where do i go from here?

[jenna1213]

i have been having a friends with benefits with my best guy friend for the past almost nine months and it is truly taking a toll on me. three months into us being friends with benefits, i found myself falling in love with him and i continue to still be in love with him after he's told me numerous times i am not his type because i am not "girly enough." this situation is not an easy one considering he is still in love with his exgirlfriend he was seeing while he first started doing stuff with me.

 

however, i cannot seem to break myself free from him. i have tried numerous times, but i feel as though i am not strong enough. i have started seeing a psychologist at my university because none of my friends know what is going on and i have no one to talk to because me, my best guy friend and my group of girlfriends are all very close. i know it is too late to tell them what is going on, and i wish i could because i am so weak and emotional.

 

although he thinks i am not "girly enough", the guy i am having sex with has told me he is not saying no to ever going out with me, he thinks i am attractive, etc. but he says now is not a good time for us to be going out. but i don't know how much longer i can wait. i can't hurt myself any longer and the sad part is that i can't even see us being friends after this because he has hurt me and treated me so poorly throughout the past eight months but he has also been a best friend to me.

 

i almost feel as though we are together sometimes, i have met his entire family, and me and him have gotten so close it's crazy. i just want to know how to break free from this. i am addicted to the sex as well, i feel as though i can't go more than five days without it and it's a horrible feeling. it's also a horrible feeling knowing i have completely lost myself in him, and everytime i try to end it he says he understands but then we just end up having sex days later. i honestly don't know where to go from here, i'm so tired of hating myself.

 

i have been on christmas break for three weeks and he drove three hours to visit me and we got a hotel and ending up having sex and i lied to my mom and drove three hours to his house for new years eve, normal people who are involved in friends with benefits situations don't do these kinds of things, do they?! there are so many mixed signals with him, sometimes i do feel like he loves me and he is just scared because i am so good to him and sometimes i feel like i am nothing to him. i go back to school next week and i need to get my thoughts together before then. any help or advice would be much appreciated, thank you in advance.

[betterdeal]

Hey you.

 

i know it is too late to tell them what is going on, and i wish i could because i am so weak and emotional.

 

Why do you feel it is too late to talk to them about it? I think a part of the problem for you is the secrecy of this. Talking with a friend or two about the relationship is going to give you some relief, support, and direction. Do you think you could talk about it with any of them?

[jenna1213]

i feel it is too late too talk about it with them at this point because they already suspect something is going on and i don't want to lose them as friends because i haven't told them. i know it would help to tell them, but i have told two other friends who are not friends with the guy i am having sex with and that has helped some.

[betterdeal]

That's good to hear, that you've told some other friends.

 

Maybe tell the friends who suspect something that you are afraid of losing their friendship over what you're about to tell them, then tell them about it. Making it clear you value their friendship will help them understand where you are.

 

On the other hand, not telling them and them suspecting something is not going to be healthy for the relationship you have with them, is it? It's likely to create a gap between you and them.

 

Why have you kept it secret? FWB doesn't have to be a secret, does it?