coffeecat Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 I was just reading this article : http://vitals.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/12/30/9832347-dudes-say-i-love-you-first-study-finds It says that men, not women , are often the first to say "I love you" in a relationship. This got me to thinking about my own experience almost 20 years ago. My husband whispered in my ear "do you love me?" twice and I wouldn't answer and then he said "I know you love me... because I love you." When I think about it, it was arrogant of him. I might pick a fight with him when he gets home (joke) Instead of just saying he loved me, he was trying to get me to say it first. Hmph. Anyway, so think back to that pivotal moment in your own relationship.. who said it first? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 As posted prior in similar threads, in my three LTR's and one M, I said it first and without qualifiers. The first time was the hardest, since it felt like putting 'everything' out there. I've also said it first in a couple of dynamics which weren't healthy relationships and the words were heartfelt, though the conclusions did not support the heart which was in the words. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 I was just reading this article : http://vitals.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/12/30/9832347-dudes-say-i-love-you-first-study-finds It says that men, not women , are often the first to say "I love you" in a relationship. This got me to thinking about my own experience almost 20 years ago. My husband whispered in my ear "do you love me?" twice and I wouldn't answer and then he said "I know you love me... because I love you." When I think about it, it was arrogant of him. I might pick a fight with him when he gets home (joke) Instead of just saying he loved me, he was trying to get me to say it first. Hmph. Anyway, so think back to that pivotal moment in your own relationship.. who said it first? The nerve of him. In my 2 major LTRs they said it first. The second one made it hard for me to say it at all because she was so neurotic about hearing me say it and show it that it creeped me and stole my joy of expressing it on my own schedule. I am of course now in an LDR which is as yet unconsumated but feel the love like we've been together like hand and glove "forever" and I distinctly remember saying it, er, I mean, typing it first. Link to post Share on other sites
choppedkittens Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 My boyfriend did something similar. He started saying "I blank you." And I started saying that too. And then once I said "I blank you" and he said "just say it." I was like "naw." But he kept insisting: JUST SAY IT. Finally, I said, "OK, I love you. Happy now?" He smiled from ear to ear and said "I love you too." I was a little annoyed that he pushed me to say it first but I know it was hard for him since he'd never said it to anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Janesays Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 I do believe I said it first. My guy didn't say it until a month or so after that. However, I'm the only woman he's ever said it to. Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted January 6, 2012 Share Posted January 6, 2012 I said it at times in the past if it is what I thought the girl at that time wanted to hear. What a cad. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted January 6, 2012 Share Posted January 6, 2012 I said it first. Link to post Share on other sites
setsenia Posted January 6, 2012 Share Posted January 6, 2012 For some reason, these statistics surprise me. LOL. My husband said "I love you" first when we were dating and I remember finding it to be shocking, LOL Link to post Share on other sites
Severely Unamused Posted January 6, 2012 Share Posted January 6, 2012 I remember saying it first. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 Neither me or my current BF have said it. With my ex, I said it first. He kept saying "my friends keep saying you're in love with me" (as we're lying in bed) and I was like "mm" and he KEPT saying it and asked if I was, and then I said it. And he said "I'm not in that place yet" :eek: Then the next day he said it. Link to post Share on other sites
She's_NotInLove_w/Me Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 I said it to my wife first. It was a first true LTR for both of us. Oddly enough, she did not say it for a while. When she finally did say "I Love You," she claimed that she never grew up saying it to her family members, or hearing it from her family members. It turned out, as I got to know her family, they did not say "I love you," to one another. Now (I'd like to think, thanks to me), they say it to one another every time they speak / meet. Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 I have never said it first. I also would not be amused with a man playing around and trying to get me to say it first like mentioned in a few posts above. I don't think it's cute. Link to post Share on other sites
Afishwithabike Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 My husband said it first. My memory is a bit fuzzy but I think he said it after we had dated for several weeks. I was feeling the same way too but was more guarded about my feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted January 8, 2012 Share Posted January 8, 2012 My husband said it first. I actually would NEVER be the first to say it, I'd be too scared that he wouldn't say it back and I'd look like an idiot. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted January 8, 2012 Share Posted January 8, 2012 I honestly don't remember who said it first. We started as a casual, fwb thing, and I remember a conversation where he slipped something about falling in love with me, but quickly retracted I don't remember the true "ILY" moment though, or who said it first. Neither me or my current BF have said it. With my ex, I said it first. He kept saying "my friends keep saying you're in love with me" (as we're lying in bed) and I was like "mm" and he KEPT saying it and asked if I was, and then I said it. And he said "I'm not in that place yet" :eek: That's awful! Link to post Share on other sites
oatmealkisses Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 He most certainly said it first. Actually, he said it several times before I felt the same way about him. I felt bad each time he said it and I didn't feel the same way as him in the beginning. Later on he told me he loved me from the moment he first saw me. He's my husband now Link to post Share on other sites
g450 Posted January 13, 2012 Share Posted January 13, 2012 (edited) I said ILY first to both my first wife and my current Fiancee. After being married for 20 years I realized one day that whenever I said "ILY" to my wife, I was literally "always" the one to say it first. She would not initiate those words by herself. Big red flag for me that my marriage was in trouble and soon to end. But I chose to ignore it and went into denial so now Im no longer married. Happily my Fiancee tells me "ILY" roughly 5 to 20 times a day LOL. :bunny: Edited January 13, 2012 by g450 speelin Link to post Share on other sites
wildgeese Posted January 13, 2012 Share Posted January 13, 2012 He said it first. It was about six months into our relationship and a year into knowing one another. We had definitely danced around the subject, constantly saying "I like you". He finally said it after we were walking home from a night out and the exact phrasing was, "You know I'm in love with you, right?". It was so completely us. We talked about it recently and I mentioned how I had refused to say it first to him (I was always told not to!) and he thought that was so bizarre. Link to post Share on other sites
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