Forum hop! - LDR to NC

[Aj23]

Hey, I've posted before in the LDR forums (Long Distance Relationships for those of you lucky enough to not know about them). Sorry this is so long, I tend to try and include as much as I can.

 

Anyway we broke up and I did the usual freak out (mostly because I'd paid to fly to Sweden to see her and she called it off just before I went). I had my mental moment but initiated NC because I've heard about it before, but in not talking to her I'd actually done fairly well. We broke up because the distance is hard, not because she'd found someone else or something heartbreaking.

 

However, as much as they're useful, the likes of Facebook, Spotify, Tumblr, etc. were all parts of how we used to communicate with each other. Now I've blocked her (not deleted) her from Facebook so we can't talk but before we broke up I ordered something for her friend to take with me and have had to break NC to organise that, but only a very limited amount to clarify things etc. I wasn't rude, just concise and made my 'I'm going for a run/busy excuse' and we stopped talking. She seemed to be a bit more chatty than me but I thought none of it.

 

Anyway all of her Spotify playlists pop up as she listens to songs so I can see what she's listening to (no idea how to turn this off but it's not a big deal really) and saw most of the songs she was listening too weren't depressing songs but had the underlying message of 'I messed up' but obviously for different scenarios. I also checked on my Tumblr and it popped up that she'd reblogged something that someone I follow had posted. As I'd done so well I flicked over to her Tumblr and mostly found normal stuff on there except two posts.

 

Now one said 'Let me go so I can come back' which was all her own post, not reblogged and one saying 'the people that deserve to be in your life are those that help you through the hard times, and laugh with you when the hard times pass' to which she'd added her own comment 'and I told you not to come.'

 

I assumed they were about me but didn't act. When I emailed earlier about the parcel (not I.M. as I'd end up talking a lot longer than I wanted to - good boy!) I felt I had come across rude and apologised if I seemed rude and that I was busy and that I was just trying to get it all sorted with this parcel. Anyway she contacted me and rang twice without me knowing then texted 'can I call?' I was surprised but I thought well she contacted me (I know it doesn't count much when I'd emailed earlier about the parcel but hey that's something I'll ask later) I should at least reply if I want to reconcile.

 

Anyway she said oh I thought you wanted to chat earlier, you said you wanted to sort something out I said no but it was nice to hear from her (curse me, she took me off guard) and that I was eating but could speak a little but I had to post this parcel (I'd included something for her - A St. Christophers medal as she loves travelling and she's off to Colombia for 5 weeks in a week - Again I know this counts as breaking NC but I'd already packed this parcel with it in weeks ago. I know it's pretty much the perfect gift and from a NC point of view may look bad that I've been so thoughtful as opposed to trying to cut off.)

 

I told her I'd sent the parcel and she said she'd ring her friend and organise giving it her (again she seemed chatty with me) and I quickly gave her a call back (it's free, don't think I'm making a romantic gesture by paying to call ) to say thanks for ringing her friend and to look forward to Colombia. She says she's nervous and I said well you'll love it, go enjoy it.

 

Now I fully intend to leave her to it and NC while she's away and maybe the St. C's medal will make her think of me without me talking to her (I explained I intended on giving it to her long before we broke up, it's not something special now, but she doesn't know what it is).

 

I'm just wondering what I should do. Do I just go back to NC after we'd started talking again, and I know she's probably missing me? I feel a lot better not worrying about talking to her, and I'm keeping myself busy. I'm not really upset anymore,but it's tough to see she might be thinking about me and regretting things and not being in a position to maybe nudge her the right way. She did the whole 'lets be friends', 'it's not our time, it's too hard now' spiel when we broke up, so it's hard to not care enough to worry, without either coming across as a) not over things and still into her or b) being too friendly. And obviously from the NC side of things I don't want to seem as if I don't give a damn, but maybe that's the right thing.

 

It's not as if we've had a messy, horrible break up, just a sort of drift apart. Not sure if this is a chance to drift back together and give her a few weeks on her own to maybe get her head round things and me to get on with the healing, or if I should be strict with NC. All very confusing, any advice is more than welcome.

 

P.s. Sorry about the novel.