macmillerpwnz Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 (edited) Quick Recap: The day before she left me she spoke to me about having another kid and our future. Then the next day blamed our marriage on her career going bad when it was really because she was texting the OM on her phone all day at work so she got in trouble... this is when she decided to divorce.. She just seems to like to blame things on me when she is the one not really trying and talking to this other guy. She claims he is just a friend but text records show differently... I can't see what they say to each other but the frequency they communicate is ridiculous. It is so weird how she can go from being with me to completely not caring at all. So with that being said, me and my wife have been separated for about 6 weeks. I have gone through different phases of being upset with her, trying to get her back, and doing the NC 180 unless it is about our daughter. After doing the NC 180 she wanted to get back with me again... but the day I brought up the OM and tried pushing her into it quicker, she then backed off again and now is full hardcore back to wanting a divorce again... weird... So now I do not know what to do.. we cannot seem to agree on our apt we have together which is in both of our names. She wants to cancel the apt or have me scale down to a one bedroom in the same apt complex for 675 a month which I cannot afford on my own. To cancel it, it is going to be 1750. It is easier for me to just pay the rent we have now of 950 because since I told her I would pay half of our daughters daycare and her ins etc.. that I would just pay for all of the rent which would in turn compensate her for the daycare insurance etc...in short, basically we would break even. She does not like that idea because doing so would force her to keep living with her parents and she wont be able to afford a place of her own... so now she is telling me that she is just going to get an attorney to get this over with... My question is... does she really want a divorce since she makes sporadic decisions? I feel terrible waiting around for her to actually get a divorce or to actually get back with me... It hurts too much... I actually puked thinking about her this morning... Or should I just go ahead and file for the divorce myself so I can move on easier... She doesn't show she cares about me at all.. she is rude to me even when I tell her I love her etc... WHAT SHOULD I DO PLZ HELP! I WANT HER BACK BUT I WILL LOSE MY DIGNITY IF SHE GETS A DIVORCE AND I WILL FEEL LIKE CRAP! Edited January 4, 2012 by macmillerpwnz Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 If a woman is making you puke from distress, then she's probably not the woman for you. True love doesn't factor in vomiting to the equation. I WILL LOSE MY DIGNITY IF SHE GETS A DIVORCE AND I WILL FEEL LIKE CRAP! You might feel like crap, but pain is transitory. And as for dignity: you can only lose it if you give it away. Dignity is a personal thing; you own that. If you lose it to her, then you're basically saying your dignity was only reflected in the person you were with -- which is wrong, wrong, wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author macmillerpwnz Posted January 4, 2012 Author Share Posted January 4, 2012 You are correct wrongone, I guess it is because I love her sooo much and it is so hard to see my self with someone else, and the fact my self esteem and confidence shot down like a rocket after all of this that it makes my dignity vulnerable without her. So the smartest thing is to probably do the NC 180 until she finally serves me or comes back to me? Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 Bro, I totally understand the knock to your self-esteem/confidence. It took me MONTHS to pull out of that. Now I realize I'm an OK-looking dude (he said modestly) and I've had women flirt with me, blatantly -- something I've not experienced in a long time. (There were a couple noticeable flirts, heavy-duty trying to bed me, back in the day when we were first married, but that's old news.) Anyway, yeah, go NC 180 to preserve your sanity. Don't do it with any expectation of her coming back, because that's like trying to look for a recipe that doesn't exist. Maybe she will, maybe she won't. But pandering to her OR stirring things up with her will only exacerbate the situation. I speak from experience, as one who f_cked up very early-on during our break-up. I wish I'd been more NC-180-minded from the get-go, because I only kept prolonging my pain. The pain's still with me, but I'm not metaphorically bleeding from the eyeballs anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author macmillerpwnz Posted January 4, 2012 Author Share Posted January 4, 2012 Wow man thanks alot! Knowing others like you are going through the same thing and having your support helps a lot... you are a very good person!! THANK YOU BRO! How old are you? Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 You're welcome, and thank you! 42. Link to post Share on other sites
andyg99 Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 mac - wgw has given you great advice, many of us have been there and back... some are healed and some are healing... a lot of the advice will be contrary to what you think you should do, but do try to see the wisdom behind it... having very minimal contact is not about seeing if they'll crack and come back, it's about letting yourself deal with the pain, and then slowly letting that pain go... so my advice is to listen to the advice you are getting. The best thing I did was to trust someone who gave me similar advice many years ago (let her go, discuss only the kids, accept her new life, etc.) it helped me move on and spend the next 15 years having an amazing life raising my kids! I can't wait and see what the next 15 years brings! anyone can get to a point where they realize that their life is BETTER without someone who is wishy-washy or just plain doesn't want them, it takes a few tears, it takes trust in yourself and others, it takes hard work but in the end it is worth it, trust me... Link to post Share on other sites
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