Is never wanting kids a deal-breaker to some men?

[samsungxoxo]

The irony is I'm interested in marriage one day but no kids. Would this be a deal-breaker still (meaning, nothing is wrong with me but I simply refused to give him a child).

 

I'm only 3 months shy of turning 25 and still have absolutely no dreams of becoming a mother. Year after year, some people (even my mother) kept saying I'll eventually changed my mind and bear a child but it's been the same since I was 13 years old.

[samsungxoxo]

I get the feeling some of you become a father because it was really the woman's desire first (but maybe you woulnd't want a child if she didn't). Typically many my age are already mothers.

 

Or would you I still get dumped for that reason?

[Philosoraptor]

I am your age and male. It would absoultely be a dealbreaker for me because more than anything in life I was born to be a father.

 

To some it would be a dealbreaker... other people may not desire children either.

[bean1]

Yes of course, it is one of the biggest dealbreakers of all.

 

There's nothing wrong with your choice (I am a mother but I can see both sides to it) but you need to find someone on the same page. I am struggling with a similar issue (my husband wants more, I don't) and it is very, very difficult. I know what it's like to feel pressured to have a child for a man and it's very hard - if you don't want children at ALL then I could never ever advise you to get into that situation.

 

Simple truth: The decision to have or not have children is so great that I don't believe it can be overcome without one person making a regrettable sacrifice. Life with children and life without is SO different that it's not something one should compromise with.

[bigmomma1974]

i didnt want kids or a husband ever, im happily married with 3 kids. people change time changes. Here is the bottom line, if your life is fine the way it is then its your choice. If you find someone you fall madly in love with, you may change your mind you may not. Also just be honest with the person your with that having a child isn't something you want.

[SoMovinOn]

For me, *wanting* (or having) kids would be a deal breaker!!

 

But, to answer your question - yes, for some men, you never wanting kids would be a deal breaker. So what? If that's the case, you don't want to be with them anyway.

[tigressA]

Yes it is--for some. For others, it is not. You just have to find the men who don't want to be fathers.

[Nikki82]

You know there is no straight answer to this. Some men really want kids. Others do not. I can only suggest that when you date and meet guys you like, put that info out within the first few dates. Don't be all scary about it...just casually say your desire.

 

I do not have the desire for kids either and I'm 29. My boyfriend is early 30s and feels the same, so it works great for us. We both know we could still change out minds one day, but we're not worrying about what may happen.

[linwood]

The irony is I'm interested in marriage one day but no kids. Would this be a deal-breaker still (meaning, nothing is wrong with me but I simply refused to give him a child).

 

I'm only 3 months shy of turning 25 and still have absolutely no dreams of becoming a mother. Year after year, some people (even my mother) kept saying I'll eventually changed my mind and bear a child but it's been the same since I was 13 years old.

 

I still remember driving with my wife when we were dating and her asking me out of the blue..

 

"How do you feel about having a wife?"

 

I answered honestly...

 

"I`m not crazy about the idea"

 

I asked her..

 

"How do you feel about having another kid?"(She already had two boys from a previous relationship)

 

She answered honestly. (And sarcastically)..

 

"I`m not crazy about the idea."

 

I responded...

 

"This isn`t going to get too far is it?"

 

We've been married for 12 years this weekend and we have a beautiful brilliant 11 year old girl.

 

If she hadn`t compromised her perfectly understandable feelings about having another child I would not have married her.

 

It would have been a dealbreaker as I have/had no need/desire for a wife.

I had a strong desire for a child and was willing to give her the security she needed to have our daughter.

 

So far it`s the best decision I`ve ever made.

[linwood]

So..I guess it`s going to depend on the man you`re interested in and what he wants out of life.

 

However I can honestly say I don`t see any real motivational force that could cause a man to marry other than wanting a traditional family.

 

That and an overdose of oxytocin in his neural pathways.

 

[SoMovinOn]

However I can honestly say I don`t see any real motivational force that could cause a man to marry other than wanting a traditional family.

 

Because he wants a wife?

Because he is madly in love with her and he wants to make that commitment to her?

He's been married before, has kids, and doesn't want to go through that again?

[Untouchable_Fire]

Because he wants a wife?

Because he is madly in love with her and he wants to make that commitment to her?

He's been married before, has kids, and doesn't want to go through that again?

 

I don't think many guys just want a "wife".

 

Commitment isn't exclusive to marriage. In fact commitment has almost nothing to do with marriage at all.

 

A guy that has been married before... also means he has been divorced before. Most guys don't want to go through that again because it's hell on earth.

 

I wouldn't marry anyone who isn't interested in kids. I'd say 90%+ of men who don't have kids... this would be a dealbreaker. Those who already have kids I think would have much less of a problem about this.

[carhill]

OP, at your age, while IMO your perspective is a bit premature, though valid, I would have passed up such a dating opportunity as I was, at that age, dating to meet a life partner whom I would marry and have a family, meaning children. Now, at 52, with that era in the past, a woman (younger woman) who preferred to remain childless would be less of an issue, if one at all.

[zengirl]

Yes, to some men, it's a dealbreaker. But not to all of them. I know because I married one.

 

I never thought about this, because I had ambivalence towards kids: I wanted them on the one hand (and would be a great mother), because I adore kids. I work with kids every day. They're awesome, and if I didn't work with kids, I'd definitely need to have some. I might still foster someday, and the hubby is into that too. But I also realized kids are expensive, and babies---which I've never particularly dug---are time-consuming. And I never really wanted to be pregnant. H

 

So, my husband and I have no plans to have kids. He feels the same ambivalence I do and no need to carry on his lineage or whatnot. Like me, he likes older kids but doesn't really care for babies, so we have discussed fostering kids who really need a family.

 

My best friend just got married, after being with her guy for over a decade, and they have no plans for kids, but they keep pretending to most people that they do. . . maybe. . . down the road. Truth is, a lot of people don't really want kids these days. At least a lot of my friends and peers. And plenty of them still want to be married.

[Dust]

Of course its a deal breaker. Any stance can be a deal breaker. Not liking cats can be a deal breaker. Things like smoking, meat eating, and job/joblessness can be a deal breaker.

 

Everything and anything can be a deal breaker. But not wanting to get married or not wanting to have kids.. or both is one of the most serious deal breakers.

 

A lot of people told you that you may change your mind when you meet some one thats true! Personaly I don't assume a girl wants kids or anything when I first meet her. If I met you and I liked you I'd just want to have all kinds of fun with you. I'm 27 an I want kids but not for another few years atleast haha. People wait these days. So I'd say to you lets just date for the next few years, maybe that would be a deal breaker for you?

 

I like the thought of passing something down through the ages. I like how proud people and families are of watching the younger generations grow. I'd really like to have a few sons some day to pass on my bloodline. Daughters would be great too but something about making another me. I realize it would be its own person but it would also be another me! Some one who I get to give advice to and help shape their life. Thats exciting to me.

[laotzu]

I'm a twenty-nine year old guy in the same boat, actually. I've never wanted children, and still very much don't want them - and it's significantly restricting my dating options, particularly if I'm honest upfront. I think in my area there were like ~700 women or more on Match.com who fit all my criteria, until I add the "don't want children" one, which reduces it to seven. Seriously.

 

Most people in life are breeders, as it's what we've evolved to do. You'll have a hard time finding the whole "dual income, no kids" person. If I find it again, I'll work much harder at it, and, unfortunately, probably be willing to accept more bull****.

[chrissylee]

I'm the same way as you OP. I have never wanted kids and thankfully my boyfriend feels the same way. For me it would be a deal breaker to be with someone who wants children.

 

I just wouldn't see the point to get involved, when if it did work out, either we would have to break up and be miserable or one of us would have to give up our desire and be unhappy.

[laotzu]

I don't think many guys just want a "wife".

 

Commitment isn't exclusive to marriage. In fact commitment has almost nothing to do with marriage at all.

 

A guy that has been married before... also means he has been divorced before. Most guys don't want to go through that again because it's hell on earth.

 

I wouldn't marry anyone who isn't interested in kids. I'd say 90%+ of men who don't have kids... this would be a dealbreaker. Those who already have kids I think would have much less of a problem about this.

 

I totally, 100%, just want a wife. Some of the happiest couples I know (from this I judge: they have no divorces under their belt, and they talk up the benefits of marriage) are childless. Granted, I don't know many.

 

I don't believe that life is about the replication of genes. I would really love to be married to one person forever, and I think it's far more romantic to want that without conditioning it upon creating offspring.

[samsungxoxo]

I totally, 100%, just want a wife. Some of the happiest couples I know (from this I judge: they have no divorces under their belt, and they talk up the benefits of marriage) are childless. Granted, I don't know many.

 

I don't believe that life is about the replication of genes. I would really love to be married to one person forever, and I think it's far more romantic to want that without conditioning it upon creating offspring.

Finally a man who is on my same page!!!! Have to meet more like that, which is hard because either they're marriage minded but also want to include kids or nothing but just dating for years. Even my parents have told me that would be a challenge (sadly very few people are like that).

 

I knew I didn't wanted kids since my junior year (was in 7th grade at the time) while always wanted a husband.

[Almond_Joy]

I agree with most that it depends on the guy you're with whether it's a deal breaker or not. That's something that's determined on a case-by-case basis.

 

I have to say, though - time and experience has a funny way of shaping perspective. I know dozens of women from high school that said they never wanted kids and are now happily managing a family. I was positive beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would never have children, even through adoption, until after I turned 25. It's like a switch flipped. Whether that was biology kicking in, or life experiences....I can't say.

 

I'm not saying that's what will happen with you, I'm just saying it happens for many women.

[standtall]

I don't believe that life is about the replication of genes.

 

I hate to tell you this bro, but 4 billion years of life forms on this planet say otherwise. Such thinking is not really common as it tends to die out with the creators of it.

[stillafool]

The irony is I'm interested in marriage one day but no kids. Would this be a deal-breaker still (meaning, nothing is wrong with me but I simply refused to give him a child).

 

I'm only 3 months shy of turning 25 and still have absolutely no dreams of becoming a mother. Year after year, some people (even my mother) kept saying I'll eventually changed my mind and bear a child but it's been the same since I was 13 years old.

 

Obviously it is going to be a dealbreaker for some men because alot of people want to marry just to have kids. If you feel this way make sure you address this decision as soon as you get to know a man and before you go out with him. That way you won't put yourself in a position to fall for someone who wants something different from the relationship than you do. Trust me, it will save you alot of time and pain in the long run.

[stillafool]

I totally, 100%, just want a wife. Some of the happiest couples I know (from this I judge: they have no divorces under their belt, and they talk up the benefits of marriage) are childless. Granted, I don't know many.

 

I don't believe that life is about the replication of genes. I would really love to be married to one person forever, and I think it's far more romantic to want that without conditioning it upon creating offspring.

 

When I was a kid it always seemed that the happiest couples at my parents parties were the ones who didn't have kids. That's part of the reason I didn't want any.

[orbiting]

I think it could just as easily be a deal-breaker to men as to women. As many have already mentioned, having children/carrying on one's lineage is a natural thing; it's a very deeply ingrained biological instinct we have as humans. If someone opts for this important (and life changing) choice, then they could very easily and understandably not want to be with someone who feels differently.

 

My advice to you is to simply be honest about your opinion (as everyone should be, anyway). If you feel strongly that you don't ever want to have children, then just make sure your partner is aware of that before the relationship becomes too involved. Be respectful and honest, even if it means perhaps waiting a little bit longer to find someone who feels the same way.

 

PS: ... That said, I would recommend trying to keep an open mind about this. While you should not have to compromise/be pressured by your partner into 'wanting' a family, you should not dismiss the entire prospect with a "no, never - done" mentality. Personally, I never felt particularly strongly about having children. I didn't mind them, but it was never really something I cared too much to think about (as many other girls do, even at my age, in our early 20s). Until I.. just did. It came without warning, and seemingly without reason, but the day came when my opinion changed. Now, to be honest, I can't imagine a future in which I'm not a mother to however many incredible children.

[thatone]

Finally a man who is on my same page!!!! Have to meet more like that, which is hard because either they're marriage minded but also want to include kids or nothing but just dating for years. Even my parents have told me that would be a challenge (sadly very few people are like that).

 

I knew I didn't wanted kids since my junior year (was in 7th grade at the time) while always wanted a husband.

 

one more!

 

i'm actually gonna bring up with the girl i'm dating getting a vasectomy this weekend rather than her getting back on the pill (because i know she doesn't like it). how's that for meeting further than half way?

 

never wanted kids. have had to relax the requirement that women don't have kids, as i got older, simply because so many people as you get older are divorced with kids. in her case she has one teenager, that i can deal with. i still won't date anyone with young children.