Lets talk about Love

[PelicanPete]

This is LOVEshack after all, EH?

 

But in all seriousness, I've had some questions and thoughts about love bubbling for awhile that I want to hear some opinions on.

 

People say there is just love, where you deeply like/care about someone, and then there is true love or unconditional love. Then there's also that whole difference between being INlove and loving someone. I'm sure I've missed a few other versions of love, but you get the gist.

 

Do you think it's ever possible to stop loving someone?

 

My whole stance on this is that I believe once you've truly reached the point of loving someone, you'll never lose that love for them. I don't think it is even possible to fall out of love with someone. I think those who say that never loved who ever they fell "out of love" with in the first place.

 

From what I've witnessed in my short time on this earth, I've noticed that humans can be very powerful. A person who is extremely in touch with themselves also greatly effects the people around them. It changes them. People are naturally attracted to those who are honest with themselves and those who speak from their heart no matter what the situation. People want to be real with one another.

 

The reason why not a lot of people are jumpin' on the bandwagon I feel is that it can be very painful. Children are real. The majority of children speak their mind which is why the whole phrase "children can be so cruel" originated. It's only as we aged did we learn how to cover and hide our self so that we wouldn't be hurt again. The problem is some people have hidden who they are in such a good spot, they've lost it all together.

 

I think people grow to love each other by exposing themselves entirely to one another. Of course, a requirement of love is to at least like each other to begin with. You have to be able to relate to one another, identify with that person, before you can feel comfortable enough to show your true self to that person.

 

I see it like this. If you are able to reveal yourself entirely to that person, and they show acceptance of some sort, you start to see them as a part of who you are. They will be a part of you where ever you go, as long as you live, because you have now expanded yourself onto them. You can't help but love someone who has accepted you as a whole. No matter what they do, no matter who they become, it doesn't matter, it isn't about them, or who in particular they are, but that they exist.. They are one of the few people that have ever lived that will accept you, for you as a whole.

 

So there's my rant, the bare minimal anyway. I wanna hear yours, or your opinions, or your points of view, whatever you wanna call it.. There's a lot to talk about, so lemme feel it

[Philosoraptor]

I don't believe that one stops loving completely. While you may not still be "in love" with someone, you always love them in some way. I am not longer "in love" with my ex but I shared many years with her and love her for that time.

 

Love is constantly evolving just like everything else. Sometimes it grows for the better and sometimes it doesn't, but it's in constant motion.

 

But for me I don't think love completely disappears. If it can disappear then I don't believe you truly loved that person in any way.

[Feelin Frisky]

I need to be a little philosophical and "roundabout" in how I answer this. I feel that all discussions of what love is and how people experience it is a "down-stream" consideration of something more important that must be clearly resolved at the highest level "up-stream". And that is that society and lore and traditions have given off a message that we are all very close to being the same or being members of a group who are same at the core with ranges of differences whereas in my deepest moment of dis-indoctrination and liberation from these notions it came upon me that every human being is unique--that nature has made this very plain and obvious for us in that none of us look exactly alike and it is therefore something fundamentally important for us to formally embrace and build our value systems upon. We could remain down-stream making generalizations inside the box of familiar assumptions about gender, races, age groups, ethnicities and so forth, or we could take the other stream path down from the recognition that each person is a unique being, born into their own set of circumstances but all with the capacity to grow the intellect and perspective they need to transcend apparencies.

 

Now that I cleared my throat on that and established that I embrace the unique existence concept, love becomes pretty simple and can be understood as a dynamic of "wanting" and "having" and then whether you can still "want" that person as much as you did now that you "have" them. Many folks tire of what they "have" and don't know that "want" is what they really love and no one will ever make them happy because they don't understand themselves. They can't understand anyone else if they don't understand themselves and the drives and nuances of wanting and having and managing to still want what you have after you've had it. It sounds complicated but there's plenty of time in our lives to figure all this out. My simple answer to whether I can stop loving someone is that if I really love them I will base that on what I believe of them and how they've treated me. If I fall in love and my lover invests the same emotional capital in preserving the high cloud we love each other on, I'll never take that for granted and follow another want. I understand that what I want is very hard to get and to have someone meet me on that same place and value that like I do and learn to not trash it over trivialities, I've gotten something I'll always want. I'm not a hapless prisoner of impulse who will dump what I've wanted just to indulge the want of something mysterious. It's not mysterious to me. I don't believe an after-life and having someone I want who wants me back is my heaven.

[Forever Learning]

It seems to me that true love has a quality of permanence about it that transcends time. It burns its way into your heart and its warmth is there forever.

[Breezy Trousers]

 

It's only as we aged did we learn how to cover and hide our self so that we wouldn't be hurt again. The problem is some people have hidden who they are in such a good spot, they've lost it all together.

 

I think people grow to love each other by exposing themselves entirely to one another. Of course, a requirement of love is to at least like each other to begin with. You have to be able to relate to one another, identify with that person, before you can feel comfortable enough to show your true self to that person.

 

I see it like this. If you are able to reveal yourself entirely to that person, and they show acceptance of some sort, you start to see them as a part of who you are. They will be a part of you where ever you go, as long as you live, because you have now expanded yourself onto them. You can't help but love someone who has accepted you as a whole. No matter what they do, no matter who they become, it doesn't matter, it isn't about them, or who in particular they are, but that they exist.. They are one of the few people that have ever lived that will accept you, for you as a whole.

 

 

I enjoyed your rant. This is a huge subject, so I'm going to approach it by thimblefuls.

 

Random thoughts --

 

A lot of what we call love is really just "special" relationship or dependency. It's really a form of attack .... You know it's special relationship when you suddenly hate the one you profess to love simply because he/she won't do what you want or act how you want. That's the human condition of separation.... True love is unconditional and it isn't special (we love everyone but aren't aware of that yet).

 

As you mentioned, we are so conditioned by society and by pain that we gradually shut our hearts down to it, blocking our awareness of it. Children remain in touch with it. I think it's why they are often preyed upon by adults. Unconscious adults remember that "light," and, in pain, desperately want it for themselves. They mistakenly think by appropriating the child, they can appropriate the light, not realizing it's within. The child is merely reminding them of what they've forgotten.

 

Love will bring up anything unlike itself. When you love someone, stuff inevitably will come up for healing. It's not all roses and chocolate candy. Sometimes this healing doesn't "look" like love -- just as post-traumatic stress disorder often looks terrible when, in fact, it's attempting to rid the body of trauma.

 

Who we are is love, and to see that clearly, we need to undo the blocks to our awareness of that fact. That usually requires relationship of some sort. Relationships are really assignments for undoing these blocks together. Falling in love is life's way of "tricking us" into healing those blocks to our awareness. It's a holy curriculum of sorts. And sometimes it can get messy -- very messy.

 

I've never chosen who I've fallen in love with. Love chooses me, whether it's romantic relationship or friendship .... I also notice that parents don't get to pick their kids! ... I think something greater than ourselves knows precisely what it is we need to heal. Again, relationships are holy assignments (even if it doesn't feel that way at the time, hahaha).

 

The fear of love (God?) is unbelievably strong. We feel guilty and undeserving. Becoming aware of that is the first step toward sanity (love). We need each other to do that. That's the true purpose of falling in love, IMO.

Edited January 18, 2012 by Breezy Trousers

[creighton0123]

Well... minus his minor jab that gay men and women can't experience true love, Pope Benedict's Encyclical of Love has a decent explanation from a Christian/spiritual perspective.

 

Your post did entirely abandon the physiological and psychological aspects of love, which can break down "love" into categories:

 

Erotic/romantic love is love based significantly on mutual physical/sexual attraction. This type of love is between sexual partners and can most certainly be abandoned in our species. After a significant time apart and replacing with another partner, one can indeed abandon this love for a previous partner and no longer be concerned with said person.

 

Parental love is driven by both fondness and an innate desire to protect and nurture another person we are responsible for. It is more selfless since it requires constant self-sacrifice, but is very emotionally rewarding. This type of love is one that can rarely be abandoned.

 

Familial love is one based on kinship and reliance. It is very difficult to break and can never truly be gone.

 

Love between friends is more of a give-take relationship. I wouldn't call this "love" as much as fondness and mutual distraction. One can easily separate from and, over time, even forget friends.

[Eve]

I see love as being a gift which can touch anyone in a variety of different intensities and guises.. but I do not believe that love can be matured without God's help.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[carhill]

Do you think it's ever possible to stop loving someone?

 

As a generality, unclear. Personally, yes, and I have multiple anecdotes to support it. For myself, when I love someone, it is elemental. It's not a cognitive equation which is worked out. It derives from spirit and emotion. In all the instances when I stopped loving, it is because that spirit and emotion had been sufficiently and proactively battered to the point that it was no longer possible to entertain such feelings in a healthy manner, so they ended. Simple as that.

 

When I 'erase' someone in that way, they are dust. Gone. Like they never existed. As is often opined, the opposite of love is indifference. I call it the subset of zero. One data point.

[Emilia]

Further to carhill's post, I have experienced both conditional and unconditional love. I love 3 people unconditionally in my life, one is my sister, the other two are exes who I suppose aren't in the position anymore (since they are my exes) to upset me enough to ruin that love. Maybe that's why it's unconditional since my love for them developed when they showed loyalty, affection and love to me.

 

I suppose respect and love go hand in hand in the sense that I stopped loving everyone I lost respect for (including my mother) and I respect everyone I love. I think maybe then it's a combination of love, admiration and respect and I need all three in order for that loving feeling to exist.

[Eve]

Must admit to being a HUGE over thinker on this topic because I have been let down by people at pivotal times in my life.. but can forgive pretty easily. Hubby is the same.

 

So, OP, if my ex really needed help I would find a way to help him. I would not move from my postion of considering that he is a twat - but I would do it for loves sake. So, I suppose I see love as being something I must protect within myself and it's growth I am conscious of beyond actual situatiions.

 

In the same breath I can cut people out of my life pretty easily but there is always this essence where I still care. I have heard people throughout my life state how much they are not bothered and how much they don't care and I have not been able to master this. I do care and I think this has protected my capacity to love in the right way.

 

Probably waffling again now..

 

So, for me love is a big thing. Kind of everything to me.

 

Take care,

Eve x