Am i just paranoid?!

[SouthernSunshine]

So my bf whom i still live with (see my previous post) is back to being really sweet, and affectionate to me. As long as I keep my mouth shut about my doubts in his faithfulness, as long as I keep my suspicions to myself... he absolutely adores me. So...

 

Now I'm left asking myself... am I just paranoid or what?! He came home from work one day, and walked right over to me & kissed me. His face didn't smell like B.O, or soap... his breath smelled like breath.. everything was fine! Then we had really good sex on the couch, where I came 4 times in a 30 minute period. Well, what's the problem now, right?!?....

 

The next day, his coworker (a woman who used to be very jealous of me, so he hid our hookups from her, back when we were dating & just f*** buddies... they called eachother Boo, and he used to give her rides home from wrk & have lunch dates with her) was back from work, after taking the previous day off.

 

I text him an hour before he was supposed to get off work, and he didn't text me back until 45 min later to tell me he was headed home... then when he came in he was visibly nervous/fidgety behavior, talking on the phone with his mom, walking around the house, doing 100 things @ once, dishes, then feeding dogs... then when he gets off the phone, he starts playing with our dog... all things that make me feel he was purposely avoiding me for some reason! Finally, I kiss him, and his face smells like soap..

 

Soap smell on the side of his face strikes my suspicions b/c after he goes down on me, he cleans up by washing his face with soap. Also, his lips are red, chapped looking ( he's fair complexion)... Well sometimes when he comes home from work, his face smells like soap, or his breath smells like sex, and his lips are red.

 

I just feel like I'm losing my mind now. I try my damnedest to believe & trust in this guy... but nomatter how well he treats me.. I feel like there's a catch, and something is not right! Mainly because he only kisses my @ss when I suck up my feelings, and keep questions to myself. It's like, as long as I don't question him, he's a completely sweet & loving man.

 

His relationship with the woman ( his coworker) is supposedly just casual now, and they only talk about work because she tried cutting his throat to their boss.

 

 

Maybe I'm just an insecure nut! Or maybe my gut is telling me something? Maybe he's a whore? UGH!

[Mme. Chaucer]

So what do you really think? That he is deeply in love with his friend, per your earlier thread? Or that he just f**** anything that moves?

 

Are you basically a very insecure and jealous person? Did you have reasons to mistrust this guy before you moved in together? Was he sleeping with his coworker when you were FB's? Has he been a whore in his past? Do you know about his past?

[SouthernSunshine]

So what do you really think? That he is deeply in love with his friend, per your earlier thread? Or that he just f**** anything that moves?

 

Are you basically a very insecure and jealous person? Did you have reasons to mistrust this guy before you moved in together? Was he sleeping with his coworker when you were FB's? Has he been a whore in his past? Do you know about his past?

 

He cheated on 3 of his ex gf's in the past, one of whom he left for the other. I know this because he told me. He claims he was just confused, and young back then. He also told me he used to be so fascinated with sex, that he wanted to be a porn star.

 

I didn't have reasons to "mistrust" the guy before moving in together... BUT, I have always been Ify about his unusual behavior... his 3 to 4 hour naps (which he no longer takes now that we live together)..

 

As far as his best friend whom I think he's in love with... he used to see her & her husband every weekend, and spend the night there! He had his own room with his stuff in it... toothbrush, alarm clock, clothes... he would also keep her company while her husband would go out of town 4 business... He has always spoke very highly of his best friend. He told me he loves us (she and I) the same, both a 10.

 

I don't know if he was infact sleeping with his coworker back when we were fwbs. I do know he was very defensive & protective over her... and when he called me at work, she would chase him around wanting him to get off the phone! He just brushed her behavior off ass "joking & teasing" him...

[SouthernSunshine]

His coworker lives right beside their work. Since she walks to work, living right beside her place of employment is impt. Well, i think it's also very convenient to cheat when she takes a lunchbreak, or gets off work.

 

ETA: this all really saddens me a great deal, because reading my posts.. it seems obvious he's cheating. So, do I leave when he's so good to me s long as I don't question his behavior? It depresses me that i could very well just be paranoid, and I'd hate to walk away from a good thing. Relationships are not perfect tho.

Edited January 6, 2012 by SouthernSunshine

[norajane]

I'd hate to walk away from a good thing. Relationships are not perfect tho.

 

Good thing? Smelling his breath for the odor of sex...how is living like that a good thing?

[silvermercy]

Read your posts again. He's cheating.

[shayla]

Always trust your gut. If you choose to waste precious mental energy and wreck your peace of mind, by all means, stay right where you are.

 

If you are tired of playing CSI and torturing yourself with every little thins he does and what it all means, get rid of him.

[skelterhelter]

Southern Sunshine,

 

I really feel for you. There's nothing worse than having to play private investigator to your own boyfriend. I hate to say it...but it really does sound like he's cheating. The weird, fidgety behavior, trying to win your trust back with syrupy sweetness, the smell of sex on his breath...not to mention spending lots of time with his female co-worker and the past history of cheating. That in itself would make me VERY cautious. Your gut is trying to tell you something is not right. BUT, since you probably would like a little more concrete evidence before you make your decision, I'd advise parking somewhere near his job at the time he's expected to leave and see who he's getting in the car with. If he's following her home, it's safe to say something is going on and it's not good. See how much time he actually spends there. I know it sounds a whole lot like stalking (and it sucks to do it), but you really deserve to know; it's your heart, sanity and health on the line! Good luck.

Edited January 6, 2012 by skelterhelter

[Mme. Chaucer]

People here on LS are always advising spying on suspected cheaters.

 

First - I would also suspect your bf of cheating, given what you've told us. Also, I would probably spy myself, because I am a nosy snoop and I "need to know."

 

BUT -

 

This situation sounds completely miserable for you. If you do spy and don't catch him, will this make you trust him? I don't think so. He does not sound trustworthy. And, it is REAL difficult to come back from a state of mind like the one you now occupy to one of feeling trustful and secure.

 

Spy if you want to, but don't expect the result to ease you much.

 

It sounds like an unhealthy relationship all the way around.

[SouthernSunshine]

Ok, so now I finally know hes cheating bc he comes home distant, detached and his breath smells like sex...mainly pu###. Its not something he ate, bc his breath never smells loke that on the wknd when hes at home. If I hang out, outside his work & he doesnt leave.. It will seem like hes not cheating, but that just means hes doing it inside or something! That smell on his breath is the same smell ive smelled b4. Its very distinct and strong. Im really disgusted and hurt. Why in the world would he screw me over in my face like this.?! Why does he have absolutely no respect 4 me?! And everyone he works with INCLUDING his friends KNOW we are together! Its sooooooo DIRTY.. And whos to say they dont get off on screwing behimd my back?! Its awful

[SouthernSunshine]

I cant even look at him... And he asks me if im mad at him. He acts completely oblivious, and I dare not say a word or else he'll get pissed and throw me out right now. He makes me feel like im crazy, and its my fault. What infuriates me is the fact that he doesnt wash his mouth out! Why?!?!? I guess he likes the taste. I hate him

[Miss Clavel]

I cant even look at him... And he asks me if im mad at him. He acts completely oblivious, and I dare not say a word or else he'll get pissed and throw me out right now. He makes me feel like im crazy, and its my fault. What infuriates me is the fact that he doesnt wash his mouth out! Why?!?!? I guess he likes the taste. I hate him

 

It's time to plan your exit. Say nothing, just plan.

 

This situation was going on before you got into it and it's gonna go on after you leave.

 

You are not the one. You are not his number one.

 

It's harsh but you have to face it.

 

I feel very sad picturing your future. Sucking his breath, smelling his skin. Day after day after day.

[SouthernSunshine]

I left. I packed all my stuff and im staying w my best friend 4 the time being. Meanwhile, he is freaking out...calling everyone looking 4 me, leaving me msgs crying. Im really shocked wat his behavior!

[whichwayisup]

Ok, so now I finally know hes cheating bc he comes home distant, detached and his breath smells like sex...mainly pu###. Its not something he ate, bc his breath never smells loke that on the wknd when hes at home. If I hang out, outside his work & he doesnt leave.. It will seem like hes not cheating, but that just means hes doing it inside or something! That smell on his breath is the same smell ive smelled b4. Its very distinct and strong. Im really disgusted and hurt. Why in the world would he screw me over in my face like this.?! Why does he have absolutely no respect 4 me?! And everyone he works with INCLUDING his friends KNOW we are together! Its sooooooo DIRTY.. And whos to say they dont get off on screwing behimd my back?! Its awful

 

Two words. End it.

 

Kick him out and tell him to go share his p*ssy breath with his OW.

[whichwayisup]

I left. I packed all my stuff and im staying w my best friend 4 the time being. Meanwhile, he is freaking out...calling everyone looking 4 me, leaving me msgs crying. Im really shocked wat his behavior!

 

He's in super duper denial mode and KNOWS he's lost you so he's desparate to get you back. DO NOT CAVE. DO NOT give him a chance to explain himself. Facts are he IS cheating on you.

 

Yuck.

 

Please go get checked for STD's.. Sorry that you're hurting.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Well done on leaving.

 

I was following your threads and your ex sounds :sick:

 

In the future, when someone admits to cheating in his previous relationships - RUN.

[Professor X]

We had a saying in the army which goes something like that (translated): When there's doubt, there's no doubt.

 

In other words, if you doubt his loyalty, than there's no doubt he's cheating you.

 

I usually tend to agree with MC, but in your case she's made a wrong call, he is cheating, and he put you in the situation where he can do it by striking fear in you if you ever question him, that's never a good spot to be in.

 

Anyway, good job with the smelling, my SO can also do that, she has a heightened sense of smell (she keeps sniffing me all the time saying she's marking me as hers that way lol - thank god she doesn't pee on me ).

[Space Ritual]

I left. I packed all my stuff and im staying w my best friend 4 the time being. Meanwhile, he is freaking out...calling everyone looking 4 me, leaving me msgs crying. Im really shocked wat his behavior!

 

 

Good for you for leaving. Many people will hem and haw about it as they are scared of the unknown.

 

You should have been leery in the first place when he told he he cheated on 3 exes...but that is water under the bridge.

 

The best way to get over this is to make him insignificant. Go completely no contact, delete and block all email addresses, phone number and most importantly facebook...that place will leave you wanting to creep his page to see if he is over you in a few weeks or days...so do yoruself a favor and make him nothing but a distant memory.

[Mme. Chaucer]

In other words, if you doubt his loyalty, than there's no doubt he's cheating you.

 

I usually tend to agree with MC, but in your case she's made a wrong call, he is cheating, and he put you in the situation where he can do it by striking fear in you if you ever question him, that's never a good spot to be in.

 

 

In fact, I am in complete agreement with you. I just didn't think she needed to spend her time or energy spying on him for "proof." I think she knew and did not need to waste any more of herself at all. Her trust is absolutely not there, anyway. The relationship is broken. I'm sorry. But really glad you left.

[SouthernSunshine]

Thank you everyone for the much needed advice! Everyday i feel stronger and stronger... I've kept NC. When I left him, i left a note.. nothing nasty or cruel. Just stating why I felt the way I did, and that I was unhappy, and we both deserve to be happy.

 

I feel like I can breathe now. He's going to screw around whether I'm there or not, so at least I have my self respect, and I'm no longer hoping I'm not kissing another woman's p****! And if he wasn't cheating, well he certainly deserves better! He deserves someone who trusts him, someone without doubt.

 

I feel like I have my life back.