I'm back...Unreal what happened.

[smokey bear]

It honestly didn't look that way. It looked like you were using an entire thread to undermine them because of your wording. And because now you have been going around saying everyone is a bully when you have adopted an attitude like one. I used to like your advice but now if people disagree with you you're quick to dismiss and tell them they just don't understand.

 

I thought these forums where for advice, support, and healthy debates for the sake of knowledge and problem solving. It certainly doesn't feel like that now because whenever someone doesn't agree with the GIGS thing which seems to be the answer to everything these days they're immediately shot down by you and Wilsonx. For example I don't think my breakup was a GIGS breakup but apparently you two know better even though you've never met me or my ex and know only the few things I've provided.

 

 

Because of my wording, it was plain simple and straight to the point so it didnt get misunderstood what i was asking

 

Gigs is greatly understood we only ask people to actually find out the real meaning of it, what im finding now though is its more the fact people dont like the label.

 

Wilson and I can only advise on the information you give us

[mike588]

Mike, what do you want? If you're over it and don't mind sharing that part of you or exposing yourself to whatever she posts, then go ahead. If neither of you are big "facebookers" and you are over it, then it probably isn't a big deal. I have an ex I accepted the request then hid his feed (mainly because he's annoying but for the sake of goodwill and I could care less, I did it).

 

There are people who friend request just to know how to reach you or kill their curiosity and there are people who friend request because they really want to be friends. If it's the latter, you'll get a follow up after the friend request.

 

If you're still affected then ignore it. But sounds like you either want to or could at least reply that you don't want to be FBFs. If it were me I'd accept. If you read my post, I had contact with the ex too and will be cordial (I was never against cordial) but I will still avoid looking at his page because I just don't want to know too much.

 

Just don't go backwards

 

Yeah I read you thread before I made mine and was actually quite surprised. I'm happy for you and how your feeling/dealing with it. You go girl!!!

 

You know I wanted....prayed...and hoped for this but now that it's happened...well...I'm not sure yet if I''ll accept the request...If I do I'm almost "afraid" of what will come next?

[mike588]

hey mike, well we knew something would happen right? Could just be the beginning. Don't accept her request, stay silent and keep on moving forward. Try not to over analyze anything, it'll be hard not to start wondering why she wants to add you, so shift your focus elsewhere.

 

Thanx...that's the way I'm feeling...I'll keep silent and see what happens next. I thought this would affect me in a negative way but it hasn't...actually I'm lovin it!

 

There were times I thought I'd never feel this good....time truely heals/helps all wounds!

 

Let me also add...no real big deal but I got a promotion at work last Tuesday....watch out world....ladies..here I come.

[M2155]

Yeah, if you think "what's next" might rattle you don't accept it. If it were me, I'd reply and say I normally don't be FBFs with exes and hope you're having a happy new year or something like that. But see I can always remember my ex is an ass and he's not single so I have nothing to get caught up in other than my own imagination. We're probably on special occasion terms and that's about it. Congrats on the promotion!!

 

Oh, and btw I was disappointed when I saw "unreal what happened" and it was just a friend request!

[mike588]

Yeah, if you think "what's next" might rattle you don't accept it. If it were me, I'd reply and say I normally don't be FBFs with exes and hope you're having a happy new year or something like that. But see I can always remember my ex is an ass and he's not single so I have nothing to get caught up in other than my own imagination. We're probably on special occasion terms and that's about it. Congrats on the promotion!!

 

Oh, and btw I was disappointed when I saw "unreal what happened" and it was just a friend request!

 

Sorry to dissapoint you,lol.What were you expecting? I can't help but feel thats she's curious about me after 5 months now...I'm NOT reading to much into this thinking it will eventually be a.....lets get back together thing.

 

It may or may not be....I don't really care.

[GaelicSoul]

Sorry to dissapoint you,lol.What were you expecting? I can't help but feel thats she's curious about me after 5 months now...I'm NOT reading to much into this thinking it will eventually be a.....lets get back together thing.

 

It may or may not be....I don't really care.

 

Hi Mike,

 

I think curiosity is getting the better of her, plus it's a new year too. She's probably being selfish, and doesn't like the thought of you or anybody hating her, so she added you as a friend. Don't look into it too much, but you know she's thinking of you. Best advice, do nothing.. It's a breadcrumb, and if she really wants to be more than "friends" i'm sure she will let you know.

 

All the best,

 

GS

[mike588]

Hi Mike,

 

I think curiosity is getting the better of her, plus it's a new year too. She's probably being selfish, and doesn't like the thought of you or anybody hating her, so she added you as a friend. Don't look into it too much, but you know she's thinking of you. Best advice, do nothing.. It's a breadcrumb, and if she really wants to be more than "friends" i'm sure she will let you know.

 

All the best,

 

GS

 

Thanx....We'll seeeeee

 

The way I feel at this moment:

 

Screw her for lying to me!

 

Screw her for using me!

 

Screw her for betraying me!

 

Screw her for (most likely) cheating on me!

Edited January 6, 2012 by mike588

[geegirl]

You've been waiting for this day for a long time. And it has come. I would say nay on the banging her a few times because it's clear that you still have emotions for her because if you didn't, you would not be rattled by her contact. So no on the banging part . You've come this far Mike. She's pushed and pulled you before. You can want what you want but it isn't necessarily the right thing for you. If you want to contact, remember you run the risk of finding yourself hurtling down a path you fought so desperately to get off because you still do have unresolved emotions for her. I think your ego is on overdrive right now. A sense of grandeur that she's now in your court but things can turn around really quickly, especially with someone who has had no consistency in her actions and feelings for you. That high can quickly become a low.

 

Remember who she is.

 

I could tell you to leave her behind and keep going but at the end it is your choice to make.

[mike588]

You've been waiting for this day for a long time. And it has come. I would say nay on the banging her a few times because it's clear that you still have emotions for her because if you didn't, you would not be rattled by her contact. So no on the banging part . You've come this far Mike. She's pushed and pulled you before. You can want what you want but it isn't necessarily the right thing for you. If you want to contact, remember you run the risk of finding yourself hurtling down a path you fought so desperately to get off because you still do have unresolved emotions for her. I think your ego is on overdrive right now. A sense of grandeur that she's now in your court but things can turn around really quickly, especially with someone who has had no consistency in her actions and feelings for you. That high can quickly become a low.

 

Remember who she is.

 

I could tell you to leave her behind and keep going but at the end it is your choice to make.

 

I was hoping to hear from you...I won't do the banging thing then dump her or dissapear...I'm better than that and wont stoop that low....Hummmm sounds fun though,lol.

 

It blows me away after I closed that chapter of my life with her I get that...I won't ask..What does it mean? I'm strong enough now (I hope) to ignore it/her or play it out and see what happens.The tables may be turning now and I'm in control....I'll make the decision/s now about the possibility of "us"....Actually I feel I've already made the decision...Sorry babe...you had your chance.

[geegirl]

I was hoping to hear from you...I won't do the banging thing then dump her or dissapear...I'm better than that and wont stoop that low....Hummmm sounds fun though,lol.

 

It blows me away after I closed that chapter of my life with her I get that...I won't ask..What does it mean? I'm strong enough now (I hope) to ignore it/her or play it out and see what happens.The tables may be turning now and I'm in control....I'll make the decision/s now about the possibility of "us"....Actually I feel I've already made the decision...Sorry babe...you had your chance.

 

I didn't think you would although it's a very tempting prospect for most men.

 

I believe you are strong enough to know what it means. I believe you are wise enough to realize how this is played. The tables may be turning but at some point when the rush fades and you're waiting for her next step and you don't see it coming, that rush will become a low. Be prepared. You may hold power now but it won't last long and that is when you will be tested on how strongly you feel about your decision. Be strong. I know you will do what is best for you.

[M2155]

Geegirl is probably right.

 

Also I would be very surprised if this really has anything to do with potentially getting back together in the future. Chances are it's probably just an attempt to be some level of friends and doesn't mean much at all. Plus if anyone over 30 attempts to ask for their ex back by sending a freind request when they could send a lazy text message instead, is pretty weak. I think if it was more behind it than just making nice, she'd have actually sent a note.

 

It's okay, I'm not too disappointed about the "unreal" haha

[perfectlyflawed459]

Right now to leave me the hell alone....don't mess with my healing progress...I've come so far...maybe when I'M ready we can talk.

 

I would recommend letting the request sit for a few days so you can kind of digest the whole thing. It really sounds like this stirred you up a bit, which I do not blame you. Like you said, wait till YOU are ready and have more of a clear head. Do not act on sudden feelings of anger from remembering what she did, wait till you are back to being indifferent. Keep us posted

 

And to comment on this fighting, we are all adults here right? Can we not accept each other's views and opinions like the mature adults I know we can be? Honestly! We have a right to think what we want, but that doesn't mean you have the right to shove your beliefs down someone else's throat. There is no "right" answer when it comes to love and break ups. This site has become polluted with so much bickering and I really think it is time to make up and accept that not everyone on this planet is going to agree with you.

[mike588]

I didn't think you would although it's a very tempting prospect for most men.

 

I believe you are strong enough to know what it means. I believe you are wise enough to realize how this is played. The tables may be turning but at some point when the rush fades and you're waiting for her next step and you don't see it coming, that rush will become a low. Be prepared. You may hold power now but it won't last long and that is when you will be tested on how strongly you feel about your decision. Be strong. I know you will do what is best for you.

 

Thanx...As much as I sometimes feel that I'd like to "wreck her"....to hurt..disappoint her for the horrible pain I've been thru...well I just can't do that to her or anyone.

 

Your right as always...I may come down from this "high" and be hurt...disappointed again....I'll wait and see what happens and keep my heart and feelings under lock and key!!!

[mike588]

Geegirl is probably right.

 

Also I would be very surprised if this really has anything to do with potentially getting back together in the future. Chances are it's probably just an attempt to be some level of friends and doesn't mean much at all. Plus if anyone over 30 attempts to ask for their ex back by sending a freind request when they could send a lazy text message instead, is pretty weak. I think if it was more behind it than just making nice, she'd have actually sent a note.

 

It's okay, I'm not too disappointed about the "unreal" haha

 

You may be right...it has nothing to do with wanting to get back together and I'm ok with that...really! I was just "guessing" that she's testing the waters by the friends request.....it's an easy way to see if you get a response instead of an email....to much can be said/implied...to personal by taking the time to write....what could she possibly say/ask?

[Surfer Girl]

Most likely.... She may be thinking of you now if things are not going well with the ex....she is testing the waters in the best way she knows how....with no response...she will know you are done....as much as the gratification of hearing from her is... No need to respond....as much as you want her to hurt as much as you did.....she will hurt when she gets no response...lesson learned... You do not want to be a rebound again.......

[M2155]

You may be right...it has nothing to do with wanting to get back together and I'm ok with that...really! I was just "guessing" that she's testing the waters by the friends request.....it's an easy way to see if you get a response instead of an email....to much can be said/implied...to personal by taking the time to write....what could she possibly say/ask?

 

If she was interested in seeing if you respond she could easily have done the hope you are having a happy new year or something like that. Knowing neither of you are "facebookers" just seems an odd way to go about it when she knows your number/email. (And without a note?) My guess is it's her trying to make nice, but of course I could be totally wrong.

 

But sounds like you know what you already know deep down what you need to do!

[wilsonx]

Wow, all these awesome comments about how selfish she is and all that snazz. What you dont understand is she did not purposefully use Mike as a rebound. At the time, she probably didnt think she was going back to her ex. Feelings change all the time. Did Mike get hurt? YES and it sucks, its a lesson he learned and one Ive learned not to do because of his pain and be someone's rebound.

 

I have a better suggestion. How about asking her whats up? Why the friends request? You want closure right? You want to know? Just ask! Whats it going to hurt?

 

And then posting it here for a non biased person like me to interpret for you

 

Dont write a long response to her, just ask. "Im curious why are you adding me on facebook?"

Edited January 6, 2012 by wilsonx

[geegirl]

What you dont understand is she did not purposefully use Mike as a rebound. At the time, she probably didnt think she was going back to her ex.

 

And then posting it here for a non biased person like me to interpret for you

 

A little biased on your part don't you think seeing that you never had the option of delving into the mind of his ex but now you are able to analyze and determine the motives of his ex.

 

Correct me if I am wrong Wilson but you've been projecting the thoughts of the dumper on other posters based on your findings from your recent meeting with your ex.

 

It may be easy for someone to say "just ask" but when you're battling with emotions and uncertainties in your head and the fear of stumbling, a simple question and answer may create a host of unnecessary problems when your head and heart isn't quite there yet. What may seem simple to most, may not possibly be to others.

Edited January 6, 2012 by geegirl

[wilsonx]

Look at the creation of this thread. What is he asking in this first post? Read what he says Hes curious as to why she did it.

 

Am I right?

 

So why not ask? What harm is it going to cause by asking? He's already uncertain. The request itself caused him to create this post. So why not ask. This is going to haunt him for next several months if he doesnt ask and its always going to sit in the back of his mind.

 

As for my own thread, I was battling emotions, my entire thread was self talk to myself, it has nothing to do with anything here. The difference between me and the rest of the people here is I made my emotions/feelings public, they are well under control now.

 

One thing I have learned from my self talk, is the world is not black and white. You can live with resentment and hate for the rest of your life or you can be the bigger person and let go of it.

Edited January 6, 2012 by wilsonx

[geegirl]

Look at the creation of this thread. What is he asking in this first post? Read what he says Hes curious as to why she did it.

 

Am I right?

 

So why not ask? What harm is it going to cause by asking?

 

We all are curious about the motives of an ex when they reach out. Is curiosity justification enough to touch a hot pot? No. Especially when the heart and head is still trying to find balance. And when you find your answer, then what? Does it change the dynamics of what was a bad situation that caused undue hurt and pain, that you're still trying to overcome? No. Doesn't mean he's curious, he needs to act on it. If someone said dirt tasted good, would curiosity make you want to eat it? No.

 

Added from last post - It may be easy for someone to say "just ask" but when you're battling with emotions and uncertainties in your head and the fear of stumbling, a simple question and answer may create a host of unnecessary problems when your head and heart isn't quite there yet. What may seem simple to most, may not possibly be to others.

 

No one is asking him to hate or resent her. But to just tread carefully until he is ready emotionally and mentally to deal with whatever she has to offer. Walking away is not hate. It's just self protection and preservation.

Edited January 6, 2012 by geegirl

[wilsonx]

You have to understand too is I have been in Mike's shoes, you have too probably. We are giving 2 opposing opinions/options

 

Which is one is wrong? You dont determine that, nor do I.

 

Mike determines which one he wants to choose. If Mike never made this post, I would have never given him this suggestion. But in his heart, he wants to understand why. So I said, do it then. Why not.

 

3 things are going to happen.

 

Shes going to ignore his message. Hes in the same place hes in now

Shes going to apologize for hurting him.

Shes going to ask to be friends or start slowly.

 

There is no negative that can come from this. Do you see one? Honestly from an outside the box point of view

 

I agree with walking away, he can do that too....

 

Also Mike is a grown man, 40s, he doesnt need his hand held like the 20 year olds on this forum, hes a good guy, he can handle this

Edited January 6, 2012 by wilsonx

[geegirl]

You have to understand too is I have been in Mike's shoes, you have too probably. We are giving 2 opposing opinions/options

 

Which is one is wrong? You dont determine that, nor do I.

 

Mike determines which one he wants to choose. If Mike never made this post, I would have never given him this suggestion. But in his heart, he wants to understand why. So I said, do it then. Why not.

 

3 things are going to happen.

 

Shes going to ignore his message. Hes in the same place hes in now

Shes going to apologize for hurting him.

Shes going to ask to be friends or start slowly.

 

There is no negative that can come from this. Do you see one? Honestly from an outside the box point of view

 

I agree with walking away, he can do that too....

 

I see a negative because I have been corresponding with him over PM and have listened to his thoughts and feelings. That is why I advised the way I did.

 

You speak from your level of emotional balance. I speak from his or at least from what I know based on my correspondence with him.

 

He is more than welcome to address her if he is curious. My only concern is when. And that "when" in my opinion (and he is free to tell me to shove it) is when his emotional and mental clarity is able to handle any type of contact from her as just contact, without having to dissect and analyze. In other words, when indifference sets in.

 

And he is a 40 year old man that does not need to have you interpret a response from his ex. I'm sure he can handle it as you believe so as well.

Edited January 6, 2012 by geegirl

[Oxy Moronovich]

Is Mike emotionally over her enough to pump and dump her?

[mike588]

Wow, all these awesome comments about how selfish she is and all that snazz. What you dont understand is she did not purposefully use Mike as a rebound. At the time, she probably didnt think she was going back to her ex. Feelings change all the time. Did Mike get hurt? YES and it sucks, its a lesson he learned and one Ive learned not to do because of his pain and be someone's rebound.

 

I have a better suggestion. How about asking her whats up? Why the friends request? You want closure right? You want to know? Just ask! Whats it going to hurt?

 

And then posting it here for a non biased person like me to interpret for you

 

Dont write a long response to her, just ask. "Im curious why are you adding me on facebook?"

 

Wilson I agree with you when you said that she didn't purposefully/intentionally use me during "our time together" she believed/wanted to believe it was over with her and her ex.

 

What hurt me soooo much was how she did use me that last month....you know ....the surgery deal...God I hate to even speak of that anymore!!! and the though of her thinking..feeling...hoping...believing during our time together.....if...if he came back she would go back to him.

 

Feeling do change...mine change all the time about how I feel....what I should do about this "Friends request"

[wilsonx]

Mike then tell her that, she hurt you in the message

 

Have you ever told her that? Communication is key in relationships

 

Tell her you betrayed my trust in you as a person when you weren't telling me the truth ask her why she did it,ask her why are you adding me as a friend.

 

Speak from the heart... Get your closure that youve been seeking for 4 months

Edited January 6, 2012 by wilsonx