Ex-Girlfriend has begun calling again

[Blah Toolz]

Hey stellab, I was with my ex-gf for 2 years as well, and I'm almost 6 months into the break-up. The pain won't go away, but I guess I can say that it is less frequent. I'm sorry to hear that he cheated on you the whole time... that is pretty low. In terms of not responding to him, I think what you might have to say to him is that "Whatever we once had is done and over with, and I really don't want to talk to you again." If this doesn't give him the hint... then change your number or block his calls.

 

Anyways, in about 20 more days, it will be 6 months since she and I broke-up, and I think that I the remnants of hope that I once had that she will realize she misses me and can't be without me are finally gone. It is like exorcising a demon... it is a commensurate mixture of both relief and pain. It is painful to think that I will never be able to hold her as my girl ever again, but the disintegration of the false hope is also one less burden. After the last time I spoke to her about getting my things back from her, I can't believe she responded in such a bitter, acerbic manner to me. I didn't do anything... why does she treat me like an enemy?

 

I suppose that's why I just have to look at it like I will never talk to her again. Accepting that is hard, but it's the only way I can pull myself together. Any of you feel like that? The memories of being with her are still strong, and I miss all the moments we shared. I almost miss how she was still calling me after we broke up... late at night, even on weekends. At least she was calling me, and even if she didn't have any intent to get back together, which I don't think she did, at least I was on her mind at that time... and she was still talking to me.

 

I hate being the way I am... raised as a macho guy, considered tough by all my friends, a hardcore weightlifter. If I try to open up like this to my friends or parents anymore... it's like they look at me and think "Man, I thought this kid was tough." Breaking up with my ex is unlike any other pain I've experienced... it is beyond any physical pain or rigor I've ever faced. I think something that is just as painful as missing my ex so much... and wishing that she missed me too, is the shattering of my dreams and the outlook of the future I had with her. There are so many things I'm doing now that I think to myself..."I wish she was here with me, to go through this with me, like we used to." So what does everybody think... 6 months, I guess that is long enough for her to decide if she misses me or not, right? She's with a new guy, she seemingly doesn't miss me at all, and everything we had together almost seems like a farce. Asking me for a promise ring, the genuinely great moments we had together, hearing a song on the radio and remembering her telling me that this would be our marriage song... it's hard to erase all that.

 

I just want the pain to go away... thanks for whomever reads this, and thanks for letting me vent.

[james_1989]

hey blah,

man i wish kill to meet you in person and sit down with you face to face and talk all of our problems out. everytime i read your posts it consoles me and i swear its exactly how i feel. well bro, its just about 4 months since i last held my girl in my arms and to think that it might never happen again just abousutly breaks my heart. ive have three years of oppurtunity to get back with her because thats how much longer i have left in highschool but i hope to god that i will atleast be over by midway through this year. my ex always told me no matter how bad our breakup is that i will always be in heart. i hope i am somewhere in there no matter how deep down. my girls new dude is such a fag. he looks like a sheep dog and has no friends. i cant say seeing someone like her being with someone like him. it just doesnt seem right. anyways i saw my ex yesterday for the first time and i was at a total loss for words. i couldnt for the life of me think of what to say to hear. she was working at a registration table in my highschool and my friends say they saw her get all my papers and everything ready before i got there. she actually said my name. i love her so much but i cant go through life like this. i know shes the only one for me and i know that she could probably have the same feelings for me. im hoping that seeing her everyday in highschool will help her realize that we should give it another shot. good luck blah toolz, im rooting for you man. i hope one day we will both truly get what we want.

[Blah Toolz]

Sup james... I know what you mean about the new guy being a stiff. Same way with mine... but I guess that's the way it works out. I think in a way... it's funny. She went from me, to this little Eminem wanna-be who talks like he's hard and was raised on the streets. It doesn't really worry me at all, because I simply laugh at the kid.

 

Would be nice to be able to just fast forward a few years ahead wouldn't it? That way... our pain would probably be gone, and we'd be set in whatever else it is that we're doing in life. I think that God had this happen for a reason... so I can better myself. It has to be that way... because I'm about to finish off a few more credits, and then I'm moving back to a campus. I doubt I would have been able to do that if I was still with my ex. I think I'm going to complete my Marines Officer Candidate School training as well... when I get back into the swing of another year of college.

 

Don't worry about it bro... the best revenge, is to be successful and to better yourself. Getting over the pain... well, that's a little tougher. I never thought I'd look back and say my ex would be just another "ex," you feel what I'm saying? But I suppose that is what it's going to go down as in my life story. I really hope I can attain that feeling again though... the feeling I had when I first met my ex... and we first started getting deeply involved. The burgeoning feeling of love, the feeling that made my whole body warm, and made me feel as if I was on top of the world. You think it's possible, or it's only with your first love?

[james_1989]

hey blah,

yeah man it would be great to fast forward. for you, you know what lies ahead, you got college and marines to worry about. i have years left with my ex and so much that could unfold. im not ready to face any of it at all. it is sad to think about my ex going down as just another ex. when we were going strong there was no other place that either of us would have rather been. ive never been very religious but like you said god did this for a reason. maybe its to make me stronger or maybe its for us to realize that we need to base our relationship differnently and start over new. all my pain and struggles could just go away if i could hold her once again. i pray that it will happen again sometime soon because right now i feel as if i cant go another day without her. i hope we make it through this blah toolz. we can only go up from here.

[toffee]

i met my ex 20 years ago. we dated for 6 months. he had a child and married in that order. the marriage lasted 5 years with them living together 2 1/2 years. i received a letter from him after his divorce was final. he wanted to know if i'd gotten married. he was military and we lost contact. 10 years after i'd known him, 5 years after his divorce, he found me by going to the house i was living in when we met. relatives was living there and brought him to my new residence. he was pcsing to a new duty station and on his way to visit his parents and family. he wanted me to meet his son.

 

we spent some time together. he lived 2 hrs. away. there was problems with his ex and concern for his son who was with he, and he was on hold to go to Kuwait. i had my own issues at the time. i'd gotten pregnant for him and had a miscarriage. my only pregnancy.

 

again, we lost contact with each other. it has been 8 years since i've seen him and 5 years since i'd talked to him on the phone. i wrote him about 4 months ago. he called the day he received my letter. during the conversation he told me he hadn't remarried. whenever he thinks about remarrying, of all the women he knows, i always come out on top. went on to tell me he is living with someone. told me this twice during the conversation. but, he wanted to see me since i was going to be visiting relatives the following weekend near where he live. i blurted that might be dangerous, even though i wanted to see him, which i didn't tell him. we didn't see each other.

 

about 2 weeks ago, i sent him a birtday card. again, he called to thank me. told me he should have married me. gave me his cell phone number, and said he would call later.

 

i admit i still love him and want to see him. but, knowing that he is living with someone kind of causes me to think twice about it. if i had known he was living with someone, i wouldn't have written. but, i did. just hearing his voice and visualizing the smile one his face as he constantly laughed as we talked made my day each time i've talked to him (3 times total).

 

looking for advice. should i cease the contact with him? do you think men become annoyed when their exes come back into their lives? is he leading me on by saying he should have married me?

[backspn]

Its been so long since your last meeting. What does your heart say? Follow your heart. We dont get too many 2nd chances in life. I would follow your heart not your head. Whats the worst that could happen?...another 10 years of NC. Give it a try....you might just be surprised.......us men can amaze sometimes.

[toffee]

i needed to hear that from someone other than my heart. my heart is telling me to go for it. it was difficult maintaining a ltr with him in the military and other problembs during that time. after many years of praying and reflection, i realize i neglected to stroke brothas ego. he was a terrific lover, with alot of other good qualities that i admire. but, i NEVER complimented him. i didn't realize the importance of complimenting a man. men need that just as we women need it. so, i believe that was one of our major problems.

 

again, thank you backspn for you positive reply!

 

always be blessed in the presence of the Lord!

[estakado]

What up BT:

 

Sorry for not being here as often as I used to post, I feel your pain brotha! I know you are doing the weights and the classes, just make sure that you take some time for you though. Taking time means taking a break from the usual schedule of workouts, school and whatnot. try and find something that interests you and get into it again or just try and catchup on something that you need to finish.

 

Try not to think about her anymore bro, she's old school news, there is a new you now and you are waaay stronger and smarter for her to even think that she can deserve you again. You have to move on...it sucks but in this case you gotta do like I did and look away.

 

The best revenge is gettin yourself back together and it is very true! I got rid of the sad me and started living, next thing you know, I have met someone who appreciates me more than my ex ever did.

 

That new girl is out there bro, start living and taking care of yourself and she will find you.

 

Remember, our exes know where we are, if they wanted us, they know where to go.

 

Worst Summer is over! The best FALL season is just begining!

 

get at me,

 

esto

 

Originally posted by Blah Toolz

 

I suppose that's why I just have to look at it like I will never talk to her again. Accepting that is hard, but it's the only way I can pull myself together. Any of you feel like that? The memories of being with her are still strong, and I miss all the moments we shared. I almost miss how she was still calling me after we broke up... late at night, even on weekends. At least she was calling me, and even if she didn't have any intent to get back together, which I don't think she did, at least I was on her mind at that time... and she was still talking to me.

 

I hate being the way I am... raised as a macho guy, considered tough by all my friends, a hardcore weightlifter. If I try to open up like this to my friends or parents anymore... it's like they look at me and think "Man, I thought this kid was tough." Breaking up with my ex is unlike any other pain I've experienced... it is beyond any physical pain or rigor I've ever faced. I think something that is just as painful as missing my ex so much... and wishing that she missed me too, is the shattering of my dreams and the outlook of the future I had with her. There are so many things I'm doing now that I think to myself..."I wish she was here with me, to go through this with me, like we used to." So what does everybody think... 6 months, I guess that is long enough for her to decide if she misses me or not, right? She's with a new guy, she seemingly doesn't miss me at all, and everything we had together almost seems like a farce. Asking me for a promise ring, the genuinely great moments we had together, hearing a song on the radio and remembering her telling me that this would be our marriage song... it's hard to erase all that.

 

I just want the pain to go away... thanks for whomever reads this, and thanks for letting me vent.

[jchan]

hey guys, i think i should have post 4 months earlier which could have saved and avoided the break up, but yah, here i am, a member of the club. well here's my story:

4 months ago, my ex wanted to break up with me (i don't think there's any such thing called mutual break ups) but over the course of summer, she managed to get a job, meet new people, whereas i was stuck doing summer school and working a nasty night shift. well throughout all this time i wanted to tell her that i missed her, hoping that this was hell that i was going through could be finished. i called her 3 weeks after the break up to see if she was available just to meet up and chat over a cup of coffee. but she said she was too busy. by month 2, i noticed her MSN names being "you and I hit?" and start to turn into the "OMG, you make wanna cry :)" and now it's "i love you gaga". well i ignored those signs and continued to dredge on with summer.despite trying to meet up with her, she was not available. now that summer's over, it came to the point that i couldn't stand it no more, so i had chat with her asking how the last couple of months been. she said she was doing fine, and all and enjoying her life as she continued to excel at university (we're in the same campus). then i told her how i felt and everything, bled all my feelings. only to find out at my dismay that she said she's been seeing this new guy for some time. i'm pretty much in a state of shock, disappointment and sadness. firstly i lose the girl, secondly, she was too busy to keep in touch with, and lastly i've been replaced just in a matter of two months. i'm pretty much full of regrets, since it was my indecisiveness and lack of character which made her wanna break up with me. but damn... i've been feeling very empty on the inside despite the fact that she told me to cheer up and that there's plenty of uncertainties in the futue plenty of girls out there (which suggests that it's improbable that i'll be with her) the part that kills me the most is that we go to the same campus, and the special days a and holidays are coming up. i don't know what to say, i'm just torn

[Blah Toolz]

Originally posted by estakado

What up BT:

 

Sorry for not being here as often as I used to post, I feel your pain brotha! I know you are doing the weights and the classes, just make sure that you take some time for you though. Taking time means taking a break from the usual schedule of workouts, school and whatnot. try and find something that interests you and get into it again or just try and catchup on something that you need to finish.

 

Try not to think about her anymore bro, she's old school news, there is a new you now and you are waaay stronger and smarter for her to even think that she can deserve you again. You have to move on...it sucks but in this case you gotta do like I did and look away.

 

The best revenge is gettin yourself back together and it is very true! I got rid of the sad me and started living, next thing you know, I have met someone who appreciates me more than my ex ever did.

 

That new girl is out there bro, start living and taking care of yourself and she will find you.

 

Remember, our exes know where we are, if they wanted us, they know where to go.

 

Worst Summer is over! The best FALL season is just begining!

 

get at me,

 

esto

 

Yeah... it's been a little easier now that time has passed. I have to admit, I still miss her -- but it doesn't cause me to cave in anymore when I think about her... or what we used to have together.

 

I just wonder why she gave me such a hard time when I asked to get some of my stuff back. She did seem genuinely happy to see me when I bumped into her at school. Friendly, joking around... I wonder if it's just because she's happy with her new life, or because she was happy to see me. Whatever.

 

Good to hear from you estakado, you the man. Keep me posted, bro.

[Nick14]

Wasup guys, I thought I join this convo and some advice to go along with it. Well my ex and I broke up at the end of August and its been a month and 2 weeks. She broke up with me claiming that she she was drifting away from me and that things were different and changing and she just didn't have those romantic feelings for me anymore (I was her first b/f and we were together 2 and a half years). Ok, lets rewind backward to July. What happen there was that, she wanted to take a break cause she felt like i was not paying attention to her and making excuses. I said no lets not break up and that I don't like who i am anyway and i want to be who I was before I made mistakes like that. So, I started leaving postive notes on her truck and left her some roses, to let her know i am really serious about what I said. Couple of days later, I went to her work (she lifeguards) and brought her lunch with a postive note in her bag and she started to cry and so did I and I told her "i am really serious and that I don't want this to end" She agreed and for the whole month of August, i swear guys I went past 2 weeks and kept on doing things the right way of what I was suppose to do. I kept on buying her roses every 2 weeks to show her how much I care about her, left her notes on her truck at 6am every other day so that she can feel good and postive thruout the day. One night, she came home from work and I was at her house at the time and I made a surprise candlelit dinner and she was thrilled with it. Then of course on our 2 and half aniversary on the 14th of august, I took her out to a romantic italian restaurant and then we took a walk downtown on a nice night and then we took in a movie and we took pictures of ourselves in those movie picture booths, good fun and she absoultley loved the whole night.

 

I was practically over her house at least 6 days a week and she loved it and liked who i was. Remember not only did I change for her but I did it for myself cause it was time to grow up for sure. But as the end of the month came, we went to a baseball game with my grandfather and her parents. The next night, i was drawing on her and she liked it we were just so silly, you know we were also talking about future trips and what not, it was exciting. Then on Monday she was just stressed out about work and I supported her like usual and told her things will be better. Then on Tuesday morning, we woke up, she was alittle late for work, didn't really have time to say goodbye and we left. I walk out of work feeling pretty good and can't wait to see my g/f at the time. I hope on AIM and she's all stressed out because the cat has fleas and etc.. She goes away for 20 mins comes back and I said "So you want me over tonight and I can pick something up for dinner" (remember we live like 5 mins away) and she said "Well i am going out Thi (her friend)" I said "ok" and then no response for at least 15 mins from her, so I am thinking, is she mad at me or something. So I ask "Are you mad at me or something you seem quiet", she was like "I dunno". So i am thinking, "oh ****", I pick up the phone and call her and I said "did I do something wrong", she was like "I dunno, I just feel like things are different now". I swear, I heard that and I said "I am coming over", I hunged up the phone and raced over to her house thinking, no this can't be happening.

 

So, I get there and I am like "this can't be happening" and all she kept saying was sorry, "you did everything perfectly the whole month" etc.. etc. We just went at it for 2 hours just argueing and me just getting pissed, depressed and just broke down alot. First hour she goes "sorry things are not going to work out" then middle of that she saids "I just feel like I have friends feelings for you now" then before it ended she was like "I need time to figure things out". i am just irate and really sad too, cause of all the effort i put in the whole month and usually when a guy changes, hell any girl would be happy as hell, like as if they won the lottory or something. I truely never expected this and there was no signs of breakdown in this relationship in this whole month. This just happen all at once, felt like a nuclear bomb just drop on my nutz. She then got mad, and said if it wasn't for this other girl and this stupid love letter and crap. Ok, stop the tape. Yes, I made mistakes in the past with making excuses and not paying attention and i am a big boy and admitted that to her in the past and that it needs to stop, hence why i started to grow up (I am 23) and realizing that you know, I do see her being the one i want to be with forever and I do see us living together and etc. Remember this is her first relationship and that she is very inexperienced and obviously with this girl, yes I did write her a love letter, but no i did not mean anything cause I was playing a joke on this chick, obviously my g/f found out about it and I told her flat out it was a mistake by doing that. It was wrong, of course, but lets be adults and get over it and keep going and I don't mean forgive me right off the bat, because I knew what I did wrong.

 

Anyway, I left pretty mad and sad at the same time, I felt like "why is this happening" "this should not be happening" and I felt like driving off a cliff. Now, of course heres one mistake I made and I wish i didn't do this. Instead of just giving her distance, I just keept bugging her everyday for a week of how, "she gave up too easily and how she felt like every thing within then the first week of august, everything would come back (ya she's inexperienced with that and that everyone knows, it doesn't take a week but it takes a few months, but it takes work)but I told her that it takes work and i was committed to that no matter how ****ty things got. Obviously, i didn't work or eat for 5 days, the worse breakups I ever been thru. I sent her a email the next week at 3:30am( I could not sleep) and sent her some love songs which I dedicated to her of how much she means to me and how much I love her. Well I get a reply the following morning and its more or less a goodbye letter from her, saying its official and etc.. This moment I feel worse then I did the week before and instead of being mad, i am just crying my eyes out, telling myself this can't happen (I not a quiter by the way). So, here I am at 7:30am at her house, I am ringing the doorbell, no answer ( I know she's home), so i text her telling her I am outside her house, she opens up, not too happy. I come in bawling, she's telling me she needs to go to work in 10 mins, obviously we were both there for a hour. I keep telling her, I love her so much, I don't want to lose her an etc..NOTHING WORKS! So, the hardest part, I go into her room and all my pictures are down, the roses I gave her 2 days before are gone. I am really feeling like **** now and just breaking down where I just want to kill myself. I leave and basically tell her, I don't know where i am going or what I am going to do. I am driving, I get home pack my **** and i am gone for a week (sick pay) and just stay at a lake nearby for 4 days and I am still texting her each day of how this is happening and what not. My mom finds out, leaves a nasty voice mail on my ex's phone (ok folks this is something my mom should of not done and I totally agree with my ex, that she was in the wrong without my consent). She reply's 2 days later to "leave me alone". I am thinking crap, so i think for 2 and a half weeks, I bugged her with emails, voicemails to meet up and lets talk about it like adults and figure it out. I last talk to her in person on the 15th without even letting her know about it cause I could not take it anymore. I find out, she was at her parents house for a week, cause she was afraid i would come over and freak out her on (like just get really emotionally down and stuff), i told her i stopped doing that and we talked for 10 mins, abit i guess she was going out that night, bad timing. I asked her "why you break up with me if you were so happy the whole month with what i was doing and changing the right way of what you wanted", she was like "I liked having you around but I expected things to come back within a few weeks". I told her , things don't work out that way, it takes work to get things back. Ok, lets stop again. See i went thru a phase like that early in the year. I didn't know if i wanted to be with her, but instead of dumping her, I hanged tough and battled and it worked out 2 months later. She keeps saying its not fair to me and not to hurt me and etc.. More or less seems like she was taking the high road, cause theres lots of unanswered questions. I get ready to leave, she says she will bring my stuff over, I told her " no its ok, you need the tv and other things more then I do", she also goes " I am not cashing that check $100 at all" I told her "I made a promise to you in mid august that i would help you out". She did say anything. The way we left off was me saying "I'll be there for you no matter what if you need me and that if you need anything I am one call away, because I care about you".

 

So, its been about 3 or 4 weeks and haven't heard from her, she took me off her AIM and MSN list, i can tell cause other people can see her online but I can't, even though she didn't block me off MSN but I can still see her. Here i am thinking, this is freaking insane, you got to be kidding me. I mean i still want her apart of my life in someway cause i care about her but this freaking sucks. So, i find out this past friday, she went against her own word and actually cashed in that check ( I got money no worries). So, I wasn't mad, I just hope she is ok thats all. I do want to be friends with her and start over and hopefully maybe me and her can hook up again. But for right now, I did email her on sunday about how, I still want her a part of my life and etc..it was a more postive email with no lovey dovey **** included. No, reply of course and no call or text. So, I dunno I haven't really contacted her for 3 weeks. I am scared cause, she's going to experience new things and rebounds and etc..Hopefully she calls in the future but i am going to take it one day at a time. Its been a month and a week since the breakup and I have ups and downs days, it sucks. I just wish me and her were still together, we were so tight, almost like twins, with alot in common and intrest, she was the best one I ever had of all ex's. I know I treated her good and never would talk **** or cheat on her. My past ex's know that and they would call 3 months later, but the feelings were alot different then my recent one, especially someone who i wanted to be with and someone I was seriously committed with, and who i was going to marry, heck I was going to surprise her with a promise ring this month if we were still together, sighs.

 

So, argh, I hate this...I just want her back so bad and things are just messed up, i wish I didn't bug her and what not, i dunno.

[antigone77]

Blah Toolz --

 

Yeah, man. She definitely sounds interested. Otherwise she wouldn't call you up on the anniversary of the first time you guys made the beast with two backs.

 

I would be very careful, though -- very, very careful. Because (and don't hate me for this), I have been on her side. I started getting lonely, thinking about all of the good things in a relationship and forgetting all of the bad things and called up people that I had broken things off with.

 

And things never turned out. I would get back together, be happy a couple of days, then realize again why I broke things off in the first place.

 

So, yeah, man, she's starting to chase you. But I'd take things very, very slowly if you think you might like to get back together.

 

My 2 1/2 cents.

[Blah Toolz]

Originally posted by antigone77

Blah Toolz --

 

Yeah, man. She definitely sounds interested. Otherwise she wouldn't call you up on the anniversary of the first time you guys made the beast with two backs.

 

I would be very careful, though -- very, very careful. Because (and don't hate me for this), I have been on her side. I started getting lonely, thinking about all of the good things in a relationship and forgetting all of the bad things and called up people that I had broken things off with.

 

And things never turned out. I would get back together, be happy a couple of days, then realize again why I broke things off in the first place.

 

So, yeah, man, she's starting to chase you. But I'd take things very, very slowly if you think you might like to get back together.

 

My 2 1/2 cents.

 

Well... if she was chasing me at that point, then it wasn't enough for me. I thought she was just leading me on still, because everything she said seemed conflicted to me. She may have called me up on the anniversary of our first romp, but she also denied me a kiss after teasing me when we saw a movie together after the break-up.

 

It feels like I'll never get over her completely, and she'll always be part of my heart. But it's been almost 7 months now, she's got a new boyfriend, and when I think of her -- the pain is numbed a bit. I've had plenty of new experiences with new females, but none of them have been able to make me forget about my ex, or alleviate my feelings for her. I suppose it will take even more time.

 

Thanks for replying, maybe you are right.... but I feel like if she really wanted me back, she would have tried even harder, because she knew how much she meant to me. I tried many ways to show her how much I loved her after we broke up.

[antigone77]

I'm sorry man. ) :

I'm with ya, playing the waiting game. I waiting to get back together or just to get over it. I'm hoping getting over it comes first.

 

To complicate things, my ex says he still loves me, is still in love with me, and still lusts me but says we can't get back together because we were on a wicked make-up break-up trip. He said we have to stay friends and that he hopes we can get back together one day, but isn't sure.

 

Here's the cherry: He's moving to China next year, and he wants me to come with him -- "either as a very, very good friend or something more."

 

Can you, as a guy, tell me what might be behind that?

[Blah Toolz]

Originally posted by antigone77

I'm sorry man. ) :

I'm with ya, playing the waiting game. I waiting to get back together or just to get over it. I'm hoping getting over it comes first.

 

To complicate things, my ex says he still loves me, is still in love with me, and still lusts me but says we can't get back together because we were on a wicked make-up break-up trip. He said we have to stay friends and that he hopes we can get back together one day, but isn't sure.

 

Here's the cherry: He's moving to China next year, and he wants me to come with him -- "either as a very, very good friend or something more."

 

Can you, as a guy, tell me what might be behind that?

 

Yeah, like you said... we can always think of the good times. I still find myself thinking about the good times, although the day of our break-up and the days following that are etched in my mind as well, for different reasons.

I don't know if "waiting game," is a good term for it. I think it's gone past the point of reconciliation now... it just feels like I don't even know who she is anymore.

 

As for your dilemma... well it's tough to say for sure, since I don't actually know the guy, but I think in general, when a guy plans for something with a woman, he is thinking more about the present rather than mapping out something long-term. I think the opposite is true with a woman.

 

I'm not really sure what to think -- maybe he is lonely, he feels as if he won't know anyone in China, and he would like to have you there with him. The part about "either as a friend/or something more," is tough. I think if he really wanted you back, he would just come out and say it, and not be ambiguous about it.

 

This is a huge decision for you to make, so make sure you think it through to the fullest.

[snilljente]

Changing your phone number is a helpful way to help the moving along process......I changed mine twice this summer...the first time, my ex's new gf got my new number and started calling/texting me rude messages, so I had to change it again and I am VERY careful about who gets it so that neither one of them can call me and reopen the wounds I am working so hard to close.

[gersanos]

Blah - what is up with her speaking in the bitter tone like you are a criminal? My X did the same thing when we spoke once after we broke up. I tried talking just normally on the phone, kept it short, but she was all defensive and projecting all this negative emotion on me. But why? She ended it for whatever reason(s) she had [things not the same anymore], but why is she much worse than I am? I mean I'm struggling and all with getting over her, but I have the decency to treat her with some respect when I speak with her, even if I would be just acting. Confusing. Anyway, I've kept up with your thread here. Hang in there man. There is a plan for you here in all of this.

[atlous]

seriously good point why are they so angry when they are the ones that dump us?

[snilljente]

I think they get defensive (angry) because they feel guilty....for example, if you call someone on something that they have done and they obviously don't feel that great about what they did, they get defensive.....we hit a nerve and they react. If they weren't guilty, or didn't have anything to feel guilty about, I don't think that this would be the case.-

[gersanos]

That's an interesting theory. Never even crossed my mind, but it makes good sense. Assuming it's true, where does that guilt stem from? Found a ton of stuff online regarding this. Included this little excerpt that sums up my last relationship. It's too bad that my X "threw in the towel" after only our first real lowpoint of 2 weeks of up and down.

 

"You will still feel guilty if you´re the one who throws in the towel and says the relationship won´t work. After all, you´ve both opened your hearts to each other, tried to make things work, tried to be there for each other, and now you´re saying you don´t want to try any more."

 

But yet, why is she feeling so guilty whereas I am not? I guess it's because I gave this relationship my all, that I did treat her right, and that I did do things right. I still felt all the other emotions after the break-up (most have calmed down), but guilt was never one of them.

[atlous]

Seriously I had the best night. When my ex slept at another chicks house I had a feeling that they did something. I spoke with people who worked with them and they said that everyone was wondering about them and already thought that they were sleeping together. This pissed me off because he had told me that nothing had happened. So what do I do? I phone him. He stays on the line. I ask him that there were rumors flying that he was sleeping with her. He said yah so? I said can't you just tell me the truth that you were in fact sleeping with her while we were dating? he said ***** you I never cheated on you. I heard another rumor that he was sleeping with a 19 year old lounge waitress that we call horse face. He freaked out on me. I said don't you have morals, you are sleeping with everyone that walks by you! he states " why the ***** do you care!" I said because I am worried about you are you messed up or what! He starts screaming at me. I called him dirty and explained that I felt cut because these nasty girls can say that they slept with the same men I have? They are not even near me. These girls are the underdogs of society and UGLY! I asked him if he believes that he can do better and he started screaming at me again so I told him to go ***** his white trash and that he will never be able to treat me like **** again. I though he was a better guy. He is dirty now. I thought he would masturbate before sticking anything in these girls. I have an overwhelming sadness that he has turned into something I never knew. Do you think that his extreme anger stems from the fact that he did cheat on me. He still won't admitt it although she has moved here and they now work together and they are screwing. She is 19 too. I am 26 and he is 23. I feel like he is white trash now. He tells me on the phone to go ***** myself and that I have everything that he is not worthy of me. Spare me the insecurities we were together for three years. Now all of a sudden he is not worthy of me. He's right how could I ever kiss him again knowing where his mouth has been. My friends and family are in a state of shock. I am serious when I say that you should see these girls! WHy is he still so angry and why would he stay on the phone so long. Finally I told him that I was seeing someone that I met when we were still dating and that where does he get off treating people the way he does! I sent him a birthday gift this summer and I lost our baby and through the whole time he ditched me after three years because he thought this fat 19year old was the **** and now he treats me as though I meant nothing to him and his anger towards me makes me feel like I did something wrong! I never did. He is a coward he kept saying on the phone " ***** why do you care let me go " He treats me like the worst disposable **** ever like I did the cheating or something. Why these slimy dogs. these girls have *****ed the diswashers at the resturaunt that I worked at. He has now *****ed three dishwashers see where I am going. I told him to go and ***** himself and realize that he is SERIOUSLY *****ed up more that I can handle it makes me sad to hear that he has no respect for himself to go from someone like me to these 19 year old **** bags! but why all the anger I swear he woke up the dead. He told me to ***** myself and hung up in me. THe next day I am in the ER and I am to look after this new patient well who is with the new patient MY EX! ***** off he told me to go ***** myself 8 hours ago and here I am listening in with my stethoscope and he can't even look at me and he never apologized. What a loser what he did made it easier to go ahead and not look behind but I am still very sad at who he has become. Why is he behaving like this? I never did anything to deserve this ****. I loved him for who he was not where he was going! HELP