Insane Vindictive Urge...

[all3sides]

I feel like I need to confess the craziest thought I have been having lately. And maybe hear that it's not so crazy just as long as I don't go through with it.

 

I had been having issues with xMM respecting my NC wishes and was having to make an effort to avoid him at work, specifically by dealing with his department director rather than him directly. Three weeks ago it was announced xMM got a promotion to the department director position. The news caused me to have a panic attack because of the fact that my job involves at least a quarter of my day in direct contact with the director. Who is now the xMM I have been trying to avoid.

 

I also have issues with reacting before thinking things through so I reacted the next day by leaving xMM my copy of "Not Just Friends" and a note telling him he needed to read the section on boundaries and that mine were that he was not to speak to me about anything other than work. And that I would actually prefer his communication be by email and not in person as much as business would allow. I finished the note by telling him that if he chose to not respect my boundaries I would have no choice but to send his wife a copy of the book and ask her to make him stop. He hasn't spoken to me since except about work and I try to keep even that to a minimum. I know it's affecting how I do my job and it has to be with him too. But I figure it's the price we have to pay.

 

Now I can't stop thinking about sending a copy of the book to his wife anyway. Even prior to his promotion she was up here taking him to lunch or bringing the kids to visit 3-4 days a week (and it's not really a common or accepted practice where we work, she's the only wife that does this). Well now it's almost daily and the woman prances across the lobby like she's a Kardashian living the perfect life. I know it's not perfect or real because her husband cheated on her for over two years with me. The b*tch in me wants to laugh in her face because I know that her "perfect life" she thinks she's living is a load of complete crap. Does she know that her husband was with me when she called to tell him she was in labor with the little boy that she shows off like the Crown Prince? That I know he was late to the hospital because he had to finish with me first?

 

Sorry, it was bad enough having him still in my life every day once I quit believing his lies and saw him for the slimy piece of sh*t he is but now that he's backed off, I get her in all her oblivious glory everyday and I just feel like knocking her off her high horse with a dose of reality.

 

Like I said, they're just horrible, evil thoughts and I know she didn't ask for her husband to betray her and she certainly doesn't deserve my venom, I was complicit in her deception myself. I know that and I won't do it, but does anyone else see how it could be driving me nuts?!?!

 

I know I'm going to take some serious HELL from some BS but I was a BS too, so I've been there myself. I'm one of those that would want to know, even though I figured out my xH in 3 days. Also, this is the woman with a PhD in Psychology that never figured things out. I never could comprehend that one...

Edited December 29, 2011 by all3sides
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[whichwayisup]

Don't do it. Your anger towards her because they are going on like a happy unit bugs you is one thing but sending her that book? Don't. It'll just open the can of worms and cause drama, making it worse for you.

 

Reconsider quitting your job or ask for a transfer. Somehow you need to deal with this if you plan on working at the same place he does.

 

I'm surprised HR doesn't know of the affair, if they knew then they could move you out and away from him.. Anything he does or doesn't do YOU ARE going to take personally and read into it, if he talks to you professionally, you'll be looking for reason to see if he's being snarky to you or singling you out from others, and i'm sure he'll be 'extra' careful around you, making others notice too.. It's a no win situation.

 

Tough consquences to suffer daily but I guess if you want the job, somehow you need to let it go and focus on work only and not pay attention when his wife and kids come to the office. I highly doubt it's JUST to screw you over and throw it in your face.

[whichwayisup]

Also calling her a b.itch and pouring venom towards her is only driving your own anger, making it worse. She isn't the one you should be pissed at! Be angry at him and yourself.

[Snowflower]

Coming from a fBS...my guess is that SHE KNOWS. Why else would she be visiting her husband so often at the workplace? She is keeping tabs on him (and you?).

 

She knows/knew something was wrong and is now trying to reconnect with her husband by visiting him at work during the day. And doing her best to figure out if the affair is continuing or not.

 

Please don't assume that she doesn't know...because how do you absolutely know that she doesn't? From what your xMM said? Well they do lie and even if it was true that she didn't know at one point in the past (perhaps when your affair with him ended), it doesn't mean that she doesn't know now.

 

As for your urge to inform her...if a BW is venting about the OW her husband is/was involved with, she is told to place the blame on her CH, not the OW...well, the inverse is true too. Your anger at this situation is palpable in your OP and I understand that you're just venting (I think ) but since xMM is playing by the rules and keeping things professional...the anger you feel needs to be directed somewhere.

 

I honestly think she knows though--because of her repeated visits to his workplace. I did the same thing after d-day; I admit it. And xOW in my situation didn't even work in the same office.

 

So assuming the wife knows, if you somehow tell her, I think you can be assured of a whole lot of drama at your workplace...do you really want that?

[all3sides]

I called myself the b*tch, she's the one acting like a princess.

 

Anyhoo, I wouldn't do it, I consider it a waste of $15 because I gave my only copy of the book to xMM with my note. I figure it went in the first trash can between work and his house. But my threat worked none the less. And the reason I did it in the first place was because of his history on continuing to pursue and pressure me. I could see him thinking his promotion was an opportunity to start playing his games and trying to wear me down again. I wanted to stop him before he even started.

 

And I know her up here all the time is reflective of her own insecurities and need for making sure everyone knows he's "her man". Seriously, I can not fathom how she never had a clue. But she can have him. Along with his bullsh*t and lies. He knows I can't stand him at this point so I don't have any doubt he won't try and mess with me again. And I'll figure out a way to get my job done. I've been here over 7 years and don't plan to let that bastard cost me a job I love and have seniority at.

 

It was more of a venting that actual planning of something I would do.

Edited December 29, 2011 by all3sides
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[Spark1111]

I called myself the b*tch, she's the one acting like a princess.

 

Anyhoo, I wouldn't do it, I consider it a waste of $15 because I gave my only copy of the book to xMM with my note. I figure it went in the first trash can between work and his house. But my threat worked none the less. And the reason I did it in the first place was because of his history on continuing to pursue and pressure me. I could see him thinking his promotion was an opportunity to start playing his games and trying to wear me down again. I wanted to stop him before he even started.

 

And I know her up here all the time is reflective of her own insecurities and need for making sure everyone knows he's "her man". Seriously, I can not fathom how she never had a clue. But she can have him. Along with his bullsh*t and lies. He knows I can't stand him at this point so I don't have any doubt he won't try and mess with me again. And I'll figure out a way to get my job done. I've been here over 7 years and don't plan to let that bastard cost me a job I love and have seniority at.

 

It was more of a venting that actual planning of something I would do.

 

Who, who, WHO are you really angry at?

 

My fWS invited me constantly to the workplace after his affair as a way to enforce boundaries and to prove to me it was over. He introduced me, our kids, to everyone.

 

Her insecurities? Or his own?

 

We have carte blanche to visit each other at the work place now. So what?

 

As for a PHD in psychology, she probably knows more about affairs than you and I and all of LS put together.

 

As for not knowing, who knows what she knew or suspected or knows now or doesn't know. My H and his fOW had convinced themselves that I had a boyfriend and didn't care. I thought he was working late to advance the family and supported him completely. HA!

 

They are obviously committed to one another. He has been promoted and is now your boss.

 

No more book slamming and notes. No more DRAMA! You are in a very precarious position right now, and the less you draw attention to yourself and the affair, the better.

 

IF, he makes one untoward comment or sexual suggestion you will now have the right to sue for sexual harrassment. Go immediately to HR in that event with evidence. But everytime you respond to a text or an email to meet for a drink you are really setting yourself up. Stop now. NC completely.

 

IF he does NOT say or do anything, your choice is to do your job, period.

 

Personally I would advise you NO MORE WORKPLACE ROMANCES, even with a single guy. It could substantiate a claim by him that you are the office wanton who pursued a family man. Don't do it.

 

You may have been played and you still maybe are being played. Get control or your anger, your emotions, stay cool and professional.

 

As for being with you while his wife was going into labor....Really? Didn't that tell you everything you needed to know about his character? A pregnant wife?

 

This was also the MM who wouldn't mind if you were sexual with a friend of his as long as you were still sexual with him? What were you thinking?????

 

There are LS OW vomiting as they read that. I think you are very, very, angry at yourself and that's okay.

 

It is the first step, after grieving the relationship you thought you had, to make some positive changes in your life.

 

You are obviously smart enough to do so.

[2sunny]

Change jobs!

[bentnotbroken]

I feel like I need to confess the craziest thought I have been having lately. And maybe hear that it's not so crazy just as long as I don't go through with it.

 

I had been having issues with xMM respecting my NC wishes and was having to make an effort to avoid him at work, specifically by dealing with his department director rather than him directly. Three weeks ago it was announced xMM got a promotion to the department director position. The news caused me to have a panic attack because of the fact that my job involves at least a quarter of my day in direct contact with the director. Who is now the xMM I have been trying to avoid.

 

I also have issues with reacting before thinking things through so I reacted the next day by leaving xMM my copy of "Not Just Friends" and a note telling him he needed to read the section on boundaries and that mine were that he was not to speak to me about anything other than work. And that I would actually prefer his communication be by email and not in person as much as business would allow. I finished the note by telling him that if he chose to not respect my boundaries I would have no choice but to send his wife a copy of the book and ask her to make him stop. He hasn't spoken to me since except about work and I try to keep even that to a minimum. I know it's affecting how I do my job and it has to be with him too. But I figure it's the price we have to pay.

 

Now I can't stop thinking about sending a copy of the book to his wife anyway. Even prior to his promotion she was up here taking him to lunch or bringing the kids to visit 3-4 days a week (and it's not really a common or accepted practice where we work, she's the only wife that does this). Well now it's almost daily and the woman prances across the lobby like she's a Kardashian living the perfect life. I know it's not perfect or real because her husband cheated on her for over two years with me. The b*tch in me wants to laugh in her face because I know that her "perfect life" she thinks she's living is a load of complete crap. Does she know that her husband was with me when she called to tell him she was in labor with the little boy that she shows off like the Crown Prince? That I know he was late to the hospital because he had to finish with me first?

 

Sorry, it was bad enough having him still in my life every day once I quit believing his lies and saw him for the slimy piece of sh*t he is but now that he's backed off, I get her in all her oblivious glory everyday and I just feel like knocking her off her high horse with a dose of reality.

 

Like I said, they're just horrible, evil thoughts and I know she didn't ask for her husband to betray her and she certainly doesn't deserve my venom, I was complicit in her deception myself. I know that and I won't do it, but does anyone else see how it could be driving me nuts?!?!

 

I know I'm going to take some serious HELL from some BS but I was a BS too, so I've been there myself. I'm one of those that would want to know, even though I figured out my xH in 3 days. Also, this is the woman with a PhD in Psychology that never figured things out. I never could comprehend that one...

 

:eek::eek:Not sure that is something to brag about. He is a real piece of work. And to most of us.....when we have our children, we tend to show them off as if they were the crown prince(ss). Because to us they are. You never know what someone has gone through to have a child or how badly they wanted one. Being a fBS didn't change(by your own words)complicity, so it kind of rings hollow that you been there and know how she might feel.

[whichwayisup]

I called myself the b*tch, she's the one acting like a princess.

 

Anyhoo, I wouldn't do it, I consider it a waste of $15 because I gave my only copy of the book to xMM with my note. I figure it went in the first trash can between work and his house. But my threat worked none the less. And the reason I did it in the first place was because of his history on continuing to pursue and pressure me. I could see him thinking his promotion was an opportunity to start playing his games and trying to wear me down again. I wanted to stop him before he even started.

 

And I know her up here all the time is reflective of her own insecurities and need for making sure everyone knows he's "her man". Seriously, I can not fathom how she never had a clue. But she can have him. Along with his bullsh*t and lies. He knows I can't stand him at this point so I don't have any doubt he won't try and mess with me again. And I'll figure out a way to get my job done. I've been here over 7 years and don't plan to let that bastard cost me a job I love and have seniority at.

 

It was more of a venting that actual planning of something I would do.

 

Okay, my mistake I misread the use of b.itch.. Still, calling her a princess and then also mentioning knocking her off her high horse?? Come on.. You're jealous and upset at your XMM's wife for being married to him? I doubt she's flaunting it in your face, does she know that you were his affair partner? Sorry I can't remember your whole story. For all you know he told her you had some wild crazy crush on him and stalked him, if she was suspicious he threw you under the bus. Why be so pissed at her?

 

Good, glad to hear you won't let this get in the way of your job. Need to learn to be in different and not care at all, so even if he makes small chat with you, you ignore it and DON'T let it bug you at all. Indifference is the key here. Reacting and wanting to cause his wife strife and pain out of spite and jealously, anger isn't worth the drama and more than likely the loss of your job if you go through with it.

[LadyGrey]

I think you are venting and hey that's OK. I also think you are very aware that it is misdirected anger, and hey I've been there and done that. Realize the misdirection of it, will pass and I'm sure the rest of it will also, although I still have a flash myself now and then but it lessons as time moves on.

 

Like others my 1st thought was that she does know of the affair and that is why she is such a frequent visitor to your workplace. I would suggest that you try to be more compassionate of her, try to put yourself in her shoes and think of what a nasty thing he did to her. She was in labor uh, now that was nasty! Also maybe take some solace in that maybe after some time has passed she will see what a pos he is and kick his sorry arse out. Ya never know what the real dynamic is between them, so keep that in mind.

[goldengirl86]

I get it! Your just venting, its not like you did it or anything, you just thought about it and it is ok to think about it. Keep doing what you are doing, you seem to have alot of strenght. The whole purpose of this site i think is to get things of your chest and not be attacked because you thought these things. I think sometimes about telling by eMM wife about some of the things he said, like how he thought about disappearing along with his kids (kill them all), just to make her suffer, and how he wanted at one time to go down to her parents house and kill her and her parents or slip her a roofie to mess with her, or how he wished her and the kids had died when she lost control of the car that night. However, if she is alright with someone trying to kill her or thinking about killing her then it is not my problem. Though when i actually write this down into words it is very different!

[LadyGrey]

I get it! Your just venting, its not like you did it or anything, you just thought about it and it is ok to think about it. Keep doing what you are doing, you seem to have alot of strenght. The whole purpose of this site i think is to get things of your chest and not be attacked because you thought these things. I think sometimes about telling by eMM wife about some of the things he said, like how he thought about disappearing along with his kids (kill them all), just to make her suffer, and how he wanted at one time to go down to her parents house and kill her and her parents or slip her a roofie to mess with her, or how he wished her and the kids had died when she lost control of the car that night. However, if she is alright with someone trying to kill her or thinking about killing her then it is not my problem. Though when i actually write this down into words it is very different!

 

Are you in NC goldengirl?

[whichwayisup]

However, if she is alright with someone trying to kill her or thinking about killing her then it is not my problem.

 

???????? WTF, how does this pop into YOUR head when she doesn't even know?

I think sometimes about telling by eMM wife about some of the things he said

 

Your quote there.

[whichwayisup]

You SHOULD tell her. It's one thing that he wished his own wife dead, but it went to including his own flesh and blood - His children! WTF kind of sicko thinks that? Sorry, that's not normal thinking at all. It's psychotic.

[LadyGrey]

I get it! Your just venting, its not like you did it or anything, you just thought about it and it is ok to think about it. Keep doing what you are doing, you seem to have alot of strenght. The whole purpose of this site i think is to get things of your chest and not be attacked because you thought these things. I think sometimes about telling by eMM wife about some of the things he said, like how he thought about disappearing along with his kids (kill them all), just to make her suffer, and how he wanted at one time to go down to her parents house and kill her and her parents or slip her a roofie to mess with her, or how he wished her and the kids had died when she lost control of the car that night. However, if she is alright with someone trying to kill her or thinking about killing her then it is not my problem. Though when i actually write this down into words it is very different!

 

goldengirl, I know I've harped on you before but gawd I so hope you are in NC with that dirtbag.

 

I'm sorry you can't see it but the irony in your post is just mindblowing! You know these things about the man, you've seen it, heard it and he has told you but you still stayed involved with him so in your case you've got no right to throw any rocks at his wife. None at all! Please, tell us you are in NC with him?

[MissBee]

Coming from a fBS...my guess is that SHE KNOWS. Why else would she be visiting her husband so often at the workplace? She is keeping tabs on him (and you?).

 

She knows/knew something was wrong and is now trying to reconnect with her husband by visiting him at work during the day. And doing her best to figure out if the affair is continuing or not.

 

Please don't assume that she doesn't know...because how do you absolutely know that she doesn't? From what your xMM said? Well they do lie and even if it was true that she didn't know at one point in the past (perhaps when your affair with him ended), it doesn't mean that she doesn't know now.

 

As for your urge to inform her...if a BW is venting about the OW her husband is/was involved with, she is told to place the blame on her CH, not the OW...well, the inverse is true too. Your anger at this situation is palpable in your OP and I understand that you're just venting (I think ) but since xMM is playing by the rules and keeping things professional...the anger you feel needs to be directed somewhere.

 

I honestly think she knows though--because of her repeated visits to his workplace. I did the same thing after d-day; I admit it. And xOW in my situation didn't even work in the same office.

 

So assuming the wife knows, if you somehow tell her, I think you can be assured of a whole lot of drama at your workplace...do you really want that?

 

I agree.

 

I think she does know, hence her making it a point to be extra happy and in the office, probably to bother you...and it's working It's like when people break up sometimes, they use sites like FB or even in real life, to display themselves as extra happy....whether or not they really are...they want their ex to see them as such. Likewise, she may know and may be making it a point to stick it to you or convince herself.

 

I do understand your feelings...and you do know it's irrational but ofcourse you feel it nonetheless. Using the same ex example...I would always feel SOOO annoyed to see him pretending to be happy and flaunting around girls he was using and I'd so badly want to call him out but decided it was not my place and his happiness...fake or real should not detract from my own. Likewise...this woman's happiness or unhappiness should not detract from your own. If it makes you feel better to know that she is stuck with a cheat then feel smug and live your life being happy that you can move on to someone else....but I wouldn't send her the book out of malice and sour grapes.

[goldengirl86]

YES NO CONTACT! and considering he did try to kill his wife, though he stopped himself ( and she then took him out for dinner and to the movies and stuff), i say she does know!!! Im not throwing rocks at her, in fact i was the one that stood up for her too him, but yeah since everything like her risking her childrens lives as well, i have no respect at all for her and HIM, barely any for myself ( though she does not know he said those things so that is fair enough).

 

I PRETTY MUCH HATE HIS GUTS. And yeah at times i would like to tell her what he said, though i actually think more about skipping her and telling the police, so he gets in more trouble.

He is now allowed to see his kids with supervised visits, but considering he and her did not adhere to the last ADVO why the hell would they adhere to it now, there probabably away on holidays together as we speak! And who knows he got off on everything last time with no jail time, thanks to her and the last AVO was dropped/ admended so they could be together at her request, id say he going to get off scot free, and will once again be able to be with the "love of his life" and his kids, amazing isnt it our legal system is truely brillant.

 

She did tell me she liked the make up sex, and lets face some people will let someone do anything to them.

 

I mean OMG i feel like an idiot for the stypid things i have done and how i have embrassed myself in order to have him, actually feel like vomiting right now just thinking about it.

 

Plus i think i have hijacked someone else thread. Sorry.

[goldengirl86]

Oh in regards to this guys wife, i dont think she does know. I personally think he probaly asked her to come into the office everyday, trust me you would be able to feel the negative vibes coming from her if she knew. He probably asked her to come in each day, so he can see her more often and the kids and is trying to work on his marriage and he is trying to change. That or he wants to rub it in your face, and make you insercure and uncomfortable or even jeolous.

[all3sides]

At least y'all didn't say I needed to be in a straighjacket. I thought I had been doing so well and it really bothered me that seeing her the other day set me off like that. This thread kind of felt like writing it out in a letter and burning it, but in a more modern way. Plus I got feedback, thanks.

 

Yes, the day their son was born bothered me and even though I did knowingly continue with him for 2 years, I tried to end it several times, mostly by telling him how wrong it was to be doing it. When I would end it, he would start in on me at work and keep it up until I caved. This happened more times than I can remember. That's why I know he would need convincing that I was dead serious this time. I think it worked.

 

But he's backed off for now and his wife knows exactly who I am, he introduced us when the A first started and the times he told me she questioned him, it was about me, by name. So I know she sees me just as much as I see her and it's got to bother her a whole lot more than it bothered me.

 

At least when I get in bed at night it's not next to a man I can't be sure wasn't f*cking another woman before he came home. She can't say the same. Who has the life to be jealous of?

[woinlove]

At least y'all didn't say I needed to be in a straighjacket. I thought I had been doing so well and it really bothered me that seeing her the other day set me off like that. This thread kind of felt like writing it out in a letter and burning it, but in a more modern way. Plus I got feedback, thanks.

 

Yes, the day their son was born bothered me and even though I did knowingly continue with him for 2 years, I tried to end it several times, mostly by telling him how wrong it was to be doing it. When I would end it, he would start in on me at work and keep it up until I caved. This happened more times than I can remember. That's why I know he would need convincing that I was dead serious this time. I think it worked.

 

But he's backed off for now and his wife knows exactly who I am, he introduced us when the A first started and the times he told me she questioned him, it was about me, by name. So I know she sees me just as much as I see her and it's got to bother her a whole lot more than it bothered me.

 

At least when I get in bed at night it's not next to a man I can't be sure wasn't f*cking another woman before he came home. She can't say the same. Who has the life to be jealous of?

 

Neither, really, but if one had to choose, it would depend on the person. Some people would chose their own integrity and others would chose to be the one who isn't deceived. I don't know how much this woman knows and how much it bothers her, but I think your anger and resentment is misplaced when you target her. I think you will heal quicker if you ask yourself why these feelings are going toward her and whether they are somehow stopping you from feeling the full brunt of anger and resentment toward MM or even toward yourself and the choices you made. Once the depth of your feelings about MM and about yourself and your past choices is fully processed and understood, you can then move on. I don't see how MM's wife has anything to do with learning what you need to learn to fully move on. If as part of moving on to behave differently, you want to come clean and tell her the truth, that is one thing. But these feelings of resentment about her are just a diversion to what you could be learning.

Edited December 30, 2011 by woinlove

[anne1707]

But he's backed off for now and his wife knows exactly who I am, he introduced us when the A first started and the times he told me she questioned him, it was about me, by name. So I know she sees me just as much as I see her and it's got to bother her a whole lot more than it bothered me.

 

 

But you are the one posting about it on LS, not her

 

I would not be so quick to assume that she does not know for sure there was an affair. I know after my affair ended, my H and I started to make more effort to see each other during the working week by meeting for lunch etc - which means that he now comes in to my office where I still work with the ex-OM. I can also tell you from the looks on the ex-OM's face that he is by far the one who is most bothered about it.

 

Your ex-MM is following NC, his wife is getting on with her life with her husband. They seem to have moved on. How about you? You need to let this anger go.

[Snowflower]

At least y'all didn't say I needed to be in a straighjacket. I thought I had been doing so well and it really bothered me that seeing her the other day set me off like that. This thread kind of felt like writing it out in a letter and burning it, but in a more modern way. Plus I got feedback, thanks.

 

Glad it helped! This forum is great for that...venting and getting feedback! I swear, this place was much more valuable to me than counseling!

Yes, the day their son was born bothered me and even though I did knowingly continue with him for 2 years, I tried to end it several times, mostly by telling him how wrong it was to be doing it. When I would end it, he would start in on me at work and keep it up until I caved. This happened more times than I can remember. That's why I know he would need convincing that I was dead serious this time. I think it worked.

 

Just remember this painful lesson you learned...if he ever tries to come sniffing around again or if you find yourself in another relationship that is not going well.

 

Even painful lessons are not a total waste if you learn from them and/or use what you learned to help others or be a better person.

But he's backed off for now and his wife knows exactly who I am, he introduced us when the A first started and the times he told me she questioned him, it was about me, by name. So I know she sees me just as much as I see her and it's got to bother her a whole lot more than it bothered me.

 

Maybe it bothers her or maybe not...don't worry about it either way.

At least when I get in bed at night it's not next to a man I can't be sure wasn't f*cking another woman before he came home. She can't say the same. Who has the life to be jealous of?

 

Okay, think about what you said here...you were in the same position as she was when you were in the affair for over 2 years...he would be with you and then go home and sleep next to/with her. (or vice-versa). Unfortunately, you were in exactly the same spot as she.

 

Please don't be mean to someone who is/was in the same place as you. I get that you're hurt but again, live and learn and become a better person as a result of your painful experience.

[all3sides]

So I get my anger at the wife is misdirected. What about him just coming up to me (10 minutes ago) and just freaking LAYING INTO ME???

 

"he understands and respects my boundaries but he can't take the animosity"

 

"he get's that it's over and done with and if he has to put up signs he will"

 

"he understands where I'm coming from, but why do I have to make it so hard"

 

 

he went off on me with more but I'm still kind of in shock and numb and not thinking. All I heard was HIM.HIM.HIM and how uncomfortable HE is. He was shouting at me! And it's not animosity, I don't want to be his BFF and hang out and chat with him. I do what I need to do, don't speak unless it's necessary and leave. Oh yeah, I forgot, I'm the B*tch Ice Queen. But even that doesn't work.

 

Oh, should I bother to mention that this followed a visit from the wife and kids by no more than 15 minutes during which he saw me see her kissing on him? I was 30 feet away and just happed to walk around the corner and saw it. I had no idea she was here, it was pure coincidence (it was way earlier than her normal time that she comes). I don't want you all thinking I stalk her when she's here, plus she makes sure everyone's looking, so it wasn't just me.

 

What do y'all say now?

Edited December 30, 2011 by all3sides
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[Dust]

Sounds like an ordeal. Your thoughts arn't insane though. I think telling his wife or trying to ruin his life in some other way would feel good in the moment. It's easy to understand why just thinking about it would feel good. The thing is it would just bring more chaos an trouble into your life. It wouldn't bring closure but would pull you deeper in.

 

You should really start looking for a new job that seems better then the one you have now. Just looking for a new job will make you feel better knowing that you are trying to leave.

 

I think the best revenge would actually to have a good looking man come in and kiss you and hold your hand. Though it would be unhealthy for you to think this way haha.

 

So stop blaming yourself, stop blaming other people. Realize you made a mistake and added stress to your life and move on. Good luck!

[anne1707]

As someone who still works with the ex-OM, I actually do "get" what he is saying (as well as what you are saying).

 

From his perspective - Putting that book on his desk was breaking NC. It was a direct reference to the relationship you used to have. You brought it all up again. You left it lying there for colleagues to see. You "told him" to read parts of that book and follow those instructions.

 

Do you not see that this could be interpreted as you making things difficult in work, not him?

 

You need to ensure that any contact is purely work related. That means no dragging up the past. Just work and only work with no emotional tension coming up between you.

 

As for his wife kissing him. Well she is his wife! She is supposed to kiss him. Why should she not do that just because it might upset you?