Married Woman Seeing Married Man

[CrazyFeelings]

I've been married 16 years to a warm, pleasant guy. We have had ongoing problems since our child was born. Honestly our marriage has been over for a good two years. We married at 20 and 22....very young.

 

The things I want in life and the things he wants are totally different. We didn't grow up together as I would have wished but we grew up into two totally different people with different dreams,ideas and goals. I have asked for a divorce but get plagued with ongoing guilt about how much he loves me and how much he wants to be with me. (Don't get me wrong I care about him deeply. You can't marry someone and be with them for over 14 years without having a deep love and care for them. I don't want to see him destroyed.) When that doesn't work he then tells me he will tell our child how her mother broke up our family. (This is huge for me because my parents divorced when I was just a child and the ongoing battle was awful and very scarring to me.)

 

I'm a laid back person and as I have matured I have learned to let the little things that I disliked in our marriage go and not fight about it. I hate fighting. So, for the most part if you were our child you would not know there was serious issues at hand. Therefore, she is not being hurt or scarred in anyway. I won't allow it. I have also learned in the last 5 years that I cannot depend on anyone else for my happiness that I have to make my happiness each day. So even though there are problems.....unless you are a trusted friend you would have no clue of it. My family doesn't even know how I feel about my marriage. OK....so that's the marriage......not that the problems justify anything I'm doing but I do want to be single.

 

About three months ago I met this man. Funny thing was that we made eye contact immediately and we had a stare with each other. (A connection maybe???? Who knows) My girlfriend introduced us later that evening. I stayed to talk with my girlfriend and ended up having a conversation with this guy. He asked me if I was married and I said yes. An unpleasant event had just happened between me and the husband which caused my girlfriend to chime in "if you want to call it that". Which led us into our conversation of my spouse and his.

 

You know my story and his story as he claims it is. Seperated three times, came back last year because his daughter begged him, wife never has sex with him and turns him down, wife killed his ego with her words and it's something you just can't get back he says, his daughter will be in college in a year and that's when he plans to leave. He says he has tried and tried to make it work but his heart is not in it anymore.

 

Of course we just didn't talk about we had marriages that we didn't want. We just talked like friends along with our group of friends. I could tell his was attracted and interested in me but I just blew it off. No big deal. You do that when you are married.

 

So then he started showing up, I'd see him more and more around. Talk to him....he would insist we had a connection.....I'm polite and said oh yeah.....but I can't begin to tell you how this guy would make me feel about myself. He made me feel beautiful, sexy and worth a million dollars just by talking to him. When something makes you feel that good......you are attracted to that whole being just for the feel. He started calling me on the phone and I hate to talk on the phone so I would do the Instant message on the phone. I caught myself laughing out loud at things and would try to be just as creative sending it back. Next thing I know we have the opportunity to spend time together and we do.

 

This relationship has developed hugely emotional......I love the feeling he gives me......he tells me all the time how good I make him feel. Now you know the delema................. I'm eventually going to be single with or without him......... I had made up my mind a long time before. My gut tells me....Don't Do It! Get out now before you get really attached.....I'm somewhat already attached. Not to mention even if we get involved seriously.......both of us are still married. If he gets a divorce first, I would not be good dating a single guy. He would want more time from me. If I get a divorce first....I would not be good dating a married guy.....I know me and I would demand more time. Then if we get a divorce at the same time I can't help but think either both or one of us would like to be single for a while. What is a win situation here?

 

Last....the only reason I can't decide to send him the Dear John letter......what if he is the right person for me? We click in so many ways. He is opposite and at the same time we are so alike with a huge amount of things in common. We compliment each other perfectly. So what if......the thing is he lives on the other side of town and I cannot stay friends with someone I want more with. I just can't. So if I let him go chances are our paths will not cross again. It will be over for good and I will always be left wondering. The thing is.....in my nature and also in his.....I have found out for a fact.....both long term marriages and neither party has ever cheated before. Does something more powerful draw people together and we are suppose to resist at any cost?

[urlovebug_83]

WEll your situation sounds familiar actually i met this guy about 2 1/2 months ago, i am married been married for 2 years didn't get married because i was in love i got married because i was pregnant, i've been in an abusive relationship since i've been married my little girl is 22 months now and thank god he has never laid a hand on her or i would just die. this other guy is great with her, he treats her like his, he's not married he's 23 and i am 21 if i get out of this marriage i don't plan on getting into another one for a long time...until i know 100@ that its right. I am in love with this other guy weve never had sex so that's not all that he wants and i know his background and he's never seen a married woman before never even thought of it...lol...so i'm the first. I would tell you to get your divorce and then see what happens if this other guy gives you the extra time that you'll need as a single woman then if its meant to be he will if its not he won't.

[Linlin]

Take it from one who knows and lives this situation. Make sure that you both leave your partners before you do anything.

 

My H and my "friend" decided to have an affair behind my and her H's backs. It has been a total disaster.

 

My comment to my H was that if he was that unhappy he should have left. Not that leaving is easy but it doesn't make a mockery out of the other person and the innocent children.

 

The funny thing is, now that it has been exposed, my H doesn't want anything to do with her. Her H wants her back unconditionally and she stays with her H to work things out but calls my H to tell him that she still loves him and doesn't believe that it is over. He told her that it is. And I am selling the house and moving on with my life with my kids. So my H has become the big loser out of this after all. If he kept his **** in his pants and told me he was unhappy, we could have went to counselling and tried to work things out and two families wouldn't have been destroyed

 

I guess their love wasn't so great after all.

 

Be very careful in what you decide. The grass isn't greener and people's lives and feeling and emotions need to be considered.

[leilab]

Unfortunately, I cannot give you a scenario with a happy ending myself. You can read the specifics on my thread.

 

The summary of my story is that I am married, with 2 kids; got involved with MM that has 3 children from previous marriage and 1 from current. It was the love of my life (whether it is in my mind or not).

 

I am finally getting out of my marriage of 11 years because I have not been happy. Precipitating event is that my husband discovered I was having an affair -

when my MM finally told his wife he wanted a divorce, he changed his mind (MM have a tendency to do this) and realized he is still in love with his wife and wants to work things out.

 

It has been close to 3 months since he ended our relationship. I was literally destroyed. Not to mentioned I totally destroyed my husband. I thought I knew this MM inside and out - and we were meant to be together forever. You know, if you let them go and they come back, they are yours. MM ame back after 8 years because he still loved me, but he did not love me ENOUGH even then.

 

I have not heard or seen from him since we broke up.

 

I totally understand the feelings you had when you are with him. Unfortunately, you are only seeing a part of him. Tread carefully - the parts of him you don't know may hurt you.

[chelle91169]

Wow I would have written close to the same exact story 4 months ago, but my story has an ending. It just so happened a couple of weekends ago we both told our spouses about having feelings for someone else, but had no clue we both did it on the same weekend. I just told my self I'm getting a divorce no matter what, so why not put my foot down this time and take my chances, cause even if me and this married guy dont work out, the feelings I have for him now are actually giving me the extra strength I need to make the divorce really happen. so when I got back to work on monday we each had a story to tell each other. well he did tell his wife he had feelings for me but I geuss she convinced him that he was just confused and supposedly putting on a show for me and according to him he believed her and if I got to know the real him I wouldnt want to be with him anyways. So I'm assuming that his feelings were not as strong as mine or he really was putting on a show and I was his little fool, or he's just scared of change. I am heart broken, I have to see him at work everyday, I cry a lot and I just can't believe what happened. It's almost like a bad dream. I still have the overwhelming feelings for him and want to believe he does for me too. But on the bright I am letting him go and trying my best to move on, but let me tell you if he changed his mind again i would do it all over again, but I cant let him know this cause I want him to be able to work on his marriage with out me distracting him. Whats even better is I have reached my goal, I am getting the divorce!!!!!!!! I did it right this time. I cant believe it took feelings that strong for another man to give me the strength to fight for this divorce I have always wanted. But it feels so good. Me and my husband are great friends now and both are looking forward to a divorce and becoming closer as friends. No matter how much you try to hide your problems from your kids they are never hidden quite good enough unless you solve them. I have somehow made my husband realize how important this divorce is and it really is best for the kids. you can do it no matter what!! get your divorce.

[August]

This is similiar to my situation also. Only the OM is not married. But he is now telling me that we can't continue to see each other if I remain married. Initially, we just enjoyed each other and thought we could just carry on like this forever. But now he says he wants to be able to see me in public without sneaking around. I want a divorce also, but if I even hint at it, my husband goes ballistic. It actually scares me, because of the anger and resulting violence. I guess I could leave but I am the one who works, he is on social security, I need to stay in the area for my job, he could go anywhere he chose. I am happy for you about your divorce. I wish we could end ours on friendly terms also, but so far, that doesn't look likely.