Starting over with someone else

[Joeyskisd]

I have been with my wife for 9 years now and married for 7 of them. In the past couple years I started to lose interest in our relationship, wanting more from life. I started looking online, and found a woman who was in a similar relationship. We started talking and quickly became best friends, I felt like I could tell her anything. As time wore on, we started to fall in love with eachother. We live clear across the country from one another.

 

I began to feel depressed, because I knew the relationship was wrong, so I withdrew into myself. I stopped talking to my wife and kept my focus on this new love in my life. She was in a failed marriage and told me she wanted a new life with me. I knew exactly how she felt, and I just wanted to show her how love could really be. I eventually broke down and told my wife everything about what was going on. She told me that she wanted me to be happy and to do what I needed to. We talked about seperating and decided it would be best to spend some time apart from eachother. I am in the process of moving out, but am delayed due to financial reasons.

 

I wanted to move closer to my girlfriend who has recently seperated from her husband, so we could spend more time together and see if things could work between us. We have a tendancy to argue over trivial matters, but it's usually been about us loving eachother, but living with out spouses. She just told me the other day that she can't live without me in her life and wants to spend the rest of her life with me, but has since cut off all communication with me. I really don't know what to think about that. Is it possible that she just wants a little time alone? I wonder if she's trying to reconcile things with her husband?

 

If my girlfriend wanted to end our relationship, why wouldn't she just tell me instead of just ignoring me? Does anyone have any advice on this matter? I love my wife, but am no longer "in love" with her. I am in love with my girlfriend and only want to be with her. I tell her all the time how much she means to me and the important role she plays in my life. She has become part of who I am and the man that I want to be. Is it possible to start a life with someone new, while ending a life with someone you were with?

 

I just don't know what's going on with my gf, because she has completely shut me out. I love her more then life itself, but I can't handle being on the outside, not knowing what's going on. I really want this new life we have been promising eachother, but I just don't know if I'm gonna have to live it alone. I know cheating is wrong, but you really can't help who you fall in love with.

 

She told me it's over with her husband and she only wants me in her life, but I fear the worst. I just want to be happy, I'm just not sure i know what happiness is anymore. Someone please talk to me and tell me what you think. I know I've made a big mess of my life, I just want things to get better.

[confused2]

Well, this is the true question, isn't it? Even without the girlfriend in the picture, do you still want to not be married to your wife?

 

If the answer is no, you probably shouldn't have opted to cheat in the first place. I'd say to forget the other woman and focus on changing the aspects in your marriage that haven't worked so that you and your wife can grow into a new, healthier relationship that has a chance.

 

If the answer is yes, then your main priority should be dissolving the marriage and getting yourself situated where you can sustain the lifestyle of a single person. And *then* you can focus on chasing the estranged girlfriend down.

 

I really can't say what her deal is. Only she will be able to answer that. And if she wont communicate it, maybe you should rethink choosing her as your new partner.

 

Best of luck.

[Joeyskisd]

I really do appreciate the advice. I think I have come to realize that I have to leave my wife and try and begin a new life. I suppose I am just a little fearful of starting over. My wife is a great woman, but I just feel that we have grown apart. Making such decisions weigh heavily upon me.

 

I have since spoken to the other woman and she said that she needed time to get her life together. We have agreed to let eachother go our seperate ways. It will be difficult to handle, but I feel it's probably for the best. I want to know that if she wanted to be with me I am all she would want, without regrets.

 

I am still relatively young and have hope for a wonderful life ahead of me. I was married when I was 19, but feel it was a little too young to make such a commitment. I just hope life stabilizes some and I get a little room to breathe. I love my wife and I am in love with the other woman, but I feel that I need to take a few steps back and re-evaluate my life. I got myself into one hell of a situation here, I certainly know that much.

 

Thanks for writing .