Has anyone has the Hollywood fairytale relationship?

[petal28]

Just wondering? As i get older, i feel deceived that my knight in shining armour did not come and sweep me off my feet. So if it doesn't/is not going to happen to me then i would like other people to share their stories. Did you have a fairytale ending?

[TaraMaiden]

No.

every relationship has the bumps, fits and starts no movie ever tells you about....

 

Hollywood has a lot to answer for.

 

A LOT.

[Eve]

Hollywood as in 'rich guy gets the girl?'

 

No, Hubby was relatively poor when we met. Actually, I can't really think of any Hollywood marriages I admire.

 

Nope, I would say our relationship is more 'World Cinema' than 'Hollywood', in terms of us finding love and making things work despite quite a few problems over the years.

 

I would say we had a fairytale meeting though.

 

Take care,

Eve x

Edited December 31, 2011 by Eve

[SoMovinOn]

No, and I don't know anyone that ever has. Then again, cars don't really blow up when they go off a cliff, a bus can't really jump a gap in a highway, crimes don't get solved in 60 minutes...

 

It seems Hollywood is more geared towards entertainment rather than depicting reality.

[xxoo]

What is a fairytale ending? Fairytales always seem to end with the first kiss.

 

Our love is burning strong after a couple decades, and our lives are woven tightly together into a joyful (if not hollywood or fairytale) existence. We've got it pretty good

[KathyM]

I guess you could call my relationship a fairytale relationship. We met and married while still young, and are still together and happily married after many years, and plan to stay that way for a lifetime. Still on our first marriage with our original spouse. That is not to say we've had a perfect life together, since we've had a lot of trials and life circumstances that put stress on our marriage, but to think everything will be perfect for a lifetime after marriage is unrealistic.

[norajane]

Did you have a fairytale ending?

 

There are no "fairy tale endings" in real life, because in real life, life continues long after the credits roll in a movie or the last chapter ends in a book when the couple gets together.

 

Relationships take work to succeed, require choices and actions, not fairy tale expectations that a knight will come to save you from your life. You have to create the goodness you want in your own life rather than waiting for some magical knight to bring it to you. You have to get over your issues, remove the obstacles in your way, and participate in creating the life you want, just like with anything else you do like with a job or running marathons or buying a home.

[xxoo]

Not a fairytale relationship, but I think I have a country song relationship

 

My H loves to listen to country music in the car. It's not my favorite, but I will listen a bit closer when he reaches over to grab my hand during a song. Lots of themes about loving marriages, proud dads, and faithful husbands. Sappy, but I'm glad he relates to it.

[giotto]

yes, mine is a horror film...

[The Blue Knight]

For full disclosure purposes I'm a guy who enjoys chick-flicks. I enjoy the movies like "While you were sleeping" or "Sleepless in Seattle" but that's the romantic in me My wife has never had to bend my arm to watch one of those movies.

 

Before I get blasted by any guys for that comment I also enjoy The Bourne Identity Series, Mission Impossible, and Die Hard . . . so back off guys

 

My personal belief is that Hollywood has done a disservice to the idea of love and commitment. Not that they set out with that as the objective mind you. Marriages were far more committed in the days when God was at the forefront of the family before movies depicting the "perfect fairytale" relationships were being displayed in front of middle class America by the 1940s.

 

Part of that is our own lacking maturity as an audience. The fact that we in some strange way believe that what happens on the big screen could indeed happen to us is simply us allowing our escape mechanism to overtake the reality portion of our value system. My ex wife suffered from this I believe. She couldn't always come to terms with everyday reality and the sudden gauntlets that come up day in and day out with living real life.

 

I've often pointed out when the movie ends with guy gets girl and the perfect kiss seals the deal . . . if indeed there were a realistic sequel to follow, you'd see everyday real-life monotony kick in with having to mow the lawn, getting up and go to work each day, take out the garbage, deal with kids issues, and the ongoing drudgery that is sometimes just everyday life.

 

Fairytale romances don't truly exist but I think some of us have come close by simply entering into committed and loving relationships, and that's the best you're going to do.

 

Keep in mind that even what is perceived as "fairytale romances" such as Prince Charles and Lady Diana 30 years ago turned out to be anything but a fairytale. It was a disaster If the chemistry, commitment, and similar values aren't there, it's not going to work. Contrastingly, if both individuals approach it with keeping it fresh, alive, new, and as "fairytale-like" as possible the marriage will do very well and will endure for decades.

 

I think both of the women in my first and second marriage started out as magical, but I think that's normal. The real test comes a few years into your marriage. It's then that you find out if you're both committed to the idea that came rather easy to you when you first met

[The Blue Knight]

There are no "fairy tale endings" in real life, because in real life, life continues long after the credits roll in a movie or the last chapter ends in a book when the couple gets together.

 

Relationships take work to succeed, require choices and actions, not fairy tale expectations that a blue knight will come to save you from your life. You have to create the goodness you want in your own life rather than waiting for some magical knight to bring it to you. You have to get over your issues, remove the obstacles in your way, and participate in creating the life you want, just like with anything else you do like with a job or running marathons or buying a home.

 

You called NJ?

[The Blue Knight]

yes, mine is a horror film...

 

I can't help but crack up at some of your postings giotto, as sad as your situation is in reality, you're funny

[giotto]

I can't help but crack up at some of your postings giotto, as sad as your situation is in reality, you're funny

 

lol... all these years, one thing I've learned... there is no point in doom and gloom... I'm trying to get the best out of it, although I know I sometimes come across as a whingeing old man...

[Afishwithabike]

If you want to see life after the fairytale kiss, check out these photos of famous fairytale females. It's pretty funny.

 

http://www.fallenprincesses.com/

 

Click on the section that says Continue to Fallen Princesses.com

Edited January 4, 2012 by Afishwithabike

[The Blue Knight]

If you want to see life after the fairytale kiss, check out these photos of famous fairytale females. It's pretty funny.

 

http://www.fallenprincesses.com/

 

Click on the section that says Continue to Fallen Princesses.com

 

 

Nice visual touch

[somedude81]

As i get older, i feel deceived that my knight in shining armour did not come and sweep me off my feet.

Women expecting this to happen is exactly what is wrong with dating today.

 

Repeat after me; "I am not a princess."

[frozensprouts]

is my marraige like a movie? it depends on what kind of movies you like to watch. Idon't like Hollywood movies, but enjoy documentaries, so maybe our marriage could be like a documentary movie about the ups and downs of a marriage.

 

our first meeting was hardly 'fairytale'...we met in a bar. We were both in university, and in some of the same classes and he had, according to him, admired me from afar but hadn't had the nerve to talk to me. I guess the couple of drinks he'd had that night helped loosen his tongue a bit ( i was, back t5hen, considered rather attractive- i was much younger and didn't have the "marks of the world' on me that i do now:laugh:).I liked him, as he was a 'nice guy" and very easy to talk to. i have never been one to be drawn to the 'alpha male", and i like how kind hearted he was.

 

I'ts 15 years later, I'm a lot older ( sure feels that way sometimes,) and I don't think I fall into the 'attractive" category any more, but no matter. I am happy and have a good life. We certainly are not 'rich' nor even really well off, there's a lot of material things we don't have, but there are a lot of other "things" that we do have that you can't put a price on. We also love each other and are happy...maybe there is a fairytale here somewhere after all:)

[Mme. Chaucer]

Please don't feel deceived. You believed fiction. Move on!

 

All movies end after 2 hours, or something close to it. If you were to follow the lives of the characters into their (fictional) futures, the "fairytale ending" would have proven to not have been an ending at all.

 

Getting married is not an ending. Maybe it's the attainment of a goal for some people, but really it's a beginning … and for many, a false beginning. Because many of us end up divorced. And we can still remember how happy we were on our wedding day as our marriage is going down in stinky flamage.

 

So, get over fantastical thinking. If you want to have a partner in you life, it is not going to have ONE THING to do with a knight, or sweeping off of feet, or dreams coming true. Well, maybe sometimes SOME dreams can come true. But that's not really what lifetime relationships are about, or built upon!

[coffeecat]

Marriage is not a fairy tale. Yet, I do think people give up and throw in the towel too easily. I have said this before, but I just don't understand how people have children together, get sick together, struggle together, age together, and then walk away from that to start over with some other person that does not share the same history. It baffles me.

 

When I married my husband , he was definatly the dominant person in our relationship. I knew that when i married him. He was my "knight" that rescued me from an abusive household. He was the first thing in my life that was stable, secure, and moral. However, even damsels in distress grow up. Those things that attracted me to him became things that I resented. I no longer felt "cherished" but possessed and controlled. As I grew up and matured ( I was a teen and he was over 30 when we met), I began to see and understand that this perfect man was not perfect. I thought he was my savior, my knight, my hero. However, he was insecure and vulnerable. I saw his behavior for what it was. And I realized that I could not just use him to lean on and support me and make me feel special and loved. I had to grow up myself. He needed to lean on me too. Sometimes he needed to be weak. I had to be the strong one. I had to be the one to hold things together. This was revolutionary to me. He needed to feel loved and wanted too. I could not just be the pampered and adored princess. I will say that it was only under the security of my husband's love that I was ever able to grow up and mature. I only ever realized that I was beautiful and worthy of being loved because he found me beautiful and loved me. And it was because of that understanding, that I could never bring myself to leave him. I saw his faults and I saw mine. Although my husband was jealous, possessive and controlling.. I was selfish, spoiled and totally self-absorbed.

 

So I stayed married, when at times I wanted to walk out within 5 years, 7 years , maybe even 10 years into the marriage. Time and time again I wanted to leave but I didn't ...

 

And as I stayed I witnessed the evolution of our relationship. My husband and I are different people than we were when we married. I am far more assertive and he is far less temperamental and more trusting of my judgement to handle advances from other men on my own. In fact, in recent years, as our children have become teenagers, I would say we are undergoing a sexual renaissance. It's wonderful that I didn't leave. What other man would have known me better? He knew me when I was petite, wide-eyed, flawless .. .. Watched me give birth to his children and nurse them. What other man could have that primitive attachment to me? It has taken him years... decades... to learn every detail of both my physical body and the my thought process ( and vice versa)... why would I want to start over with someone else who would be clueless. I have come to accept that my husband is Pink Floyd/ Led Zeppelin and I am Nine Inch Nails / Nirvana. I understand him, and he understand me more than I wish he did. And that took many years.

 

So I wrote this long post to say that marriage is not a fairy tale. It's a lot of struggle and growth. It is fighting and tears and pain. It's a journey ... I think people give up so fast that they miss the journey of marriage.

Edited January 5, 2012 by coffeecat

[The Blue Knight]

Marriage is not a fairy tale. Yet, I do think people give up and throw in the towel too easily. I have said this before, but I just don't understand how people have children together, get sick together, struggle together, age together, and then walk away from that to start over with some other person that does not share the same history. It baffles me.

 

When I married my husband , he was definatly the dominant person in our relationship. I knew that when i married him. He was my "knight" that rescued me from an abusive household. He was the first thing in my life that was stable, secure, and moral. However, even damsels in distress grow up. Those things that attracted me to him became things that I resented. I no longer felt "cherished" but possessed and controlled. As I grew up and matured ( I was a teen and he was over 30 when we met), I began to see and understand that this perfect man was not perfect. I thought he was my savior, my knight, my hero. However, he was insecure and vulnerable. I saw his behavior for what it was. And I realized that I could not just use him to lean on and support me and make me feel special and loved. I had to grow up myself. He needed to lean on me too. Sometimes he needed to be weak. I had to be the strong one. I had to be the one to hold things together. This was revolutionary to me. He needed to feel loved and wanted too. I could not just be the pampered and adored princess. I will say that it was only under the security of my husband's love that I was ever able to grow up and mature. I only ever realized that I was beautiful and worthy of being loved because he found me beautiful and loved me. And it was because of that understanding, that I could never bring myself to leave him. I saw his faults and I saw mine. Although my husband was jealous, possessive and controlling.. I was selfish, spoiled and totally self-absorbed.

 

So I stayed married, when at times I wanted to walk out within 5 years, 7 years , maybe even 10 years into the marriage. Time and time again I wanted to leave but I didn't ...

 

And as I stayed I witnessed the evolution of our relationship. My husband and I are different people than we were when we married. I am far more assertive and he is far less temperamental and more trusting of my judgement to handle advances from other men on my own. In fact, in recent years, as our children have become teenagers, I would say we are undergoing a sexual renaissance. It's wonderful that I didn't leave. What other man would have known me better? He knew me when I was petite, wide-eyed, flawless .. .. Watched me give birth to his children and nurse them. What other man could have that primitive attachment to me? It has taken him years... decades... to learn every detail of both my physical body and the my thought process ( and vice versa)... why would I want to start over with someone else who would be clueless. I have come to accept that my husband is Pink Floyd/ Led Zeppelin and I am Nine Inch Nails / Nirvana. I understand him, and he understand me more than I wish he did. And that took many years.

 

So I wrote this long post to say that marriage is not a fairy tale. It's a lot of struggle and growth. It is fighting and tears and pain. It's a journey ... I think people give up so fast that they miss the journey of marriage.

 

One of the more mature and well-worded responses I've seen on loveshack. It's a shame more people can't figure out how to get through the hurdles of marriage like you did CC.

[coffeecat]

Well thank you, blue knight. I do have a tendency to ramble.

 

But the point was that none of us stay the same. Human beings are constantly evolving... physically, spiritually, emotionally... And there must be periods of pain and struggle for growth to occur.

 

P.S. I really love your sig!

[giotto]

I have come to accept that my husband is Pink Floyd/ Led Zeppelin and I am Nine Inch Nails / Nirvana. I understand him, and he understand me more than I wish he did. And that took many years.

 

So I wrote this long post to say that marriage is not a fairy tale. It's a lot of struggle and growth. It is fighting and tears and pain. It's a journey ... I think people give up so fast that they miss the journey of marriage.

 

Lots of truth in that... but what's wrong with Pink Floyd and Led Zeppelin?

[Stung]

Well, as others have repeatedly said already, literal fairytale endings don't really apply to real-life marriage, which is never 100% unicorns and rainbows. My husband and I grumble about emptying the diaper pail, we get behind on bills, we snipe at each other when we've been up all night with a sick toddler and we're tired, we get stressed out by work and custody issues with my stepdaughter--but through it all, there is love, commitment, friendship. I'm going to assume that's basically what you meant. I know he's got my back, and vice versa, so that's fairytale enough for me. There are the gorgeous bright patches, like buying our house; the romantic anniversary getaway we went on in the fall; the Christmas we just spent with our intertwined families; and of course there are the constant bright threads of our children. The quiet, average, normal times can be fantastic too--after a hectic fall and a busy holiday season, always on the go, my husband and I are really looking forward to a quiet weekend puttering around the house, doing some gardening, going to the library, going to bed early.

 

He really did sweep me off my feet, though. When we first met, we lived a thousand miles away from each other. He pursued me despite that, and we became good friends. I was impressed that he was interested in getting to know me even though I lived so far away. We ended up getting into a long distance romance, flying back and forth to see each other every other weekend. After he talked to his daughter about it, he asked me to move in with him. I sacrificed the life I had been making to start a new one with him. He flew up one last time to help me load up the U-Haul, and helped me drive it over the mountains. We've been together ever since. I get along great with my stepdaughter, and we have a little boy together and have started talking about trying to make another kid.

 

It didn't just happen entirely by accident, though. I was 30 when we met, he was 35. We had both kissed a lot of warty toads, in our search for each other--and we had both gone through a lot of self-improvement efforts, working hard to make ourselves healthy and balanced enough to be able to put in all the work that sustaining a good relationship requires.

[Dust]

Women expecting this to happen is exactly what is wrong with dating today.

 

Repeat after me; "I am not a princess."

 

Why not see a girl like this as an oportunity "I'm right over her princess!" Not "you are not a princess..."

[allina]

i feel deceived that my knight in shining armour did not come and sweep me off my feet.

 

Well this is certainly cringe worthy. I'm actually a little embarrassed for you for posting this

 

I definitely view my marriage as amazing and my husband gets treated like a king but I live in the real world. We are both partners in life and do things to keep the spark going but again, we live in the real world.

 

Are your expectations realistic?