friend transition

[Sw3etdev1L]

When I was small I used to have this group of friends, we would hang out, be together do everything together almost like sisters... My parents used to fight a lot and I got depressed majorly, I stopped wanting to go out and mingle with them... as I started to isolate myself from them, they started separating themselves from me more each time I didn't hang out with them... at 15 I changed schools and they stopped contact with me in a very rude way.. I called, they just didn't answer.

I felt I was so lonely.

At my new school I kept on with my depression and didn't really made great friends from there.. I did have friends but, I didn't like to go to parties and to malls.. I didn't like it, so I wouldn't go. They used to get all drunk and smoke and stuff and I was very tranquil, didn't like it.

I used to blame myself for not being a drunkie and junkie ,to have all those friends... after that I graduated and I didn't keep a friend.

I only had "two friends"..."beset friends"..... I stopped hanging out with them because I live in mexico, one of them became a scientologist and left to clearwater to work there, and the other one slept with the husband of her sister and I stopped trusting her.

In highschool I had very superficial friends because I used to hang out with them in school but I didn't get allong with them outside, I felt drained with those relationships...

I backed up and the relationships have cooled out.

AfterhighschoolI had a nervous breakdown because of my parents divorce and well, I had this electric problem which they had to fix with carbamazepina... which was not diagnosed and now it is, and so it is cured.

In college I did make some friends but, I didn't keep up with them. It was very hard, my mom was diagnosed with cancer and she died, this lasted three years so, my mind was not much in making great friends.

I have my boyfriend who I love and he has his best 5 friends from his life since he was a kid, I sometimes go with him and his wives, and hang out..

He has his special fridays in which he hangs out with his friends, and I love him I want him to be happy.. but I can't deny the fact it makes me a little jealous to see he has his best friends with him and that sometimes I do feel kind of lonely in that aspect of my life.

I am a goodhearted good friend person... the thing is, in my life, what I've lived has one way or another made me to be lonely today, so... at 27 I need to start making new friends and stuff and sometimes it is kind of burdening to me... I mean, I have made friends before but they were not good friends. The kind of friends who just want to hang out partying and getting drunk.. I don't want that anymore, my mom already died and I feel responsibility.. Also, I am so disconnected in the field of the good friendship zone and who to notice as good friends that I am hard to trust people nowadays...or be judged. MMy life setbacks made me who I am , which I am proud of, but left me friendless.. buuhuuuu.. Sometimes this makes me sad because I now am depression free, I don't have a problem in my life and I just have my boyfriend and my family... I stopped having bad friends or bad influences in my life, and I am taking responsability of me and my life so I need good friends and good people in my life..

I just needed venting and if you have any insight in anything, a comment.. I would appreciate it.