spiderowl Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 (edited) Dunno if anyone's got any advice or thoughts on this, but it helps to ask. Sorry it's a bit long. A few years ago, I met a guy at work and was very struck by him. He was friendly and charming. He didn't work in my dept and we rarely crossed paths. I'm not usually so taken by someone so I took a chance and emailed him to say how nice he'd seemed and wondering if he'd like to have a coffee some time. It took a bit of courage. He responded in a friendly but rather muted way and said it would be nice to meet up. I was a bit oversensitive though and felt he wasn't enthusiastic enough. I interpreted his response as merely being polite rather than showing any interest (which may well be true). Instead of just meeting up and getting to know him, I responded by saying he didn't seem very enthusiastic. Long story short, I put him off. He may have been offended by my response but I sincerely cannot remember whether there was any correspondence after that as it was a few years ago. I know I felt at the time it was best to give up on him and any other communication at work was purely about business. Some time later, he moved some distance away to another city to work for a related organisation. We had occasional email exchanges over business and he was friendly in initial contacts, asking about me, but he didn't really keep an email exchange going. I liked this guy but had 'written him off' and forgotten about him. So, years later, this festive period, I went to a party and he turned up! He knows an acquaintance of mine (not a close friend but someone I occasionally help out or chat to) and we all share a mutual interest. The interest was the reason for the party. I suppose I should have expected him to appear at one of the social events at some point, given the mutual interest, but it was a shock, especially given that he lives over 150km away. He said hello and asked how I was. I asked how he was and we had a brief friendly exchange during which he seemed a bit subdued but making an effort. He sat with his friend and I was busy with others. I didn't seek him out after the initial greetings because I thought he was just being polite and I didn't want to impose or make anything awkward. Towards the end of the evening he left, but briefly came to say goodbye and that it had been good to see me again. He didn't linger or anything. So that was it really. I should forget about him, but here he is again intruding into my head! I found out afterwards that he had suffered a bereavement only a couple of weeks beforehand. Obviously, I felt sad for him and realised it explained his demeanour and lack of animation. I know I should forget this guy again and I wish I could. He didn't have to say goodbye to me, he could have just slipped out and avoided that. He was being polite I guess. I'm sure the mutual acquaintance has no clue that I liked him or about what happened in the past and there's no way I'd tell her. I do wonder if he's said anything to her or if he would. Should I just try and forget again, write him off as a lost cause? I doubt he's interested in me. I was a bit surprised he came to say goodbye. Was he just being polite? I'd love to know what guys think about this. I'm probably wasting people's time asking anything about this, but it just bugs me. Edited January 4, 2012 by spiderowl Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 I'm probably wasting people's time asking anything about this, but it just bugs me. Well yeah, but only because the only person who really knows what's going on in this guys head is.. him? It's 2011.. if you're keen, make a solid, hard pass at the guy. Hell, my last girlfriend was keen on me for ages, while I was completely not aware of her interest. It wasn't until she basically planted one on me that I finally came around Honestly, he can be thinking the same way you are.. "Oh, she's not keen.. she's just being polite. I'd better not bother to make a move". At some point, someone's got to make the first move. If you'd prefer it be the guy, then yeah.. you'll probably have to cut him loose. It sounds like he's pretty passive by nature, so I doubt he's going to suddenly become overt in his advances overnight. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted January 4, 2012 Author Share Posted January 4, 2012 Thanks for your comments. I wouldn't make a move. I don't feel I've had enough indication of interest. I wondered whether anything suggested that he might? Any more thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 Thanks for your comments. I wouldn't make a move. I don't feel I've had enough indication of interest. I wondered whether anything suggested that he might? Any more thoughts? Well, it's really hard to make any kind of comment without seeing the way the guy acts in person. From what you described, it appears that you're correct. He's simply being polite and your interest in him is leading you to project a bunch of additional meaning into his behaviour. Of course, that's based purely on the situation as you described it, with me knowing nothing about the guy personally. A lot of people self disqualify. He might been keen on you, but simply resigned to the fact that he can't have you.. so he just keeps those thoughts to himself. As I said.. at some point, someone has to take a risk. As a women, if you've overtly flirted with him and he doesn't respond.. then chances are he simply isn't into you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted January 6, 2012 Author Share Posted January 6, 2012 Think you're probably right, sigh ... Link to post Share on other sites
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