Standard-Fare Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 I've been depressed a couple times before and I know the drill. I know when you're in the low point it involves an aspect of "wallowing." Like, recognizing that you're not being healthy or productive, yet doing nothing to change that. My deal: Broke up with my boy less than a month ago and finding myself in a pretty bad state. Some other factors are contributing, including a bad job and a standard feeling of "winter blues" with the short, dark days. And I'm definitely letting myself wallow. I'm arriving to work late, sleeping as much as I can, avoiding exercise and social situations, not eating particularly healthily, drinking more than I should, smoking cigarettes. I can clearly see that I'm not treating myself right, but I seem to be unable to find the motivation to change it. For example, I know regular exercise would be really good for me right now. But in the sluggish, apathetic state I'm in it's hard enough for me to get it together to show up to work. Forget going to the gym and getting on a treadmill! I seem incapable of anything but the very basic functions of life. But I simply can't afford to indulge this phase much longer. I have some important decisions to make regarding my career and I need a clear head and positive attitude. Right now that state of mind just seems so far away, and I'm wondering how I can climb out of my hole to get there. There's a part of myself screaming "JUST DO IT!" that doesn't seem to be effective. Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 What worked for me was making a list of the things I wanted to do in life. When I got down I would either just go and do something on that list or make plans to do something on that list. It seems that you are stuck in a rut; but you are the only one who can pull you out of it. "Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions." - Dalai Lama Link to post Share on other sites
kkay Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 I agree... making lists is key! As well, instead of focusing on getting to the gym find something else to occupy your time. I picked up a second job, started guitar lessons and signed myself up for a half marathon. Having things to do and a timeline to complete them in is motivating in itself but seeing accomplishments is even more rewarding! Link to post Share on other sites
BigDumbFoot Posted January 5, 2012 Share Posted January 5, 2012 I'm still in that wallowy state and it's been 6 months since the break up for me. I'm getting better but I'm not at the point I feel like I should be. That takes time though. Go easy on yourself above all else. You need to understand that you are in pain, so you are probably going to slip up here and there. Remember that you are only human and can only deal with so much stress/change at a time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Standard-Fare Posted January 5, 2012 Author Share Posted January 5, 2012 I'm honestly considering antidepressants because I think there's a chemical aspect to this state of being. First, I think there's a chemical withdrawal that we go through when we lose a significant other. Our brain has been producing endorphins to build the connection with that person and it keeps pumping those out even when the person is gone. Second, in my case, I always seem to get down in the winter and I know that's related to the lack of sunlight. I'm so much more active and social in months when it doesn't get pitch black by 4:30 pm. The thoughts in my head have been really circular and I find myself unable to concentrate on anything. I've been scatterbrained, losing my keys and phone and stuff like that. I knew I'd hit a real low when I showed up at work one day to discover I'd forgotten to PUT ON A BRA. That's bad. It shows exactly how disoriented I am right now. Before "making lists of goals," my mind needs to be in a more functioning state. Link to post Share on other sites
lilyblue Posted January 6, 2012 Share Posted January 6, 2012 I'm honestly considering antidepressants because I think there's a chemical aspect to this state of being. First, I think there's a chemical withdrawal that we go through when we lose a significant other. Our brain has been producing endorphins to build the connection with that person and it keeps pumping those out even when the person is gone. Second, in my case, I always seem to get down in the winter and I know that's related to the lack of sunlight. I'm so much more active and social in months when it doesn't get pitch black by 4:30 pm. The thoughts in my head have been really circular and I find myself unable to concentrate on anything. I've been scatterbrained, losing my keys and phone and stuff like that. I knew I'd hit a real low when I showed up at work one day to discover I'd forgotten to PUT ON A BRA. That's bad. It shows exactly how disoriented I am right now. Before "making lists of goals," my mind needs to be in a more functioning state. Obviously I am not qualified to advise you what to do but I can say for me, starting antidepressants have made me able to function again. I'm normally a very on top of things person and like you I was just so disoriented. I was double booking myself for things and felt totally stuck in my head. I went to therapy as after about a month she suggested I see my dr. I took er depression quiz and scored really high. About a week after i started taking them I had the first day I hadn't cried in months. I don't feel happy. But I do feel functional and the difference is noticeable. Wish you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Standard-Fare Posted January 6, 2012 Author Share Posted January 6, 2012 (edited) Obviously I am not qualified to advise you what to do but I can say for me, starting antidepressants have made me able to function again. I'm normally a very on top of things person and like you I was just so disoriented. I was double booking myself for things and felt totally stuck in my head. I went to therapy as after about a month she suggested I see my dr. I took er depression quiz and scored really high. About a week after i started taking them I had the first day I hadn't cried in months. I don't feel happy. But I do feel functional and the difference is noticeable. Wish you the best. I went on antidepressants once before (not coincidentally, after a different breakup) and I found the same thing... that they helped me reach the level of "functional" so I could then, slowly but surely, start to make further progress. What's strange is that in the time since then (it was about 9 years ago), I've grown to view antidepressants as a crutch, a sign of weakness. I've looked back on myself during that period as a soft, whiny and melodramatic person who didn't have the inner strength to pull herself out of a hole and who also couldn't realize the good things she had. Now that I'm in that hole once again, I'm trying to determine whether I'm just being a self-pitying little pansy or whether I do need external help, even chemicals, to get me out of this. It's hard to justify when so many people in this world are finding the strength to get through hardships that are so much greater than my own. Edited January 6, 2012 by Standard-Fare Link to post Share on other sites
BoredAgain Posted January 6, 2012 Share Posted January 6, 2012 The thing that's helped me the most is this thought: being single right now is an opportunity. None of us know where we'll be in a year. Chances are that many of us will be starting up a new (and hopefully better) relationship or even a few of us may reconcile with the Ex (it happens). But right now, all of us have a ton of extra free time and at least a little extra money. I'm sure I don't need to explain to you guys that long-term relationships require sacrifices and compromises - a lot of small ones and maybe one or two big ones. But you are single for the time being. So now you can go to that restaurant your Ex hated, you can watch that movie your Ex didn't want to see, and you can go on a vacation to that place your Ex had already been. And now that you have this extra time and money, pick up a hobby you've been thinking about or buy that big TV you've been eying. I hope I don't sound like a motivational speaker or anything. I understand that it's really hard sometimes to think like this... but I also made a list, like philosoraptor, and it really helps to focus on accomplishing that stuff whenever I'm feeling down. Link to post Share on other sites
sugarmomma Posted January 6, 2012 Share Posted January 6, 2012 **** the exes. They left so **** them. We do not need them! Link to post Share on other sites
whoareu Posted January 6, 2012 Share Posted January 6, 2012 I'm not qualified to give advice on depression (or anything really) but I can tell you I feel the same way. I get to work late and sometimes just stare at the computer screen all day. But I do run early in the morning. Normally every day, but I've missed a few days here and there when feeling depressed. I found that I felt worse on the days I skipped. Sometimes I don't want to get out of bed, but then i remind myself that I never wish I didn't run, but if I don't, I always wish I had. If you get out you might meet someone at the gym, who knows. I run in the streets, but sometimes I see an owl or a deer and it brightens my day. Today I saw a police car shining his spotlight into the woods, ha ha, don't know what he was looking for, he didn't tell me. I also started taking SAM-E. It was on sale at CVS so I stocked up and I really think it works for me. It might be psychological, but I do feel better when I take it. When I start feeling really good, I'll skip it for a while. I do hope you feel better soon. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted January 6, 2012 Share Posted January 6, 2012 I would echo the idea of making a list of your goals that you want to accomplish. If you find that too overwhelming, then keep it small with something you can handle. Make a daily list, either in the morning or the night before, and write down everything you have to do that day (like go to work), and add things you would like to accomplish that day, such as exercising. Even jot down a time allotment for each item, which will help you stay focused and avoid wallowing, if you keep your schedule filled with productive things. I tend to procrastinate, so a timed list really helps me to stay focused and productive, and when I put a time slot for exercise on the list, I'm a lot more likely to do it than if I just have in in the back of my mind that I should be doing that. A daily list of things to do is what I would recommend to help you break out of this. And exercise does produce endorphines, so it will help to improve your depression. Your depression is temporary and event triggered, not the result of a brain chemical imbalance, so I would suggest not being too quick to resort to medication. Link to post Share on other sites
sunflower11 Posted January 6, 2012 Share Posted January 6, 2012 Antidepressants didn't work for me...they made things worst. I was in a fog all day just blankly staring at nothing and felt no desire to do anything!!! I would shiver all day and get headaches and worst of all...couldn't sleep at night so I had a lot of time to think about him which is what I didn't want. I don't know if you should get them or not, I guess they work differently for everyone but for me they didn't work, I'm doing so much better without them and I feel better to say I didnt need pills to feel happy again, I can work on myself and do other/healthier things to be happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Standard-Fare Posted January 7, 2012 Author Share Posted January 7, 2012 In the past few days, thinking about this, I've realized something about myself. I'm pretty much "OK" during the days. I can go through the motions, more or less get my **** done. But once darkness falls, I'm a wreck. And that seems to the result of a nasty "seasonal depression + breakup" combo. In the warmer months I'm pretty active in the evenings...meeting friends for dinner, taking walks, whatever. In the winter I find myself at a loss at about 5 p.m. I used to have my boyfriend to hang out with on these long evenings and you know what, it really helps to have someone to watch TV with and go to bed with. Now, I'm finding myself very lonely, spending way too much time on the Internet and Netflix, and sadly, drinking beer. I should be doing other things with my evenings but I'm not sure what. I feel paralyzed with loneliness and inertia once night falls. Link to post Share on other sites
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