Author leoc1973 Posted January 16, 2012 Author Share Posted January 16, 2012 I was speaking completely out of personal experience. I decided to throw in the going to buy tampons and beached whale thing just for a little humor. Yes it was a little bit of a rant but at the end of the day I loved her so much I would have taken a bullet for her. I think I have a new philosophy also. Women don't want what they can't have... Women want what other women want! I have noticed this throughout my life thats where sayings like when it rains it pours comes in. Thats why it seems like one minute you are on a dry spell and the next you have 3 or 4 women chasing you around like a pack of rabid hyena's. I literally just went 7 months with no dates I even went on a dating site and just couldn't find anyone. All of the sudden there are 4 women on facebook(all friends) trying to court me. I just don't get it! I guess that is where all this hideous fashion comes in because advertisers have convinced women that this is what women want. And for future reference there are a lot of people on this site that are here because they are hurting inside. We all express it in different ways. If someone rants and you don't like their post just keep quiet. 90% of the time we are just trying to heal and figure stuff out in our own way. If your only purpose in here is because you read a couple psychology books or you are bored and full of anger go get a Playstation and blow some **** up! Link to post Share on other sites
shortee143 Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 Interesting read here. I have had lots of guys come back- but oddly enough the one that meant so much to me, broke up over 2 years ago, never did! But in many cases among myself and friends...the guy did come back (but obvi, not all do, so it is hard to "bet' on it) Now with my most recent ex- I wonder how things will pan out. We are not in NC, as we see each other sometimes a few times a week (same social crew etc). He has a gf, I am single...but I mean we are both in each other's lives for the long term future, so i wonder whatll happen. I have no high hope and frankly dont like who he has changed into, but I do wonder..will he stay with his current gf? What will happen when I bring a new bf around? Will he ever try to come back? Not things I really stress about, just gave it a thought after reading this thread. Link to post Share on other sites
Author leoc1973 Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 Shortee how long were you with him? Its really hard to for a guy to swallow seeing their ex with a new guy so ya never know! I am speaking completely from personal experience here as far as them all coming back. I just can't believe its always after you don't want them anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
shortee143 Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 Shortee how long were you with him? Its really hard to for a guy to swallow seeing their ex with a new guy so ya never know! I am speaking completely from personal experience here as far as them all coming back. I just can't believe its always after you don't want them anymore. Only 7 months - so not to long in the grand scheme of things but I had known him for years prior as a friend. Hm I really think there is truth in that whole "u want what you no longer/cant have". I def think my feelings for my ex intensified for a bit after it ended simply bc I DIDNT have him, and someone else did...so not to say he gives a hoot about me anymore, but since we are in close quarters, i wonder how things will be when i have a bf, or if him and his gf breakup Link to post Share on other sites
maria_patheticsoul Posted February 10, 2012 Share Posted February 10, 2012 Hahaha I FEEL for you! I am always in that kind of situation! Though i only had two serious ones. The first was the guy from Belgium who i lived in with for 6 months. Then he went back home he drifted away and so was i so we broke up. Well that was 2010. Recently he started sending me emails and offlines and i do not have problem with that since i am not in any kind of relationship as of the moment. Sometimes i think when you get tired of the pain that was inflicted to you by your SO you feel numb and all the feelings for this guy vanished like a wink of an eye.He asked for a second chance but i politely told him that i do not see a future us being together again. But yes i told him we can be friends as i really dont have any problem talking to him again, i am not afraid that the spark will be there again. The second one the guy from London who i never actually met in person but we had a thing 2 1/5 yrs ago and started LD April of last year ended mid August still sends txt messages and updates me. This guy is really something, maybe because i am too eager to see him in person and he gets cold feet. I am actually still in the process of thinking to get back with him but until he decides to do the ultimate effort of seeing me in real i am going to hold back. I guess it's not love at all,i guess it was a challenge. I was challenged to see if i can transform him into a better person even if i will not benefit from it but atleast it will make him a better person. Anyway all i can say is...if you are being so nice when you are in a relationship, when you are gone it gives them this feeling of losing someone/something special that will make then regret. In return it makes you feel good no matter how much pain they caused you, when you moved on already it brings confidence and you will realize the relationship did not work out because you are too good for them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
0hpenelope Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 Hahaha I FEEL for you! I am always in that kind of situation! Though i only had two serious ones. The first was the guy from Belgium who i lived in with for 6 months. Then he went back home he drifted away and so was i so we broke up. Well that was 2010. Recently he started sending me emails and offlines and i do not have problem with that since i am not in any kind of relationship as of the moment. Sometimes i think when you get tired of the pain that was inflicted to you by your SO you feel numb and all the feelings for this guy vanished like a wink of an eye.He asked for a second chance but i politely told him that i do not see a future us being together again. But yes i told him we can be friends as i really dont have any problem talking to him again, i am not afraid that the spark will be there again. The second one the guy from London who i never actually met in person but we had a thing 2 1/5 yrs ago and started LD April of last year ended mid August still sends txt messages and updates me. This guy is really something, maybe because i am too eager to see him in person and he gets cold feet. I am actually still in the process of thinking to get back with him but until he decides to do the ultimate effort of seeing me in real i am going to hold back. I guess it's not love at all,i guess it was a challenge. I was challenged to see if i can transform him into a better person even if i will not benefit from it but atleast it will make him a better person. Anyway all i can say is...if you are being so nice when you are in a relationship, when you are gone it gives them this feeling of losing someone/something special that will make then regret. In return it makes you feel good no matter how much pain they caused you, when you moved on already it brings confidence and you will realize the relationship did not work out because you are too good for them. If I can upvote this a bajillion times, I would've done so already! I like your attitude! Link to post Share on other sites
keepdancin Posted February 18, 2012 Share Posted February 18, 2012 Yup, he came back after 6 months LC... right as I started to fall for someone else. He swore up and down that he needed at least a year and that I should move on, that we weren't right for each other, and he wasn't in love with me anymore. Broke my heart. So, I moved out, initiated NC, with delayed, short, responses to his random weird contacts about once a month (like FB msg that I should see " " movie or listen to " " song... whatever.) Until he came at me with the I miss you, love you, can't stop thinking about you, emails and phone messages, and eventually dinner and wanting to be with me again. I'm not a ballbuster, so I don't really know how to make demands. Do I go with the new guy who is crazy fun and totally into me, but only 3 months in and has essentially been there for me when the ex was not; or the ex I almost married who I put 8 years into that I haven't stopped thinking about or loving since he left? Please give me the strength to put my foot down and not settle for anything less than what I know I deserve. I guess the exes do just know somehow. FML. Link to post Share on other sites
daphne Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 Do I go with the new guy who is crazy fun and totally into me, but only 3 months in and has essentially been there for me when the ex was not; or the ex I almost married who I put 8 years into that I haven't stopped thinking about or loving since he left? This is my vote. See where it goes. Your ex is a known quantity, and has hurt you. You can always change your mind later if this one doesn't work out. Just like your ex changed his mind. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 Yup, he came back after 6 months LC... right as I started to fall for someone else. He swore up and down that he needed at least a year and that I should move on, that we weren't right for each other, and he wasn't in love with me anymore. Broke my heart. So, I moved out, initiated NC, with delayed, short, responses to his random weird contacts about once a month (like FB msg that I should see " " movie or listen to " " song... whatever.) Until he came at me with the I miss you, love you, can't stop thinking about you, emails and phone messages, and eventually dinner and wanting to be with me again. I'm not a ballbuster, so I don't really know how to make demands. Do I go with the new guy who is crazy fun and totally into me, but only 3 months in and has essentially been there for me when the ex was not; or the ex I almost married who I put 8 years into that I haven't stopped thinking about or loving since he left? Please give me the strength to put my foot down and not settle for anything less than what I know I deserve. I guess the exes do just know somehow. FML. Kick your ex to the curb for the time being, he wont come back at the 6 month mark. At the year mark minimum! Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 Can I assume this whole "They always come back!" banter refers to boyfriend/girlfriend drama as opposed to marital drama? Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted February 19, 2012 Share Posted February 19, 2012 It occurs in marriages too... Happened with my parents, my mom flew off, eventually came back, dad knew she would the second she wanted to leave so he just let her go. Drama is created by those that cant let go of the past. Link to post Share on other sites
CM2009 Posted February 28, 2012 Share Posted February 28, 2012 (edited) It took me a while to finally understand this whole break up thing and going NC. My Ex W. left me and eventually a few months later got with someone who was close to us and I did all the normal begging pleading and all that stuff that I look back on and thing why the hell was I doing that. So eventually the "D" was finalized and I moved on with my life got all the hatred out m head and heart for her, wrote her a letter telling her I'm good and pretty much getting some things off my chest. I moved cross country from Charlotte to Vegas for a new job and didn't tell her, I guess someone told her I was gone. Then this past Nov I got an email from her asking how was I doing. I replied but it was short, the. We kept in marginal contact, seen her for a second when I came home for Christmas because i had a gift for her daughter but kept it cordial. Then my Grandmother passed away about a month ago, and she called me and left a VM giving her condolances and she had the nerve to fix her mouth to say... "stuff like that you can tell me that personally," O_o I'm thinking to myself "you lost the prevelidge a long time ago. But anyways she called me twice and sent a text seeing how I was doin, she contacted me more then any of my other friends LOL but I guess... And even when she's contacted me I've kinda kept a Semi-NC Edited February 28, 2012 by CM2009 Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted February 28, 2012 Share Posted February 28, 2012 It occurs in marriages too... Happened with my parents, my mom flew off, eventually came back, dad knew she would the second she wanted to leave so he just let her go. Drama is created by those that cant let go of the past. How long were your parents separated, wilsonx? Link to post Share on other sites
shamone222 Posted February 28, 2012 Share Posted February 28, 2012 my experience, my first relationship break she came back. i begged/pleaded/anoyed her for a month and then went on dates. after she found out i was seeing another girl for a while she came crawling back and cried to me saying she didnt expect me to move on so fast (even though she was TELLING me to move on for a whole month). i didnt really want to get back with her at this stage but i DID! for the sake of it! and then i wasnt happy, so i treated her badly because i never got over the break and what she did to me. so she dumped me again a year later. this current breakup is similar, except i have treated this girl so well! after 8 months she dumps me because she ''doesnt want to be in a relationship with anyone anymore'' and ''its not working out'' (she will eventually realise that it actually was im sure!!). i didnt beg or plead, i wished her the best and apologised for all i did. now im going to do the exact same as i did last time and find dates ASAP. and hopefully meet someone better than her. so in my view how to get an ex back (if you treated her well) is to go NO CONTACT and FIND DATES!! you might even meet someone that respects you better than your ex did. and when you do, BAM! she'l be back but you just dont want her anymore... Link to post Share on other sites
lilyblue Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 It took me a while to finally understand this whole break up thing and going NC. My Ex W. left me and eventually a few months later got with someone who was close to us and I did all the normal begging pleading and all that stuff that I look back on and thing why the hell was I doing that. So eventually the "D" was finalized and I moved on with my life got all the hatred out m head and heart for her, wrote her a letter telling her I'm good and pretty much getting some things off my chest. I moved cross country from Charlotte to Vegas for a new job and didn't tell her, I guess someone told her I was gone. Then this past Nov I got an email from her asking how was I doing. I replied but it was short, the. We kept in marginal contact, seen her for a second when I came home for Christmas because i had a gift for her daughter but kept it cordial. Then my Grandmother passed away about a month ago, and she called me and left a VM giving her condolances and she had the nerve to fix her mouth to say... "stuff like that you can tell me that personally," O_o I'm thinking to myself "you lost the prevelidge a long time ago. But anyways she called me twice and sent a text seeing how I was doin, she contacted me more then any of my other friends LOL but I guess... And even when she's contacted me I've kinda kept a Semi-NC You sound a lot like my ex-bf and his ex-wife. Can you ever envision yourself getting back together with your ex-wife? Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 In my experience, 90% of them come back- doesn't matter who did the breaking up. When my last ex left me 10 months ago, I never, ever thought I'd hear from him again. He started sniffing around a few months ago, and recently he's been trying to keep in regular contact. With the emergence of FB, Everyone I've ever dated from the time I was 14 years old has reached out to be FB friends. Link to post Share on other sites
CM2009 Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 You sound a lot like my ex-bf and his ex-wife. Can you ever envision yourself getting back together with your ex-wife? Hmmmmm interesting question which one of my good friends asked me when I explained to her, but the honest answer is "I don't know." it's a lot of things that we'd have to clear up like why did you do do what you did? Then trying to reconnect with her Daughter because it's been 2 long since I've been away, extended families and their feelings, im all the way cross country and i doubt if she's ready to move across the country for me, would i be able to trust her again , and lastly and most important I want a child and she made it clear when we were married that she was done. So it's a lot to get past but who knows what'll happen down the road Link to post Share on other sites
rickys Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 It seems that you have broke up with them but nit moved on completely. Get up man and forget your past if you want your today and future happy....... Link to post Share on other sites
CM2009 Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 You sound a lot like my ex-bf and his ex-wife. Can you ever envision yourself getting back together with your ex-wife? Hmmmmm interesting question which one of my good friends asked me when I explained to her, but the honest answer is "I don't know." it's a lot of things that we'd have to clear up like why did you do do what you did? Then trying to reconnect with her Daughter because it's been 2 long since I've been away, extended families and their feelings, im all the way cross country and i doubt if she's ready to move across the country for me, would i be able to trust her again , and lastly and most important I want a child and she made it clear when we were married that she was done. So it's a lot to get past but who knows what'll happen down the road But after saying all of this I doubt it if it happends even if she comes back. It just won't feel the same and I try not to get back with ex's because they stew an ex for a reason..... Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 No, they don't always come back. And the title of this thread gives people who believe that false hope. Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 In my experience, 90% of them come back- doesn't matter who did the breaking up. Well, not to sound too contradictory, but SURE it matters. Big difference between being the dumper vs. being the dumpee. To my mind, at least. Link to post Share on other sites
lilyblue Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 But after saying all of this I doubt it if it happends even if she comes back. It just won't feel the same and I try not to get back with ex's because they stew an ex for a reason..... But sounds like the pull might be there? Sorry, I'm clearly asking for my own selfish reasons. I just still struggle to understand what went on with my ex - since he never spoke to me. While I do understand that there could be a pull, I can't quite believe that things will be different the third time around for them. Link to post Share on other sites
fucpcg Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 But sounds like the pull might be there? Sorry, I'm clearly asking for my own selfish reasons. I just still struggle to understand what went on with my ex - since he never spoke to me. While I do understand that there could be a pull, I can't quite believe that things will be different the third time around for them. I struggled for the past 12 months trying to understand how my ex could just walk away and refuse to talk. All I've come up with is that I will never know, unless she chooses to break the silence. The one thing I have learned from all of this, is that purposeful silence toward an ex is absolutely the most immature thing that you can do to another person you once claimed to love. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CM2009 Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 But sounds like the pull might be there? Sorry, I'm clearly asking for my own selfish reasons. I just still struggle to understand what went on with my ex - since he never spoke to me. While I do understand that there could be a pull, I can't quite believe that things will be different the third time around for them. First off sorry for any bad gramical errors in my last post. But yeah I can see where u might say their is a pull because it was a marriage and I know my religion looks down on Divorce even though I wasn't the party that initiated it. Plus that was the happiest that I've ever been in a relationship. And after being away for so long you tend to look back and think what would u do differently and knowing that the person still cares kinda makes the mind think, hmmm what if?? And in my situation is seems from speaking with her that she has some what humbled herself and knows she messed up and she can also see how I've done well for myself ever since she left.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted March 1, 2012 Share Posted March 1, 2012 The one thing I have learned from all of this, is that purposeful silence toward an ex is absolutely the most immature thing that you can do to another person you once claimed to love. ^^^ quoted for being stone-cold TRUTH, man. Link to post Share on other sites
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