They always come back!

[leoc1973]

It seems like if you were a good guy and your ex dumps you puts you through hell seems to throw you out like garbage. Can't wait to get away from you because god forbid you are crying. Just because you are a man appearently its somehow disgusting to them that crying over someone that was the love of your life. Then you do the unthinkable and ask them why. Like god forbid you feel like you are owed an explanation after years of putting up with her crap. Running out to the store to buy tampons. Painting her toenails. Rubbing her feet. Fixing her car. Brushing it off and putting gas in it in the winter because you want them to be safe and warm. Fighting the urge to look at a hotter girls butt when she walks by. Pretending to like her parents. Shopping(the worst) telling them they look beautiful even tho they gained weight and look like a beached whale. And the absolute worst... pretending you actually wanna cuddle after sex!(LOL just kidding I actually like it)

 

I have had 5 long term relationships. Dumped in 4 of them and 3 out of the 4 begged and I mean begged me to take them back. It seems like number 4 in on the prowl now too. So that pretty much makes all 4 of them that broke up with me told me to move on and there was no chance for us ever.

 

The funny thing is that in your head you know that if you play your cards right go no contact and start seeing new women they will pretty much always come back. But then your heart gets in the way and tells her how you feel and prolongs your pain. Then you wake up one day start to feel like yourself again and boom out of no where the ex wants you back.

 

Anyone else wanna share your story of an ex coming back? What did you tell her? Did you give it another try? And was there a new girl that prompted her return?

[wilsonx]

Leoc youre the man

 

Dont let black and white cry babies come in your thread and try to twist your view

[ZimboGon]

Its the good life man. Nice going. I hope to have a story to share here sometime similar to yours, 5 weeks going NC now haha. Lets hope brother.

[gibson]

I couldn't have said it any better myself. Like you, I have had a lot of LTR and all of them have come back and BEGGED at one point and time, for me to take them back.

 

What I have come to determine is the following comes as a surprise to many women:

 

Love is more than attraction and more than arousal. It’s also more than sentimentality, like so many of today’s songs suggest. By this standard, is love dead when the emotion is gone? No — not at all — because love is an action, and a behavior.

 

My Exes didn't know this, forgot it or took for granted how much I loved them. From what these Exes that wanted me back have told me... Apparently there isn't a lot of guys that "get it" either.

[Woggle]

When you truly move on and start living your life without them then they want you back.

[fucpcg]

I've done all I cud to get my ex back. I haven't begged or cried, but I've done things like apologize for the things I got wrong, made her photo collage for our wud be anniversary, sent her homemade truffles for Christmas... it's funny I have so many people tell me don't do it, it will make het hate you and not wanna come back. All I can think is.... if these things make her not wanna come back to me, then I guess I don't want her back. Any person who can interpret those actions as soo terrible I don't think is a good person. Every nice thing I did that she didn't respond to gives me one more reason to move on.

[chados]

i've been through this, people tend to realize what they dont have when the dumpee moves on. thats why you should just let go of the old relationship. yes it takes time but you should always try to heal yourself first. and go on dates, because then "you" might realize that you dont miss the relationship, you just miss the feeling of not being alone.

 

if you end up together with someone else, good for you. and if your ex is coming back someday. you will have a much bigger chance to keep the relationship going, because of lifeexperience with other partners. not saying you should take advantage of someone, you should let yourself go on dates because you actually want to move on. and get this. its much more attractive if they know that youve seen other people. if you are wasting time inside your house they will understand that you cant live without them.

 

the thing is. you should want to be with them, but you shouldnt need them to live your own life.

[Magda70]

"They always come back" is the slogan of the zombies movies...

 

Out of curiosity, thinking to an old post of mine, how much time between bu and coming back?

[chados]

"They always come back" is the slogan of the zombies movies...

 

Out of curiosity, thinking to an old post of mine, how much time between bu and coming back?

 

if they come back after 1 week its probably insecureness. jealousness or something else. normally i think if its out of love it takes months or years. for me personally at least 4-6 months sometimes even 1-2 years. i think its all about forgetting the past, often dating others. they just have to realize they want you. and not just feeling loneliness.

[BoredAgain]

if they come back after 1 week its probably insecureness. jealousness or something else. normally i think if its out of love it takes months or years. for me personally at least 4-6 months sometimes even 1-2 years. i think its all about forgetting the past, often dating others. they just have to realize they want you. and not just feeling loneliness.

 

Yeah. After the initial break-up with my Ex, she called me crying less than two days later telling me how breaking up was such a huge mistake. It turned out that she was just still confused about what she wanted. The relationship only lasted about a week after that, most of which was filled with her being hot & cold towards the relationship... it was agonizing.

[BoredAgain]

I've done all I cud to get my ex back. I haven't begged or cried, but I've done things like apologize for the things I got wrong, made her photo collage for our wud be anniversary, sent her homemade truffles for Christmas... it's funny I have so many people tell me don't do it, it will make het hate you and not wanna come back. All I can think is.... if these things make her not wanna come back to me, then I guess I don't want her back. Any person who can interpret those actions as soo terrible I don't think is a good person. Every nice thing I did that she didn't respond to gives me one more reason to move on.

 

I couldn't disagree with this more. Bombarding your Ex with Big Romantic Gestures after a breakup is not the chivalrous act you're making it out to be. If she dumped you, then she did it for a reason. Even if it's a silly, petty, dumb reason, it doesn't matter. Look at it this way...

 

She wants some emotional and/or physical space from you. Instead of giving it to her, you're trying to continuously remind her about how great you are. In other words, you're trying to make her miss you when you should be allowing her to miss you.

 

This is why dumpers often freak-out about No Contact. You're giving them what they want and they realize, "Oh s--t! Maybe that's not what I want!" I know my girlfriend told me I was being "ridiculous" when I told her that I wanted to do the No Contact thing.

 

...but part of No Contact is moving forward with your life. I notice a lot of people do it with the intention of coaxing their ex to return. Those people are simply doing it wrong.

[chados]

I couldn't disagree with this more. Bombarding your Ex with Big Romantic Gestures after a breakup is not the chivalrous act you're making it out to be. If she dumped you, then she did it for a reason. Even if it's a silly, petty, dumb reason, it doesn't matter. Look at it this way...

 

She wants some emotional and/or physical space from you. Instead of giving it to her, you're trying to continuously remind her about how great you are. In other words, you're trying to make her miss you when you should be allowing her to miss you.

 

This is why dumpers often freak-out about No Contact. You're giving them what they want and they realize, "Oh s--t! Maybe that's not what I want!" I know my girlfriend told me I was being "ridiculous" when I told her that I wanted to do the No Contact thing.

 

...but part of No Contact is moving forward with your life. I notice a lot of people do it with the intention of coaxing their ex to return. Those people are simply doing it wrong.

 

 

you kinda nailed it here. this is exactly what people need to understand, youre moving on "but" it also creates the distance between the two of you, making the bad times from the past if possible fade away. with that said, if your ex is crawling back after lets say 1-2 years later, you will not just know what went wrong in the past, but you will have more experience in how to make things better in the future.

 

and of course, maybe most important. you will know if he/she was the one you wanted to spend your life with. but on the other hand, people change.. it could either better or worse the next time.

[YouNeverKnow86]

It seems like if you were a good guy and your ex dumps you puts you through hell seems to throw you out like garbage. Can't wait to get away from you because god forbid you are crying. Just because you are a man appearently its somehow disgusting to them that crying over someone that was the love of your life. Then you do the unthinkable and ask them why. Like god forbid you feel like you are owed an explanation after years of putting up with her crap. Running out to the store to buy tampons. Painting her toenails. Rubbing her feet. Fixing her car. Brushing it off and putting gas in it in the winter because you want them to be safe and warm. Fighting the urge to look at a hotter girls butt when she walks by. Pretending to like her parents. Shopping(the worst) telling them they look beautiful even tho they gained weight and look like a beached whale. And the absolute worst... pretending you actually wanna cuddle after sex!(LOL just kidding I actually like it)

 

I have had 5 long term relationships. Dumped in 4 of them and 3 out of the 4 begged and I mean begged me to take them back. It seems like number 4 in on the prowl now too. So that pretty much makes all 4 of them that broke up with me told me to move on and there was no chance for us ever.

 

The funny thing is that in your head you know that if you play your cards right go no contact and start seeing new women they will pretty much always come back. But then your heart gets in the way and tells her how you feel and prolongs your pain. Then you wake up one day start to feel like yourself again and boom out of no where the ex wants you back.

 

Anyone else wanna share your story of an ex coming back? What did you tell her? Did you give it another try? And was there a new girl that prompted her return?

 

Did you beg/plead for them initially and they still came back? Did they say they moved on at the time too?

 

I have been the dumpee twice (this most current one and an old ex). I beg/pleaded with the old ex for over a month, acted like a pansy, she left and dated another guy. We went no contact eventually and a year later she appears at my doorstep apologizing for everything. This was a short term relationship too by the way.

 

Personally I feel it doesn't matter if it was a long term relationship or a short term relationship in terms of the breakup. If you two had a connection and for some reason something happened that the dumper regrets they do comeback.

 

The funny thing was that she was too late and I was already over her and was dating someone else at the time. She may have came back knowing the fact I moved on and was dating someone else.......Instant attraction for dumpers. Either way I didn't go back but it was nice to mend things with her.

 

Now I did the same thing with this current ex dumper. I begged/pleaded for over a month and now we don't talk anymore. She seems pissed at me even though I did nothing wrong, the exact same way my other dumper ex acted. I know she will come back but I am no longer worrying about her. I am out dating and moving on........

[HeavenOrHell]

Sometime they come back, sometimes they don't, sometimes they come back and leave again.

Why feel p*ssed off about being kind to her when you were together, wouldn't you regret it more if you'd been an ass*ole to her?

I'm sure she did things for you equally, and if she didn't, then why would you want to be with her anyway?

Do you want a medal for >Fighting the urge to look at a hotter girls butt when she walks by< ??!!

 

>Telling them they look beautiful even tho they gained weight and look like a beached whale.< Why were you even with her if you felt that way about her? Any idea how insulted she would feel if she knew what you were saying about her behind her back?

From what you've said here, maybe you're not such the great partner you seem to think you were.

 

Ex's don't owe their ex anything, that's not what it's about,

 

It seems like if you were a good guy and your ex dumps you puts you through hell seems to throw you out like garbage. Can't wait to get away from you because god forbid you are crying. Just because you are a man appearently its somehow disgusting to them that crying over someone that was the love of your life. Then you do the unthinkable and ask them why. Like god forbid you feel like you are owed an explanation after years of putting up with her crap. Running out to the store to buy tampons. Painting her toenails. Rubbing her feet. Fixing her car. Brushing it off and putting gas in it in the winter because you want them to be safe and warm. Fighting the urge to look at a hotter girls butt when she walks by. Pretending to like her parents. Shopping(the worst) telling them they look beautiful even tho they gained weight and look like a beached whale. And the absolute worst... pretending you actually wanna cuddle after sex!(LOL just kidding I actually like it)

 

I have had 5 long term relationships. Dumped in 4 of them and 3 out of the 4 begged and I mean begged me to take them back. It seems like number 4 in on the prowl now too. So that pretty much makes all 4 of them that broke up with me told me to move on and there was no chance for us ever.

 

The funny thing is that in your head you know that if you play your cards right go no contact and start seeing new women they will pretty much always come back. But then your heart gets in the way and tells her how you feel and prolongs your pain. Then you wake up one day start to feel like yourself again and boom out of no where the ex wants you back.

 

Anyone else wanna share your story of an ex coming back? What did you tell her? Did you give it another try? And was there a new girl that prompted her return?

[fallenheart]

Gotta disagree with the OP.

 

They do not always come back. Not by a long shot.

 

Most of them move on without a second glance and you'll never ever see or hear from them again.

[CaliGuy]

Gotta disagree with the OP.

 

They do not always come back. Not by a long shot.

 

Most of them move on without a second glance and you'll never ever see or hear from them again.

 

Quite true. There are very few cases of re-uniting with someone who dumped you, but that is so far and between that the best advice on LS is to forget it and move on.

 

The sooner you heal, the sooner you'll find the person who TRULY wants to be with you.

 

Cheers.

[EgoJoe]

I am going to throw a quote from a rap song in here for the heck of it:

 

"Anything is possible, nothing is for sure. Love those who love you but don't let love **** up your vision. How much love did your loved ones have when you were broke or doing time in prison..." - Life Is A Bitch - Mac Dre

[escafeld]

Interesting perspective from the OP and other contributors and I have to agree. I've enjoyed several long term relationships which have ended for various reasons, sometimes entirely my fault, sometimes theirs and sometimes because the other has got it in first because I don't like to quit.

 

I'm recently out of an LTR having been dumped initially early this year without any concrete reasons being given, only for her to come back a few months later with outpourings of love and promises of the future..she left again in October! Again without any analysis of what was wrong in our relationship. The important point is that since October we've maintained a cordial relationship, meeting for drinks etc, however she's since said she doesn't want to do that anymore as it confuses our friendship. That's fine and probably true, but I suspect a distraction lurks in the background and she can't focus on him w/out distancing herself from me..so we'll wait and see, although it's becoming less and less troubling for me as time goes on.

 

Previously I was in a shorter term relationship, which also ended amicably (at her behest). Three years later the lovely girl in question asked to meet me for coffee, where she asked me to marry her! I was seeing the last girlfriend at the time so was in no position to respond positively.

 

I think the advice given is sound, move on with your life if you can, and if a relationship has ended amicably there's no reason why it might not be rekindled in the future or yr dumper return to you with positive intent.

[chados]

i think op is talking mostly from personal experience. even though most people might not get back together, i do believe that if you got enough distance from the past and meet up years later as a new person there could be a great chance of reconciliation. especially if you are young.

[Kamila]

It's not really about the ex coming back, it's about the ex making a decision and sticking to it.

 

I have a friend that has broken up with her boyfriend because he didn't know what he wanted with her and their relationship.

 

She broke up with him and kept low contact with him. She told me: "Never break contact with a man if you want a chance of getting back together..." That advice I never followed and my ex-bf never came back.

 

So she kept low contact with her ex-bf for over a year, and he returned and asked her what she wanted. She said she wanted marriage and kids, nothing more, nothing less.

 

Now, they are married for 2 years and have 2 kids. As far as I know, they are happy.

[perfectlyflawed459]

It's not really about the ex coming back, it's about the ex making a decision and sticking to it.

 

I have a friend that has broken up with her boyfriend because he didn't know what he wanted with her and their relationship.

 

She broke up with him and kept low contact with him. She told me: "Never break contact with a man if you want a chance of getting back together..." That advice I never followed and my ex-bf never came back.

 

So she kept low contact with her ex-bf for over a year, and he returned and asked her what she wanted. She said she wanted marriage and kids, nothing more, nothing less.

 

Now, they are married for 2 years and have 2 kids. As far as I know, they are happy.

 

I love stories like this My friend brought up an interesting point the other day because she asked me if I still loved my ex. I told her of course and I want him back, but that I must stay NC so he will miss me. She asked if he reached out and I told her that he did twice, but I ignored it because I felt that I needed to stay NC. She told me that it was silly that I ignored him because she says if you truly want someone back in your life, she believes you have to work at it. By that, keep LC with that person and never truly boot them out, but don't smother them either. That made me wonder, maybe she is right. Maybe you stay NC till you are healed and in a better place, then move to a LC. I know every couple is different and such, but it just made me wonder.

 

I mean I know of someone who got back with their ex after three years of LC, and the guy even "fell in love" with another girl and dated her for like two and a half years. Then I know of someone who was a year NC and had their ex crawl back to them after a year. So who knows! You can never go wrong with healing yourself first though

[CaliGuy]

It's not really about the ex coming back, it's about the ex making a decision and sticking to it.

 

I have a friend that has broken up with her boyfriend because he didn't know what he wanted with her and their relationship.

 

She broke up with him and kept low contact with him. She told me: "Never break contact with a man if you want a chance of getting back together..." That advice I never followed and my ex-bf never came back.

 

So she kept low contact with her ex-bf for over a year, and he returned and asked her what she wanted. She said she wanted marriage and kids, nothing more, nothing less.

 

Now, they are married for 2 years and have 2 kids. As far as I know, they are happy.

 

Some things that you need to note here:

 

She initiated the breakup because they weren't seeing eye to eye (it's not like she broke it off because she wasn't IN LOVE with him anymore (she was or she would have broken off contact completely).

 

See, that is the main difference I think people are losing here. If you are still in love with someone you will continue contact and try to work things out. You'll draw boundaries and such but the dumpee will always know you STILL them (and that's done with communication).

 

When they leave, when they drop communication, when they start dating other people they're saying "I'm just not into you..."

 

The ex that I ran into over Christmas never kept communication. She dropped all communication completely. As if she disappeared off the face of the earth. To me that is a clear sign they are no longer IN LOVE with you. No doubt, she loves me as a person, but she is not and never was IN LOVE with me.

 

Big difference.

[BoredAgain]

Gotta disagree with the OP.

 

They do not always come back. Not by a long shot.

 

Most of them move on without a second glance and you'll never ever see or hear from them again.

 

Reconciliations aren't that uncommon. Even after the most horrible breakups, people can still get back together months or years down the line. I have two friends who are currently in relationships with girls who they were previously broken-up with. In fact, ask any couple that's been together 15+ years and I'm sure a surprising proportion of them have been broken-up at one point.

 

Or just ask yourself: If you were dating a girl who started becoming friends with her Ex, would it bother you? Well if reconciliations are so damn rare, then it should be the least of your concerns.

[ken_25]

They don't always come back. I had an ex leave me after two years and hook up with someone else a month later and she never really initiated contact with me again. Her rebound lasted 3 years and she left him too. I contacted her twice by email and she responded both times but that's been it.

 

I however also disagree that just because someone drops all communication doesn't mean they don't love you or aren't into you. Sometimes it's too hard to maintain that, to see your ex happy or with someone else. Sometimes it's better to leave that unknown for along time, sometimes many years. It's different for different people.

[mattymx]

Had this same conversation with a friend who is engaged to an ex girlfriend. he says out of his 4 short/long term gf every1 of them has come back at some point. usually many months if not years down the line. There is a lot of truth in ppl coming back but my opinion on it is the longer the time apart the better! ppl need time to grow/wonder and mature. if they do come back trust ur own instincts and never let what others say effect ur decision

 

had an ex come back after a yr apart, i deserved to get dumped but felt as though i was too young for a relationship and that she wud end up pregnant at some point. no sooner had she initiated contact/arranging to meet up she fell pregnant to her then boyfr.........always trust your gut instinct!!