'm on the same mission bro...trust me no chick likes a Bugaboo....Just try to fill your schedule and be confident always and if you dont know a situation "act like you know" because confidence is key...just gotta keep it moving.

 

She'll call you man, just work on yourself so you'll be ready when she does.

 

Keep us posted

[Blah Toolz]

Seems like I've been regressing the past few days... going back into denial stages and over analyzing the "could haves" and "should haves." Was feeling really depressed, and ****ty overall... guess this is the only way to vent it out. Heh, I think my friends are getting sick of hearing about it... but they're the best help.

 

I suppose if she starts calling again, I'll just be friendly with her. When she started calling again, I kept getting hopes up that she and I could get back together. I think I can hang out with her now without expecting to be romantically involved with her again... I guess I'll have to see how it goes. I think I'm finally starting to accept the fact that although the memories we had were great... that it's time to move on to a new chapter in my life. I'm not going to expect anything... but if she still wants to be a part of my life, then I can do that.

 

I also turn 21 in a few days... so good times.

[sweetie7]

I'm in a similar situation...see my post "what is he doing/thinking" but I'm a girl. I'm going crazy today bc my bf called at 1 a.m. last night and I answered but I have nooo idea what was said since I was sleeping. This used to happen when we were together and he'd go out at night and I wasn't at school-he'd always call me on his way home to let me know he was okay. Since I was asleep, I can only imagine that I probably said "ok baby, I love you" since that is what I'm used to saying in the middle of the night! Anyway, I'm definitely just taking it day by day and waiting for him to make the moves. If he wants me back, he's gonna have to prove it! Good luck!

[CurlyIam]

I think she wants you back. Do you know what you want?

 

Happy birthday, 21 was a great year for me! I'll be turning 24 soon myself . Old, man, I'm old!

 

Cheers,

 

Curly

[Blah Toolz]

I don't think she wants me back... if she wanted me back, I think she would be calling me every day. That's the way she was in our relationship... very dependent, never wanted me to leave her side.

 

I think I will try being just friends with her. I don't want to lose her from my life completely... would make our 2 years together almost seem like a waste. I will just not expect anything more... and I suppose if we do get back together, it would be a pleasant surprise.

 

But getting back together with her now is not what I want... it would feel empty. I am just still confused. And been having such depressing days lately thinking about her. The fact that she is calling and IMing means she misses me though, right?

[CurlyIam]

I'm sure she was dependent, if you say so. But she must have some pride left and not call you every single day

 

At some point of moving on, you have to take your eyes back of the past so that you can look into the future. This is inevitable. Believe me, you do have to choose: either you let her back into you "present", either know what to expect: she will fade away from your life.

 

I don't think it's possible for 2 people who have been in a relationship to imediately became friends. I think they're lucky if they stay friends at all. Don't think this is not your case, you know it is.

 

Sort out your feelings and don't do nothing untill you know what you want. Time takes care of everything, but it will work against you if you let things "flow"!

[Blah Toolz]

Well... after I stopped calling her and going to her house -- I was set on the fact that she would probably fadea way from my life. But that is when she started calling again... wanted to see me at 11pm one night, wanted me to go to her brother's baseball game with her, etc.

 

I declined though, because I didn't know if she was actually showing signs of wanting to get back together and missing me... or if she just wanted to see if I was still under her control. It's tough not seeing her... but seeing her and not being able to have her hurt me the most at first.

 

I don't really know how to deal with it... but I actually called up her house today, so that I could talk to her mother. I was really close with her family... especially her mother and her little eight year old brother. When I called, my ex picked up the phone. I expected her to be at work... but she answered, and we ended up talking.

 

She asked how I was, what I've been up to, etc, and we talked and joked around for a bit. She said that her little brother is always asking to see me, and I said "Yeah, well I'll see if I can make it to his next baseball game." She said "Yeah, but you always seem so busy now." What does she expect?

 

She brought up the fact that I still had a lot of stuff at her house, and I said "Yeah, maybe you could just get it all together and leave it upstairs for me to pick up sometime?" She replied with "No, I have to get it all together and stuff There's alot of it. Maybe I can drop it off at your house." This is what she said to me before, and I still haven't gotten my stuff back yet. Is it because she doesn't want me at her house, or she just wants to have that stuff at her house so she has an excuse to run into me?

 

I then talked to her mom on the phone, and her mom said that I will always be considered part of her family... even though I am broken up with her daughter. She said that I should take the little brother out again sometime, because he always asks for me. I felt a little relieved after calling the house and talking to them... but also deeply depressed knowing that they will not be a part of my life in the same way again.

 

What does everyone think... should I attempt to be friends with the ex again? What are her motives when she is calling me... I don't think getting back together with her looks like it is a possibility at this point in time. What made you say that you think she wanted me back, CurlyIAm?

[CurlyIam]

All this. Getting intouch. Keeping intouch. When left, women - ok, not women, I - tend to be mad. Upset. Angry. Definetely not communicating.

 

She called you several time, practicly asking you to go back into her life - I mean with the little brother and all.

 

And just analyse her answer "Yeah, but you always seem so busy now". She expected you to contradict her. "Oh,no, I am not that busy"... see what I mean?

 

 

IMHO, she really wants you back. You had a past, a nice relationship, a great realtionship with her parents. But when getting back with her, you'd be dating her, not her family!

 

Be very very sure not to do something for the wrong reasons. I think it is her you must be crazy about and want, not a nice atmosphere, nice parents, nice family. Don't let this situation that somehow you've created, decide for you. IT's normal to be drown to the past. But that's what it is. Past

 

You alone are deciding your "today".

[Blah Toolz]

She has been hanging around with other guys... that is the only x-factor. So this makes me think that she wants to keep in touch, because she wants me to want her. She wants to keep me on a string. I don't know... but that's just what it seems like to me.

 

She did say "you seem so busy now," but I think she just wants me to not be over her yet. We were together for so long... so she wants to be able to do what she wants to do, but she wants me to still want her. I don't know... hopefully you're right -- but even if she does want me back now...

 

There is just one thing that makes it hard. And that is that when we broke up, there was no real reason given to me why. She just said "I don't want to be in a relationship right now, I want to be just friends for a while." So what makes me think that I can trust her? That she won't pull **** like that again...?

 

I don't know... on the one hand, if I do hang out with her, maybe we would start going out on dates together in a friendly way at first... but I could end up getting burnt again. If I don't keep contacting her though, she will fade out of my life forever, in your opinion?

[CurlyIam]

Most definetely.

 

I had the impression you left her ... Anyway, hanging out, other men, desire, the little game of egos...

 

Don't go there. You are right, she is using every occasion to make you came back into her life, without really wanting you in the picture. So you were right, after all, she's pulling your strings... Sorry!

 

Just answer her calls if you feel like, don't do it if it's a nice movie on the TV and get on with your life. I think men have this extraspecial sense, detecting when a woman wants something more serious. If your instinct tells you she's doesn't, listen to it!

 

 

As I understood from your first post, you were doing quite great before her. She pulled a few steps back, but since you've managed to get along fine without her the first time, now that you know she's been playing you on purpose, I take it that your healing is gonna be faster.

 

So keep us posted about your decision.

 

Curly

[Blah Toolz]

Yeah, I wanted to get back together with her... but she was the one who denied that.

 

What really sucks is just the fact that I know we cared for each other... but now she just ****s with my head like this and treats me like absolute garbage. Like I'm just another guy now, that she thinks she can tease and have fun playing mind games with.

 

So these calls and comments she makes are not significant of her wanting to get back together, just wanting to string me along?

[CurlyIam]

I DON'T KNOW!

 

How can I? What I can do is tell what I think:

 

A. I am very very protective of my own family. I've only once introduced one boyfriend to my family. But this is me.

 

B. if I do intoduce one man to my family, I would never ever treat him the way she treated you.

 

What she wants now? Who knows?

 

Is she playing? She must have a cold cold heart in order to do that. But I don't know her. I like games, but I always play it safe. Maybe she thinks she is playing safe too, because she thinks she can get away with it. Because you let her get away with it. Because she thinks you are unable to hurt her. So she does whatever she feels like.

 

 

You know her. If it is that confusing, talk to her about the meaning of her action and demand her to take responsability, for they affect not only you, but her little brother, and her mother too. That, or deny her the power over you. Don't play along. Don't answer, don't reply her messages, etc

 

Her attitude towards you is plain disrepectufull.

[estakado]

Originally posted by Blah Toolz

Yeah, I wanted to get back together with her... but she was the one who denied that.

 

What really sucks is just the fact that I know we cared for each other... but now she just ****s with my head like this and treats me like absolute garbage. Like I'm just another guy now, that she thinks she can tease and have fun playing mind games with.

 

So these calls and comments she makes are not significant of her wanting to get back together, just wanting to string me along?

 

So your mission should be clearer now which is just to work on improving yourself, get your swagger back bro! My advice is just get all the grief and hurt out and not to wait around for her to call. You know that you have already told her that you love her so there is nothing else that you can do other than to take some time for yourself, family and friends.

 

I'm going on 2nd week on month 1 bro and I've been waking up early in the morning to go running....plus I go running everytime that I start to feel sad or remember. So find something to do. You dont got to stop loving her, but you gotta look out for number one because obviously she is being selfish....dont play into her game. She'll come around after she's been burned and by then you will be ready to deal with it.

[Blah Toolz]

She called me today to wish me a happy birthday. I just said thanks, etc.

 

She says... "You know, you don't have to call the house and ask for my mom. You can call if you ever need to talk, or can talk to me." I said "Same applies to you," and then...

 

I said "I'm giving you space. You've got a new guy, I'm not going to make you feel uncomfortable." She says "Yeah, well I heard you've been banging some girl down in (a town where we live). Those words exactly." I just laughed, kind of just said "Well if you ever want to catch up sometime, it's cool." That was probably a mistake in hindsight, but whatever, I don't plan on following through with it anyways.

 

It is hard to believe that she would play these games with me after the time we spent together... how close I was with the family, etc, but I guess that's just the way she is. She thinks she can get away with it because she thinks I can't hurt her? I don't see any reason to hurt her. She has had a pretty tough life, so I don't want to **** with her or anything... I'll just forgive and forget and move on.

 

Also... a new boyfriend after 3-4 months after a 2 year relationship? I don't know if it's actually a real deal boyfriend or just some dude she's been hanging around with, but that kind of blows. I've been hanging around other girls, but I haven't jumped into another relationship yet.

[estakado]

No doubt bro, but I'll one up yah with my pain....my ex moves out to get "space" and to find herself only to get with a guy 1 month later....a week after we break up. On the reals the love of my life didnt even give it a chance to cool down. I also found out from her ex friend that her current girlfriends and work buddies have been dropping her hints these past 6 months to drop me.....so I've been played. I wish that I can call her about this...but I'm gonna save it for when she contacts me...which I won't be holding my breath for.

 

So now that you know from your conversation, you can tell she was pretty weak and trying to turn the tables on you. I'm glad she knows or thinks that you've been bangin some chick. Keep up your end and dont let her see you sweat. She'll be bored from her current piece of work soon and she'll come for you. This is why no contact is good because you got to give her space to really miss you and that way she can make a clear decision.

 

Dont even think about moving on, just focus on getting by day by day 1 day at a time.

 

Man she is confused, her drama will unfold soon.

 

On my end, I'm going to ladies night at this club tomorrow...wish me luck!

[Blah Toolz]

Yeah, it's pretty sour that her current girlfriends and work buddies were advising her to drop you. And the fact that this might have a big effect on her decision... that's like the ultimate betrayal of trust, and I think my ex's close gf might have influenced her break up with me as well. It can't be just coincidence that my ex's close gf also broke up with her boyfriend at nearly the same time.

 

Alright man, I guess you are right with the no contact. I had put it into effect before... and she did start calling me again. So I guess I should put it into effect again. The only reason I was apprehensive is because I thought if I did the no-contact thing that she would fade away from my life forever.

 

What makes you think she is confused? Also... good luck with your ladies night brotha, I plan on giving a few girls whose numbers I got last weekend a call tomorrow night. I'm also down to a personal goal of mine of 7% bodyfat... going to be looking ripped at the beach for this week of nice weather.

[estakado]

Blah:

 

Ha ha man we sound pathetic I'm glad none of my other buds know about this site. But I dont care, I have a right to feel down. wow get ready for the next chapter below:

 

On the reals though if you keep your girl in your heart then she'll always be there, it is possible to love someone from afar and not be a crazed stalker...

 

Okay so on the confusion part of my story [sorry i high jacked your thread bro] I'm convinced that she's confused because of friend influences. I've confirmed from an ex friend that her other friends have questioned whether I'm even good enough to be with her because I didnt take her out much because I went to work and college full time in order to better myself and in order for a solid future...so I was looking at my time as an investment and sure i could have done more but I thought that I me and my girl had an understanding that she was always on my mind [like today LOL!]

 

When she moved out, her reasons were to find the time for herself and see if she can be independent. She could have moved closer to her work and family but what did she do? She moved into an apartment 2 miles down from me in the same hood. Then after the breakup she replaces me...she is not thinking clearly and the fact that she was trying to put on and attitude when she talks to me is fake. I asked her if she hated me and she said of course not. So I know that I am in there somewhere. She says that she wants to go to school, but she hasnt made any effort to sign up or check into it...as far as I know she stays/hangs at her new guys place. Kinda just like how when we started out. So it makes me wonder what kind of a person she really is....like weak. But I also remember the good times and when she has been really there for me and those are the times I really miss.

 

^ ^ What sux is that I still love her, but other things are calling me such as rent, food, utilities...which is high now since she moved out. So after a month my survival mode kicks in and I got to get through this. We can do this bro, 7% body fat here I come!

 

On to your girl though, yeah gf's are evil they influence so much and get in their heads that there were issues when there really wasnt. Your girl just wants to check into you to see if you still love her and still need her, as soon as she knows, then she'll tell her friends and her friends will be like "damn he is still sad?" and then she'll be pressured in not to persue anything new with you even though that in her heart she misses you. She's got to come to her senses herself. We cant force her to love us, we got to be successful in somethings that we like in order for us to look good. Dam i thought that I was good with all her gf's too. This is a sad game to play but unfortunately we have to play it.

 

It doesnt matter what dude she dates, that guy wont be you. And when you show her family how successful you are, then your already winning. I'm doing the same thing too because I love my ex's family too.

 

So NO CONTACT and keep posting so that we can get our revenge!

[Blah Toolz]

Haha, it's not too pathetic, bro. It could be a lot worse. But I am glad that we both realize that you have to go on with your life... and that you can't sit around and piss and moan about it for the rest of your days.

 

One thing about that phone call she gave me on my birthday... she said something like "You have a lot of stuff still here at the house." And I was thinking about my dress shoes, dress pants, closet full of clothes that I had there... and she says "Yeah, do you want any of these pictures?" I said, "No I think that's alright, I already have some good pictures of us. You can just put them away if you want, or throw them away." She replies with "I would never throw them away."

 

I bring up the clothes, and dress shoes, and I tell her that she can leave them upstairs with her mom and I can just swing by and pick them up when she's not there. She says "Oh no, there's a lot of it, I'll just get it all together and I'll drop it off at your house sometime." I know this is BS, and she knows I know that... so why the hell is she hanging on to my ****? Heh, it doesn't really bother me that much, but I offered her an easy way to get rid of the stuff if that's what she wanted to do... since she brought the issue up.

 

Ah well, what you been up to estakado? I've been getting lots of digits and such... having fun at friend's rippers. The beach is also quite nice when you're single...