BoredAgain Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 (edited) I'm a huge dork. Shortly after my breakup, I was trying to keep my mind occupied. So I did a little pseudo-study (in other words, don't expect it to be anywhere even close to the standards of scholarly research... it's more like grade-school level research) to answer the question, "If I keep strict no contact, when am I likely to receive contact from my Ex?" I gathered the data, but quickly realized how lame I was being. After all, the idea of NC is to help you move forward. Still, I just saw this data sitting on my desktop, and thought it might be interesting to somebody. So here it is... I looked at posts on this website where people reported that they were contacted by their Ex after a period of strict NC. I discarded any posts where the dumpee contacted their ex. I also discarded any posts where contact was recieved less than a week or anything more than a year. That means the following information requires the caveat, "If you hear from you Ex within the next year, then..." This left me with 41 data points, of which I figured out the following: 1. The average length of No Contact lasted 88 days. 2. Unfortunately, this average isn't too helpful because the standard deviation was over two months! In other words, don't expect to be contacted anywhere close to the 88 day mark. 3. The data is weighted near the early side of the scale with 63.4% of people being contacted by their Ex within 90 days. 4. 92.7% percent of people were contacted by their Ex within 6 months. One more thing to keep in mind: it seems that a lot of people on these boards only stick around for a few months. So its entirely possible that contact from an Ex later on (6+ months) is simply under reported. Well, I hope somebody found this interesting. Edited December 30, 2011 by BoredAgain Link to post Share on other sites
gibson Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 Hahahahahahahahahahaha! At least you admitted you were being a freak... Link to post Share on other sites
Author BoredAgain Posted December 30, 2011 Author Share Posted December 30, 2011 Hahahahahahahahahahaha! At least you admitted you were being a freak... Yup. It was like 2 days after the breakup and it kept me from begging, pleading, and crying to my Ex... that would have been MUCH worse. Link to post Share on other sites
smokey bear Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 Well i found it interesting, im one of the few who also base there research on actual facts, Gibson, grow up! Link to post Share on other sites
gibson Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 Well i found it interesting, im one of the few who also base there research on actual facts, Gibson, grow up! There is no scientific formula that determines when an Ex will contact you! Come on people... Link to post Share on other sites
MarMarMar Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 I think BoredAgain meant more of probabilities as far as statistics. 41 is more than enough for a sample though because it's the internet and most of the breakups are ****ty it's limited to that population but still neat. Why not take a poll BoredAgain in real life and in the internet for the sake OF SCIENCE!? Link to post Share on other sites
Author BoredAgain Posted December 30, 2011 Author Share Posted December 30, 2011 Gibson -- As MarMarMar said, it's not about a "scientific formula." It's really just about answering a question that is very common among dumpees starting No Contact (i.e. "If I keep strict no contact, when am I likely to receive contact from my Ex?"). And depending on your opinion of the data - that is, the accuracy if its source and collection - you can give an answer. And that answer is, "If you hear from them within the next year, it's likely to be sooner rather than later. Specifically, probably sometime within the first three months and almost certainly within the first six months." MarMarMar --- I don't think I actually care enough to do a more detailed survey. But if anybody else wants to take up the task, be my guest! Link to post Share on other sites
MarMarMar Posted December 30, 2011 Share Posted December 30, 2011 Gibson -- As MarMarMar said, it's not about a "scientific formula." It's really just about answering a question that is very common among dumpees starting No Contact (i.e. "If I keep strict no contact, when am I likely to receive contact from my Ex?"). And depending on your opinion of the data - that is, the accuracy if its source and collection - you can give an answer. And that answer is, "If you hear from them within the next year, it's likely to be sooner rather than later. Specifically, probably sometime within the first three months and almost certainly within the first six months." MarMarMar --- I don't think I actually care enough to do a more detailed survey. But if anybody else wants to take up the task, be my guest! Bah I'm lazy! I just like math though so it seemed a neat idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BoredAgain Posted January 3, 2012 Author Share Posted January 3, 2012 Took 33 days for my ex to contact me... so looks like I'm in the majority that hears something within the first three months. Link to post Share on other sites
ZimboGon Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 Haha, nice work BoredAgain =P I'm sure things are different if the ex falls into a rebound. That's probably the majority of people that take longer than 3 months. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BoredAgain Posted January 3, 2012 Author Share Posted January 3, 2012 Maybe. I actually think she might be in a rebound relationship right now. I have been a good NCer and have done nothing to find out, so I don't know for sure. I'm just pretty sure that there was a new guy in the picture at the end. Link to post Share on other sites
flow15 Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 But what does it matter if/when our ex contacts us? What does it mean? It only matters if they ask for you back, (if you want them to) but I think the majority of contact from ex's is mainly breadcrumbs....which disrupts our healing and doesn't really help. Link to post Share on other sites
ZimboGon Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 But what does it matter if/when our ex contacts us? What does it mean? It only matters if they ask for you back, (if you want them to) but I think the majority of contact from ex's is mainly breadcrumbs....which disrupts our healing and doesn't really help. I think it depends on what you want and what happens. If my ex contacts me, sure it could be breadcrumbs, and even if it is, i'll take it as an invitation. I've got enough confidence in myself and our relationship that i feel if she does in-fact contact me (Because after what happened, i can't initiate anything) i will take that as an opening to get her back. I mean, if they contact you in any way shape or form, it has to mean something right? Link to post Share on other sites
flow15 Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 I think it depends on what you want and what happens. If my ex contacts me, sure it could be breadcrumbs, and even if it is, i'll take it as an invitation. I've got enough confidence in myself and our relationship that i feel if she does in-fact contact me (Because after what happened, i can't initiate anything) i will take that as an opening to get her back. I mean, if they contact you in any way shape or form, it has to mean something right? Well my ex contacted me last week to apologise, but I'm not taking it as a sign that he wants me back. It was just an apology, it can't mean anything else? Link to post Share on other sites
ZimboGon Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 Well my ex contacted me last week to apologise, but I'm not taking it as a sign that he wants me back. It was just an apology, it can't mean anything else? Well, it could mean anything. I've been in 4 relationships, and i was the dumper in the first three. I contacted two of them in the about a year or so after, just to apologize. I didn't want karma to screw up what i had with this new person. I wasn't romantically interested in them anymore, especially after i met my current ex. But, it could mean anything, you never know. If my ex contacts me just to apologize, i would still take that as an invitation even if she wasn't asking for me back. She's a very passive person, and i'm a very confident one. If she did love me at some point, which i am sure she did, it wouldn't be hard for me to worm my way back in. Link to post Share on other sites
Rimer Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 To respond to the topic Once she needs my help with something Link to post Share on other sites
flow15 Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 Well, it could mean anything. I've been in 4 relationships, and i was the dumper in the first three. I contacted two of them in the about a year or so after, just to apologize. I didn't want karma to screw up what i had with this new person. I wasn't romantically interested in them anymore, especially after i met my current ex. But, it could mean anything, you never know. If my ex contacts me just to apologize, i would still take that as an invitation even if she wasn't asking for me back. She's a very passive person, and i'm a very confident one. If she did love me at some point, which i am sure she did, it wouldn't be hard for me to worm my way back in. Well I forgave him, so I guess the ball is now back in his court.. (p.s sorry didn't mean to hijack the thread!) Link to post Share on other sites
solobeary Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 Haha good for you for coping by starting up semi-scientific research studies I'm impressed! Link to post Share on other sites
PoppyLove89 Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 Here's to me and all the other dumpees who will probably find themselves in the 3% that will never hear from their dumpers again!!! Link to post Share on other sites
BigDumbFoot Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 Here's to me and all the other dumpees who will probably find themselves in the 3% that will never hear from their dumpers again!!! YAY! Me too!! It's been radio silence from the ex for a few months now. And knowing the way she it'll probably stay that way unless I take the initiation.. Which I'm not going to. Pat me on the back though, I've managed to get drunk, not once but twice without sending her a desperate, pleading, self-pitying text message! (Pats self) Link to post Share on other sites
PoppyLove89 Posted January 8, 2012 Share Posted January 8, 2012 YAY! Me too!! It's been radio silence from the ex for a few months now. And knowing the way she it'll probably stay that way unless I take the initiation.. Which I'm not going to. Pat me on the back though, I've managed to get drunk, not once but twice without sending her a desperate, pleading, self-pitying text message! (Pats self) Well done!!! No drunk texting/calling from you - bravo!! :) I took away that possibility/the temptation by deleting his number (not that he'd reply or answer anyway) Hey, if my ex wants to contact me, we have plenty of mutual friends (including his sisters) who have my number if he's deleted it. That's the way I see it anyway! Link to post Share on other sites
J0N Posted January 8, 2012 Share Posted January 8, 2012 My ex broke up with me on Oct. 21, 2010 we went NC on Oct. 22. I haven't heard a peep from her since. My previous ex and I went 5 years NC before bumping into each other in a bar, we are casual friends now. But we don't talk a whole lot. Link to post Share on other sites
Username37 Posted January 8, 2012 Share Posted January 8, 2012 Broke up May 16th 2010 Started NC around June 18th Got a few contact. I got a birthday letter and a text and later that month I got a text asking when we'll be friends again. I didn't reply and we didn't speak for a whole school year. It was apparent that she was ignoring me and that I didn't like her. Recently, I got a friend request from her on Facebook. I dunno why but I did. So I guess the statistic was correct haha Link to post Share on other sites
esteem-jam Posted January 8, 2012 Share Posted January 8, 2012 Shes not my EX, technically... NC since oct 2010, nothing inbetween, except my peek at her FB profile. I think she wont contact me anytime soon, maybe somewhere in 2013-14-15 Because things are like this: she wants kids, knows I cant support them, so it goes without saying shes free to meet other men and see where it goes. So it can be that I might turn not into a wealthy man, so what then, why contact me? Just casual chat, nothing personal, she wants kids, family, most of her female friends taking a stroll on Sundays with their babies, thats what she wants, shes 28 this year. So if shes free to date, Im free to meet other women too, which isnt going very good atm, not going at all to be honest. And I wouldnt even consider her if I have not met plenty of women and got plenty of experience and points of view on this relationship stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Delliem Posted January 8, 2012 Share Posted January 8, 2012 This is purely for direct contact between dumper and dumpee, correct? Would you factor in contact being between dumper and one of the dumpee's family? Link to post Share on other sites
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