smokey bear Posted December 29, 2011 Share Posted December 29, 2011 I had Gigs last year I was looking through my emails tonight from when i was in gigs and something stuck out at me. The typical "Hi how are you?" from friends, In every email i replied "Not Bad, bla bla bla" Im the type of person who replies to these sort of messages with honesty on how im feeling at the moment. I thought i was happy at that time of my life, reading on, further into the emails, i dont sound happy at all. Im not down but im not happy....... Just wanted to share that. Also if anyone has any GIGS questions id be happy to answer them, not as advice but id be happy to share what my experience of it was like for anyone looking for insight. Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted December 29, 2011 Share Posted December 29, 2011 You were emotionally immature and unsure of what you wanted out of life. This "GIGS" is nothing more than a mask people put on such immaturity. Until both people have matured and worked on their issues that aided to the issues in a relationship two people can never work it out. To everyone out there. If someone comes back you need to ask the right questions. If you are the one who left... ask yourself these same things. What changes have you made internally that will allow the relationship to prosper? What brought about these changes? When did these changes begin? How do you think we can best deal with the issues that caused our breakup(s) in the past? This is your heart people... don't just hand it back to someone whom is likely to hurt you again. If they can't explain what changes they have made and give a "I know it can work out" line... they haven't matured. If they can't explain the internal conversation they had about the changes they likely haven't matured. If this happened a short time ago they may have rushed things and still are not ready. If they have not analyzed their past issues (you of course need to do the same as it is a two way street) then they have not matured enough to begin again. GIGS is a mask people use to hold onto hope instead of doing the things necessary for themselves to make any relationship work in the future. Instead of moving on people cling onto hope... sure sometimes they come back but more often than not it fails again because the "dumpee" in this situation doesn't require anything other than for them to walk back through the door. People wait around and become an option. Many watch that wonderful "GIGS" person never come back and get married... time is wasted waiting instead of healing. Here is just another person encouraged to break their own healing due to all of this GIGS stuff... I can't even count the amount of times I've seen people get hurt again or hurt for longer due to this advice. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=311284 Let's make sure both ourselves and our "ex" are matured enough to make another run at things. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MarMarMar Posted December 29, 2011 Share Posted December 29, 2011 I agree Philosoraptor. Even if they love you and you love them; sometimes love isn't enough, everyone involved needs to grow, mature and learn from mistakes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gibson Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 (edited) Here is just another person encouraged to break their own healing due to all of this GIGS stuff... I can't even count the amount of times I've seen people get hurt again or hurt for longer due to this advice. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=311284 Let's make sure both ourselves and our "ex" are matured enough to make another run at things. That's a load of CRAP! It's up to the Dumpee to choose to heal and move on. They are the ones responsible for their well-being, not me or the other members of LS. How many Dumpees (GIGS or not) have you seen on LS that were in "healthy" relationships to begin with? Not many. So we are dealing with mostly "unhealthy" people to begin with. You add a break up into the mix and it isn't pretty. My Ex with GIGS just came back, I didn't just take her back with open arms. Although she is through GIGS, she is suffering from depression and two years of bad decisions. She is still in the process of putting her life back together. What did I do? I did what was best for me. I declined her offer for a second chance because I don't get involved with someone who is suffering from depression and not "healthy". (aka - I do not date "fixer uppers") Why was I able to "see" the situation for what it was and avoid it? I choose to heal, move on, took the time and did the hard work. If the dumpees on here choose not to get "healthy" and heal from their break up... They will put themselves in harms way with the Ex or someone new regardless of what we say. Edited December 30, 2011 by gibson Link to post Share on other sites
Author smokey bear Posted December 30, 2011 Author Share Posted December 30, 2011 Well as far as i was aware my post was a reflection of myself. As for labeling gigs or should i say labelling emotional immaturity gigs, whats the problem there, its shorter and easier to say and FYI Gigs is emotional imaturity so whats the problem in the first place. As for people holding onto GIGs or using it as a crutch, it doesnt happen, i believe in GIGS, it hasnt stopped my healing, time has still done it job. Contact is the only thing that hinders your healing. Time and time again people dont read whats actually written in the post, i reflected on myself, my journey and healing but yet im percieved as not healing. It doesnt matter, this is why i dont post on LS and i dont even need to explain why because you know why!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
akazid Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 What is GIGS? I've been seeing the term a lot here but haven't been able to find a definition. Is it an acronym of some sort? Link to post Share on other sites
Soxfaninfl Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 What is GIGS? I've been seeing the term a lot here but haven't been able to find a definition. Is it an acronym of some sort? GIGS means grass is greener syndrome Link to post Share on other sites
akazid Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 GIGS means grass is greener syndrome Gotcha. Makes more sense. Did a Google query for loveshack.com and found it. The search from this site isn't that great. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t307314/ http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=265952 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t251986/ Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
RonChalant Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 What are the stages of GIGS Link to post Share on other sites
akazid Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 The typical "Hi how are you?" from friends, In every email i replied "Not Bad, bla bla bla" Im the type of person who replies to these sort of messages with honesty on how im feeling at the moment. I thought i was happy at that time of my life, reading on, further into the emails, i dont sound happy at all. Im not down but im not happy....... Just wanted to share that. Also if anyone has any GIGS questions id be happy to answer them, not as advice but id be happy to share what my experience of it was like for anyone looking for insight. So I'm curious based on what you said about the 'emails' and reflecting back at what's been happening around me. Here's the scenario looking back 1-2 years. Late 2009 -> Meet an interesting person through a mutual friend Winter 2009-2010 -> We exchange a lot of emails. Spring 2010-Fall 2010 -> She's in a relationship with 'boyfriend 1'. Still exchanges emails with me about her life, etc. I'm unaware that she's in a relationship plus I'm not really interested in one over a large distance. Summer 2010 -> Meets someone in Turkey (~16 years her senior - boyfriend 2). Communicates with this person about her personal life and myself while in a relationship with other person. Fall 2010 -> Breaksup with 'boyfriend 1'. Fall 2010 -> I find out she's single (Didn't know otherwise) and that she broke up with 'boyfriend 1'. Winter/Spring 2011 -> Goes into a relationship with 'boyfriend 2'. This is a really long distance (8 hr time zone difference) relationship. She's still communicating with me. I'm unaware of 'boyfriend 2'. Summer 2011 -> I meet up with her ona number of trips I arrange for us. At this time I find out she's had a 'boyfriend 2' and how they've met. Spring 2011 -> She sends me an email that she broke up with 'boyfriend 2'. We meet up and visit the beach together, etc. Nothing sexual. She broke up with 'boyfriend 2' around September 19. Around the time I got the email from her. Spetember 19-Early October she has a 'fling #1' with a co-worker. Rebound? Co-worker doesn't contact her for 1.5 months or so. Early November she randomly dissapears and goes back to her native country (In Europe. I'm confused on why she went but when I reflect back not really.) November 16/17- She meets another co-worker, 'fling #2'. December 16th - I find out what has happened between the 9/19 email and December 16th. No, I'm not writing a move script. I'm curious. To me the person appears to be emotionally unstable. Currently they're just a good friend and will possibly get downgrade to friend/aquaintence. Also, only reason why I found out about 9/19-12/16 events is due to her parents/family approving of her relationship ('fling #2') even though they have not approved of her past boyfriends. Some more info (I'm 100% positive there was at least one boyfriend before that was long distance): 'boyfriend 1': (6 months? Say March 2010-September 2010) 1) Her age group. 2) 350 or so miles away 3) college student 4) very athletic 5) breakup reason: his intention to cheat (I'm writing intention ... ) 6) broke 'boyfriend 2': (6 months? Say Feb 2011-September 2011) 1) 16 years her senior. 2) 8 hour time zone difference 3) military / police 4) very athletic 5) breakup reason: didn't contact her when coming back from overseas (They only met once, in February. 2nd time she broke up with him as he didn't contact her when in the states.) 6) has $$ 'fling #1': (Under 1 month?) 1) 8 year her senior 2) Nearby. Not long distance. 3) co-worker/EMT/doctor 4) not athletic 5) breakup reason: He broke contact for 1.5 or so months 6) potential to have $$ 'fling #2': (From right back to a month or so) 1) 19 years her senior, either divorced or going through a divorce 2) Nearby. Not long distance. 3) co-worker/EMT/ 4) very athletic / tri-athlete 5) 'fling 2' is aware of 'fling 1' and the same other way around 6) has lots of $$ from family. It's family money, not his. So I'm curious. What would you say this person is doing? Were they performing GIGS? (seems like it to me, if you classify the email exchanges I had with her and that she had with 'boyfriend 2' while with 'boyfriend 1'. 'fling 1' definitely was a rebound. What is 'fling 2' a? It appears to be a rebound but IDK. The reason for 'fling #2' is she wants to be 'happy' (Exact words used by her). The one thing that I do see through all of this that I'm certain of is 1) The person is all over the map 2) They appear to be an emotional wreck (Though they are calm and confident when I talk to them ... ) 3) They have done most of the dumping. They also seem to be trying to keep me around (Not trying to sound egotistical). In general, though, the person seems to have good intentions and sounds reasonable. What makes me cruious is the actions performed by this person that seem to contradict their intentions. For example, I've been fully informed that 'fling #2' is because she 'wants to develop something with someone nearby and is tired with long distance' but when i dug deeper i got the 'i want to be happy and not sitting in my apt all day long studying'. Do you think this person was doing GIGS, got hurt, and now is going through rebounds? Apparently it's not about the money, though? To me though it seems like GIGS paired with REBOUNDS in search of $$. Also, I'm calling 'fling #2' a 'fling' because it's only been a month and really can't be called a boyfriend since, as far as I know, there was no exclusivity talk ( ... ). I'm trying to make sense of this situation and figure out what's happening with this person ... they seem like a good person but I don't understand why, as it appears to me, they let others take advantage of them. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 Grass is greener = looking for "others" to provide YOUR happiness. It doesn't work that way. Happiness comes from within. IF your not happy - its time to figure out what's broken inside of you - and grow to fix the delusions you hang on to. IF you are dependent on someone/something else to provide YOUR happiness - you will never truly be happy. Link to post Share on other sites
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