What are the stages of GIGS?

[Philosoraptor]

There are no credible studies linked in the "A Greater understandng of GIGS" thread. Just random loveshack posts, other forum posts, and websites without anything close to an APA backing.

 

Opinions do not a credible source make. I was expecting something substantial such as a scientific study. I will read it as I am interested, but anything there will be taken with a grain of salt as none of this has been even close to peer reviewed.

[2sunny]

Carhill -

 

As you stated - focused energy on anything will grow bigger - relationships, business or building anything/anyone up.

 

Ignoring someone/something - is likely to have no growth or movement.

 

When someone approaches after a breakup to get back together - I think it's important to review if it's the same set of circumstances joining again - or IF both people have learned what didn't work prior, changed what didn't work, and give consideration to whether or not it may work with the changes presented.

 

There are times when loving someone is simply not enough - if there is evidence that it didn't work the first time and nothing has changed.

 

I have to ask myself - what exactly has changed for this tobe compatible this time?

[Jono85]

Its all in my greater understanding of gigs thread, be patient with it though, i was learning what gigs was as i posted, somethings conflict and then are resolved once i had figured it out.

 

The actual study link is in the thread, as is a lot of information, i only posted the information i didnt link it all altogether you'll have to do that yourself. It took me 2 attempts to understand the study, its a lot of reading.

 

Again Juno i would like you to direct me to that post i wrote where you quote me earlier

 

all of my references came from the threads you've created over the last month or so.

[betterdeal]

I've done a bit of reading about the 'doing the geographic' that alcoholics can be prone to do and it ties in with the grass being greener elsewhere psychology oft discussed on these forums.

...

 

Life goes on.

 

Great post, carhill. Another way to look at this is as people with poor personal boundaries. Desiring that which we cannot have, only to discard it if we do get it, is a classic sign of such.

 

Taking your previous relationships as examples (I've done similar, so please don't take this as criticism): you desired your previous lover back; they came back; you discarded them.

 

Who amongst those that espouse the GIGS theory can honestly say they haven't done that themselves, haven't desired an ex back, only to reject them once they do come back? If not with the current ex, what about previous ones? I am guessing the numbers who haven't are vanishingly small.

 

Another way to look at it is that rather than take the risk of changing on the speculative chance that it works out better for oneself, we pine for an ex because we can't have them, and that, like extended regret, is an excuse to not take risks with our own hearts. We find an unholy, unhappy, unhealthy (but dependable) thing to cling onto - unrequited love in the case of believing in GIGS or self-criticism/loathing in the case of regret.

 

And then those who advocate the GIGS approach to life are pretty convinced by it. That's their truth. Perhaps it is empirically true in their lives. Perhaps it is but a stage in life, but a necessary one many of us go through as part of growing up. Is it painful? Sure. But we cannot have joy without pain as, at the very least, a possibility. If we wish to feel good, we have to accept we will be open to feeling bad too, for to be able to feel is to open up and let things touch our souls.

 

These are just ideas, perspectives, views. Pick the ones you like the sound of and play with them for a bit. See what works for you. Or don't. It's your life.

 

Life is a process, and courage is what we need to live it fully, not complex frameworks / ideas / predictions such as GIGS or even personal boundaries. Brene Brown explains it much better than I can: