Why doesn't xMW just let it go ?

[East7]

I guess I have a special xMW

 

On the New year's Eve I had a unexpected text from xMW with warm wishes. It mentionned my name so it wasn't a text sent to all the contacts. I was polite and answered. She invited me on IM and as I was in a good mood, I accepted to talk for a little while.

 

She said how much she still loves me, how much she just cant forget me and it eats her up that we never made it together...Then we fell in a kind of debate who has hurt who. I told her how much she hurt me, how much she abused my love and trust and she accused me that I abbandoned her, that I didn't love her enough.. I was like WTF why are we even fighting? you chose your husband !

 

This is a discussion we are having 1.5 year after A ended ! I never contact her, blocked her in many accounts, e-mails etc. She has changed phone numbers and e-mails so her contacts are not filtered..but that is not really the problem. I mean it is becoming ridiculous, why doesn't she just go on with her life and stop this addiction to me? She really sounds obsessed !

 

So,

1-either she is manipulative when she gets bored.

2-or she is really obsessed

3-or she is nutcase.

 

I don't want to buy the "still love you" line and all the romantic bs she is selling while her actions are telling me that nothing has changed (Even divorced and available I wouldn't take her back anyway)

Edited January 3, 2012 by East7

[TigerCub]

I guess I have a special xMW

 

On the New year's Eve I had a unexpected text from xMW with warm wishes. It mentionned my name so it wasn't a text sent to all the contacts. I was polite and answered. She invited me on IM and as I was in a good mood, I accepted to talk for a little while.

 

She said how much she still loves me, how much she just cant forget me and it eats her up that we never made it together...Then we fell in a kind of debate who has hurt who. I told her how much she hurt me, how much she abused my love and trust and she accused me that I abbandoned her, that I didn't love her enough.. I was like WTF why are we even fighting? you chose your husband !

 

This is a discussion we are having 1.5 year after A ended ! I never contact her, blocked her in many accounts, e-mails etc. She has changed phone numbers and e-mails so her contacts are not filtered..but that is not really the problem. I mean it is becoming ridiculous, why doesn't she just go on with her life and stop this addiction to me? She really sounds obsessed !

 

So,

1-either she is manipulative when she gets bored.

2-or she is really obsessed

3-or she is nutcase.

 

I don't want to buy the "still love you" line and all the romantic bs she is selling while her actions are telling me that nothing has changed (Even divorced and available I wouldn't take her back anyway)

 

East, my dear

 

You know what the answer to that is...

ok, well she's a nutcase, but more to the point is the fact that nothing is fixed in her relationship with her H.

 

You were a temporary distraction to a bigger issue, now you're gone the problem is still there, so nothing has changed.

 

That's the one silver lining to being the OM/OW - we can leave and learn and lead more meaningful lives, but she can't and the likes of her can't - and its because the BS doesn't know about the cheating, the WS doesn't see that their actions are wrong, they are not addressing the real issues - so nothing changes.

 

That's why she keeps contacting you because in her memory, in her mind, you were making her life better by giving her what she was missing - it still wasn't really fixing anything though, we all know that but her.

 

Honestly, after everything I don't think she even deserves acknowledgement at all - I know, I know, you feel like its the gentleman thing to do, but sweetie that woman is a cunt and she doesn't deserve common courtesy.

[Spark1111]

I think it's d: Because she wants to see if she can still get a response from you, one that feeds her ego and need for attention.

 

Hence, all the drama of unrequited love.

 

It makes her lonely or dull life so much more exciting every time she gets you to respond and/or riled up.

 

The absence of love is not hate, but indifference. And that is the message total NC sends, whether you are feeling it or not: I no longer care enough about you to respond whether it be your drama, your anger, your loneliness.

 

You keep hoping there can be a rational conversation; one that leads to a mature closure.

 

It will never happen. The affair will always be a fantasy of projective thinking for her.

 

Why? Because it so fuels her selfish needs for romantic fantasy to inject some color into a boring life; or to diflect and divert from the issues she needs to address to live more authentically.

 

She still blames you for abandoning her. Sorry, no growth there. Her issues will ALWAYS be someone else's fault.

 

For you, you loved and hoped. For her, you were a means to selfish ends.

 

Do not respond again.

[TigerCub]

Oh yeah and one more thing: she blames you for abandoning her??!

you were never really with her to abandon her!

 

I know that feeling, there was a time when I felt like xMM was abandoning me, then it dawned on me - he was never mine, he was never with me to beginwith - so how can he abandon me?

 

She's just manipulative, and a whiner to boot - oyi, how I hate that woman!!

 

[MissBee]

I mean it is becoming ridiculous, why doesn't she just go on with her life and stop this addiction to me? She really sounds obsessed !

 

Because you still talk to her/respond

 

I had this convo with a friend of mine this weekend about my former AP...and it dawned on me....I wonder WHY does he talk to me, why does he make it seem like we still have a chance when we don't and the truth is: because I answer.

 

We have to own our parts truthfully. If you ignored her or I ignored him but he relentlessly kept messaging even after no response...they'd both be nutcases with an obsession. Messaging someone who STILL responds to you and (obviously) still cares about whether or not you're crazy isn't as crazy...as there seems to be some kind of hope that your efforts won't go to waste.

 

That's the truth East. Maybe you don't initiate but you still respond....so this person will continue to fish if they feel like there is a chance you're willing to listen and maybe start things up again. Whether or not she is nuts or manipulative....you can't control that but you can control whether or not you will engage with her....and once you do, even if she is crazy.....you're not innocent in the matter either. You can't participate and say "But look, she's craazy!"....it is a lot more effective if you stop responding and she continues to pursue and message...then and only then does she seem truly crazy as there is zero incentive but she continues. But so far...there has been incentive...

Edited January 4, 2012 by MissBee

[whichwayisup]

Time for some tough love...

 

Why doesn't xMW just let it go ?

 

Why can't you?

 

I guess I have a special xMW

 

Funny how you call her 'special' even though she's your exMW.

 

On the New year's Eve I had a unexpected text from xMW with warm wishes. It mentionned my name so it wasn't a text sent to all the contacts. I was polite and answered. She invited me on IM and as I was in a good mood, I accepted to talk for a little while.

 

You chose to text her back, not ignore her, so that tells me you're actually not really ready to completey let go and not care, be indifferent and get her out of your life forever. You chose (again) to have a conversation with her after the text. Why? You brought this on..YOu must have known where the conversation would end up seeing as you've been in NC mode.

 

She said how much she still loves me, how much she just cant forget me and it eats her up that we never made it together...Then we fell in a kind of debate who has hurt who. I told her how much she hurt me, how much she abused my love and trust and she accused me that I abbandoned her, that I didn't love her enough.. I was like WTF why are we even fighting? you chose your husband !

 

Did you expect anything else from her? So pointless..

 

This is a discussion we are having 1.5 year after A ended ! I never contact her, blocked her in many accounts, e-mails etc. She has changed phone numbers and e-mails so her contacts are not filtered..but that is not really the problem. I mean it is becoming ridiculous, why doesn't she just go on with her life and stop this addiction to me? She really sounds obsessed !

 

East, you invited her back in!! Sorry man, you brought it all on yourself by replying back to her. All that effort to block her and get her out of your life, and now you're back in, sucked in and full of the why's and how's. Is it possible that you are kind of still obsessed with her too?

 

 

1-either she is manipulative when she gets bored.

2-or she is really obsessed

3-or she is nutcase.

 

Who cares? Really, does it matter when the A is over and you (??) have moved on?

 

I don't want to buy the "still love you" line and all the romantic bs she is selling while her actions are telling me that nothing has changed (Even divorced and available I wouldn't take her back anyway)

 

You looking for closure?

 

She loves herself, that's a fact.

[Confused4Now]

Honestly, after everything I don't think she even deserves acknowledgement at all - I know, I know, you feel like its the gentleman thing to do, but sweetie that woman is a cunt and she doesn't deserve common courtesy.

I believe she's 1 and 3...but I have to agree with TC on this one...in bold. Sad that she keeps reaching out. See the problem is the BS doesn't have a clue. My xMW knew if she reached out in any way...I would contact her H. 3 years ago I knocked on her home door. YOU really can stop this....it's very simple. Tell her and mean it that if she continues to bother you will contact her H if she doesn't stop.

[LadyGrey]

East there is a dark part in all of us that desires validation, maybe even needs our ego flattered a bit by thinking someone pines after us and can't let go. Sometimes we know it's not true but we leave the door open just a crack, just in case. The bad part is that someone who checks in with you ever so often who isn't free has a deeper darker place than we do.

 

 

Slam that door shut East, for once and for all. You'll be better for it.

[MissBee]

East there is a dark part in all of us that desires validation, maybe even needs our ego flattered a bit by thinking someone pines after us and can't let go. Sometimes we know it's not true but we leave the door open just a crack, just in case. The bad part is that someone who checks in with you ever so often who isn't free has a deeper darker place than we do.

 

 

Slam that door shut East, for once and for all. You'll be better for it.

 

Girlll this is so true...definitgely needed to have that reiterated for my own personal edification.

[LadyGrey]

Girlll this is so true...definitgely needed to have that reiterated for my own personal edification.

 

I need it reiterated for myself also. lol I have an x fiance who I believe is NPD who emotionally abused me, was jealous, possessive, etc, among other things. We've been broke up for a few years and still every once in a while he calls me. Most of the time I just don't answer, but once in a while I do. After I hang up from talking with him, I think geez, why did I do that. lol It's odd, I have no emotional investment in him, wouldn't care if he didn't call me again, but yet once in a while, I answer. Usually about 5 min, into the call, I'm thinking what a selfish asshat he is and I make an excuse and then I'm off the phone, but why do I even bother? lol The darkness in me, I suppose.

 

Now if xmm called me, I would talk to him just long enough to tell him what a sob I think he is and then I'd call his wife. No darkness there.

[Gentlegirl]

East,

 

I am sorry to hear that she contacted you.

 

However, I do feel the really important question is why did you even reply to her?????????

 

Happy New Year,

 

GG

[FelicityShot]

I guess I have a special xMW

 

On the New year's Eve I had a unexpected text from xMW with warm wishes. It mentionned my name so it wasn't a text sent to all the contacts. I was polite and answered. She invited me on IM and as I was in a good mood, I accepted to talk for a little while.

 

She said how much she still loves me, how much she just cant forget me and it eats her up that we never made it together...Then we fell in a kind of debate who has hurt who. I told her how much she hurt me, how much she abused my love and trust and she accused me that I abbandoned her, that I didn't love her enough.. I was like WTF why are we even fighting? you chose your husband !

 

This is a discussion we are having 1.5 year after A ended ! I never contact her, blocked her in many accounts, e-mails etc. She has changed phone numbers and e-mails so her contacts are not filtered..but that is not really the problem. I mean it is becoming ridiculous, why doesn't she just go on with her life and stop this addiction to me? She really sounds obsessed !

 

So,

1-either she is manipulative when she gets bored.

2-or she is really obsessed

3-or she is nutcase.

 

I don't want to buy the "still love you" line and all the romantic bs she is selling while her actions are telling me that nothing has changed (Even divorced and available I wouldn't take her back anyway)

 

I wonder. As you don't feel romantic about her anymore, I guess the break in NC doesn't matter to your healing?

 

Perhaps it even promotes it.

 

Does it matter if she still loves you, or is merely manipulative, or even both?

 

She sounds needy and confused to me.

[Owl]

I guess I have a special xMW

 

On the New year's Eve I had a unexpected text from xMW with warm wishes. It mentionned my name so it wasn't a text sent to all the contacts. I was polite and answered. She invited me on IM and as I was in a good mood, I accepted to talk for a little while.

 

She said how much she still loves me, how much she just cant forget me and it eats her up that we never made it together...Then we fell in a kind of debate who has hurt who. I told her how much she hurt me, how much she abused my love and trust and she accused me that I abbandoned her, that I didn't love her enough.. I was like WTF why are we even fighting? you chose your husband !

 

This is a discussion we are having 1.5 year after A ended ! I never contact her, blocked her in many accounts, e-mails etc. She has changed phone numbers and e-mails so her contacts are not filtered..but that is not really the problem. I mean it is becoming ridiculous, why doesn't she just go on with her life and stop this addiction to me? She really sounds obsessed !

 

So,

1-either she is manipulative when she gets bored.

2-or she is really obsessed

3-or she is nutcase.

I don't want to buy the "still love you" line and all the romantic bs she is selling while her actions are telling me that nothing has changed (Even divorced and available I wouldn't take her back anyway)

 

The real question I have is pretty simple...have you (or why haven't you) told her the bolded items above yourself, point blank, clearly, and concisely?

 

And...why did you let yourself get sucked back into a discussion with her if nothing has changed?

[confusedinkansas]

Personally I think it may be a combination of ALL OF THE ABOVE & then some. Like boredom, manotony, restlessness, needing a distraction. yadda yadda yadda.

 

My Ex contacts me every so often. (email only) I start with the IGNORE button. Then I'll get another email a few weeks later. Then another....& so on. I finally answer. :eek:We email, how are you? Good, You? Kids? blah blaha. He asks to meet me. I say no. We go back & forth for a day or so.......(him still asking to meet me just for a drink - I stick to my guns - NO)........then SILENCE! (We're in Silence mode now - since November) Perhaps because of the content of our last conversation - I told him outright - "You're with (HER!!) I am with my husband & everything really is pretty great. It's wrong. I can't do it. Can't go back to that behavior. Even if it's just a drink."

 

I believe what LadyGrey said is true in all of us. Not sure if it's "dark" or not but we all like to feel like we're wanted, desired, etc. Leaving that door cracked every so slightly lets the other person back in whenever they want. Which I'm sure that I'm just as guilty of as the next guy.

 

OP - Your last line kind of rings true to me too.....Even if I were divorced & he wasn't with HER........Don't want to go back to that. (Him)

 

A word of advice - Don't get caught up in the WHY'S. (I did for a long time) It's useless to worry why they contact you after all this time. Write it off as IT IS WHAT IT IS. It's part of your history. Can't hardly re-write that now can we?

If she's doing it now she'll keep doing it. EVEN IF YOU IGNORE HER.

[bentnotbroken]

I believe she's 1 and 3...but I have to agree with TC on this one...in bold. Sad that she keeps reaching out. See the problem is the BS doesn't have a clue. My xMW knew if she reached out in any way...I would contact her H. 3 years ago I knocked on her home door. YOU really can stop this....it's very simple. Tell her and mean it that if she continues to bother you will contact her H if she doesn't stop.

 

 

^^^^^^^^This. If you want to slam the door shut, this is the way to do so. But "if" is the main word.

[East7]

Thanks to everyone for the inputs. I really appreciate. I have been too busy with work to follow closely the thread but I wanted to have the opinion of old posters here that I where I feel like in a community

 

@Owl : Yes my friend I told her that she is being "nuts" and "obessessed" which she answered by "I know, I wish I hated you, I am sorry for acting this way" - I try to reason her with saying "You chose your H and I wish you good luck, why are you even trying to reach me?" then she eventually stops, says a short "I'm really sorry, I feel like a POS..I should leave you alone" and then silence..

 

@ConfusedinCansas : You might be right about the combination of 1-3. But we are in two VERY different situations, you are not the one pinning after your xAP.

 

@FelicityShot : The fact that she conatcts me doesn't affects me emotionally. At worst it just brings some useless drama, at best it boosts my Ego.

 

@Gentlegirl : How was the cruise? I answer to her because I have always been nice and gentlemanly with her. I can hardly be different.

 

@LadyGrey : I like your Dark Part theory. Maybe I'm not conscious that some part of me who needed admiration and validation during the A is still alive and even if I refuse it, I feel some fondness when she contacts me.

 

@Confused : hi my friend yeah 1 and 2 are the strongest I think.

 

@MissBee : I'm not playing the victim, I don't understand your point telling me to own my part of responsibility. I'm being civil with her. I just posted to have an opinion why someone who stays with her H will restlessly pine after the OM ?

 

@WWIU : When I said I have a special xMW I was sarcastic Like Missbee you are telling me that I am responsible for the whole thing. I didn't came here to complain, I came to have a third-party opinion on why someone who stayed married, chose to confess and rebuild her M, is coming back 1.5 year after ?

 

@TC : my angel, you made some very good points. Nothing has changed in her life, and I think the reasons she cheated in first place have not been totally addressed and fixed. I think she comes to have a taste of her escape, nostalgia of a sweet lover she had once..

 

@Spark: your analysis is amazingly accurate. She may want to inject some color in her life that she chose for convenience more than for genuine love for her H. She still wants to transport herself with the fantasy that the A provided. She needs to seduce - which means she still takes her H for granted- and she needs to feel desired, which means she has issues that she wants to fix through others not within herself.

[MissBee]

I was not saying you're playing the victim....

 

You said:

 

I mean it is becoming ridiculous, why doesn't she just go on with her life and stop this addiction to me? She really sounds obsessed !

 

 

You also said:

 

Then we fell in a kind of debate who has hurt who. I told her how much she hurt me, how much she abused my love and trust and she accused me that I abbandoned her, that I didn't love her enough.. I was like WTF why are we even fighting? you chose your husband !

 

And I simply said, well she continues because you answer her...you even went as far as to debate with her. She's no more crazy than you are...takes two to debate. If she was doing it all by herself while you ignored her...then she would be crazy. But as Lady Grey and others, including myself who have recently been engaging with my exAP, have said: if you also engage this person then the question isn't about them being obsessed but also, why you give them the time of day.

 

Being civil and cordial with someone and explaining how they hurt you and debating with them are not one and the same....you did the latter. That is not being civil. It's not a crime though...I was just pointing out how you're only seeing it as her having a problem but not seeing where you allowed that situation. I even used myself as an example to say I, just like you, was saying to my friend that I didn't get why my exAP kept talking to me and acting like nothing happened when he STILL has a gf....then I had the epiphany that waiiiit: I answer! That's why! Duhh! *face palm* If I didn't....he wouldn't do it. So while he may have issues.....I can't control if he is crazy or not....but talking to him sure leaves the door open in his mind and doesn't make it clear to him that I think he is crazy. It's the same for you and her...whether you realize it or not.

[Owl]

Thanks to everyone for the inputs. I really appreciate. I have been too busy with work to follow closely the thread but I wanted to have the opinion of old posters here that I where I feel like in a community

 

@Owl : Yes my friend I told her that she is being "nuts" and "obessessed" which she answered by "I know, I wish I hated you, I am sorry for acting this way" - I try to reason her with saying "You chose your H and I wish you good luck, why are you even trying to reach me?" then she eventually stops, says a short "I'm really sorry, I feel like a POS..I should leave you alone" and then silence..

 

 

Then your follow up response to this is:

 

Yes, you should leave me alone. I've asked you to repeatedly. LEAVE ME ALONE! Then end the conversation.

 

It sends a message...

[MissBee]

Admittedly it's hard to respond to your queston without also turning it around to say, "Why do you care?"

 

But in short, why she is still contacting you could be for many reasons: not working on whatever her issues with her husband are, so still seeking outside validation, ego boost, excitement, wantng to k now if you stll care...the list goes on.

 

I guess muy question is...what are YOU hoping the reason is? Consider it...you don;'t have to tell me or LS...but be truthful to yourself...what were you hoping for when you re-explain ed how she hurt you? What in your heart of hearts did you hope for? Why does her reason matter to you? Most of us have simply said, well whatever she is looking for, if it is attention, you have given it...none of us know what is in her head and she isn't here asking us questions...so it seems more useful to turn it to you and ask why you care or point out what we see you doing in this situation versus make up reasons why she is contacting you...as ultimately NO MATTER WHY (we may be right or wrong about her reasons)...if you don't care or don't respond...then it ultimately makes no difference why she does it.

 

I'm not beating up on you....just like how I came to the epiphany that I respond to my exAP because I wanted some form of validation and the attention and knowing he still wanted me...then I get upset at him for being crazy lol...but I had to say well MissBee whether or not he is crazy, the question is...I engage the conversation...so why??? Why??

[confusedinkansas]

You really won't get your answer here. You need to just ask her Point Blank. WHY are you doing this? Don't let her hem-haw around with an answer & play the Martyr "oh yes, poor me I'm a POS & shouldn't contact you"

 

That's what I finally did. Got my answer.

Now I don't wonder or spend time wondering anymore.

 

Spending time wondering WHY she's doing this is like sitting in a rocking chair...... It'll give you something to do but you won't get anywhere with it.

 

I still think you should be nice to her (I get the "I was never mean before won't be mean now" I feel the same way about my EX) Doesn't mean you should put your life on hold........waiting...........& wondering.

[whichwayisup]

@WWIU : When I said I have a special xMW I was sarcastic Like Missbee you are telling me that I am responsible for the whole thing. I didn't came here to complain, I came to have a third-party opinion on why someone who stayed married, chose to confess and rebuild her M, is coming back 1.5 year after ?

 

Now I feel .. I thought you were being serious. (I blame all the food I've had over the holidays and made my mind mushy!)

 

Okay, short sweet and to the point. Ego feed, wanted to see how you'd react and I'm sure she just misses that rush, how you made her feel.

 

She isn't 'concerned' about you, your life or your wellbeing. Once again, it's all about her.

[East7]

Then your follow up response to this is:

 

Yes, you should leave me alone. I've asked you to repeatedly. LEAVE ME ALONE! Then end the conversation.

 

It sends a message...

 

If she was a strong and mature person she wouldn't even contact me to begin with. I have told her leave me alone MANY times, she stops for a month or two and comes back with an innocent "hi, I hope you are doing well".

 

Admittedly it's hard to respond to your queston without also turning it around to say, "Why do you care?"

 

But in short, why she is still contacting you could be for many reasons: not working on whatever her issues with her husband are, so still seeking outside validation, ego boost, excitement, wantng to k now if you stll care...the list goes on.

 

I guess muy question is...what are YOU hoping the reason is? Consider it...you don;'t have to tell me or LS...but be truthful to yourself...what were you hoping for when you re-explain ed how she hurt you? What in your heart of hearts did you hope for? Why does her reason matter to you?

 

Why would I even care? Well, I care because she chose to be where she is now, she chose her H, and keeping contacting me is somehow showing that she regrets her choice? This is want to know. Maybe part of me wants revenge, wants her to regret.

 

But I can guarantee you that this is not something "obsessing" me.

 

I just wanted to have some outside opinion as I have (almost) never heard here on LS about MPs pinning restlessly after the xAP even years after A ended.

 

You really won't get your answer here. You need to just ask her Point Blank. WHY are you doing this? Don't let her hem-haw around with an answer & play the Martyr "oh yes, poor me I'm a POS & shouldn't contact you"

 

That's what I finally did. Got my answer.

Now I don't wonder or spend time wondering anymore.

 

Spending time wondering WHY she's doing this is like sitting in a rocking chair...... It'll give you something to do but you won't get anywhere with it.

 

I still think you should be nice to her (I get the "I was never mean before won't be mean now" I feel the same way about my EX) Doesn't mean you should put your life on hold........waiting...........& wondering.

 

This cracked me up You have a funny way to describe things.

 

I don't think I can have a clear answer from her. Or it will go on with more drama. I say one sentence, she says ten one contradicting the other.

 

And yeah, I have always been nice to her, I can't be someone else now. This is the way I am with ALL the women, I can't be someone I'm not. Oddly when I ignore her, I feel guilty.

[Owl]

If she was a strong and mature person she wouldn't even contact me to begin with. I have told her leave me alone MANY times, she stops for a month or two and comes back with an innocent "hi, I hope you are doing well".

 

Then your ONLY response to this kind of "phishing expedition" should be:

 

"I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE"

 

Anything less sets the stage for what you've been in...intermittent contact.

 

 

And yeah, I have always been nice to her, I can't be someone else now. This is the way I am with ALL the women, I can't be someone I'm not. Oddly when I ignore her, I feel guilty.

 

Then stop being nice to her. She's USING your niceness, your politeness, to play you like a fiddle at a Charlie Daniels concert.

 

Stop letting this go on.

 

It's not her fault...it's yours. YOU have to put a stop to it.

[East7]

Now I feel .. I thought you were being serious. (I blame all the food I've had over the holidays and made my mind mushy!)

 

Okay, short sweet and to the point. Ego feed, wanted to see how you'd react and I'm sure she just misses that rush, how you made her feel.

 

She isn't 'concerned' about you, your life or your wellbeing. Once again, it's all about her.

 

It's ok WWIU

 

You summarized it pretty well. Actually she (almost) didn't ask what's going on with my life since NC, it was all how much I "abandoned" her and how much she "still loves me". She didn't ask if I am happy or doing well with my job or if I have a GF..Nothing of these! She just " misses me".

[confusedinkansas]

This is hardly the OP's fault. Seriously. When you don't solicite emails or text messages you cannot be to blame.

 

Being 'mean', ignoring or putting one's foot down in a situation like this does NOT always make the other person stop contacting you.

 

Tried it.

 

They just disappear for a while & then inch back in. Some people just don't get it. She is either regretting her decision or one of the number of reasons given here. IF & UNTIL whatever is going on with her changes, she won't quit. There will come a time when you can set your monthly clock by her contact patterns.(or maybe you already can)

 

Those out there that are tempted.....Please don't recommend the dreaded:eek:............dum-dum-dum- ................RESTRAINING ORDER I hardly think that it's at that point. Or ever will get there. (I've heard this ANSWER so many times here it makes me laugh)

 

I would hope for your sake she's just a mere burp in your day. NOW, if that's not the case & you do sit around thinking of her after one of your email or texting sessions - then you do need to figure out a way to get her out of your system.